Twilight's life takes on a different tint when she fails to pass her entrance exam for Celestia's School. As it turns out, there are other ways to serve her princess and country.
At first, I thought this cut out too many key things of MLP:FiM, but the concepts you've introduced really are interesting. Nice job. Scumbag Twilight even makes me feel bad about being scumbag Rgrif9! Looking forward to where it goes from here.
The time skip after the letter is a little jarring, though. It was unexpected, and and I had to re-read it to make sure I hadn't missed anything. A bit of space might help make it easier to read.
Second lieutenant Twilight Sparkle... has a nice ring to it. Can't wait to see where this story will go, now that Twilight has her cutie mark and a goal in life
I'm slightly disappointed that we didn't get to see more of what happened during the timeskip (particularly Twilight actually getting her cutie mark), but, on the other hoof, I realize how difficult it would be to properly fill that long a skip. Though, now that I think of it, perhaps it's meaningful that you've not shown us her getting her cutie mark; that would fit, after all, with the content of the end of the chapter. In any case, I'm quite looking forward to the next one!
Also, I have no idea why this story's upvote count is still only two digits.
Characters are both in-character for the show, and Twilight is different in a realistic and interesting way. Technical stuff is solid. Premise is fascinating.
Great chapter and an interesting fic, Twilight in the military is a cool idea and i'm curious to see where you take it; Celestia's letter was brilliant and perfectly in character, as was Twilight's reaction. Kind of wish it was Twidance, but that's just me. Regardless impressive fic/chapter, the beginning and seeing how much Twilight missed was, really quite agonizing, but it's all coming good.
This looks good so far. I would have liked to see just a bit of Twilight's time in the ROTC, but meh, there's lots of stuff left to write about, and I guess you may have her tell her friends/friends-to-be about it later on.
Also, nice cutie mark. It's very Twilight Sparkle. Also, it's pretty flattering for Celestia.
There is no description of the cutiemark other than color. She could have a modern art cutiemark for all I know. And the image url leads to a missing image.
Perhaps a text description could be added, or at-least a quick sketch done in ms paint or the equivalent? (We can extrapolate what it is supposed to look like even from a really terrible sketch. The internet made do without easy access to vector programs for many years.)
Twilight let out a sigh as she finished reading, her breath fogging the glass frame of her most treasured possession. The words had been engraved into her heart years ago and now she found joy in picking out each and every grass stain on the old letter, remembering with vivid clarity that day Cadence, Shining Armor, and Coalmane had sat on the ROTC field and read a hastily-penned letter from Princess Celestia herself.
Twilight didn’t argue. She haphazardly dumped her remaining books into her saddlebag and struggled to get it over her bag without using her magic. A few book edges poked her in the ribs, but she managed well enough to escape the “blank flank” lecture she was su2wzre Clearwater wanted to give. The old unicorn had good advice, and Twilight had to admit that his offer to talk to some of his castle axa made her heart skip a beat, but hearing other ponies talk about her lack of a cutie mark always soured her mood.
I'm enjoying this so far. One issue, which is honestly minor, just a pet peeve of mine, is multiple slips regarding your ponyisms: Everypony, not everyone, etc.
Canterlot High, though only one of many high schools in the capital, was the primary school for the district closest to the capital. As one of the smaller districts, the school had the younger grades on the same campus. For the most part it was no trouble. The kinds of families these ponies came from didn’t lend themselves to troublemakers. Mostly.
Should this be castle or Capitol building, as it says closest to the capital.
At first, I thought this cut out too many key things of MLP:FiM, but the concepts you've introduced really are interesting. Nice job. Scumbag Twilight even makes me feel bad about being scumbag Rgrif9! Looking forward to where it goes from here.
Well, we certainly seem to be progressing now...
The time skip after the letter is a little jarring, though. It was unexpected, and and I had to re-read it to make sure I hadn't missed anything. A bit of space might help make it easier to read.
Nice
Give a few spaces to emphasize the time skip or at least some way to make it realize it has jumped forward.
Oh now this took an interesting turn!
Totally called it
Second lieutenant Twilight Sparkle... has a nice ring to it. Can't wait to see where this story will go, now that Twilight has her cutie mark and a goal in life
I'm slightly disappointed that we didn't get to see more of what happened during the timeskip (particularly Twilight actually getting her cutie mark), but, on the other hoof, I realize how difficult it would be to properly fill that long a skip. Though, now that I think of it, perhaps it's meaningful that you've not shown us her getting her cutie mark; that would fit, after all, with the content of the end of the chapter. In any case, I'm quite looking forward to the next one!
Also, I have no idea why this story's upvote count is still only two digits.
3179884
Yeah, I probably should have. I wanted to be "artsy" though so I made the letter reading a segway. LET ME BE ARTSY, DAMMIT!
3180587
Who needs upvotes when I have such good reviewers?
Characters are both in-character for the show, and Twilight is different in a realistic and interesting way. Technical stuff is solid. Premise is fascinating.
/5
Enjoying the story, Fon :3
you put it on hiatus, i put you under, though :v
3201980
I actually like writing this one, though! The others were chores.
Very interesting start; I'm quite curious to see where you're going to go with this!
Great chapter and an interesting fic, Twilight in the military is a cool idea and i'm curious to see where you take it; Celestia's letter was brilliant and perfectly in character, as was Twilight's reaction. Kind of wish it was Twidance, but that's just me. Regardless impressive fic/chapter, the beginning and seeing how much Twilight missed was, really quite agonizing, but it's all coming good.
This looks good so far. I would have liked to see just a bit of Twilight's time in the ROTC, but meh, there's lots of stuff left to write about, and I guess you may have her tell her friends/friends-to-be about it later on.
Also, nice cutie mark. It's very Twilight Sparkle. Also, it's pretty flattering for Celestia.
Edit.
-fixed-
I find myself... intrigued by this story.. a different but fresh take on best nerdy pony
Nice job!
Just discovered this story. Color me very impressed.
Not sure if it is just me, but the last picture is broken...
Does anyone have an Alt. Link?
There is no description of the cutiemark other than color. She could have a modern art cutiemark for all I know. And the image url leads to a missing image.
Perhaps a text description could be added, or at-least a quick sketch done in ms paint or the equivalent? (We can extrapolate what it is supposed to look like even from a really terrible sketch. The internet made do without easy access to vector programs for many years.)
9232809
Should work now! Someone managed to find it again after a few years.
9232817
That was quick! Thanks.
This.
This is the best way to transition.
The, uh, letter, I mean.
Wow, Twilights new Cutie mark is 100% better then her old one.
That letter was very well written. Nice job with it.
Isn't it cannon that magic has a lot of math in it?
How can Twilight be good at magic but bad atmath?
9434426
It is more centred though. Her special talrnt now if to be a protr tor of the sun instead of master of all magic.
10141359
Albert Einstein managed
Basically, he was SO good, he got bored & would goof off
I'm enjoying this so far. One issue, which is honestly minor, just a pet peeve of mine, is multiple slips regarding your ponyisms: Everypony, not everyone, etc.
10250902
I tend to not use them in my fics. It irks some people, but it's too weird for me.
Should this be castle or Capitol building, as it says closest to the capital.
10250902
Also everyone includes all creatures, therefore making it correct.