Twilight's life takes on a different tint when she fails to pass her entrance exam for Celestia's School. As it turns out, there are other ways to serve her princess and country.
Oh my, I think Celestia's being too clever for her own good. It seems she's trying to manipulate Twilight without quite understanding the depths of her obsession. And I have a feeling it's going to backfire, quite badly.
"into his goose down pillow to try and claw back at least a few minutes back from" "into his goose down pillow to try and claw at least a few minutes back from"?
"like a spry, reagle cat" "like a spry, regal cat"?
"You tasked us for keeping a tab" "You tasked us with keeping a tab"?
"The unicorn clicks his tongue. “That could be a problem,” he admits, ignoring" "The unicorn clicked his tongue. “That could be a problem,” he admitted, ignoring"?
"Again Celestia’s head shakes. “I do" "Again Celestia’s head shook. “I do"?
"wondered how he missed it from" "wondered how he'd missed it from"?
"even Sol Shard, Arch Magus of the Equestria Magisterium" In Chapter 5, he was called the High Magister. Is he also that, or should one or the other be changed?
"think that , should you somehow" "think that, should you somehow"?
"they can be taught how droll the life of a guard actual is" "they can be taught how droll the life of a guard actually is"? Also, did you mean "dull" instead of "droll"? The former sounds much more like what I'd expect Celestia to be saying in context. I suppose the negative I'd expect to find her referring to could be Twilight finding out that being in the guard _isn't_ very droll, but I don't think Twilight expects that to be a major attractor of the professor or that Celestia thinks she does.
"I'm actually sort of nervous about making something completely original like him." Seems to be going fine so far, I think. :) Still quite enjoying the story!
9280905 Also, that bit about keeping her away from any real levers of power? Yeah, well... "It would be a connection, if a minor one, to some real levers of power that could get Twilight to where she wanted to go." Bit late for that, Celestia. And I suspect that giving Twilight a chance to work with and impress members of the Magisterium isn't exactly going to reduce her influence, either.
*notices the years where this story only got a single update* Yeah maybe I'll wait to see if this story doesnt end up in development hell before I start reading.
9280905 More likely than not she's going to realize that this "task force" she's building around Twilight isn't simply going to be a temporary thing to be used in an effort to get Twilight to realize how boring being a Royal Guard is. Considering all that goes on in the show (and the fact that this world is far more rough around the edges so far), I'd be willing to wager Twilight is going to find herself in command of a little peacekeeping force that's separate from most other branches of the military. And since Twilight is also growing to realize that her talents would be wasted "just by being around the Princess", her going out to act as Celestia's (or even Luna's, when she returns) specialized sword seems pretty likely.
9281372 Still, less then 50k words over the course of five years is a little too slow to be enjoyable. Great or not I would have to constantly re-read with every update as the space between would simply be too large for me to remember the fine details.
I'll wait another half decade before its hopefully done, than I'll read it.
Unless you start writing/updating a LOT more it will take years for the story to get to Nightmare Moon, let alone resolve it. And THAT is assuming you don’t go down any subplots, side stories or other AU stuff.
9280996 Thanks for all those catches! I published it at 1 am my time (for now) so I was running on fumes.
And Twilight's levers of power and Celestia's levers of power are on completely different scales. Twilight is thinking pretty small at the moment while Celestia is thinking of cutting off a potential political rival for her chosen student while Twilight is thinking someone who can put in a good word for her with the guard.
Even if it's an AU, Twilight is still fairly naive about some stuff!
I'm curious as to what, exactly, is going to happen with Luna. Is Sunset Shimmer simply going to be in place of Twilight Sparkle at Ponyville? Somehow I don't see the spoiled, pre-humbling Shimmer as someone the Elements of Harmony would react well to, considering magic = friendship.
So I'm wondering if this is going to be Twilight Sparkle in an AU where her "destiny" is just to be a disgruntled [female dog] or is she going to somehow find her way to the right place and time to be the hero Celestia never realized she could be?
I'm not sure which outcome I'd prefer, honestly. On one hand, Sunset Shimmer = Elements basically is saying that individual character is meaningless, that two people will react the exact same way in the same situation without regards to their individual dispositions, training, relationships, or intellect. It implies we are all replaceable cogs and our lives are meaningless.
On the other, Twilight = Elements suggests Fate or Destiny which I think is a rather bad way of looking at the world as it suggests that individuals are not responsible for their own actions, which is horseshit.
All I can say is that I want this version of Twilight Sparkle to come out on top because she got shafted for no other reason than a couple of pricks couldn't put a window where they were supposed to.
I'm certainly no fan of destiny and all the accompanying hogwash, but in this case I almost want that to be the case (or for Twilight to somehow get her hooves on the element of magic regardless ... her cutie mark is on that tree for a reason, right?) simply because how big of an egg it would splatter across Celestia's face.
Because damn, I don't like this Celestia one bit. So arrogant, so full of herself, and so needlessly playing a wannabe chestmaster simply because it looks like she is so used to getting things done through subterfuge and intrigue that the word Honesty doesn't even exist in her vocabulary.
So if it takes Twilight becoming the element of magic again in order for her to realize just how flat out useless her plans have been, how strongly she has been veering in the wrong direction and how close she herself came to sabotaging her own goals because of her own meddling while not being nearly as smart as she likes to think she is? Then I'm all for it.
9282138 I can go for that. As you said this version of Celestia is just a bit too full of herself, and seeing her having to eat some humble pie along with Sunset Shimmer would be a nice touch.
And yeah, I'm wondering why Celestia never cotton'd on to the whole "Twilight's buttmark is on the mystical source of Harmony" thing. I think it's implied that her mark is different in this timeline, but I'm not sure I care for that. Ah, well, hopefully we'll see.
9282235 It is different. At the end of chapter 2 there's a picture of it, because Twilight is a different pony. This has an AU for a reason.
And Celestia isn't that bad. She's going to get a chapter to herself before the Summer Sun Celebration and, without giving too much away, the readers will be able to see the incredible stress she's under.
Even if you have a bad plan, if crunch time is coming you stick to the plan. Because you've already planned for it. She's not throwing Twilight away, but this world's Twilight has a lot of (magical) growing to do that Celestia just can't help with right now. Sunset Shimmer, despite her faults, has been trained for years and years now. Even if Twilight seems to be a little stronger, you go with the devil you know than the one you don't.
9282337 The "full of herself" comes more from how she kind of didn't listen one bit to Cadence and how she expects Twilight to just go ahead and jump at the offer she made in disguise now that oh, all of a sudden she does recognize her dedication and strength. Nevermind she had someone telling her that for years.
Basically, she did the whole "stress" thing to herself. I can't really have sympathy for a character like that. And yeah, you go with the plan. I'm just saying, she wouldn't need to have only one plan had she been paying attention before placing all her eggs in one basket. Again, no sympathies for those who plan ahead but only for ONE contingency.
At this point your portrayal of this Celestia is someone who's just a bit too sure of her own infallibility. You shouldn't be surprised if readers don't particularly like her.
And that picture wasn't working when I read that part of the story. You might want to actually put the description into the text itself; that's generally where readers expect important information to be.
Nice to see this update. I'm really hoping this Twilight still gets the element to mess up the princess's plans and/or ironicly talk NM down by having an understanding of what it's like to blow up because everyone sides with the others. Though in all honesty what I'm really waiting for is someone to do a more thorough check into the events that caused the bs psych profile. I always felt that if NM was greeted friendly and acknowledged things might have turned out differently.
Ah, thanks, yeah, good point; what Celestia's thinking of would give Twilight a lot more power very quickly. Though I do note you said "at the moment". :) Have to start somewhere if the resident goddess-queen isn't hoofpicking you for authority, after all...
9363494 To see what they do most likely. Half the point of basic is a mind game meant to put people under extreme pressure. Twilight would likely be given a taste of command later on under normal circumstances but as it is now, he sees that she's good at it already so he is likely looking for weaknesses to work on which seem to be her obsession with being acknowledged for her deeds. Break them down and build them up and all that.
Rarely are things truly fair in a military setting. Shit rolls down hill and everyone playing the political game is looking for someone to shove responsibility on that will do the job well while taking a share of the credit. Officers are often the most heavily entangled in politics as the higher in the ranks you go, the more competitive and backstabby it gets. This does play into NCOs as well.
Honestly, some of the injustices you might see will make an ordinary person sick and refuse to play but the ones who rally, play along to keep up appearances and seek new opportunities to get ahead tend to go far. It's all about looking good while completing the mission and if you can't handle being over looked a few times just because someone else got lucky or had a more visible part (whether what they did was really important or not) before you get your due then you're likely to find yourself in hot water before you get the chance.
Oh my, I think Celestia's being too clever for her own good. It seems she's trying to manipulate Twilight without quite understanding the depths of her obsession. And I have a feeling it's going to backfire, quite badly.
Tia *squints eyes hard* i dont like you
So... new cover art, I see. :D
"into his goose down pillow to try and claw back at least a few minutes back from"
"into his goose down pillow to try and claw at least a few minutes back from"?
"like a spry, reagle cat"
"like a spry, regal cat"?
"You tasked us for keeping a tab"
"You tasked us with keeping a tab"?
"The unicorn clicks his tongue. “That could be a problem,” he admits, ignoring"
"The unicorn clicked his tongue. “That could be a problem,” he admitted, ignoring"?
"Again Celestia’s head shakes. “I do"
"Again Celestia’s head shook. “I do"?
"wondered how he missed it from"
"wondered how he'd missed it from"?
"even Sol Shard, Arch Magus of the Equestria Magisterium"
In Chapter 5, he was called the High Magister. Is he also that, or should one or the other be changed?
"think that , should you somehow"
"think that, should you somehow"?
"sister, that she can"
"sister, she can"?
"few missing pony from"
"few missing ponies from"?
"they can be taught how droll the life of a guard actual is"
"they can be taught how droll the life of a guard actually is"?
Also, did you mean "dull" instead of "droll"? The former sounds much more like what I'd expect Celestia to be saying in context. I suppose the negative I'd expect to find her referring to could be Twilight finding out that being in the guard _isn't_ very droll, but I don't think Twilight expects that to be a major attractor of the professor or that Celestia thinks she does.
"I'm actually sort of nervous about making something completely original like him."
Seems to be going fine so far, I think. :)
Still quite enjoying the story!
9280905
Also, that bit about keeping her away from any real levers of power? Yeah, well...
"It would be a connection, if a minor one, to some real levers of power that could get Twilight to where she wanted to go."
Bit late for that, Celestia. And I suspect that giving Twilight a chance to work with and impress members of the Magisterium isn't exactly going to reduce her influence, either.
*notices the years where this story only got a single update* Yeah maybe I'll wait to see if this story doesnt end up in development hell before I start reading.
9281247
This story is painfully slow to update, but even as it is, it's a great read.
I like your new guy, he's a good oc so far.
9280905 More likely than not she's going to realize that this "task force" she's building around Twilight isn't simply going to be a temporary thing to be used in an effort to get Twilight to realize how boring being a Royal Guard is. Considering all that goes on in the show (and the fact that this world is far more rough around the edges so far), I'd be willing to wager Twilight is going to find herself in command of a little peacekeeping force that's separate from most other branches of the military. And since Twilight is also growing to realize that her talents would be wasted "just by being around the Princess", her going out to act as Celestia's (or even Luna's, when she returns) specialized sword seems pretty likely.
9281372
Still, less then 50k words over the course of five years is a little too slow to be enjoyable. Great or not I would have to constantly re-read with every update as the space between would simply be too large for me to remember the fine details.
I'll wait another half decade before its hopefully done, than I'll read it.
Gloriously well done, nice show man!
It'll be interesting seeing where this goes next.
Interesting but this story has no ending.
Unless you start writing/updating a LOT more it will take years for the story to get to Nightmare Moon, let alone resolve it. And THAT is assuming you don’t go down any subplots, side stories or other AU stuff.
Plan B is Discord
9280996
Thanks for all those catches! I published it at 1 am my time (for now) so I was running on fumes.
And Twilight's levers of power and Celestia's levers of power are on completely different scales. Twilight is thinking pretty small at the moment while Celestia is thinking of cutting off a potential political rival for her chosen student while Twilight is thinking someone who can put in a good word for her with the guard.
Even if it's an AU, Twilight is still fairly naive about some stuff!
I'm curious as to what, exactly, is going to happen with Luna. Is Sunset Shimmer simply going to be in place of Twilight Sparkle at Ponyville? Somehow I don't see the spoiled, pre-humbling Shimmer as someone the Elements of Harmony would react well to, considering magic = friendship.
So I'm wondering if this is going to be Twilight Sparkle in an AU where her "destiny" is just to be a disgruntled [female dog] or is she going to somehow find her way to the right place and time to be the hero Celestia never realized she could be?
I'm not sure which outcome I'd prefer, honestly. On one hand, Sunset Shimmer = Elements basically is saying that individual character is meaningless, that two people will react the exact same way in the same situation without regards to their individual dispositions, training, relationships, or intellect. It implies we are all replaceable cogs and our lives are meaningless.
On the other, Twilight = Elements suggests Fate or Destiny which I think is a rather bad way of looking at the world as it suggests that individuals are not responsible for their own actions, which is horseshit.
All I can say is that I want this version of Twilight Sparkle to come out on top because she got shafted for no other reason than a couple of pricks couldn't put a window where they were supposed to.
9282032
I'm certainly no fan of destiny and all the accompanying hogwash, but in this case I almost want that to be the case (or for Twilight to somehow get her hooves on the element of magic regardless ... her cutie mark is on that tree for a reason, right?) simply because how big of an egg it would splatter across Celestia's face.
Because damn, I don't like this Celestia one bit. So arrogant, so full of herself, and so needlessly playing a wannabe chestmaster simply because it looks like she is so used to getting things done through subterfuge and intrigue that the word Honesty doesn't even exist in her vocabulary.
So if it takes Twilight becoming the element of magic again in order for her to realize just how flat out useless her plans have been, how strongly she has been veering in the wrong direction and how close she herself came to sabotaging her own goals because of her own meddling while not being nearly as smart as she likes to think she is? Then I'm all for it.
#NotMyPrincess
9282138
So Celestia must abandon Sunset and take Twilight as her priced student?
Dont have so much time.
9282032
I think Twilight beat NM as Royal Guard.
Without Elements.
9282138
I can go for that. As you said this version of Celestia is just a bit too full of herself, and seeing her having to eat some humble pie along with Sunset Shimmer would be a nice touch.
And yeah, I'm wondering why Celestia never cotton'd on to the whole "Twilight's buttmark is on the mystical source of Harmony" thing. I think it's implied that her mark is different in this timeline, but I'm not sure I care for that. Ah, well, hopefully we'll see.
9282235
It is different. At the end of chapter 2 there's a picture of it, because Twilight is a different pony. This has an AU for a reason.
And Celestia isn't that bad. She's going to get a chapter to herself before the Summer Sun Celebration and, without giving too much away, the readers will be able to see the incredible stress she's under.
Even if you have a bad plan, if crunch time is coming you stick to the plan. Because you've already planned for it. She's not throwing Twilight away, but this world's Twilight has a lot of (magical) growing to do that Celestia just can't help with right now. Sunset Shimmer, despite her faults, has been trained for years and years now. Even if Twilight seems to be a little stronger, you go with the devil you know than the one you don't.
9282337
The "full of herself" comes more from how she kind of didn't listen one bit to Cadence and how she expects Twilight to just go ahead and jump at the offer she made in disguise now that oh, all of a sudden she does recognize her dedication and strength. Nevermind she had someone telling her that for years.
Basically, she did the whole "stress" thing to herself. I can't really have sympathy for a character like that. And yeah, you go with the plan. I'm just saying, she wouldn't need to have only one plan had she been paying attention before placing all her eggs in one basket. Again, no sympathies for those who plan ahead but only for ONE contingency.
At this point your portrayal of this Celestia is someone who's just a bit too sure of her own infallibility. You shouldn't be surprised if readers don't particularly like her.
And that picture wasn't working when I read that part of the story. You might want to actually put the description into the text itself; that's generally where readers expect important information to be.
Nice to see this update. I'm really hoping this Twilight still gets the element to mess up the princess's plans and/or ironicly talk NM down by having an understanding of what it's like to blow up because everyone sides with the others. Though in all honesty what I'm really waiting for is someone to do a more thorough check into the events that caused the bs psych profile. I always felt that if NM was greeted friendly and acknowledged things might have turned out differently.
9281905
No problem, and you're welcome. :)
Ah, thanks, yeah, good point; what Celestia's thinking of would give Twilight a lot more power very quickly.
Though I do note you said "at the moment". :)
Have to start somewhere if the resident goddess-queen isn't hoofpicking you for authority, after all...
Definitely going into my favorites. Political games done well rarely disappoint.
9363494
To see what they do most likely. Half the point of basic is a mind game meant to put people under extreme pressure. Twilight would likely be given a taste of command later on under normal circumstances but as it is now, he sees that she's good at it already so he is likely looking for weaknesses to work on which seem to be her obsession with being acknowledged for her deeds. Break them down and build them up and all that.
Rarely are things truly fair in a military setting. Shit rolls down hill and everyone playing the political game is looking for someone to shove responsibility on that will do the job well while taking a share of the credit. Officers are often the most heavily entangled in politics as the higher in the ranks you go, the more competitive and backstabby it gets. This does play into NCOs as well.
Honestly, some of the injustices you might see will make an ordinary person sick and refuse to play but the ones who rally, play along to keep up appearances and seek new opportunities to get ahead tend to go far. It's all about looking good while completing the mission and if you can't handle being over looked a few times just because someone else got lucky or had a more visible part (whether what they did was really important or not) before you get your due then you're likely to find yourself in hot water before you get the chance.
Next chapter please?!
A lovely story and I'm glad I found it, just such a damn shame it's only two chapters a year at best.
9447974
I've seen a few more reviews and favorites in the last few days. Did this get posted somewhere or something?
Am totally working on the next chapter. I've been MIA since December because I moved across the country to a new job. x_x
9448267
IDK, I saw it in the "Also Liked" list of another fic. I think it was Good Trooper Gilda?
Tch. Why're so many ponies being jerks?
Hope Twilight gets her moment to kick butt soon!
9479277
Well except for Accord, using the Elements on him didn't end so well...
any idea when we can expect an update and new chapter?
It has ben 8 months since the last chapter are you ever planing to update this story??