Twilight's life takes on a different tint when she fails to pass her entrance exam for Celestia's School. As it turns out, there are other ways to serve her princess and country.
10253712 Thank you! I'm really happy with that scene. It just poured out of me a few nights ago, so I knew I had to hurry up with the rest of the story.
While Trixie bared (bore) such scholarly admonishment with the poise of a pony who was used to it, Twilight studied the camp and the other ponies around them. Since their impromptu teleportation, things had been packed up and put away into traveling trunks not unlike Trixie’s own (which had been teleported to the camp by another magister, thank Celestia).
Twilight chuckled, embarrassed. “I’m actually just a trainee, but I’ll be commissioned as a second lieutenant. They pulled.....(me)..... out of training for this, so I would like to finish the mission. And, uh, you can call me Twilight… Sir?”
When I get out. Those words settled deeper in Twilight’s head more than Trixie probably intended. Guard stents (stints) were typically only for ten years for enlisted ponies, maybe twenty if you were an officer.
“You shouldn’t waste your magic,” Tower rumbled, and Twilight saw why he hadn’t relaxed. Even as the one downed monster stopped trashing (thrashing), the pile of mangled corpses was beginning to stir. Half-eaten hook horrors were pushing themselves upright, and even ones with missing limbs were starting to move.
Didn't Twilight ever play Ogres & Oubliettes? That book was obviously boobytrapped The next time you're told "Don't touch things" Do the world a favor & DON'T TOUCH THINGS!
Now that was a fight! A marvelous, terrifying fight!
I admit, I had a bad moment there when I thought the horror had beheaded Sunburst, that would have been exceedingly inconvenient, no? Well then, Twilight's first adventure with the magisterium has not exactly gone to plan, in fact it has been derailed before it ever properly started. Now one mage is dead, another severely wounded, and the last two completely exhausted.
Evil cliffhangers are evil. Well done, I was on the edge of my seat. I really hope Twilight comes clean and turns over the book, rather than keep it for herself and accidentally go down the dark path.
10254003 I have the horrible feeling she is going to accidentally use dark magic, and it makes her ineligible for the specific guard position she so desperately wants ... The magesterium will still accept her though, 'luckily'
10254003 I hope Twilight doesn't let Trixie take the fall for this. It would be very easy for the other magisters to blame her for triggering the attack. She's teetering on the edge, and this could push her over...
From behind the horror, Sunburst furiously raised his head, horn sparking back to life. With an almost casual swing of its sword, the horror crumpled the magister. Trixie screamed as his head bounced off the floor.
I assumed Sunburst just got decapitated and was pretty confused when Twilight said Sunburst might die. But I suppose he just fell over.
Most probably not gonna happen, but as a completely unrelated side comment, I wouldn’t be opposed to a Twilight/Trixie pairing at this point, although that could potentially get in the way of the overall course of the story.
Overall I’m really, really enjoying the course of this story so far, and am super impressed with it as well, you’re doing an amazing job at developing the characters and the overall story arc! That can be really rare, with these types of stories especially, and I honestly can’t wait for more chapters and epic twists! Keep up the good work!
I must state that I thoroughly enjoyed this chapter under penalty of author's note
Sooo, Ivory Tower is possibly dead. While Twilight thinks he's still alive, who knows; she committed the cardinal sin of looting before securing the area so what's a little more punishment to go around once they get back to camp. Really this was all PurpleNotSmart's fault, so I don't really feel sorry for whatever she gets coming to her. Calling it right now though, she'll live and not bleed out because of the gambeson.
“A guard guards.”
HA! Sick burn. Loots the goods and calls it ineffective while doing it's job
Trixie screamed as his unconscious bounced off the floor.
Maybe "as he unconsciously bounced off the floor"? Or "as his unconscious head bounced"
10253890 Yeah, sure, I believe you. Says the one who had a friend casually walk away from a murder scene to go drink booze and to gamble. It can only end the most jauntily for her
Twelve Hooked Horrors at CR3 each would be CR 6.5. However, they're zombies, so I'd say more like CR 5. But adding Helmed Horror? That CR8 and with 104 HP and magic immunities it's a tough fight. (ignore the 5e link, CR4 is way underestimating it's power level). The overall encounter had to be at least CR9, even though the addition of the Heled Horror was staggered.
2 Wizards who are probably around 6-8th level, an apprentice Wizard and a Magus who are closer to 3rd level are no where near enough a match for this encounter. And with no healer, or undead smacker, that equation gets even worse. This would be a very hard fight given ideal circumstances, and a couple of bad dice rolls could easily turn it into a total party kill. The GM is either a sadist who likes tomato pulper campaigns, or trying to level everyone up quickly and is okay with character death.
Of course, unicorn magic doesn't scale neatly with D&D magic, and Trixie did a teleport which is normally 5th circle (9th level caster), but she was tapping an external power source, so it was closer to using a scroll or other spell completion item than casting it herself.
Oh, in case I didn't make it clear, excellent chapter.
10257691 I hope you realize what you have done. You are going to be fielding future questions about DnD for me.
I have the monster's manual and the player's handbook from way back when I thought I would get into it (never could find a game locally). I love the setting, so I'm using some of the monsters and concepts.
10257726 By all means. Though full disclosure, I'm best at 3rd edition and 3.5, as well as Pathfinder (which is basically open source 3.5 done right). Never got into 4th, have only played one campaign each of 2nd and 5th, never found anyone running a campaign of original D&D or Advanced D&D (effectively 1st Edition).
You seem to be using 5th, and Forgotten Realms monsters. Forgotten Realms is a great choice, a lot of specific cool monsters. Despite my fondness for Pathfinder because it is amazingly cutomisable (there's even an MLP variant, Ponyfinder) I'd say 2nd edition or 5th fits best for magic.
From 3rd onwards, magic items were basically cooked into your basic character advancement, and wealth per level and monsters adjusted to fit. By the time you reach 15th plus level, a character is generally rocking enough enchanted bling to outfit a shop. And you need it, facing monsters at that level with no items is starting the fight handicapped.
In 5th, they rebalanced things so magic items are rarer, and harder to come by, and the monsters and threats adjusted accordingly. In second, you had magic item creep, but it was simpler, 2nd Edition was harder edged all round, with less safety and more permadeath, and magic items were bonuses that made things easier rather than being a required player tax.
So I may not be as much help as I would otherwise be, but if I can help, ask away. I know monsters at least, and I have all the supplementary Beastiaries for 3.5 and a shedload of Dragon magazines.
Incidentally, I love how you've done the magic system the unicorns use.
It actually looks closer to Slayers D20 mages than a regular D&D wizard, you can cast a spell as often as needed if you know the spell, and Constitution is the limiting factor, rather than memorised spell slots (casting spells causes non-lethal damage, so you get physically exhausted as you cast more of them). Casting spells also requires a caster level check with the DC set by spell level, and reduced by preparation and rituals. In their case it's incmnatations and naming the spell, in your case it's preparing the spell wheels mentally. Trixie would fit right in alongside Lina Inverse.
Alright, finally got through the queue to this! Though the error-spotting might be slightly reduced due to time concerns; we'll see. Sorry if it is, though. In any case, though, I'm expecting a fun read!
"all the other pegasi gear" "all the other pegasus gear"?
"and pegasi to bite onto it, which" "and pegasi to bite onto them, which"?
"renaissance fairs" ...I wonder what those are even like in this Equestria?
"our pegasi scouts" "our pegasus scouts"?
"sound and lept back" "sound and leapt back"?
"behind?” he demanded, looking" "behind?” she demanded, looking"?
"He was harder on her" Is that the old ROTC commander and Twilight or Sunburst and Trixie?
"together,” she pipped, catching Sunburst" "together,” she piped, catching Sunburst"?
"the foul stench of death was wearing" "the foul stench of death away was wearing"?
"non-spelled horseshoes hooves giving" Extra word?
"The sharp edges slide off each other in a shower of sparks, and Twilight hand to scrambled out the way of its" "The sharp edges slid off each other in a shower of sparks, and Twilight had to scramble out of the way of its"?
"crouch justin time" "crouch just in time"?
"Twilight rolled out the way at" "Twilight rolled out of the way at"?
"but when he tried to pass" "but when it tried to pass"?
"like it’d just ran into a wall" "like it’d just run into a wall"?
"blow broke the stone off from the cavern roof, sending" "blow broke the stone off from the cavern floor, sending"?
"darkness over the things head" "darkness over the thing's head"?
"Twilight’s mind flashed the exit." "Twilight’s mind flashed to the exit."?
"when Twilight finally got to her feet" Hadn't she already? "Trixie galloped up to Twilight and helped her get to her feet, though not without incredible effort on Twilight’s part." Or did she fail there, or fall back down later, that I either missed or am not remembering at the moment?
"stopped, it’s fires flickering" "stopped, its fires flickering"?
"It’s helmeted head tilted" "Its helmeted head tilted"?
"cried out her control was pushed" Missing word(s)?
My, well, that was exciting! :D ...Of course, given that it was all plausibly caused by Twilight grabbing the book, probably going to be some consequences down the line... Still, yes, a fun chapter. :D
Ok, that fight was amazing. I saw this story pop up several times but I didn't start reading it until a few days ago. Now I am hooked and really need to see what happens when everyone wakes up. Looking very forward to the next chapter.
I just found this story and read through it all and I have to say, you are an amazing writer. Your ability to create your own unique world, and show familiar characters with a unique spin is amazing. Seriously man, I read a lot and it is rare but wonderful when a story can absolutely immerse me to the point where I can't stop reading. Amazing work, I can't wait to read more (Also, don't stress about using DnD monsters, if we only wanted original concepts, we wouldn't be reading fanfiction)
10260571 I'm not confident about anything writing-related, but I enjoy making unique plots. I figure if you can write something unique enough people will overlook any holes in actual writing ability.
This is an incredibly well crafted AU with masterful characterization! You're really very good at making the individual character's voices ring clear and distinct in the reader's head, whether canon or OC they are all so vivid. Also, this is by far one of my favorite depictions of Trixie I've yet read. It's easy to make her character tedious to read but here she's an absolute pleasure, just totally endearingly insufferable. I recently came back to this site after years away and this story has been a real joy to stumble into. I look forward to seeing where you take it!
10270747 Why thank you. I'm going to try and get another chapter done this weekend, since I have a long break.
I was a bit worried about my Trixie, to be honest. I've never written her before and she was a complete left-field addition back in chapter 10 (originally it was going to be Lightning Dust and Twilight out on an adventure, waaaaay back in 2015 when I was laying out the bones of the story proper). She's sort of become the defacto second main character at this point.
10288675 Published by mistake! New chapter is coming, I was just trying to figure out how to password an unpublished chapter so someone could give it a look.
“Loud and clear, Magister.” The sound came from the crystal, but there was no image like the first time Trixie had used hers. “I see you all got here a[1]light.”
It was so strong ! Twilight’s one point of pride was her telekinesis, and this thing was matching her. No, overcoming her! It was using leverage to push down on Twilight’s blade, which was far easier than Twilight trying to keep hers up. The sharp edges slide off each other in a shower of sparks, and Twilight hand to scrambled out the way of its swings as it got around her guard with ease.
Awesome Chapter! The fight scene was legitimately the best one I’ve read in ages, and you’ve peaked my interest with the book Twilight took
10253712
Thank you! I'm really happy with that scene. It just poured out of me a few nights ago, so I knew I had to hurry up with the rest of the story.
And shhhhh, we're not talking about the book.
bare = naked
bear = carry
bore = carry (past tense)
10253735
Fixing as you edit them in. There was so much to proofread this time around. @_@
Didn't Twilight ever play Ogres & Oubliettes?
That book was obviously boobytrapped
The next time you're told "Don't touch things"
Do the world a favor & DON'T TOUCH THINGS!
Fuck me this was awesome. I was gripped right till the end. MORE!!!
What a great chapter! I wonder what will happen to Twilight and the book she grabbed?
One of the best fight scenes I have ever read on this site. Eagerly anticipating future updates.
lol is that a sequel to https://www.fimfiction.net/story/468998/cheerilee-calls-bs XD
Didnt pass class and now she s CUUUUCUUUUUU!
10253883
I think you're on the wrong fic brah.
10253865
It's def one of the best ones I've ever written, not that that is saying much.
10253863
I'm sure everything will work out for Twilight in the end.
I like this Trixie. Even in the show, she made a sacrifice play in the changeling lair and her last words were “Ta-da!” as they swarmed her.
Now that was a fight! A marvelous, terrifying fight!
I admit, I had a bad moment there when I thought the horror had beheaded Sunburst, that would have been exceedingly inconvenient, no? Well then, Twilight's first adventure with the magisterium has not exactly gone to plan, in fact it has been derailed before it ever properly started. Now one mage is dead, another severely wounded, and the last two completely exhausted.
Are we done already then?
10253885
I just like to think the Equestrian School System could use improvement...
wow things went from 1 to 10 pretty quick
Evil cliffhangers are evil. Well done, I was on the edge of my seat. I really hope Twilight comes clean and turns over the book, rather than keep it for herself and accidentally go down the dark path.
10254003
I have the horrible feeling she is going to accidentally use dark magic, and it makes her ineligible for the specific guard position she so desperately wants ... The magesterium will still accept her though, 'luckily'
10254003 I hope Twilight doesn't let Trixie take the fall for this. It would be very easy for the other magisters to blame her for triggering the attack. She's teetering on the edge, and this could push her over...
I assumed Sunburst just got decapitated and was pretty confused when Twilight said Sunburst might die. But I suppose he just fell over.
10254281
You're not the first. I've gone back and edited that section, to make it a bit less vague.
Twilight sparkle reading about and potentially casting evil magick, yus :v
Most probably not gonna happen, but as a completely unrelated side comment, I wouldn’t be opposed to a Twilight/Trixie pairing at this point, although that could potentially get in the way of the overall course of the story.
Overall I’m really, really enjoying the course of this story so far, and am super impressed with it as well, you’re doing an amazing job at developing the characters and the overall story arc! That can be really rare, with these types of stories especially, and I honestly can’t wait for more chapters and epic twists! Keep up the good work!
I must state that I thoroughly enjoyed this chapter under penalty of author's note
Sooo, Ivory Tower is possibly dead. While Twilight thinks he's still alive, who knows; she committed the cardinal sin of looting before securing the area so what's a little more punishment to go around once they get back to camp. Really this was all PurpleNotSmart's fault, so I don't really feel sorry for whatever she gets coming to her.
Calling it right now though, she'll live and not bleed out because of the gambeson.
HA! Sick burn. Loots the goods and calls it ineffective while doing it's job
Maybe "as he unconsciously bounced off the floor"? Or "as his unconscious head bounced"
10253890
Yeah, sure, I believe you. Says the one who had a friend casually walk away from a murder scene to go drink booze and to gamble. It can only end the most jauntily for her
10254975
Think I got the wording right this time.
It's not like the friend wanted to just walk away. That music he was hearing just made him oh-so-forgetful...
That was a very satisfying chapter.
Now i can't stop thinking about Twilight bringing that mammoth of a sword with her.
So Twilight has a book of possibly dark spells and a runed claymore that I'm hoping she'll get to keep. Nice
Equestria is basically a D&D setting, isn't it?
Twelve Hooked Horrors at CR3 each would be CR 6.5. However, they're zombies, so I'd say more like CR 5.
But adding Helmed Horror? That CR8 and with 104 HP and magic immunities it's a tough fight. (ignore the 5e link, CR4 is way underestimating it's power level). The overall encounter had to be at least CR9, even though the addition of the Heled Horror was staggered.
2 Wizards who are probably around 6-8th level, an apprentice Wizard and a Magus who are closer to 3rd level are no where near enough a match for this encounter. And with no healer, or undead smacker, that equation gets even worse. This would be a very hard fight given ideal circumstances, and a couple of bad dice rolls could easily turn it into a total party kill. The GM is either a sadist who likes tomato pulper campaigns, or trying to level everyone up quickly and is okay with character death.
Of course, unicorn magic doesn't scale neatly with D&D magic, and Trixie did a teleport which is normally 5th circle (9th level caster), but she was tapping an external power source, so it was closer to using a scroll or other spell completion item than casting it herself.
Oh, in case I didn't make it clear, excellent chapter.
10257691
I hope you realize what you have done. You are going to be fielding future questions about DnD for me.
I have the monster's manual and the player's handbook from way back when I thought I would get into it (never could find a game locally). I love the setting, so I'm using some of the monsters and concepts.
10257726 By all means. Though full disclosure, I'm best at 3rd edition and 3.5, as well as Pathfinder (which is basically open source 3.5 done right). Never got into 4th, have only played one campaign each of 2nd and 5th, never found anyone running a campaign of original D&D or Advanced D&D (effectively 1st Edition).
You seem to be using 5th, and Forgotten Realms monsters. Forgotten Realms is a great choice, a lot of specific cool monsters. Despite my fondness for Pathfinder because it is amazingly cutomisable (there's even an MLP variant, Ponyfinder) I'd say 2nd edition or 5th fits best for magic.
From 3rd onwards, magic items were basically cooked into your basic character advancement, and wealth per level and monsters adjusted to fit. By the time you reach 15th plus level, a character is generally rocking enough enchanted bling to outfit a shop. And you need it, facing monsters at that level with no items is starting the fight handicapped.
In 5th, they rebalanced things so magic items are rarer, and harder to come by, and the monsters and threats adjusted accordingly. In second, you had magic item creep, but it was simpler, 2nd Edition was harder edged all round, with less safety and more permadeath, and magic items were bonuses that made things easier rather than being a required player tax.
So I may not be as much help as I would otherwise be, but if I can help, ask away. I know monsters at least, and I have all the supplementary Beastiaries for 3.5 and a shedload of Dragon magazines.
Incidentally, I love how you've done the magic system the unicorns use.
It actually looks closer to Slayers D20 mages than a regular D&D wizard, you can cast a spell as often as needed if you know the spell, and Constitution is the limiting factor, rather than memorised spell slots (casting spells causes non-lethal damage, so you get physically exhausted as you cast more of them). Casting spells also requires a caster level check with the DC set by spell level, and reduced by preparation and rituals. In their case it's incmnatations and naming the spell, in your case it's preparing the spell wheels mentally. Trixie would fit right in alongside Lina Inverse.
Alright, finally got through the queue to this! Though the error-spotting might be slightly reduced due to time concerns; we'll see. Sorry if it is, though.
In any case, though, I'm expecting a fun read!
"all the other pegasi gear"
"all the other pegasus gear"?
"and pegasi to bite onto it, which"
"and pegasi to bite onto them, which"?
"renaissance fairs"
...I wonder what those are even like in this Equestria?
"our pegasi scouts"
"our pegasus scouts"?
"sound and lept back"
"sound and leapt back"?
"behind?” he demanded, looking"
"behind?” she demanded, looking"?
"He was harder on her"
Is that the old ROTC commander and Twilight or Sunburst and Trixie?
"together,” she pipped, catching Sunburst"
"together,” she piped, catching Sunburst"?
"the foul stench of death was wearing"
"the foul stench of death away was wearing"?
"non-spelled horseshoes hooves giving"
Extra word?
"The sharp edges slide off each other in a shower of sparks, and Twilight hand to scrambled out the way of its"
"The sharp edges slid off each other in a shower of sparks, and Twilight had to scramble out of the way of its"?
"crouch justin time"
"crouch just in time"?
"Twilight rolled out the way at"
"Twilight rolled out of the way at"?
"but when he tried to pass"
"but when it tried to pass"?
"like it’d just ran into a wall"
"like it’d just run into a wall"?
"blow broke the stone off from the cavern roof, sending"
"blow broke the stone off from the cavern floor, sending"?
"darkness over the things head"
"darkness over the thing's head"?
"Twilight’s mind flashed the exit."
"Twilight’s mind flashed to the exit."?
"when Twilight finally got to her feet"
Hadn't she already?
"Trixie galloped up to Twilight and helped her get to her feet, though not without incredible effort on Twilight’s part."
Or did she fail there, or fall back down later, that I either missed or am not remembering at the moment?
"stopped, it’s fires flickering"
"stopped, its fires flickering"?
"It’s helmeted head tilted"
"Its helmeted head tilted"?
"cried out her control was pushed"
Missing word(s)?
My, well, that was exciting! :D
...Of course, given that it was all plausibly caused by Twilight grabbing the book, probably going to be some consequences down the line...
Still, yes, a fun chapter. :D
Ok, that fight was amazing. I saw this story pop up several times but I didn't start reading it until a few days ago. Now I am hooked and really need to see what happens when everyone wakes up. Looking very forward to the next chapter.
I just found this story and read through it all and I have to say, you are an amazing writer. Your ability to create your own unique world, and show familiar characters with a unique spin is amazing. Seriously man, I read a lot and it is rare but wonderful when a story can absolutely immerse me to the point where I can't stop reading.
Amazing work, I can't wait to read more
(Also, don't stress about using DnD monsters, if we only wanted original concepts, we wouldn't be reading fanfiction)
10257726
twi better get to keep that damn sword
I can see her now wielding that big *fuck off* demonic claymore and it is awsome
10260571
I'm not confident about anything writing-related, but I enjoy making unique plots. I figure if you can write something unique enough people will overlook any holes in actual writing ability.
This is an incredibly well crafted AU with masterful characterization! You're really very good at making the individual character's voices ring clear and distinct in the reader's head, whether canon or OC they are all so vivid. Also, this is by far one of my favorite depictions of Trixie I've yet read. It's easy to make her character tedious to read but here she's an absolute pleasure, just totally endearingly insufferable. I recently came back to this site after years away and this story has been a real joy to stumble into. I look forward to seeing where you take it!
10270747
Why thank you. I'm going to try and get another chapter done this weekend, since I have a long break.
I was a bit worried about my Trixie, to be honest. I've never written her before and she was a complete left-field addition back in chapter 10 (originally it was going to be Lightning Dust and Twilight out on an adventure, waaaaay back in 2015 when I was laying out the bones of the story proper). She's sort of become the defacto second main character at this point.
You have my patience author-san
No new chapter here
10288675
Published by mistake! New chapter is coming, I was just trying to figure out how to password an unpublished chapter so someone could give it a look.
Sorry. >_>
10288677
I was coming here to gripe, but I'll accept your apology.
10288679
You know, I don't think they actually let you password protect a single chapter. I think it has to be an entire unpublished story.
Been here since 2012 and I never knew that. The more you know, I guess.
10288685
ok i see this on recently update page where is my update XD
10288677
Things Trixie is no longer allowed to do:
#37 - Hide accounts of her "daring deeds with that big oaficorn Sparkle". It just doesn't work out.
Alright
[1] Missing an r
had
I can’t stop reading this it’s just so good I should’ve gone to bed four hours ago