What happened when the clones of Pinkie Pie were sent back into the Mirror Pool? What's waiting beneath the water?
One Pinkie clone realizes what the strange world is like and tries to escape with the help of some... strange friends.
She journeys through the strange world alongside Lucario and Kirby. Facing blazing deserts, mountainous heights, and a horror beyond the clone's imagination.
This is one of my first stories, so please keep that in mind before you say that it's not good or give it a thumbs down. I also have school and life to worry about so don't think that this is all I have to do.
Comments are very appreciated.
Chapters (7)
Okay Review time... note to self: make catchy intro. I found a few faults but other than that it seems good.
Fault 1) Chapters: your chapters are extremely short, most people don't like reading little bits at a time. The only stories that can succeed at that are stories that update daily. Try to make a goal of at lest 1500 - 2000 words.
Fault 2) Grammar: This is a personal grudge, but important all the same, grammar. The story has occasional grammar problems, not too big a deal, but can still irk people.
Fault 3) Character interaction: Lucario agrees way too fast to escape. if he lost Infernape, and it truly is a treacherous journey, he would have put up some resistance.
Put time into it and truly think things out before typing. Overall an average story I give it a: 3/5, Check it out.
2837426
Alright thanks for the feedback. The first two faults I agree with, I'm going to plan out the story more before posting another chapter and I know my grammar needs to improve. But, I'm just an amateur at writing.
As for the third fault, Lucario agreed because he trusts Arceus's decision to tell him to help Pinkamena. Though inside, he feels like its going to be torture for him.
And what about the actual plot to the story? What is your opinion on that?
2837451 That i cant comment on until i see more of the plot but aside from that the concept is quite interesting and gives you a great amount of possibilities for this story. if you play your cards right this could get a feature.
LOL! Love the random parts out of nowhere.
I like the story so far!
Came here from your post in Shameless Self-Promotion. I'll read this....later....
3002488
Later... Well, Luna, if that's what I should call you since your profile pic is Luna, *gasps for air* will later mean a thousand years? Because I will only wait a 999 years, 364 days, 23 hours, 59 minutes, and 59 seconds for you to read it...
Kidding, but thanks for checking this out.
3002611 Okie, read it. It was great!
I like the idea of this. I don't care much about grammar, as long as the sentence are understandable. Hope you read my story as well, good luck writing!
Infernape, Infernape, Infernape! Why, why does everytime I hear this name I imagine someone being raped in hell instead of a pokemon. I guess I am just twisted like that/
3127891
Maybe you do...
3127925 I think you meant 'are' instead of 'do'. But anyway, the story is quite good, I enjoyed it so far. Keep up the good work!
3127957 I meant maybe you do have a twisted mind. Probably should have been clearer on that.
3127965 Maybe. But that doesn't matter - because you have got yourself a reader for this story! I'll probably give the full review when the story is finished! Good luck!
This officially sounds too good to pass up.
Added to my read later list.
And believe me, it will be read.
Just, you know, later.
Write on,
Legion
Well, it is your first story, so it's forgivable, but the story is kind of overly simple. She goes here, this happens. She goes there, that happens. There isn't much feeling to help you get into the story, and it kind of makes it hard to read. Besides that, there's no real conflict occcuring. Everything is just kind of happening, no real struggle involved. There were also quite a few grammar and sentence structure errors.
Don't get me wrong, the idea is awesome. The execution, however, is a bit underwhelming.
Once again, it's your first story, and mine certainly isn't any better.
Write on,
Legion
3158968 Yeah, but in the next Chapter there will be conflict. I know I made amatuer mistakes heres and I cannot deny it. And I'm actually busy writing another story that is going to be much better if you feel like waiting for that.