Sergeant Montes, David
K.I.A at New York, Times Square
This is the story of David Montes, right after being killed at Town Square. Let's see how the encounter between Ponies and an experienced Military Soldier Comes up...
Chapters (3)
Unforgiving
Joined 31st May, 2013 ·
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Meh.
Meh seems pretty good.
ill add another meh for 200
Should have just named this the "Meh" Section
meh good. I'll follow
Meh. I'll read this later. Though I'd like to know what this is a crossover with beforehand; it's a nice touch, yanno.
2809225
Battlefield 3
Also:
Meh.
TIMES SQUARE.
TIMES SQUARE.
There is no "Town Square" in Manhattan.
Did you even do ANY research?
2810665
This time, Nope :/
HUGE BF3 FAN : I liked it and you shall countinue it
Whoa don't rush things bro
Slow down, too much is happening at once, take your time and go in to more detail with what is happening with each scene.
SLOW DOWN SOLDIER, THE MISSION IS ACCOMPLISHIED, SOLOMON WAS NEUTRALIZED THANKS WITH THE USE OF A TACTICAL BRICK!
You Write Like A MotherFucker
Montez .. Why u so awesome ? Like the coolest guy in the game and now THIS ?!? The next best thing is montez X luna or twilight
I always did like montes, glad that someone else did too, enough to write about after Times Square, at least
It moves a bit too fast for me, u should try to make everything go at a slower pace. Extend the fighting more, add details, we also need some charecter development.
Story? Solid concept. Pacing? Too fast. Execution of story? Needs not just tweaking and editing. How I feel about this story? I fuckin love it.
This story is a good concept, and don't get me wrong as I say this, but it's not being done right. I'm not saying right as in you should do it like Fallout Equestria and completely plagiarize Kkat's writing style, I'm trying to say that it just feels wrong to read. Like, it doesn't read easy. Like I said, don't get me wrong when I say this, but this story could use a couple bouts of editing and adjusting. Also, I'd like to point out the fact that your grammar is fine... as far as I can see.
Holy shit did I just get whip lash from reading this. I didn't know it was even possible.