Hue Mann in Equestria

by Barrobroadcaster

You're a...

Hue read the back of the box, excited to get it loaded as quickly as possible. He opened it up and started searching for the CDs, finally finding them off to the side in their own special nook. He pulled the first one out, each was individually wrapped like a slice of cheese.

"Huey? Can we talk a minute?" Hue's mother asked. The door to his room opened, both his parents approached from the hallway.

"Sure thing, I'm just getting ready to install it now," he shouted. The two ponies entered his room, his mother flying and his father levitating the baseball glove. Hue was at his desk with his back to them.

"Hey son," his father said. "Everything in there you need? There's nothing missing is there?" Mr. Mann inquired about the condition of Hue's gift.

Hue looked into the box for a moment to be sure. "Nnnope, everything looks to be here. Thanks again dad, mom. I love you both so much," he said, turning to them in his chair.

Oh, this was going to hurt. "We love you too, son. We wanted to talk to you about your... well, your other gift."

"The glove?" he asked still looking through the box. "What about it?"

"Could you put that down for a moment sweetie? This is... kind of important," his mother said, hovering over. His father took a seat at the foot of his bed while Hue faced them with his back to his desk and PC. He put down the box next to him and looked up.

"What is it?" Hue asked.

"Son... this is a baseball glove," his father told him.

Hue smirked. "I know..."

"It's for your hands, sweetie," his mother said.

" Oh, I just Googled hands," Hue said.

His parents exchanged worried looks. They had been lax on parental controls on his computer and other things. Could Hue have learned about this from the Equestrinet?

"Uhhh, well, what did you learn honey?" his mother followed up.

"Hoof-attached Augmented Network of Digits System, or HANDS. Sounds like sci-fi," Hue said with a chuckle.

"Oh. Well, that's not exactly the type of 'hands' we were talking about," his father said. Other than rumors, humans were creatures of myth and legend in Equestria though some details about them were sketchy. Stories ranged from the heroic tale of a legendary lawyer who defended a Pegasus wrongfully accused of murder to a slew of eyewitness accounts of disgruntled and disturbed individuals from other worlds who chanced upon Equestria, became enamored and went on magical journeys with its inhabitants. Mostly, they were considered tall tales one heard of in the company of a pony who had one too many hard ciders.

"What do you mean?" their son asked. He was so innocent, that made things all the more difficult.

"Well, you see Hue," his mother began.

Hue's hands turned a light blue, the same color as his father's unique magic. "These are hands, son. They're like hooves, only... different. Like a dragon's claws only softer, they let you manipulate objects with better control, pick things up and hold things," his father explained.

Hue looked at his hands as if he was seeing them for the first time. "But... but you can pick things up too. With your hooves."

"We're able to do that because if we couldn't, it would make things in the show a lot more complicated. It's just kind of easier this way," his mother said, hovering next to him.

Hue raised an eyebrow. "Did you just break the fourth wall?"

"Hue, we're able to do these things because we need to. It's how we were made. And this is how you were made, it's how all humans are made," his father said.

"I don't understand," Hue said, shaking his head. "I'm a... human? I thought you said I was part griffin. That's the reason I have the talons."

"They're not talons, according to some of the books we read, they're called 'fingers'. We told you they were talons because..." his mother took a deep breath, the words coming hard but she knew it was necessary. "...because we didn't want you to think you were different from any of the other ponies. But you're adopted."

Hue was quiet for a long moment. He looked at his entire body, examining like it was a foreign entity. It was a lot to take in.

"So... I'm..." it was getting hard for Hue to speak as well. "I'm not your son?"

His mother grabbed his arm with her hooves. The two held each other for a sad moment, shining beads of tear slid down from his mother's closed eyes.

Mr. Mann leaned closer remembering back. "Your mother and I were very deeply in love but... we never had foals of our own. At the time though, we didn't even think about it."

"You came to us as a miracle, Huey," his mother told him.

"Your mother and I were making out behind an IHOP in Phillydelphia. We found you in an alleyway wrapped up in a blanket," his father said. "It's customary for humans to wear clothes so we've done our best to get you clothes over the years, things to wear."

Hue shook his head in disbelief. "You found me? So where do I come from?"

"We're pretty sure you don't come from the International House Of Pancakes. We made sure they didn't serve humans there anyway," his father explained.

"That's right," his mother added. "You weren't on the menu at all," she reassured him.

Hue got up. The room felt like it was spinning. Part of him wanted it to be all a joke. His mother backed away but remained close, trying to console him while giving him his space as he stood.

"We could go there if you want to see. It might have some kind of special meaning to you, who knows?" his father suggested.

"And after we're done, we can get pancakes!" his mother eagerly encouraged, trying to make the situation a bit brighter.

"So I'm not a pony? I'm not even your son? And... my name? Hue Mann?"

His father got up off the bed. "Your mother and I were a little tipsy when we found you. But the moment we found you, we knew it was meant to be. It was destiny."

"Are you even Mr. and Mrs. Mann? My name is Hue Mann... and I'm a human." The realization hit Hue like a ton of bricks. Sweat poured down his face and panic set in as everything clicked into place all too easily. "Is all this some kind of a sick joke?!"

His father put a hoof to his chin. "Well, the author thought it was kind of clever and cliché himself."

"The author of what?!" Hue screeched.

"Your... b-birth certificate," his mom interjected.

"Nice save, honey."

Hue blinked. "What does that even mean?!" A loud thump was heard from outside, close by. Hue's room was on the second floor, whatever it was, it sounded like it was coming from just on the other side of the wall. Mr. Mann walked over to the window and pulled back the curtains.

"Gah! What the..." Lyra was suspended by a wire in front of the window looking in. Her hooves were pressed on the glass as her eyes caught Mr. Mann's. She smiled guiltily and waved.

"Uh... free nightly window-washing service!" Lyra said.

Mr. Mann's ear twitched and he gritted his teeth. "That's it! I've had it with you for the last time Lyra!"

"Honey, wait," his wife stopped him. "Hue already knows. There's no harm she can do now." Mr. Mann relaxed a bit, realizing what she said was true.

"Who is she dad?" Hue asked. "What's she doing hanging from the roof?"

"Oh, hi! I'm Lyra! It's really nice to meet you! Um... can I come in?"

Reluctantly, Mr. Mann unlatched the window and the turquoise unicorn swung in, landing on the floor in front of them. She shook her head to clear the cartoony disorientation.

"I'll admit Lyra, you are tenacious," Mr. Mann said.

"Thanks!" Lyra said.

"Who are you?" Hue asked.

"Oh, um, hi! I'm Lyra Heartstrings, I study anthropology at the local college," the unicorn explained.

Hue's father raised an eyebrow. "Don't you mean mythology?"

Lyra got up and glared back at him. "Humans are not a myth! How can you even say that? I mean, look at your son!"

Mr. Mann put his hooves up defensively. "Now, that's not what I-"

"Not to interrupt," Hue's mom interjected. "But Lyra?"

"Yeah?"

Mrs. Mann looked around. "Where's Bon-bon?"

Lyra's eyes went wide. "Ummmm..."

"Wuh, uh, aaaaAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!" a voice from outside yelled. Another figured fell past the window, a loud crash followed. The rope detached from the roof and fell to the ground.

"Bon-bon!" Lyra yelled, looking out the window. Hue's parents both looked over Lyra's shoulder to the ground below. It was so dark they couldn't even see the lawn in front of the house.

"I'm okay..." a voice called back.

Lyra sighed in relief. "She's all right."

"Let's go invite her in," Hue's father said in a defeated tone. "It's gonna be a long night."

"I'll go down stairs and get some tea started," Hue's mother thought out loud.

Comments

[joe mother]

YAY, YOU DID IT!

I SAID I WOULD READ IT AND I WILL!

[Barrobroadcaster]

2822689 Uhh... actually, this was in production for a little while if you notice the dates. This isn't about a guy going to Equestria to f a pony; it's kind of like The Elf, a Christmas movie. I didn't actually see the movie and there will be a few more twists in it, I hope you enjoy it.

[joe mother]

2822699

Aw...
Darn it.
I have been disappointed.

[Barrobroadcaster]

2822713 ...it's still gonna be funny. Maybe give it a chance? I got pickles.