• Published 13th Feb 2012
  • 11,525 Views, 265 Comments

Cupcakes A$$ Kicking. - thewaffler

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Pinke and Rainbow 's Payback

This is gonna piss off somebody.


Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash were in Pinkie's room hanging out like they normally did. Pinkie was on her computer looking up new cupcake recipes and Rainbow was playing with Gummy on Pinkie's bed.


Dr. Whooves opened a panel on the side of his TARDIS and started working the wires using 'primitive tools' as he called them. His Sonic screwdriver lost in the void that was referred to as the living room sofa.

"Ditzy could you hand me a pair of wire cutters?"

Ditzy saluted and walked over to the toolbox. She rummaged through the box looking for the tool but it was nowhere to be found. "I can't find them."

A small hoof pulled Ditzy's tail and she turned around to see her daughter with a pair of wire cutters in her mouth. "Mmfound em." She said through the tool.

Ditzy took the wire cutters and hugged her daughter. "Thank you Dinky, now go play with your sister."

"Okay mama." Dinky turned away and trotted off.

Ditzy hoofed over the wire cutters to Dr. Whooves and he began working on his machine.

He had cut two wires and crossed them, hoping that they would fix his machine but instead something odd happened. The whole room vibrated and a ray of light shot through the ceiling from his TARDIS and they stepped back to see what would happen. To their luck nothing seemingly happened.


Pinkie was surfing through the web when her eyes stopped at a link where the web page was titled 'Cupcakes' and saw how many views and words it had. "Wow, this must be a super recipe!" She clicked on the link and began to read.

After about 20 minutes of reading she just stared at the screen with her mouth gaped open. She set her head between her hooves and started sobbing from what she just read. "Why...I-I would never.." She laid her head on her desk and continued to weep.

Rainbow was tossing Gummy into the air and catching him. She heard Pinkie crying and stopped tossing Gummy and set him down. She hovered over to Pinkie and put her hoof on her shoulder.

"Pinkie?"

Pinkie lifted her head and wiped her snout. "Read this story, they wrote awful things about us."

Rainbow read the story and she was more than just sickened, she was appalled and disgusted and worst of all she was angry about how they made her best friend cry. She continued to read spin-offs and sequels to Cupcakes and she got angrier each story.

Pinkie was crying on her bed with Gummy staring at her and Rainbow went over to comfort her. "Pinkie are you alright?"

"I-I'm fine but how could they say such horrible stuff about us? And how do they even know who we are?"

Rainbow shook her head. "I have no idea, but I know one thing. Whoever makes you cry is going to pay. Let’s go see Dr. Whooves maybe he has an idea on how these things know who we are, look at his profile picture."

Pinkie hesitantly looked at the computer and saw a picture of a very plump creature. "What is that thing?"

"I think it’s a human, I don't know anything about them other than they should by myths. Let’s go to Dr. Whooves now and ask." The two left the bakery and headed for Ditzy's house.


Rainbow knocked on the door and it was quickly answered by a young filly.

"Hello." said the pink coated filly.

"Hey Sparkler, Is your dad home?" Rainbow asked, trying to sustain her rage.

"Yes, father is working on his machine again. I'll take you to him."

Sparkler led Rainbow and Pinkie to the room where the TARDIS was held.

"Father you have somepony here to see you."

Dr. Whooves was observing his machine, trying to figure out what happened. "Okay, thank you Sparkler."

Rainbow and Pinkie walked into the room.

"What can I help you with girls?"

Rainbow took a step forward. "We read this weird story on Pink's computer and it was written by these humans."

Dr. Whooves dropped his attention from his TARDIS. "Humans?"

Rainbow nodded her head.

"Show me."

Rainbow lead Dr. Whooves to his computer and showed him all of the new sites filled with content from the strange creatures.

After awhile Rainbow spoke again. "So what do you think happened?"

Dr. Whooves closed his eyes and tapped his temple. "I think I have a theory." He walked over to a chalk board on the wall and started drawing a few pictures, a rectangle, a cone, and a line.

He pointed his hoof at the rectangle. "This is my device. Earlier when I crossed wires together it sent out a pulse of energy into the sky." He moved his hoof to the cone. "And then what could have happened is that the energy pulse reached out into the depth of space and attached itself to another ripple of energy that then connected to create a wormhole." He drew another cone from the tip of the first cone. "The worm holes then formed a gateway from our universes and here. " He pointed at the vertices of the cones. "Is the suppressed in the middle to where only certain elements may pass- say a radio signal." He moved his hoof to the final illustration of the simple line. "It then followed its pre-path back to Equestria and impacted our solid surface and sent the signals all over and now we may access their content." He dropped the chalk. "Any questions?"

Rainbow slowly raised her hoof. "What?"

"Where you not paying attention?"

"Sorry no, I've been really mad at how much they hurt Pink and I want to get back at them."

Pinkie poked Dash's shoulder. "He said that we are now connected through a small interstellar wormhole that allows static communication to be made with another universe through a small tube."

Rainbow was dumbstruck. "...okay." She turned to the doctor. "Is there anyway somepony could travel through the hole thing?"

He scratched his head. "Well... I guess if you were to break the laws of physics in some manner around the source it may pull you in because you show similar traits to its current action. In a scientific term its called breaking the fourth wall."

Pinkie's eyes lit up. "Oh that’s easy!"

The doctor was familiar with her actions."Before you go, you should consult a certain friend of mine that’s an expert and philosopher on humans. He owns a struggling comic book shop in Ponyville."

Rainbow and Pinkie left the room. "Okay, thanks doc."

"Anytime." The doctor returned to tinkering with his machine with his wife.


"This looks like the place." Rainbow said as she looked up at the building.

The two entered the building and looked around. They didn't see anyone around so they went up to the front desk. "Hello? is anypony here?"

"One moment!" A yell came from above.

A trap door opened on the ceiling and a small red stuffed creature fell down to the ground.

They looked down at the stuffed toy and it started to talk.

"Hi I'm Elm-"

The toy was silenced by a yellow coated orange maned stallion that jumped down onto it.

"Filthy creature." He picked it up and threw it against the wall. He turned to Rainbow and Pinkie. "What can I do for you two?"

Pinkie jumped up and put her hooves on the counter. "We want to know about humans and how they know who we are."

The stallion rubbed his chin while he thought. "One second." He pulled out a book from under the counter and pulled it out and opened it. He pointed at a picture of a human. "Humans walk on two feet and have a pair of hands they use to perform daily functions with. They are a very fragile but intelligent race."

Rainbow looked at the picture and her eyes narrowed. "And how do they know who we are mr...?"

"Call me Waffles, that’s what everyone calls me."

"Well Waffles, how do they know who we are?"

He returned the book to under the counter. "Well, I'm not sure but it’s possible they created a cartoon show about us and its highly popular. I hope I helped you two."

"Yeah, thanks a bunch Waffles. Bye." The two left the store and went back to Pinkie's room.


"Okay Pinkie do we have everything?"

"Aren't you scared to go to the other universe Dashie?"

Rainbow shook her head. "No way, and nobody messed with us and gets away with it."

Pinkie looked into her bag. "Yep, that’s everything."

"Good, let’s go."


The odd smelling writer sat down on his computer and entered his username out loud. "PedoTwilight74" and then went to his email.

"From Pinkie Pie? Weird..." He clicked on the message and a cyan hoof came out of the screen and pulled him in. "What!? No!" The computer shut off as soon as the writer disappeared.


Meanwhile at the Legion of Douche

A very sickly looking writer with curly red hair was talking with a headset on and staring into his webcam. On the screen there were three other humans.

"So I was thinking since I was the creator of Cupcakes I could write a direct sequel. I’ve grown wary of all these horrible unofficial sequels that fail to live up to my grand opus. As for you three I've read all of your sequels and spin-offs and they have inspired me to write the next masterpiece." The sickly writer said with pride.

A snort of laughter came from his headphones. "Yeah dude that’s going to be so friggen sweet!"

"I read your new chapter RainbowDyke189, and it's great. Keep up the good work; I loved that scene where the dying Rainbow Dash was trying to eat out Pinkie’s Pie."

A very brittle voice came from the headphones. "Oh that was nothing, wait till I write chapter four. I'm going to add-"

One of the screens started buzzing and the writer was disconnected.

"Maybe he DC'ed?"

"Yeah pro-"

The other two writers on the sickly humans screen buzzed offline and he banged his computer. "Piece of junk..."

"Hey you!"

The writer turned around and his face showed amazement. "Rainbow? Pinkie? You're real!?"

Rainbow took a step forward. "Yeah and...oh...what’s that behind you?"

The writer turned around. "What all I see is my wa-"

The writer was knocked unconscious and was put into a sack.


He woke up to the shouts of his fellow writers beside him. They were all yelling for help and tied up into a chair and only a single light over them. He looked out and recognized the place as a warehouse.

"Help! Someone!" They all screamed.

Two mares emerged from the darkness and all of the writers stopped screaming and looked at them.

"They're real!?"

Rainbow flew over to one of them. "Hi, yeah and we're real."

"Help us out of here Rainbow!" The writer pleaded.

"Why would I let you out when we just finished restraining you guys?"

"Why are you doing this to us?"

Rainbow's eye twitched. "You're really going to say that? How dare you write that stuff about me and Pinkie!"

Pinkie yelled from across the room. "Yeah! I would never do that to Dashie!"

"And you!" Rainbow flew over to a very large writer. "RainbowDyke...Why the hay would you write me performing oral with Pinkie while I was dying? That’s really messed up...I ain't into mares. I mean yeah I experimented in college, but I didn't like it."

Pinkie appeared beside Rainbow. "You went to college Dashie? What did you study? Awesome-ology? Kicking flanks and taking names?"

Rainbow turned to talk with her friend. "Believe it or not it was Drago communications."

"Oooh that sounds coo-"

"AY GUYS YOU GONNA TALK OR ARE YOU GONNA DO SOEMTHING?" Said the writer that was the only one to know where this was going. After his outburst he immediately regretted his decision.

Rainbow turned to him. "Heh... Thanks for putting us back on track there. Pinkie kill the lights."

The lights were shut off and all of the writers continued to scream for help.

They heard a dragging sound across the room and a writer heard the dragging stop beside him.

The small lamp was turned on and he stared at the pink mare whose mane was flat.

She giggled. "So you think I'm a crazed psychopath?" she pulled a butchers knife from the darkness. She slowly ran her hoof on the blade. "I wonder if this is sharp enough....Here test this for me."

She slowly ran the tip of the blade down his arm and the skin was only slightly scratched.

The writer was hyperventilating as the blade traveled from his shoulder to his elbow.

Only a single trickle of blood dripped from the knife and Pinkie smiled in delight. "Perfect..."

"Please no! I have a family, kill them first! It was just a story please!"

Pinkie reached up to the lamp and turned it off.


Rainbow pulled the writer with the username Rainbowdyke into another room. She pushed him in and fell face forward, still tied to his chair.

“Argh.” He moaned in pain.

"Wait here."

Rainbow waited by the door for her friend.

Pinkie hopped up next to Rainbow.

"Was he scared?"

"Mhm! I did that thingy you told me to do and he wet himself before he passed out from fright."

Rainbow laughed. "Good, that guy only wrote a short sequel and it was me getting saved so he doesn't deserve much." She glared at the pained writer on the ground. "This thing however needs a serious beating."

The two mares set up the chair and RainbowDyke spoke.

"I have freedom of speech you can't do this to me!"

"You have that freedom, you just abuse it like a drunken husband you sick bastard!" Rainbow pushed over the chair again and he was on his side.

"I'm sorry!"

"PINKIE IS MY BEST FRIEND DAMMIT AND YOU AND PEOPLE LIKE YOU MADE HER SAD!" Rainbow screamed over the writer.

Pinkie put her hoof on Rainbow's shoulder.

Rainbow turned around and Pinkie handed her a bat and dialed the nearby radio to K-BILLY’s super sounds of the seventies.

She smiled as she tested the bat in the wind. "Let’s get this over with its getting late."


Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie walked out of the back door of the warehouse and Rainbow threw her bat in the dumpster. The bat was severely dented.

"Was that right Dashie?"

Rainbow shrugged. "Those guys really needed justice, and I'm sure a lot of people agree with us that those guys are seriously messed up in the head."

Pinkie smiled and hugged Rainbow. "Nobody ever tried to defend me like that."

Rainbow slightly pushed her away. "Hey it was no big deal, nobody messes with my friends like that. Let’s get home.”

The two mares trotted off looking for the closest computer.


A flash erupted from Pinkie's computer and they appeared back in her room and they were lying on the floor.

"Man, we can travel to another universe and we can't even land on our hooves." Rainbow said as she rubbed her head.

"Well I'm just glad that’s all over, we got all of those meanie 'Cupcake' writers and-"

"AAAH!"

A scream vibrated all through Ponyville and Rainbow dashed to the window to see Twilight's computer being thrown out of the library.

"Well Pinkie, looks like duty calls!" Rainbow exclaimed.

Pinkie raised her hoof westward and entered the pose of a conquistador. "To Twilights!"

The two friends rushed over to the library.


A/N: If your curious about the Elmo scene, I used to work in the Fisherprice section in a toy store and there was a motion sensitive Elmo doll that would go off every time i passed it which was 50 times a day 5 days a week. So, yeah that was a small self insert as therapy.

Also feel free to leave suggestion for future chapters.