• Published 13th Feb 2012
  • 11,539 Views, 265 Comments

Cupcakes A$$ Kicking. - thewaffler

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Spike vs. Equestrian Gurls

Spike was once again looking himself up on the internet and he stumbled upon many a brony's favorite punching bag: Equestrian Gurls.

"Hmmm...hoo-man Twilight, hoo-man Rarity, hoo-man Pinkie Pie, hoo-man Fluttershy, hoo-man Apple Jack, hoo-man Rainbow Dash and pet dog Spike...wait, pet dog Spike?!!"

"I'm a mother fucking pet?! Rascist, specie-ist pieces of crap, bastard, douche bag, dic----" Spike's rant was cut short when Twilght appeared next to him.

"What's all the yelling about?"

"Look."

"Let's see...there's hoo-man versions of me and our friends and a adorable purple puppy."

"That’s supposed to be me."

"It’s not that bad."

"GAH!!!"

'I went from hero of the Crystal Empire to a queer looking purple mutt with implied bestiality.'

The dragon cracked his knuckles and was...interrupted by several loud knocks at the door. Getting up to see who it was, he was confronted the angry yet dopey looking faces of Snips and Snails.

"You guys didn't need to knock, you know that right? This is a public library."

"Have you seen that uh Equestrian girls thingy?"

"Yeah."

"It made us look bad, like we were the bullies from that one terrible cartoon about the whiny teenager and his dog. Anyway, we figured since we were made into idiots and you were turned into a puppy, that you'd want to beat some ass too."

Spike was actually surprised that these two had for as long as he had known them come up with a genuinely good idea.

"We'll if you two are serious, let's get to work." The dragon put his fist out to receive two brohooves from the two colts in front of him.


The producer of Equestrian girls was about to get into his BMW when out from the sky descended a giant scaly foot smashing his car flat as a pancake and scaring the ever loving shit out of him. As the smoke cleared and he looked up, he saw the figure in all its glory, it was...

Gamera

Damn right, because Gamera is friend to children and the two colts and drake were technically children. Well, that and when the giant turtle kaiju isn't staring in movies, he like most big celebrity monsters was chilling out in his mansion on Monster Island.

So naturally when a young reptile was in need of assistance, he was all to eager to help.

Doing what any sane person would do, the producer ran as fast as his legs would allow him as he tried to escape the jet powered beast.

Yeah, that didn't work and when he was eventually caught.


Two Days Later

Mr. Producer was waking up just as dozens of fan fiction writers and artists had woken up, tied to a chair in a dark room.

After a few minutes a lone light flickered on above his head. "Whaa..."

"You thought you could get away with it, huh?"

"What the devil are you talking about? I just produce cartoons for a living and in my spare time cave into the desires of major toy companies." He said as the three figures made themselves known.

Standing before him were Spike, Snips and Snails. The dragon pulled out a metal briefcase as his two pony compatriots set up a table next to the now visibly scared human.

"You made me into a fucking dog, not something cool like a Pit-bull or a Rottweiler or tartarus even a Bulldog. You had me turned into a damn Lhasa Apso! The only way you could’ve made it worse is if you made me into a Yorkie." Spike cringed at the last breed name.

Snips and snails turned to their guest. "We're used to being comic relief, but this was way too far. Yeah, when it comes to Trixie were not all that bright, but at least were not total tools."

Spike sat the case on the table and opened it. "Now, it's your turn to be humiliated and turned into a mutt."

The Producer shrieked in terror as Spike pulled out a fur suit, a roll of duct tape and a hot glue gun.


The next day, the human woke up on cold wet grass. Slowly, he got up and he instantly knew something was wrong as he couldn't open his mouth and a thick material covered his entire body. He tried in desperation to remove the suit, but it was no use because his hands were duct taped shut in the gloves and the head portion was hot glued to his scalp.

'Well, it can't get any worse.'

As soon as he thought those words, he was doomed as from his left side was an army of furries running towards him and to his right was a very drunk and mildly confused Ted Nugent. If you asked why, it was because unbeknownst to him, both parties has their punch bowls "Spiked" with LSD. To the furs it looked like an opportunity for a massive fur pile, and to Ted Nugent it looked like he had found the elusive man-wolf that he had hunting since he was ten years old.


Now for a story with Guyra and Caramel Apple.

A very intoxicated Guyra and Caramel were relaxing in the pool, while Lyra and Bon Bon were out once again delivering justice to the hoo-man world. The only other pony there was the pool technician: Chlorine Floater. It was all pretty chill, that was until from the corner of his eye Guyra spotted a massive member of the avian family.

"Holy shit, Mel. It's the penguin again!"

"Huh!" The tan earth pony jolted upwards at the mention of the majestic flightless bird that plagued their minds.

"It's too damn hot for a penguin to just be trottin' around here. We have to send you back to the South Pole."

Chlorine looked at the two high stallions with a face that said 'Oh no, not again.' She positioned herself in from of the pair. "For the last, time there is no penguin."

All the two of them saw was the bird shaking its head side to side as if to mock them.

"Mister Penguin!!!"

"Waaah, Waah, waaah." With a series of penguin speech, it gave chase to the two ponies.

Lucky for them, they had their own secret weapon: a golf cart and followed the cold weather water fowl. *Jackass theme plays*

"Don't run away, we're the good guys."

"Yeah, Fluttershy will treat you all respectable like. She could probably find you a pet owner."

Once again the penguin let out a stream of gibberish and stuck its tongue out at them. This only made them more determined to catch it.

As all this was happening, their golf cart crashed into stalls, and knocked ponies over in their wake.

Just as they were about to finally capture their bounty, the damn thing disappeared leaving only a pair of dazed and confused overgrown colts to face a lot of angry ponies.

They both got three months of house arrest and six months of community service.


A/N: Thanks for waiting and reading.