Equestria's Finest Academy

by Alicorn Forever

Princess Luna

The next day in art, I try to make what was left of the Fallen Leaf attack work, although it wasn't easy. Suddenly, Miss Splatter Paint comes running in so excited I almost smile. Almost.
"You'll never believe what happen, Class!!" She starts jumping up and down with excitement. Essence, of course so joins in asking,
"What, What, What???" Miss Splatter Paint finally calms down and announces,
"Princess Luna is coming to look at the dresses you've made in 5 minutes, and she might chose one!" She starts cheering and eventually so does the whole class. I actually do smile until I realize that I have 5 minutes to finish the hem and the train. I hurry as fast as I can hurry and I look over at Fallen Leaf who is smiling, not a happy smile, but a grim smile that makes you look mischievous. In this case, it isn't a look, she is evil and mischievous.
I hear something outside the window as soon as I finish everything I needed to do! Of course, by this timing Princess Luna comes through and Miss Splatter Paint faints and two students have to take her to the school nurse. Princess Luna walks by each dress saying very loud compliments and some constructed criticism. Finally she comes over to me and in the royal Canterlot voice says,
"I love the whole thing!" then she changes her answer... "I mean, This is really beautiful." she says in a much more settle voice. She inspects the whole thing which seems like forever when she finally says,
"I like this one Miss Splatter Paint." Miss Splatter Paint hugs me and gallops over to Princess Luna to talk, but all Princess Luna says is,
"How can I repay you for this beautiful dress?" I stop thinking. She just asked me to tell her if I wanted something. YES! my wings back! Before I can answer Princess Luna says,
"I know how!" she starts waving her unicorn horn and a big pink puff of cloud surrounds it as poof! It zaps my head and... and... I have a unicorn horn!! I've never been a unicorn before.
"Here you go, thank you for the dress Miss..." Princess Luna starts as I answer,
"Flame Runner." I use to think my name had no meaning, now, I kind of like it.
"Thank you, Flame Runner." Princess Luna says as she flys away with the wings I wanted. I think I got something much better though, much better

The End

Comments

[Alicorn Forever]

@Qos41 Thank you for your honosty, I just started writing stories as you can see and they might not be that good.

[Qussar]

The ending really makes the story worth the read
Oh luna...

[Umachan]

Thumbs down for a couple reasons.

1) Ponymaker image: You have a picture of a unicorn who loses her wings and is now an Earth Pony. I'm sorry, how does that work again? Losing your wings would not make her automatically an Earth Pony any more than losing your legs would make you a midget. A bird without it's wings is still a bird, same for a pegasus. The only difference is they can't fly.

2) Paragraphs under 500 words. Typically 1000 words is the minimum I'd consider a paragraph, you've done half that. There's no reason for this either. You could have combined two or more into one paragraph and there wouldn't have been a problem. Making short paragraphs will turn a lot of people off.

3) You're moving way too quick. There's no plot development. Stuff just happens. Slow it down.

4) The story is complete. You're not going to get a lot of views on this for that particular reason. Even the best stories need to space things out. Just throwing everything together at once means that once it's off the main page, it's going to be ignored.

[Commissar Rarity]

2662114
>paragraph

you mean chapter.

[Alicorn Forever]

Again, thank you all for your honosty, I really apreciate it. I try to incoraprate these tips into my next story.

[Umachan]

2663380
Mea culpa. It felt like a paragraph considering how short it was.