VII: Whole Lotta Love
Adorkable Love
By: Einhander
Edited by: TheLastBrunnenG
Pre-Reading: Cola Bubble Gum
Chapter 7: Whole Lotta Love
Spike finished tying the third knot and then took a step back to inspect his work. The frying pan was tied to a plank that he had nailed to the top of the Carousel Boutique. Directly below the pan was one of Pinkie's trampolines. He gave the frying pan a few experimental taps, it stayed firmly in place. He nodded, then waved at Rarity.
"Okay! Get the apple!"
"This is the most idiotic plan," Rarity said as she magically picked up the apple and floated it in front of her, "ever devised by any creature, pony or dragon."
Spike ignored her, squinting at the trampoline and pointing his claw, "Right there. By the berry bush. That’s the angle she'll be coming from." Rarity grumbled but obliged, floating the apple as she walked to the designated spot. "Now, throw the apple as hard as you can."
"Throw? THROW? Spike, I would like to think you know me well enough that Rarity does not do... " she raised her hooves in air quotations, "'the sports.'"
Spike looked at her. “‘The Sports’?”
Rarity waved her hoof in irritation. “Whatever ponies call them. It’s not my bag.”
“We need to test the trap, and if it’s off I want to adjust it now, not after I’ve climbed all the way down.”
She sniffed, “Sorry, dear. Not happening.”
Spike rolled his eyes. “C’mon, oh ‘great and powerful’ Rarity. Just throw the apple. I know you’ve done this before.”
“I don't throw things, Spike.”
Spike’s smile had a hint of evil in it. "High school."
Rarity's eyes became huge. "W-what are you talking about?"
"Division Champion Hoofball. Star pitcher?"
“How. What. Who. You?”
"Pinkie told me. Made it all the way to the finals, she said... Got into an argument with the ref, got thrown out of the game and off the team?"
Rarity's left eye started twitching. “Not possible. All evidence destroyed.”
"Not everything. Pinkie showed me the only picture she has of you two," Spike smiled, edging away from the frying pan, "and she quit the team too when you left, so sad. She said it was no fun ‘catching without her pitcher’, whatever that means.”
"Stop talking. You must stop talking."
It was asking the impossible. Spike was having way too much fun. “I could tell you designed the uniforms. It looked like 'early Rarity' period."
Rarity was past talking, her body now a barrel of rage on four shaking stilts. Spike was a good five feet from the pan. He decided to pull the trigger.
"You know would love to see that picture? Rainbow Dash." He could almost see the steam coming off Rarity's head. "Ooh, and you know who else? Apple-"
"NO!" Rarity screamed and sent the apple rocketing towards the trampoline. It bounced upwards, hit the frying pan and exploded.
Spike lowered his claws from his eyes, and looked at the frying pan. It was still there, secured to the roof. The apple had been obliterated. He nodded. "I think we're good."
Rarity panted as the anger drained out of her, but her irritation remained. "Good? Good?! Spike, did you SEE what happened to that apple?"
"Yeah, I did. You must have been one heck of a player if you can still throw like that. I'm impressed."
She gritted her teeth and hissed, "I meant what happens when Pinkie hits that frying pan?"
"You know, I thought about that," said Spike as he climbed down the ladder, "and there's only two ponies I'd trust to be okay after a clonking like that. Rainbow Dash..."
Rarity blinked. "I suppose I can't argue with that."
"And Pinkie Pie. When the laws of physics don't apply to a pony, you don’t worry about them getting hit with a frying pan too hard.”
Rarity shrugged, faced with the logic of the illogical. There were a few moments of silence, as they both sat by trampoline, waiting.
Spike looked around. After a moment, he said, “Once again, we wait by the bushes.”
“Darling, I would very much appreciate it if you didn’t-“
“Your secret’s safe with me, Rarity.”
She closed her eyes and said, “Thank you.”
Spike smiled gently, taking a small gem from his bag and popping it in his mouth. “I only brought it up to get you to throw the dang apple.”
Rarity huffed. “I really don’t think it was necessary to bring up past trauma in my life to get me to throw some produce!"
Spike shook his head, “Not hard enough for a solid test.”
Rarity sighed, but didn’t argue.
“I also didn’t believe it was actually true.”
Rarity gasped. “You were bluffing?”
“Not exactly, I was telling the truth that Pinkie told me. But… I just couldn’t believe it. You? An athlete?"
Rarity shrugged, laying on the ground and sighing. She suddenly felt very tired. “It’s in the past, dear. Let’s just leave it there.”
There was a long silence.
"Were you good?"
"I was the BEST, darling."
Spike grinned.
“Rarity…”
“Mmm?”
“Um… there are some bugs staring at us.”
Rarity looked up. It was true. Two tiny crickets were staring at them. For a moment, there was only the silence inherent in being stared at by insects. Then the smaller of the two crickets began to chirp.
“What?” asked and irritated Rarity. “Is there something so hilarious about the starkness of my failure that you came to gawk?!”
The crickets didn’t move, but Spike did. He edged away from Rarity, cringing. “I don’t think they understand equestrian.”
“Oh they know what they are doing. Make no mistake. Crickets are cruel creatures.”
One of the crickets, the bigger of the two, hopped away. After a moment, the smaller one followed.
“That’s right, run away. Cowards!”
“Rarity, what did you mean, ‘failure’?”
“I’ve not only failed at playing matchmaker, but I’ve failed my new dream design project. I was up all night, and nothing. Nothing, nothing nothing. And now, at my lowest moment, forced to turn to Pinkie Pie of all ponies for help, and I can’t even get her to stop bouncing long enough to ask for help. Two friends are headed to heartbreak, and it’s all my fault.”
“Well. Technically. It’s our fault.”
Rarity glared. “You’re not helping.”
Spike grinned sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head. “You know, I wouldn’t worry. Somehow, in the end, I think it’s all going to work out. Your dress, Twi and Cheerilee, all of it.”
“Really? How?”
Spike shrugged, “I dunno. It’s a mystery.”
There was a rustling sound from the bushes.
Spike took a step back. “Uh oh. Is that your cat?”
Rarity shook her head. “My little Opal is an inside kitty…”
The two crickets reappeared, pushing a square object towards Rarity.
Spike took a huge breath. “Is that- ohmygosh! Rarity, is that the Great Gallopsy copy you borrowed from the library?”
Rarity squinted at it. “Yes. Yes it is.”
“Oh, Rarity...” Spike shook his head, picking up the book sadly, “This is an original, a first edition. Twilight’s going to flip out when-“
“She knows.”
Spike looked at her. “And you still have use of all of your limbs?”
Rarity looked at the crickets, who were still staring up at her. “She found it outside in the bushes earlier today, when she was looking for you. She asked me about it, I thought she took it with her…”
“Are you telling me she found a library book in the bushes, found out it was you that left it there, and then SHE left it there?”
Rarity was now looking at nothing in particular, her voice strangely displaced. “I suppose I am telling you that, yes.”
Spike felt weak. “I gotta sit down.”
The crickets chirped like mad and ran out of the way of Spike’s rapidly descending rear end. The tiny dragon and the unicorn said nothing as they stared, the former at the book and the latter at the horizon.
“Twilight’s never left a book behind. Never. Especially not a first edition.” Spike shook his head. “I don’t get it.”
“She was worried about you.” Rarity said, quietly.
“But that’s nothing new, she fusses about me like, daily. But she never leaves a book behind.”
“I know.”
“I’m worried about her. What do you think it is?”
Rarity tilted her head, still staring far into the distance. “I think there’s the slightest possibility it may be love.”
Spike wanted to throw the book at her. “Are you serious? You just told me she WASN’T in love. I just tied a frying pan to your rooftop so we could get Pinkie because you told me she didn’t like Cheerilee that way . And now-“
“Spike, please,” she said with gently but definite authority, and Spike stopped. “I told you she didn’t have a crush on anypony, and that she had issues that needed to be addressed. Nothing has changed.”
“Then what are we talking about? No crush, no love, right?”
Rarity frowned. “Not necessarily. She told me that she couldn’t sleep, she was so worried that Cheerilee might have gotten in trouble because of her, that she had lost a friend and... Well, she said a lot of things.” She stared again at the book in Spike’s claws. “But I forgot about the book. If Cheerilee can make her forget about one of her library books in the bushes…”
“But she doesn’t like Cheerilee that way, right? That’s what she said?”
“She said she didn’t think about it at all. But now I’m thinking that’s not true.” Rarity magically took the book and floated it away from Spike, staring at the cover. “Now I’m thinking, maybe Twilight, for all her knowledge, lacks the vocabulary to express what she’s feeling… the kind of love where you can’t sleep, you can’t eat, you forget about the things that moments before were the most precious to you. Do you know what I’m talking about?”
Spike thought long and hard before he responded with a neutral, “I might.”
Rarity didn’t notice the deliberate pause. “I think maybe we aren’t sunk after all, Spike. If Twilight is leaving books in the bushes, I think she’s falling for our schoolteacher, hard.”
She bent over and said to the crickets, gently, “My deepest apologies for my previous behavior. The stress and strain of dressmaking and matchmaking, you understand. But rest assured, I will leave out an apple for you two tonight, for all your help in this matter.”
The cricket chirped in response. Rarity turned back to Spike.
“We have to do this right. Very delicately. The slightest maladjustment in our plan and—“
The noise was later described by Spike as a "Whee-BONG." Pinkie was so fast that they saw her before they heard her 'Whee," and she hit the frying pan at the same time as the 'Whee' caught up with her. The net result was a joyful noise cut short, and Pinkie fell onto the ground. She wasn't moving.
Neither Spike nor Rarity spoke, but they shared the same thought.
Oh no, we killed her.
Then Pinkie sat up, her eyes crossed and bloodshot, a crazy grin on her face even as a bump formed on her head. She lifted her arms and said "Again!"
Spike and Rarity exhaled.
Then Pinkie tipped over backwards and passed out, arms still extended, smile on her face.
Spike called out, "Whose plan? Spike's plan!" He started dancing joyfully, "Whose plan? SPIKE's plan!"
"Yes, congratulations, darling. She's unconscious."
"But NOT dead." He spun in place and then pointed at Rarity "Or seriously injured. This is a win."
"Just be a dear and help me get her in the house."
Spike grinned and walked over to lift Pinkie.
That's when a duck bit him, and everything went bananas.
The two mares walked along a stream, Twilight leading and Cheerilee following.
Twilight looked confident and happy, midway through a monologue about... well Cheerilee wasn't 100% understanding her, but it didn't matter. Cheerilee was listening to the music, not the words.
She caught her reflection in fat part of stream and stopped. A deep pink coated mare stared back at her from the water, a shy smile on her face and a flower in her hair. Both Cheerilee and her reflection shared a massive grin. Then they noticed the flower was slipping a little, and tried to fix it.
It wasn't working, the flower was becoming further tangled. Her smile vanished into frustration, and she remembered why she rarely put flowers in her mane. They were easy enough to get them in, but getting them OUT...
Twilight had gotten around the next bend of the stream before realizing she was talking to herself. She turned around and saw Cheerilee well behind her, struggling with something in her mane. Blushing and realizing that perhaps not everypony cared about the parallels between the second Game of Crowns book and real life Equestrian succession, Twilight back tracked to her friend.
Cheerilee grunted in frustration. Her mane was not cooperating at all, and her hoof wasn't getting the job done. She pressed too hard, and a petal fell off. Gasping, she reached out to catch it but the wind blew it into the stream. As she watched it flow away, she heard a soft voice say, "Everything okay?"
Cheerilee turned and saw Twilight giving her an embarrassed smile, and she blushed. Her coat was her friend, making it hard for most ponies to tell when she blushed, unless if they were close to tell the differences in shades.
Twilight was.
"My flower..." Cheerilee stammered eventually, "tangled, I'm just trying to fix it."
"May I?"
Cheerilee nodded, heart beating furiously. Twilight walked over to her, smiling, and got very close. Cheerilee was a little filly, wondering if this was going to be her first kiss. She held her breath, and then Twilight's eyes lit up.
A purple aura coming out of Twilight's horn and enveloped Cheerilee. She could feel it, a gentle but very strong force, untangling her mane and lifting the flower up into the air. They both stared at it. It's petals were wrinkled but the purple and black colors remained vibrant.
Twilight cooed. "Striking, isn't it?"
Cheerilee grinned and bowed her head slightly . "They're my favorite."
Twilight nodded, "I wondered. Hold still." She concentrated and the flower floated magically toward Cheerilee's mane.
Trying to line up the flower in the same spot as before, Twilight squinted and said "They say that unicorns are more vain because our magic makes it easier to do things like this."
"Twilight, you are many things, but vain is not one of them." Cheerilee said, and then paused. "Now, Rarity, on the other hoof."
"Hold still!"
"Sorry!"
Twilight smiled, finally seeing the right spot, "Well, you know my reply to anyone who tells me 'they say?'
"What?" said Cheerilee, and then gasped when she felt the flower entered her hair. The magic gently secured a strand of her hair around its stem, and she sensed Twilight's magic evaporate around her. Before she could thank Twilight, the unicorn was suddenly nose to nose with her.
"'Who's they?' And where did 'they' get their sources?"
Twilight was so close, this was it, this was the moment, she's going to...
"Am I right?" Twilight grinned, then playfully nudged her in the shoulder, then turned to the stream and looked at Cheerilee's reflection. "Take a look! What do you think?"
Cheerilee, flushed and frustrated, turned and saw her reflection in the stream, staring at herself. The flower in her hair looked like it was always there, a part of her from before until forever after. Then she saw herself staring at Twilight's reflection, which was smiling back at her.
"I think I did a pretty good job!" said Twilight, who chuckled, "I mean I’m no Rarity, but..."
As she laughed, a dragonfly landed on the nose of Twilight's reflection. The insect gently distorted her image and cussing a dozen laughing Twilight's to appear and disappear over the surface of the water.
"You're definitely not Rarity," Cheerilee said quietly.
Twilight stopped laughing, a sudden look of concern on her face. "Oh, don’t you like it? Don't worry, we can get her to fix it, I'm sure. I'm sorry I messed it up..."
"No!" yelped Cheerilee. "You're perfect! I mean." Her eyes got huge. "It's perfect. You did it perfectly. "
Twilight looks concerned. "Are you okay?"
"Fine!"
"You don't look okay."
"Great!"
"I mean you seem all flushed."
Cheerilee opened her mouth to protest again, and found words rushing up that she had to choke down. She backed up, pressing her head into her shoulder, willing them to go down, and losing. It was like she was going to be sick, that feeling she got rarely when she knew it was all going to come up eventually, not now but soon.
"Cheerilee? If I've offended you, I could not be more sorry..."
Cheerilee shook her head violently, closing her eyes in frustration.
Why was this so hard? She's already made the first move.
"Please, I want to help." Twilight said. "You can tell me, whatever it is. We can work it out."
Cheerilee mustered up a whisper. "Anything?"
Twilight nodded, smiling. "Anything."
In that smile, Cheerilee found her calm. She took a breath. "Twilight, I have to tell you something."
"Go for it."
She looked at her reflection.
Pony up, Cheerilee, it said.
She turned back to the most beautiful lavender unicorn in the whole wide world.
"I-"
"Hi Twilight! Hi Miss Cheerilee!" Came the singsong voice of the littlest member of the Apple Clan. She was bouncing and smiling like it was Heartswarming Eve and she'd just gotten a glimpse of her presents. "What's doin?"
It wasn’t polite or professional to swear in front of a child, so Cheerilee just did it in her head.
"Hey. "
Applejack dragged the cart and its two passengers, along with Blue Bonnet’s undelivered parcel. Rainbow Dash was dead weight, passed out and snoring. Blue Bonnet, unfortunately, was not.
"Hey. Hey."
Applejack gritted her teeth, pulling harder, refusing to acknowledge the drunk stallion. There was a blessed silence, a hiccup, then a resurgence.
"Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey."
He ain't gonna stop, Sugarcube, said her heart.
Ya'll hush. He'll tire out eventually.
"Applejack. Hey. Applejack."
If he ain't tired yet, how'd ya reckon its gonna work now?
Ah don't negotiate with terrorists, snorted her brain.
"Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey, Applejack. Applejack. Applejack. Apple-"
"WHAT?" she yelled, dropping the cart pulley in exhaustion.
"What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungee cord?
"Don't know, don't care."
"No, listen. Listen. What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungee cord?"
"...what?"
"My ass."
There was a deathly silence, then Blue Bonnet started giggling hysterically, finally giving way to full belly laugh territory, rolling off the side if the cart and landing on the ground with a thud.
Rainbow snorted, turning over and muttering, "Just five more minutes."
Ya'll happy now? asked Applejack’s brain.
That was my plan, what's yours? her heart snipped back.
Applejack groaned and walked around the cart, picking up the snickering form of Bonnet.
"Just so you know, Blue, if I ever find you like this again," she heaved him onto the cart, "I'm gonna leave ya wherever I find ya."
Rainbow snorted and Applejack glared at her, but her eyes immediately softened, "Same goes for you, Sugarcube."
Dash kicked out a leg, and murmured, "I'll have a dandelion sandwich." Applejack did a double take as Dash’s sleeping form had assumed a very unladylike position.
"Sounds good," slurred Bonnet, turning to Applejack, "I'll have the sa-- hey, you're blushing!"
Caught, Applejack stammered, "No ah'm not!"
"Yes you are! You're totally blushing! Hey!" He nudged Dash, "She's blushing!"
"Blue, ya'll need to stop talking. Now."
"It can't be for me, she hates me... oh it's you, isn't it?” He turned from Dash to Applejack. “You have a thing for her, don't you? You totally do!" Bonnet's tone took an abrupt turn from excitement to mush, "Aww, that is just ador--"
Bonnet then found his muzzle clamped shut by two very powerful hooves. His eyes only saw Applejack, as she was very close and her eyes were ice cold.
"Ah know that this is just the cider talking," her voice quiet, but every word precise, "but if ya'll don't grab ahold of that cider and shut it up, ah'm gonna end you."
Bonnet became very sober very quickly.
"Ah think we understand each other?"
Bonnet tried to nod, but found that Applejack's hooves were too strong. He eeked out a, "'es m'm."
Rainbow snorted again, and mumbled, "Yes, I’m a natural blue."
Applejack looked back at her captive. "Good." She dropped him in the cart, rubbed her eyes, sighed, and went back to the front of the cart. Thank Celestia, Fluttershy's house was just around the next turn. She'd know what to do with these two, or at least be able for take them off of Applejack's hooves.
"Uh oh."
"Uh oh? Uh oh WHAT?" Applejack snorted.
"Nothing... But I may be sick on your cart."
"Ya'll better not yuck up on my cart, Blue Bonnet."
"May not have a choice... Should the sky be spinning like that?"
Applejack started pulling the cart harder, her muscles crying out in protest. Fluttershy's house was in sight now. "Just hang on Sugarcube, almost there."
"Cube. Cube. That's a funny word. Cube. Cuuuube."
There was a crash and the tinkling of glass as a chair came flying through a window of Fluttershy's cottage. It landed in front of a very startled Applejack, who reared up in shock and tipped the cart. Dash almost slid off. Blue Bonnet was less lucky and hit the ground with a damp thud.
Applejack was too distracted by what came next to register the fate of her passengers. After the chair, a large bear came crawling out of the window. It was afraid, visibly shaking and looking around wildly, hesitating at the window. Then there was a quacking, a chorus of avian jeers that caused the bear to yelp and leap out of the window and run for the woods.
It was all over in a manner of seconds. Applejack stared, dumbfounded. "What the bu--”
"No anchovies please," murmured Dash.
"Applejack?" came a quietly subdued male voice, from behind the cart.
"Blue? Ya'll okay?" She couldn't see him.
".... I have good news and bad news."
"Alright. Good news first."
"I didn't get sick... in your cart."
"Well, that's good. And what’s the bad--"
HUUURRRRRKKK.
It sounded and smelled awful. Undeterred, Applejack unhooked the pulley and walked to the back of the cart.
More awful sounds were coming from the hunched over form of Bonnet. There was green stuff everywhere, and more was coming. Bonnet stopped vomiting for a moment, cast a baleful eye at Applejack, and croaked, "I’ll never drink again."
"Dear Celestia, how much did you have?"
"When do your bars open?"
"Shoot, ah don't know. Sundown ah guess."
"When do they close?"
"Ah don't know! Late!"
"Then that's how much I had." And he threw up again.
Applejack slowly ran her hoof down her face, starting at her forehead and all the way down to her chin.
First day off in years, and I spend it with this bozo.
Stick with the plan, Sugarcube.
Right.
"Alright, ya'll stay here, ah'll get help." She looked towards Fluttershy
"No pony can help me."
"Maybe, but Fluttershy is gonna try."
"NO!" yelped Bonnet.
"No? What's wrong with Fluttershy?!"
"I don't want..."
"Oh hush, she's practically a doctor. An animal doctor, true, but..."
"I don't want her to see me like this!"
Applejack's mouth dropped open. There was just too much weirdness going around. Finally, she found the words, "You and Fluttershy are...?"
He shook his head, "She barely knows who I am, but that doesn't stop..." He trailed off and looked at Dash's sleeping form. Then he looked back at Applejack. "You got yours, I've got mine."
For the first time since they met, Applejack felt kindness in her heart for this bizarre, sad stallion.
It dried up quickly when he wretched one last time, crossed his eyes and said, "I just blue'd myself."
And he passed out.
"Buck this," she grumbled.
She ran over to Fluttershy's house and banged on the door. "Fluttershy! Darlin', I need your help something fierce. Are y'all there?" She lifted up her hoof to knock again, and realized she had stepped in some glass.
Oh. Right. That bear.
Uh... if that bear was so keen on gettin’ out, what do ya suppose is still in there?
The bottom half of the door creaked open and out poked a tiny white head. It was Fluttershy's bunny, Angel, the terror of pony pet play date.
And he'd been drinking.
Angel was shaking and clutching a thimble half full of what smelled like very cheap red wine. There were red stains on his fur and he looked like he hadn't slept in days.
Once Angel recognized the orange earth pony, he did something truly bizarre. He cried out, dropped the thimble, ran over and hugged Applejack's leg, sobbing.
She stared at the crying bunny, and said, "Uh... There there?"
Ah don't know what's weirder, his boozin or his cryin'.
Forget that, who knew Fluttershy drank wine?
Then both her heart and mind froze. Whatever it was that drove the bear to run, and Angel to drink, was in there with Fluttershy...
"Hang on, Fluttershy, I'm comin in!"
Shaking off the bunny, she bucked the top half of the door open and rushed into the house. The inside looked like a place that should have been condemned.
Books and furniture were everywhere in complete disarray.
And in the living room she found Fluttershy in the middle of a storm.
A storm of ducklings.
Short ones, fat ones, tall ones, ducks were everywhere, quacking. Some were fighting, some were eating, others were inspecting various objects in the house, and one was relieving himself on a newspaper, right on top of a picture of Discord's face. In the center was Fluttershy, squeaking out, "Oh, no please don't... Oh oh, be careful little one! Hey! Put your brother down!”
“Fluttershy? What in the hay…”
Fluttershy turned, and instantly Applejack had to take a step back. Fluttershy was smiling but her eyes were watery and bloodshot, like she hadn’t slept in days.
“Oh, Applejack! Welcome to our home! I wish I knew you were coming, I would have had Civility make you tea!”
“Uh, Civility?”
Fluttershy held up a duckling who, against all reason and probability, was wearing a tiny bow tie and a haughty expression.
“Say hello, Civility.”
“Quácke.” quacked Civility.
“Uh. Hi?”
Civility flew out of Fluttershy’s arms. "It’s just been wonderful having all these new friends. And my old creature friends just love them too.”
“What about that bear that I just saw escape through your window?”
Fluttershy blinked, and stared at the broken glass. “Oh. I was just thinking, it’s a little drafty in here.” Then she brightened back up. “Let me introduce you to all of Civility’s brothers and sisters. Every duckling, this is Applejack."
There was a chorus of quacks, although to Applejack it seemed completely unrelated to her presence. Fluttershy continued, "Applejack, this is..." She took a giant breath:
"Silly, Snappy, Hungry, Lucky, Drowsy, Swanky, Artsy, Loopy, Moody, Whiny, Classy, Beefy, Needy, Perky, Rusty, Itchy, Ducky, Civility of course, and Bill."
Applejack just stared. It was a lot of ducks. The last duck named, Bill, had just given his editorial opinion on Discord's trial.
"Bill's sort of their leader," Fluttershy whispered.
Bill noticed that Fluttershy had a guest, and he flew over and landed in front of them. He stared at Applejack, bobbing his was back and forth and giving her the once over.
"I think Bill likes you."
Bill finished his exam, nodded and extended a wing with a diplomatic "Quack." Applejack shook it, because that was a thing now apparently.
Bill flew away. Fluttershy cooed in a quavery voice, "Aren’t they just the nineteen and a half most precious darlings?"
“What do you mean, half?”
“Oh, I forgot about Shelly. Well, we don’t really know what Shelly is, so only half a duckling until he or she comes out of it’s shell.” She looked around, calling out, “Shelly? Shelly, come out and say hello.”
An egg with two duck legs poked it’s head out from behind a corner, only to immediately shrink back when it somehow felt eyes on it. Applejack stared with wide eyes.
“Personally, I think Shelly’s just… well. Shy.”
Applejack turned to her friend with concern. Sure, Fluttershy was smiling and her voice sounded happy, but she looked tired. In fact, she looked an awful lot like-
The same look that Rainbow Dash had before she leapt into a giant puddle of liquid rainbow. The look she could see for half a moment before Pinkie Pie flew by her.
The crazy eyes.
Oh, shoot. Dash!
Oh, double shoot! Blue!
"Listen, Flutterhy, ah'm glad things are working out for you, here in," she hesitated, "Duckburg, but I've got two sick ponies outside that need yer help."
"Oh no! Of course I'll help. Let me get my first aid kit." Fluttershy ran over to the other side of the room, tripping on a napping duck and crashing into a bookshelf. Books and ducks went flying everywhere, including on top of her. "I'm okay! I'm okay." She emerged underneath the book pile wearing a copy of ‘Birds of the Everfree forest' like a hat. She turned in the direction of the bird that tripped her. "Um, excuse me Drowsy? I'm going to ask you to be a teensy bit more careful where you sleep."
"Quack," said Drowsy , sleepily, and then started snoring again.
Applejack suddenly felt very, very tired. She wasn't built for Wacky antics and slapstick. Flashbacks of Pinkie Pie torturing her with questions back in Appleloosa flooded her mind.
"Okay! I am ready and willing to help the wounded!" Fluttershy smiled, giving a mock salute, then hiding behind her mane "Um, if that’s alright with you. And the patients. Where are the patients?"
"Well Dash is outside in my cart-"
"Dash! Oh my goodness, what's wrong with her?"
"She's been flying all day and all night thanks to her new dang goggles-"
"Poor dear! She should really get some sleep."
"Actually she is sleeping-"
"Oh, good then! Best thing for her. And the other pony?"
Applejack narrowed her eyes at Fluttershy. "Are you funning with me?"
"Um, I don't think so. That is, I, Um, don't know what you mean. I am having fun spending time with you, though!" She suddenly wilted and murmured, "But I might be having too much fun. Am I-"
Applejack put her other hoof up, cutting her off. Patience was running preciously thin in Applejack's mind. "The other pony is Blue Bonnet, an' he's the one Ah'm re-"
"Bonnet?!" Fluttershy squeaked. "You mean, my Blue Bonnet?"
Even the ducks seemed to realize that something big had slipped, as their new mommy hadn't ever made a noise like that before.
"He mentioned me? He actually remembered my name?"
"Technically, yes."
"What did he say? What were his exact words?"
Applejack blinked.
I just blue'd myself.
"He said some wonderful things."
Fluttershy smiled. Not the smile of a crazy new mommy of nineteen and a half ducklings, but the shy smile Applejack knew and recognized from her friend. Applejack relaxed for a moment. Maybe this was all in her-
“DUCKLINGS ASSEMBLE!”
“Quack? Quack. Quack, Quack!” said Bill, who then turned to his fellow ducklings. “Quack! Quack quack quack!” He made motions with his wings, and the other ducks nodded and ran around.
“Quack?”
“Quácke!”
“Zzz…Quack…?”
After a lot of pushing and shoving, the ducklings had organized themselves into three rows of six. Bill was in the front, and Shelly was missing.
“Quack quack, quack quack quack. Quack!” Bill saluted Fluttershy.
“Thank you for being so efficient, my little darlings. Now, we’ve got two ponies out there, one needs rest and one who needs our help! We’re going to take them both inside. The sleepy one gently put onto the couch, the sick one, oh, um, I guess we’ll put him into the tub. Did that make sense?”
“Quack!” Bill nodded then turned to his troops. “Quack quack… QUACK!”
There was a chorus and clattering of quacks, and the ducks disappeared out the front door.
Fluttershy leaned her head against Applejack’s shoulder, watching them go. “Aren’t they just the most precious things you’ve ever seen?”
Applejack stared at Fluttershy. “Are you feelin’ alright, sugarcube?”
“I think this is the happiest I’ve ever been in my…”
“Fluttershy?”
But Fluttershy was asleep. Applejack sighed.
I need a vacation. said her heart.
Darlin’, this IS your vacation.
We need a REAL vacation, then.
The ducklings brought in Rainbow Dash, and gently deposited her onto the couch. The mob returned to the outside, presumably to help with Bonnet. Applejack couldn’t move, for fear of waking Fluttershy, so she regarded the sleeping form of her cyan friend from afar.
She was always so strong and fearless when awake. Not always the most graceful or humble, but certainly the most bold. And loyal. And, and…
Yer babblin’, sugarcube, chided her heart.
Well, yer droolin’, said her brain.
There was the sound of distant quacking, but inside the house all was quiet, except for Fluttershy’s breathing and Rainbow’s gentle snoring.
Fluttershy was an adorable pony, everpony agreed.
But to Applejack, Rainbow Dash wasn’t adorable. She was beautiful.
Remind me again, why can’t we tell her how we feel?
Because.
Because why?
Because no way she gonna feel the same way about no farmer.
“More cheese, please,” murmured Dash.
Ain’t it worth it to yerself to find out for sure?
Applejack lowered her head.
Not if it means she doesn’t speak to you ever again.
The quacking got louder. Fluttershy woke up. “My darlings?”
If there is such a thing a deeply pissed off quacking, her ducklings were making it right now. Fifteen of them were carrying the very sad and gross looking form of Blue Bonnet. Bill followed behind, flitting his wings in a grumpy manner.
“Bill, can you report?”
Bill stomped on the ground. “Quack, quack quack quack.”
“Oh, I see. Well, Mr. Bonnet can’t help that he got sick.”
Uh, yes he could, Applejack’s brain snarked.
“Quack quack, quack!”
Bill pointed behind him, and the last two ducks were carrying the apoplectic shape of Classy, who was freaking the freak out, clutching his wing and crying.
“Quaaaaaaack!”
“Aww, poor Classy. Well, take him to the bird bath, and take Mr. Bonnet to the regular bath. Um, if you don’t mind, that is.”
Bill rolled his eyes and gave commands to his troops, who hauled Classy out the back door and carried Bonnet to the stairs to the bathroom.
“Wait,” croaked Bonnet, and the duck armada slowed. “Fluttershy… you’ve been so nice to me, and I’ve been nothing but awful to you…”
“Oh no, Mr. Bonnet, that’s not true. You came and we had a lovely pot of tea together, don’t you remember?”
“But I didn’t even know it was you. I thought you were some pony named Ringo. I’m the worst mail pony ever…”
“Um. Well, first of all, my mail pony is Derpy Hooves and… um. Well, she tries very hard, but she’s actually, technically, the worst.”
Bonnet was exhausted, but he had the energy to arch an eyebrow. “Really?”
Fluttershy nodded. “And secondly, you’re right, I’m not Ringo, but you did deliver these darlings to Applejack, who was kind enough to deliver them to me. And I’m so happy to be taking care of them. So you eventually got it right.”
“Nothing about my service has been right. Every single package to the wrong pony.”
“You poor dear...” Fluttershy cooed. “Let’s get him upstairs.”
“Not yet, Fluttershy.” Applejack kneeled as close to Bonnet as her nose would let her. “Sugarcube, ah did you a favor earlier, bringing ya’ll here. Right?”
Bonnet nodded. Fluttershy frowned, “Applejack, Mr. Bonnet needs his rest.”
“Sorry, darlin’, this is important. Bonnet, I need ya to pay me back.”
Bonnet nodded again. “If I can.”
“Tell me: who had you deliver these items? The goggles, the trampolines, and the-” she stopped, and realized that Bill was staring at her, “-the F-O-W-L-S.”
Bonnet shook his head. “Dunno. No return address. Caramel took the order. But whoever it was, they paid in bits, upfront, for rush delivery.”
“You’re tellin’ me you accepted a delivery from some pony you never met, you don’t know, for ponies you found out didn’t exist?”
“Well when you say it like that, it actually make me feel worse.”
“Applejack!” Fluttershy seethed. “That’s enough!”
“No, she’s right.” Bonnet closed his eyes. “I’m a screw-up. Every single delivery, from Eip to Ringo
and her envelope, wherever she is… or he…” Bonnet said miserably.
“Apple.”
Everypony (and duck) turned. Dash was fidgeting in her sleep.
“What was that, sugarcube?”
Dash, half asleep, opened an eye and looked around the room. “When I was at the Wonderbolt academy… visiting flyers from Ninnypon. They called apples ‘Ringo’’s.” Dash turned over on the couch, hugging a cushion. “That letter’s for Applejack, pr’bly.”
Rainbow Dash started snoring again. Bonnet looked at Applejack.
“It’s for you… the letter’s for you!?” He started shaking his head, “Oh man, whoever sent these packages is the worst, just the worst! Why would they do this to me? Why would they do this to anypony?”
Bill had had enough. “Quack! Quack quack QUACK!”
The ducks nodded and dragged him upstairs, which was hard to do as Bonnet kept banging his head with his own hoof in frustration. Fluttershy and Applejack watched him go, and then Fluttershy angrily turned to Applejack. “That wasn’t right, how you treated poor Mr. Bonnet!”
“Nothing about this is right!” said Applejack, stomping her hooves angrily.
Fluttershy jumped back. “What do you mean, Applejack?”
“It ain’t about him botchin’ a job, or not botchin’ a job. It’s about these ‘gifts’ turnin’ our town upside down!” She stomped the ground again, “This is how it starts. Small, nothin’ big. Then the next thing you know, Nightmare Moon’s cacklin’ or Sombra’s about to eat you in two. Something is up, I tell ya!”
Fluttershy shook her head, “But... Twilight hasn’t said anything, and Pinkie hasn’t had any Pinkie senses going off.”
Applejack snorted, “First of all, if you can FIND Twilight Sparkle, maybe she could tell ya’ll somethin. But I been lookin for her all day, and no luck. As for Pinkie, has she stopped long enough to HAVE any Pinkie Sense moments?” She began to pace. “Bonnet gives Pinkie those trampolines, and now she can’t stop bouncin’. Rainbow gets goggles that let her see at night, and now she can’t stop flyin’,” she then turned at glared at Fluttershy, “And you get a boatload of ducklings, and now you got bears breakin’ windows to get out of yer house!”
“Mr. Bear just had to go visit some relatives...” Fluttershy murmured.
“An’ he couldn’t use the dang door? Fluttershy, these ducks have driven your bunny to drink!”
Fluttershy gasped. “Not my poor angel bunny!”
Applejack nodded, “The one an’ the same.”
Fluttershy stared at the ground, momentarily shaken. However, her head quickly lifted and she narrowed her eyes at Applejack. “You delivered them to me.”
Applejack blinked, “Well, I guess I did, but-”
“You delivered my little darlings to me, not Mr. Bonnet! And Mr. Bonnet so much as said that the trampolines weren’t addressed to Pinkie, she just took them off his hooves!”
“Yer missing the point, Fluttershy-”
“I don’t think I am!” Fluttershy got closer, shouting at her friend, “I think that Pinkie’s happy, and Rainbow’s happyy! And I’m happy! I think you’re just mad that you haven’t gotten your present!”
Applejack went silent. She opened her mouth, closed it , and opened it again. Finally, she croaked, “What?”
“Pinkie got her trampolines, Dash got her goggles, and I got my little darlings. You’re just jealous you haven’t gotten yours, and that’s not my fault, nor is it Mr. Bonnet’s.”
“Presents.” Applejack whispered. “They’re presents. But from who?”
“I don’t know who sent them, and I don’t care. I wouldn’t trade my little darlings for anything.”
She hesitated. “Or the pony who delivered them to you.”
Applejack shook her head. “He’s a strange pony.”
“I think he’s… nice,” smiled Fluttershy.
Applejack smirked at Fluttershy, who hid behind her mane. Of course, the uncovered eye was still crazed and bloodshot, but at least it was comforting to see that Fluttershy was still Fluttershy. She wasn’t sure who was right, if this was some grand conspiracy or just some anyonymous pony being generous. But either way, she promised herself that no matter how this adventure turned out, she was still going to be Applejack. No matter what.
Then she remembered the delivery for ‘Ringo’.
“Uh, Fluttershy? You still got that letter?”
“Letter?”
“For ‘Ringo.’ I think that might be meant for me.”
“Oh! Of course, it must be YOUR present! Oh I can’t wait to see what they got you!” She looked around at the mess and coughed, “Um… yes, hold on…” She ran over to the pile from before and started going through it. “Not this, not this, not- oh! Here we go!”
Fluttershy flew back over to Applejack and offered up the letter. Applejack hesitated, then grabbed it and opened it up. She was silent as she read the letter. Fluttershy found her attention drifting back up the stairs.
“Mr. Bonnet really is trying to be a good deliverypony, but I don’t think it’s really his calling. He told me he was lucky, but that’s no occupation for a pony.” She frowned. “He’s such a nice pony. I wish his cutie mark made him happier.” She hesitated, then turned to Applejack, “Do you think that maybe-“
The envelope addressed to Ringo was on the ground. But the letter it contained, and the pony reading it, were gone.
I'm proud that I found an excuse to give Fluttershy some minions.
[youtube=
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I'm less proud that I ripped off a joke from a little seen and less loved 2001 spoof movie starring the guy who makes all the Batthumb movies, but hey. You gotta do what you gotta do.
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Glad to see this story is still running^^
3015042
Yeah sorry for the delay, folks. I'm 1k into the new chapter, we're on our way to the end. Probably about 3 more, maybe 4.
I'm not sorry about all the ducks.
I still think Discord is behind everything.
If this chapter kills anyone with laughter I will not be surprised. Almost did me in.
Umm, not sure if you're including something else from your own story here or something. But the question barrage from Pinkie was in Dodge Junction, not Appleoosa.
This deserved the Random tag it has.
3015065 It's a little nauseating that I just NOW came to that conclusion myself. How the hell did I not figure that?
I am going to have to report this story, Ein, and possibly even you. You are a danger and a menace to society. Why?
Awesome update, btw!
Also, don't know if you saw this in the latest IDW comic.
i.imgur.com/8JBebDX.png
3015298 I've been planning that joke for like 5 chapters.
I don't think I've heard anyone refer to Rarity as great and/or powerful.
...
THAT'S the half-duckling??
I lost sleep...
over THAT??
...
Still the funniest story I've read, though.
Cuuuube.
I loved when Applejack interrogated Bonnet even though he was sick, I guess she really didn't give a duck
...I had to
Life is like a hurricane here in Duckberg.
I loved it. Now, more please
*snort* kung pow. :p
Was that a finding nemo reference?
Do I see something developing between Rarity and Spike?
Ah, Applejack you adorable thing. Just tell Dash already!
As for the letter... curse you and your cliffhangering ways, Einhander!
Minions!
I suspect someone is a fan of U.S. Acres.
3015563 Like Sheldon from 'Garfield and Friends'
Great chapter. Can't wait to see what was in the letter for AJ.
Also,
, you used jealous here when you should have used envious.
3017108 YES.
Sheldon?
i38.photobucket.com/albums/e132/whiterabbit75/100820_sheldon_zps9cf28b63.jpg
3015061
If that's the case, I hope there'll be a sequel that continues the CheeriLight.
3015065
That was my thinking, too; though just what he hopes to gain from this is beyond me.
It has to be Discord. The newspaper foreshadowing, combined with the amount of unadulterated chaos it's causing can lead to no draconequus else.
3017311
This is Discord. Does he have to gain anything in the end? Mischief is goal enough.
3015298
Man, I've fallen behind on the comics!
3015323
She is, though.
Finding Nemo? I see what you did thar!
3017311 That's him!
"No, listen. Listen. What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungee cord?"
"...what?"
"My ass."
please tell me this was a Kung Pow reference,lol
Huh. If ever I doubted these gifts were from Discord, I no longer do.
Definitely looking forward to more. Especially since Twilight and Cheerilee aren't the only ones caught up in adorkable love.
3026614 I can neither confirm or deny that THAT'S A LOT OF NUTS
3029453
HE JUST LEFT....WITH NUTS!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=PiPaOeHYsSs&t=22
Thank you so much for using a joke from my all time favorite movie!!
3034051 Happy to oblige, although I respect your wish to remain vague as to which movie reference. There are a LOT of them.
3034069
There were quite a few, weren't there?
The Kung-Pow! Reference is is the one I was referring to :P
3034100
I am a great magician. Your clothes are now RED
3037722 Heh. My finger points!
Shakespeare in Love
I don't... this...
This is great stuff.
Someone name a shipping name for this pairing I demand it
3127580
Twiliee?
Cheerilight?
3125054 Yes, I was very impressed by that line also.
an
his... what?
3017311
Thank you! That was all I could think of when she said "Shelly."
But, hey, we'll know if Shelly is a boy or a girl when s/he starts writing. If it's ham-fisted novels and essays, a girl, and name her Mary. If it's poetry, a boy, and Percy!
Hey, if anypony should be happy with literary jokes, Twi, it's you.
I think my favorite part was when they disabled Pinkie.
The scary thing is, I've actually had conversations like that before.
"My head hurts!"
It's okay, Pinkie, it'll get better. Oh, and maybe you can pry Quacky off of Spike. He's a good guard duck....
Though something just occurred to me. There were 20 orphaned ducklings. Did they just not count poor Shelly at all? Because Fluttershy got 19-and-a-half, but that's after Pinkie got Quacky, which means that there were 20-and-a-half orphaned ducklings, doesn't it?
Oh boy... What the hell is going on.
"Hi Twilight! Hi Miss Cheerilee!" Came the singsong voice of the littlest member of the Apple Clan. She was bouncing and smiling like it was Heartswarming Eve and she'd just gotten a glimpse of her presents. "What's doin?"
APPLE-BLOCKED