X: Love is a Battlefield
ADORKABLE LOVE
By Einhander
Pre-read by: Cola Bubble Gum, Guy Incognito
Edited by: SpaceCommie, Cola Bubble Gum, TheLastBrunnenG
Chapter 10: Love is a Battlefield
The road to Bonnetville, population Blue, was always paved with good intentions.
This particular afternoon, after reaching what had been previously his lowest point--botching almost all deliveries for his new business, embarrassing himself in front of a mare he thought was gorgeous who might have found him cute, drinking all night, throwing up, then not only being saved by a customer but then being brought to the house of the exact same mare he hoped maybe thought he was cute--he was determined to do good. Or at least, better. Or in the worst case scenario, sneak off into the night without ever showing his face in Ponyville again.
It started innocently enough. Fluttershy wasn't letting Blue Bonnet leave until she was certain he was well ("You were still yukking up an hour ago! You are not walking out of this house until you are shipshape!"). He was at a crossroads: thrilled to be spending more time with her, ashamed that each time it was under medical duress. Especially since her questions were simultaneously polite and persistent. ("You ate something that made you ill? Oh my, what was it? Old oats? Bad milk? Rotten fruit? You poor dear! What did you drink with it?")
Bonnet hated lying as much as he hated admitting the truth. A pony only gets one shot at a third impression, and the words 'I was sick because I went out and drank all night to commemorate yet another failed stab at a profession other than being lucky' just refused to get out of his brain and march out of his mouth. So when Rainbow Dash woke up and demanded coffee, he excused himself to let them talk and asked if he could borrow a deck of cards.
Fluttershy only had one, unopened, a leftover party favor from the Grand Galloping Gala ("You can have them. I, um, don't have good memories of that party."). He thanked her, left the mares talking in the kitchen, and settled down in the living room to play a game of solitaire. He liked solitaire. If he won, he felt better about himself. If he lost, no pony else had to know about it.
But moments after he had set up the game, he realized that a pair of tiny eyes were watching him.
Bill, the duck leader, was staring at him. His tiny eyes cold and intelligent, Bill said nothing. He was also, however improbably, smoking a tiny cigar.
He nodded politely, then went back to playing solitaire. But another pair of eyes crowded into his field of vision Then another. Then two more. He kept looking down at his cards and then glancing up. Once he realized there were five ducklings around him, he finally stopped and cleared his throat.
“Heeyyyy guys...”
“Quack!”
“And ladies.” Bonnet corrected himself. “Let’s see…. I think… we’ve got Bill and…” He squinted hard at the others. One was munching on a corn on the cob.. One had a party hat, googly eyes, and fake nose and moustache glasses. A third had no props, but a dapper haircut. “Hungry, Silly… Swanky, I presume?”
There was a grin. She waved her wing at him playfully. “Qua-ack!”
The final duck sat apart, easily twice the size of the others. Bonnet stared at him.
“And you must be-”
“QUACK.”
“Beefy, yes. I see.”
Bonnet regarded the ducks. They regarded him back, with the possible exception of Silly, who could have been staring regarding the walls for all he knew. Bill shifted his attention to the cards. After a moment, he blew a little smoke ring and started up at Bonnet and grinned.
He swallowed, scanning the room for a solution, or an exit. None was forthcoming. He racked his brain and looked down. The cards stared at up at him, paused in the middle of their march towards victory. Inspiration struck.
“So.” Bonnet calmly started shuffling the cards. “Any of you ducks know how to play five card draw?”
Dash poured herself a mug of coffee, as well a glass of cold water. Some ponies questioned her methods, but they didn’t understand the principles of double-hoofing coffee and water: when sleep was in short supply, hydration plus caffeine equaled good as new.
"Bill is smoking again!”
Dash looked up from her mug and saw Fluttershy, who had propped the kitchen door ever so slightly to peek through. “What?”
“I told him not to but he keeps doing it!” Fluttershy stamped her hoof on the ground as she gazed through the door. “Where is he even getting those little cigars?!”
Dash sighed. “Leave’em alone, Shy.”
“It’s just bad for his health, I don’t know why he- oh! Oh this is just too cute..."
Dash picked up her coffee and walked over to her friend. "What's up?"
"Come here!” Fluttershy backed away from the door, and waved her friend closer. “Look! He's teaching them some kind of card game. Do you think it's Go Fish, or Old Mare, or-"
Dash squinted through the slot. "That's poker."
Fluttershy blinked. "What?"
Dash nodded and sipped her coffee. "He's totally teaching your duckies how to gamble. Five card draw, looks like."
Fluttershy frowned. "I don't know if I approve of that."
Chuckling, Dash turned around and walked back to the kitchen table. "My dad did the same thing when I was a filly. I mean. He taught me, not. Ducks. Anyway. I'm sure it's fine."
Fluttershy turned back to the door. "But what if they pick up bad habits?"
Dash gave Fluttershy a Look. "Two days and they got that bear out of your house. I think they can handle a delivery pony, even if he is a card shark." She tilted her head in thought. "Which, uh, sorry, but he's not cool enough to be a pro."
Fluttershy giggled. "Oh my, I just pictured him in a gambling hall. He wouldn't know which hoof to put first." She walked back to the kitchen table and sat down, blushing. She was trying to appear calm and failing. A fresh burst of laughter from Rainbow Dash didn’t help matters.
"Fluttershy, you just met this stallion!"
"I know, but..." she stared into the distance and was now blushing uncontrollably. "Oh my. I just had a picture in my head of him sitting in-between a diamond dog and a bat pony with an eye patch. The expression on his face.” Fluttershy brought her hooves to her mouth, trying to suppress the giggles. She failed at that, too. “Hehe..."
Dash playfully rolled her eyes. "You're like a filly with a crush. It's like we're back in flight school or something. "
Fluttershy's smile curdled. "Um, you and I remember flight school very differently."
The words caught Dash off guard. A hot blush seared through her, followed by anxiety.
Nice one, Dash's heart scolded her.
Shut up, she snapped internally. I'll fix this. I just need a new topic.
Her eyes darted around the room, searching for an opportunity or an exit. She found the recently broken window.
That’ll do.
"Y'know, I can probably get Applejack to fix that window. "
Fluttershy stared at the broken frame. Her ducklings had taped an old curtain over it, but it was a temporary solution at best. Fluttershy sighed. "I don't know Rainbow. I was a little... mean to her."
"Aww, she’ll forgive ya. Besides, mean? You?" Dash grinned. "What else did I miss when I was out?"
There was a polite cough. Both ponies turned to see a duck wearing a bow tie holding a coffee pot, looking at them expectantly.
"No thank you, Civility, but maybe Ms. Dash would like some more coffee?"
The duck (Civility? Really?) turned and looked at Dash. She paused, then held out her coffee mug. "Uh, sure, top me off. Thanks."
Civility poured the cup and delicately replaced the coffee pot back to its holster. Then it adjusted its bow tie and flapped over to the kitchen counter.
Dash sipped the coffee. "That was nice of her."
"Him."
"Him, sorry," Dash racked her brain for a polite way to bring up the amount of ducks.
"I know." Fluttershy sighed. "It's a lot of ducks."
"It really is. I know they're cute and all-"
Fluttershy pounded the table. "It's more than that! They're nineteen and a half precious individuals with personalities, fears, talents... and they needed a home," she sniffed. "They needed a mother, the poor things. Orphaned so young. They're holding up well, don't you think?"
"Shy, what about you?" Dash frowned. "You said I was a wreck when they brought me in here. You don't look much better."
Fluttershy was making a face, but Dash couldn't tell if it was a failed glare or genuine exhaustion. "You sound like Applejack. My blessings are a gift, just like your, um, head thingie."
“XL-3006.” Dash corrected. "But that was just a coincidence. Mr. Stallion in there couldn't find the real owner, so he gave 'em to me." As she said the words, she felt her inner skeptic kick in.
No way three ‘coincidences’ in the same day....
"That's what I said, but Applejack insisted there was some kind of 'conspiracy' and that it was 'happening again.' That all our presents are related." Fluttershy growled. "She's just jealous she didn't get a gift."
Gift. Coincidence. Conspiracy. The words floated in Dash's brain. "You know, Applejack's stubborn, but when it comes to stuff like this, she's usually right."
Fluttershy groaned and put her head in her hooves. "Not you too, Rainbow! Why can't ponies just be happy for me and my new family?"
"Shy, no pony's saying that! At least I'm not. But you can't take care of more animals. C'mon, look around. Where is the rest of your crew? Usually this place is crawling with all sorts of little guys. Now it's duck duck Angel." She wrinkled her nose. "Where IS Angel?"
Fluttershy shrugged. “Maybe he left.”
“Left? What do you mean?”
Fluttershy looked down into her tea. "They all leave."
"Huh?"
"They're sick. I make them better. They leave." She looked up. "Then it happens all over again."
Dash sipped her coffee very slowly, trying to think fast while appearing zen. She put the cup down and cleared her throat. "That's the deal, right? That's what you do. Make 'em feel better then back to being little, uh, 'darlings', right?"
Her friend nodded. "And that's good. I always want them to get better. But-"
"Quack!"
One of the ducklings- for the life of Dash, she couldn't tell them apart- was holding up something for Fluttershy. It was made of newspaper and magazines (she recognized Discord's picture from his trial), but it had been cut up and glued into a-
"A flower? For me?" Fluttershy gasped and took it into her hooves. "Thank you Artsy, that's very sweet of you!" She picked up the duckling and nuzzled it on its bill. "Now, go play.”
Artsy stuck his tongue out and rubbed his bill sheepishly, then quacked happily and hopped away.
Dash was trying to be cool. A baby duck making a flower for mommy. No big deal.
Ohmygoshohmygosh, so freaking cute…
Shut UP, she grumbled at her heart.
But… so cute!
Her heart betrayed her mind, and her face followed with a crooked smile. Fluttershy caught the smile and grinned in return, pointing at the little yellow wonders. “See? How could I turn them away?”
Dash followed her hoof. Artsy returned to the kitchen counter, where Civility was preparing scones. There were several other ducks running around, although one was sleeping on top of a flour tin.
“Which ones are these?”
“Oh, that’s Classy, that’s Civility, you already met Artsy, the one in the flour tin is Drowsy...”
“Zzz,” snored Drowsy.
Dash stared, dumbfounded. They all looked like ducks to her. She waved her hoof. “Alright, Shy. No one’s saying you can't start a duck farm. But think about it- what are the odds that the three of us get, like, our dream gift on the same day? All from the same delivery pony?"
There was a groan followed by a chorus of quacking in the next room, followed by Bonnet's voice calling out, "Okay, okay, you win, but you don't need to brag about it!" Fluttershy smiled.
"But, um, I didn't even know they were my perfect gift until I got them. It's not like I wished for them or anything."
"Yeah, and I didn't realize how awesome the XL would be until I got it, but now..." She lost herself in a dreamy smile. "You can't imagine what it's like to go super fast at night, unafraid of anything coming out and smacking you. The mountains, the forest, and Luna's sky. It's like you never want it to end." The smile faded and she took another sip of coffee. "Then you wake up drooling on your friends couch, which hasn't happened to me since flight school."
Fluttershy giggled. "Happy to help. Although it was, um, Applejack who found you."
Dash felt a mixture of blush and shame run through her body. She shook her head. "I wish she didn’t… have to see me like that.”
Fluttershy paused. “I don’t think she thinks any less of you…”
“I didn’t say she did!” Dash snapped. The edge in her voice quickly dulled to panic. “Why? She didn’t say anything, did she?”
“Um. No.” Fluttershy withdrew.
“Right. Good.” Dash sighed. “Anyway. Yeah, I didn't know I wanted my goggles, but now that I have 'em, they're perfect. And you're happy, right?"
Fluttershy yawned. "Oh my goodness, yes."
"And Pinkie's...." She stopped. "How is Pinkie?"
"That was another thing you missed. She's been bouncing from trampoline to trampoline all day and all night and we can even hear it from here. I've been scared to go outside."
There was a pause.
"Really?"
Fluttershy blushed. "I guess it sounds less normal when you say it out loud."
"Yeah... It really does." Dash sipped her coffee.
“She hasn’t been herself lately, even before the trampolines.”
Dash nodded. “Like she’s been extra happy, but, not like, actually happy? Trying a little too hard?”
Fluttershy nodded. “Spending bits like there’s no tomorrow.”
Dash hesitated. Fluttershy looked down.
“You don’t think-” began Fluttershy.
“I mean, those goggles aren’t che-” ended Dash.
They looked at each other.
"We need to find-" "Maybe Twilight will-"
Dash held up her hoof. "Twilight will know what to do." said Dash. "We should find her. Now."
Fluttershy glanced towards the kitchen door. "But my little darlings..."
"How did you get four aces?!" wailed Bonnet's voice from the next room. "I've been playing for years and I've NEVER seen any pony get four aces!" There was some muffled quacking. "Yes I know you're a duck and not a pony! Just deal the cards..."
Dash snickered. "I think they can take care of themselves. They took care of him already. With your help, I'm sure." Fluttershy blushed, and Dash relented. "Hey, Shy, I'm sorry. He seems really nice."
"I like him," Fluttershy muttered.
Dash drained her coffee, looking again at the broken window. “Everypony likes somepony.”
Speaking of…
“Hey. Uh. What happened to Applejack?” Dash tried to hide her interest. “Had to go back to the farm?”
“Oh.” Fluttershy frowned. “Well, we had our little, um, spat. And then things seemed okay. Then she opened up that letter and just ran off…”
“Ran off?” Dash sat up. “Where to?”
Fluttershy shrugged.
“You said a letter. What letter?’
“Mr. Bonnet delivered it, but it wasn’t addressed to her. But then you said it was for her.”
Dash blinked. “I don’t remember that.”
“You were asleep at the time.”
“But -- what? That doesn’t make sense! Look, Shy. Is she in trouble? What’s going on?” Fluttershy shrugged again, this time a little smaller. “Fluttershy! What- shrugging is not answering the question!”
“I don’t have an answer to the question…”
“What kind of answer is that?!”
Fluttershy panicked. “The only answer I, um, have?” Dash stared at her incredulously. She hid behind her mane and whispered, “I’m sorry, Rainbow!”
It was an old question that no one asked due to total lack of interest: do ducks play poker? Blue Bonnet was learning the answer the hard way that yes, yes they do.
"Place your bets, everp- ducky. Everyducky. Ante up."
And the little bastards cheat.
"Hungry, you've got six cards."
"Quack?"
"You can't have six cards in a five card game."
It’s one thing to have ducks feign innocence, and take it upon oneself to teach them how to play. It’s another to start playing for bits once they got the hang of it. Not much. Low stakes.
"Beefy, it's the same set of cards you had two minutes ago."
"QUACK."
"Well, just, you know. Other ducklings would like to play.”
It’s quite another to decide to be a gentlecolt, and not win too much, what with them being new players and all.
"Quack quack, quack."
"No, you don't want four cards."
"Quack?"
"You want to fold."
It was pure Bonnet to gently agree to raise the stakes, since Bill was getting bored.
"Okay, okay, you win, but you don't need to brag about it!"
But it was a real Blue Bonnet special to lose four rounds in a row...
"I've been playing for years and I've NEVER seen any pony get four aces!”
...and not only be completely cleaned out...
“All in. I bet everything. Call it, if you’ve got it, Bill. I’ll bet it all. I’ll even bet my hat.”
...but end up owing a duck smoking a tiny cigar your only real possession: your favorite hat.
He looked at it now as if it was his only foal being sent off to a rock farm against his wishes.
"Listen. Bill." He swallowed. "A lot of words were said. Said quickly, in the heat of the moment. Let’s not point hooves.”
"Quack."
"Right, but, Bill... It's my hat."
Bill nodded, holding out his wing. “Quack.”
“But. I need my hat. It's the only thing that I still have from my school days.”
"Quack, quack."
He looked to his left and right. They were tiny, they were cheerful, and they had him completely surrounded.
"And if I don't have my hat, then..." He waved his hoof in the air, reaching physically and mentally. "How will ponies know that I'm a delivery pony? See? I had our logo stitched onto it."
"Quack? Quack quack, quack."
Bonnet glowered. "Yes, I DO think I'll still be in business after this weekend. What do you-"
"Quack quack quack."
"Eliminating the competition?" He shook his head in bewilderment. "What does that-"
Beefy held up a surprisingly well painted sign that said, in bright big red wording,
DUCK DELIVERY SERVICE (DDS)
Underneath the title, in smaller writing it said
"Want it Express? Go DDS."
And further underneath it said, in even smaller writing
Duck Delivery Service and Express slogan are trademarks of Quack Quorp, LLPC
"That's... Very nice." Bonnet croaked. "And surprisingly official looking."
Bill nodded in appreciation.
"Bill, it won't even FIT any of you! Please?"
Bill shook his head, and then extended his wing and pointed at the hat. "Quack."
"Right. Just... Give me a moment to say goodbye."
Puffing his cigar, Bill stared at Bonnet, seeming to mull it over. Finally, he nodded, and Bonnet smiled weakly and stood up from the table and walked towards the window.
Hat in his left hoof, he stared out at the forest next to Fluttershy's cottage and sighed. "Well, Mr. Hat, we've been through a lot, you and I. That's why, I hope you'll understand..." He turned to see if the ducks were watching him. Most of them had moved onto the next round, but Bill definitely still had an eye on him. He shrugged. "...why I'm about to jump through this window.”
He tensed up, ready to take glass and tumble route, when he heard a noise. It was faint, it was far off, but it was there, and it was gaining in volume. He squinted through the window, and thought he could see a shape in the distance, getting closer.
It was pink. It was fast. It was headed right towards him.
Buck me.
“Trust me on this, guys,” he said, backing up towards the table. “Duck.”
“Let me get this straight.” Dash ran her hoof across her face, over gritted teeth. “Applejack opened up a letter that was addressed to her but not addressed to her but it was addressed to her because of something I said in my sleep about Ninnypon language, and then she ran off without a word, leaving her cart and me and the blue guy, and you have no idea what it said or why she ran?”
Fluttershy moved her lips, running over the summary in her head. Then she nodded, “Um. Yes.”
Dash kicked the chair back and got up. “I gotta go. I gotta- I gotta go.”
There was a shouting outside. Fluttershy turned toward the kitchen door.
“Um…” She raised her voice. “Is everything alright in-”
There was a distant screaming of someone yelling “iiiiinnKKKKIIEEEEE-”
Bonnet screamed, "GET DOWN!"
And then the world exploded.
In all possible timelines, there is one constant truth: After alcohol comes the hangover. Even if it's various parts of a pony's personality doing the drinking, in only a metaphorical sense, there is a price of pain, some regret and did I really do that?
As Twilight walked down the path from Sugarcube Corner to Golden Oaks, her bill came due.
Everything was fine when she first left Sugarcube Corner. Turning away from Cheerilee and into the afternoon breeze, she felt a rush not unlike when she passed a huge test or solved a problem for Celestia. Relationships! Maybe love? The great unknown! Success! And she had a date!
A date with a mare, no less.
With whom she had just had her first kiss.
She slowed her pace.
Her nerves caved first. They always did. A perfectly sound, well reasoned and thought out hypothesis was nothing against several hundred thousand what ifs.
Her theory was this:
I'm a pony going on a date, just a date, and yes, it was with a mare. This is a thing that is done, has been done, will continue to be done for years to come. It is not strange. It happens all the time. The strange thing is that it's taken this long for me to have a date, or rather, for any pony to ask, or actually, for me to ask a pony, which is technically what happened here. Everything is fine, nothing is ruined.
Two steps later came the what-ifs:
What if she wasn't kidding?
What if I break her heart?
What if it doesn’t work out?
What if she breaks my heart?
What if Celestia doesn’t approve?
What if my friends don’t like her?
What if I break her heart?
And quite frankly, Lyra and Bon Bon weren't helping either.
She had run into them mid what-if’s. Lyra, the green unicorn with the permagrin and bouncy, random disposition. Bon Bon, the beige earth pony whose serious expression never gave any hint of the sweet confections she made at her shop. They were a well-known couple, the first ‘out’ filly-foolers she could recall meeting, although that may have more to do with her lack of noticing anything romantic about any ponies until she landed in Ponyville.
And they were staring at her. Lyra was grinning too widely, Bon Bon wasn’t grinning at all.
Twilight felt naked, which is a rare feat for a pony that usually doesn’t wear clothes.
“I hear SOMEONE’s got a date tonight!” chirped Lyra.
“Um… who?”
Lyra laughed, “Who? Who??” She gazed at Bon Bon lovingly. “‘Who’, she says. Who, indeed.” Bon Bon said nothing. Lyra continued. “You, silly, that’s who. You and the lovely, dare I say it?”
Lyra held a pose, waiting for her cue. Bon Bon said nothing. Lyra blinked, then nudged her mare. The earth pony sighed, and said “Dare.”
“CHEERILEE!” cheered Lyra, raising her hooves in the air in a mock gallop. She landed and smiled. “I just couldn’t believe it when I heard it! I thought, wow! Twilight! Cheerilee! TOGETHER!”
“Indeed.” Bon Bon said, her voice and face carefully neutral. “When I heard it, I said, ‘Wow.’”
“It’s true. She did.”
Twilight wanted to teleport right there, away from these two mares and everypony who had ever heard the words “Date” and/or “Twilight Sparkle.” But there was something nagging, a curiosity that was more powerful than her anxiety.
“Who, uh… who did you hear this from?”
“Applejack’s sister. She came through here with Cheerilee. She was going on and on about it.”
Pure, unadulterated embarrassment coursed through Twilight’s veins, causing her purple coat to turn almost pink. Her what-ifs were becoming now-whats, and she did not like that at all.
“To be fair,” Bon Bon added, “She wasn’t telling anypony, just talking about how Cheerilee needed a pretty dress. On her first date. At the party tonight. With Twilight Sparkle.” She swished her tail, eyeballing Twilight. “Which is you.”
“Y-yes.” Twilight swallowed. “That is me.”
"I am SO excited. So. Excited.” Lyra giggled. “I never thought you’d go for a mare, or, well, anypony, really, but you couldn’t have picked better. Or did she ask you? Nope! Nope!” Lyra shook her head. “I want to hear all about it as a surprise when we go on a double date. We’ll have to go on a double date, don’t you think, Bon Bon?”
Bon Bon looked away, suddenly finding a market stall fascinating. “We’ll see. Oh, Lyra, didn’t you want to buy something from Roseluck?”
“Oh!” Lyra swung her head in the direction of flowers. “I did! I should go before she closes up.” She swung back to Twilight, grinning again. “See you at Pinkie's party! I'm sure it's going to be a great first date!"
“Um, you’re… coming to the party?”
Lyra laughed. “Oh, Twilight, everypony’s coming to this party!"
The two remaining mares watched her go. Bon Bon then turned to look at Twilight. All the previous neutrality was was gone from her face, replaced with a deadly serious expression and sharp eyes. Twilight’s fight or flight instinct kicked in, and all she wanted was flight. But before she could do anything, Bon Bon spoke. "Cheerilee is my friend."
Twilight nodded and forced a smile. Bon Bon didn't. "No, you don't understand. Cheerilee is my friend. She's basically the reason I have Lyra."
Twilight's smile began to crack. "And... you two are very happy, right?"
Bon Bon continued to stare at Twilight. "You break her heart, I break your legs." Twilight stared at her, wide eyed. After a moment, Bon Bon added. “All four.”
"Honey?" Came Lyra's sing song voice, "Do we want violets or carnations?"
They turned and saw Lyra at Roseluck's flower cart, smiling and waving. "She's having a sale!" she shouted.
"Be right there!" Bon Bon called out, smiling. She turned back to Twilight, smile gone. With her hoof, she pointed at her eyes, then at Twilight’s eyes. Without another word, she turned and trotted away, leaving Twilight standing in the middle of the street, shaking.
What if she wasn't kidding?
What if I break her heart?
What if Bon Bon breaks my legs? ALL of my legs?!
What if I break her heart?!
Suddenly her vision was filled with pink and dark blue mane, and two piercing eyes.
"Night Purple flowers.” Bon Bon said. “Those are her favorite."
Twilight muttered, "She was wearing one in her mane today..."
"Oh good. Then you're already on your way." Bon Bon's smile returned. "See you tonight, then."
“Yes… see you.”
“Just don’t buck it up.” Bon Bon turned and walked away.
Twilight stood perfectly still, feeling her previous breathing constrictions coming back. It was worse than Sugarcube Corner. At least there, it was only in front of two ponies. Here, she was out in the town square, and she could swear ponies were looking at her noticing her… talking about her. Whispers and looks.
Or was she just imagining it?
She closed her eyes, trying to shut the world out. Some dim part of her was aware she was standing in the middle of the street, but she didn’t care. There was enough going on in her head that she couldn’t worry about other ponies’ problems with her.
A voice with a familiar twang cut through the air.
“Equestrian, Carrot Brain! Do ya speak it?!”
She opened her eyes and saw Applejack staring down Carrot Top. The mare quailed under Applejack’s gaze, holding out a hoof-ful of carrots. “Um… so do you want these carrots in a bag, or…”
“Ah don’t want any dang carrots! Ah asked you if you had seen my si…” Applejack ran her hoof down the front of her face. “Ya know what? Just forget it. I’ll find her myself.” She turned with a huff and stormed off.
“But… your carrots!” Carrot Top wailed. “You didn’t take your carrots! They’re extra fancy today!”
Twilight lit up and began to run after her friend. Because if she was being honest, while she couldn’t handle ponies having a problem with her, there were few things she enjoyed more than helping ponies with their problems...
"Applejack, wait up!"
... Especially if it meant putting off dealing with her own problems.
Fluttershy ran into her living room, unaware of what the danger was but knowing it was there. But so was her family. And a cute blue stallion. Nothing else mattered. Rainbow Dash followed because she was loyal, and because one dumb move deserved another.
A roomful of feathers, scattered playing cards and wrecked furniture greeted them. The living room table was on its side, pieces of debris stuck in its face. A vaguely pony shaped hole now adorned the outside wall, sunlight shining through. There were also something new: pink envelopes, heaps of them, implicating the two intruders who laid in crumpled heaps on the ground.
Dash looked closer. The envelopes were invitations.
Fluttershy was busy searching for the wounded. "Bill? Beefy? Mr. Bonnet? Please, quack if you're okay!"
"Ugh... Quack?" Came a male, non-duck voice. The table moved.
Fluttershy fluttered over and reached her hooves under the table, trying to lift. Dash turned from the invitations to help, only finding her friend had moved it all by herself, breathing heavily with panicked eyes.
They both saw Bonnet curled up in a ball underneath the table. His back was facing the newly punctured wall. It was bruised and a little piece of wood, about the size of a baby carrot, was sticking out of it. And wrapped in his hooves, shielded from the madness, were the ducklings. They were scared, speechless and didn't have a scratch on them.
Fluttershy gasped and crawled up to the stallion and his cargo. Hearing her voice, Bonnet relaxed his hooves and the ducks came tumbling out. Some were still silent, some cried, but they all ran to Mommy. Except Bill, who waddled about in a daze.
Dash watched the scene unfold. It was a story she would tell again and again, and retell later at a wedding.
First, Bonnet opened one eye. "Every duckling okay?"
Then, Fluttershy looked up from her ducks. "Yes, thanks to you," she whispered. "That was-"
"Lucky." Bonnet weakly shrugged and smiled. "I'm lucky."
Fluttershy looked at him for what seemed like an eternity, and then kissed him on the forehead. "Brave," she shook her head gently. "That was a very brave thing you did."
And even though he was lying on the ground with a splinter sticking out of his back, Bonnet looked a full three hooves taller.
Dash saw it all. So did Bill. Their eyes met. She smiled. "Hope you like him. I think she's keeping him."
There was a moaning from the piles of envelopes and debris. Dash turned from the warm fuzzies to investigate the invaders’ identities. Out of one giant pile of feathers, envelopes and books popped the fluffy-haired head of Pinkie Pie.
Dash sighed. "Alright, totally not surprised."
There was a second moan, and Spike rolled out of another pile, scrunched envelope in his claws.
"More surprised. Spike, what the hay were you thinking, trampolining with Pinkie around like that?!"
"Clearly," groaned Spike, "this was my idea. Oh Celestia, my head."
"Aaagaiiinnnn...." Pinkie sang, opening up her hooves and releasing a duck into the air. It flapped around excitedly, then landed by Bill, who looked up.
Bill stared at the new duck.
"Ooooohhh, Look, Quacky," Pinkie tried to stand but her legs wouldn't cooperate. "Fluttershy has a pet just liiiike you...."
Quacky stared at Bill.
"Aww, you made a new friend!"
Dash looked as two ducks stared each other down. She could almost hear Bill's glare. "Uh, Pinkie... I don't think they're gonna be friends..."
"PINKAMENA DIANE PIE!"
Fluttershy stalked through the debris towards Pinkie, hoof lifted in an accusing thrust. "How dare you?" She was standing over Pinkie, eyes blazing, mouth set in firm disapproval. "How dare you crash into my house and put my ducklings in harm’s way, and Mr. Bonnet? You could have really hurt him! How dare you?!"
Her stare was focused at the offending party, but everypony-duck-dragon could see it. Some of them were seeing it for the first time. The ducks (save Bill) around Fluttershy had retreated to the shelter of Blue, who had stayed on the ground. They were all staring at Fluttershy.
"Did you think it would be fun to hurt ponies? Because it's not. It's irresponsible!"
"Um... I'm super sorry, Fluttershy, I can totally pay for every-"
"Do you think I care one feather about bits? What if you had hurt my darlings?"
Bonnet leaned over to Beefy. "Mommy's very angry." Beefy nodded, his eyes wide.
"I have a good mind to throw you out of my house!"
“Quack!” grunted Bill at Quacky, mimicing Fluttershy’s tone.
Quacky waved his wing in front of Bill dismissively. “Quack quack, quack.”
"Now wait a second, Fluttershy," Spike stood up and brushed himself off. "Rainbow Dash crashes into the library all the time, and Twilight never gets this upset with her."
Rainbow nodded. "That's true."
"I mean Applejack and Rarity get upset when she broke their barns and boutiques, respectively, but, they eventually forgave her."
Rainbow looked at Spike with a raised eyebrow. "That's, uh... Also true."
"And she had to pay back the city after she crashed into city hall, but she eventually paid it all back, you know, after-"
"Hey." Rainbow leaned down so she was level with Spike's face. "Shut up."
“Quack quack quack!!” snapped Bill.
Quacky narrowed his eyes. “Quack quack?”
“QUACK.” said Bill, opening up his wings, inviting the other duck to take a swing.
Fluttershy swiveled her head like a snake, staring them down. “You two. Behave.”
It was their first taste of the Stare, and the both suddenly had other things to do, and immediately backed away to find out what those things were.
Fluttershy snapped back towards Pinkie. "Rainbow Dash has never crashed into my cottage, because she knows there are sick animals here. She's a good friend." Fluttershy briefly snapped out of her rant to give Dash a smile. Then she turned back to Pinkie, in full Stare mode. "What does that make you?"
Pinkie stared at the ground, shaking and holding an invitation in her hooves.
"I just wanted to invite you to a party."
Fluttershy's eyes went wide at the word 'party'. Her mouth curled into a snarl and she reared herself up to say something she would regret later. Dash knew it. Spike knew it. The ducks knew it, although Quacky and Bill were still exchanging dagger eyes at each other.
“Miss Fluttershy..."
She turned and saw Blue sitting on the ground, ducklings cowering around him. They were looking at him, he was looking at her. "I think she knows she bucked up." He blinked, casting a quick look down at the ducklings, and corrected himself. "Messed. I meant, messed up."
"But... She hurt you..."
He shrugged, then tried not to wince as he forgot about the piece of wood in his back. It came off as an unintentionally stoic expression as he announced, "I'll live."
Anger left Fluttershy as quickly as it came. She smiled and hid her face behind her mane. "Mr. Bonnet, you're so brave..."
"Um... Fluttershy?"
Fluttershy turned and saw the shaking, teary eyed form of Pinkie. She was still clutching the invitation.
"I am so super sorry..." Her voice was low and her mane looked very close to deflation.
Fluttershy looked around the room, and saw every pony (and dragon) giving her a nod.
"Apology accepted, Pink-"
"I totally understand if you don't want to come, but, I'd really like it if you did... It's going to be the biggest party that-" she blew her nose on the invitation, "-any pony has ever partied." She took a breath and held out the now soggy invitation. "So even if you won't accept my apology, please say you'll come to my party!"
"Um, but I already did."
Pinkie's eyes lit up. "You'll come?!"
"Well, I meant I already accepted your apology, but I guess I can come to your party, too."
All Bonnet saw was a pink blur, and then Fluttershy was besieged by all things Pie. "It's going to be soooo much fun!"
Spike piped up, "What kind of things are going to be at the party, Pinkie?"
Dash turned in horror at Spike's question.
Pinkie gasped. "Oh, Spike, SO MANY THINGS!"
"Why don't you tell Fluttershy alllll about them?"
Hoof met face, and Dash let out a long groan. She caught Spike's eye, trying as hard as possible to telepathically communicate What the buck are you doing??
Spike had a big plastic grin on his face of frozen hopefulness, eyeing the kitchen.
"There's going to be fun and games and punch and fun and confetti and chocolate and fun and...."
Spike tapped Dash on the leg. She turned and he whispered, "Talk. Now. Kitchen."
Dash gave him a look, but he was moving too fast to catch it. Pinkie was still going a mile a minute about the party to Fluttershy and Bonnet, who both had glazed over expressions. More importantly, she wasn't bouncing into walls and causing any more tears. Plus, Spike rarely had such a serious look on his face, unless it was about Twilight. Or Rarity.
Please let it be about Twilight, or something easy.
She followed him into the kitchen, careful to not step on any of the ducklings in the doorway, enraptured in watching the Pinkie show.
Spike climbed up on the kitchen table, turned and sat so that he was eye level with Rainbow. His little legs dangled over the edge, and his face was slack, eyes staring out at nothing. Dash opened her mouth to give him a hard time, but thought better of it. He seemed deep in thought, which was simultaneously adorable and troubling at the same time.
"What's up, Spike?"
Please let it be about anything but Rarity.
Spike's eyes shifted and found hers. "You have to come to this party tonight."
Dash tilted her head. "I have to, huh?"
“See, Rarity and I…”
Buck me.
"... it’s complicated, and it has to do with Twilight.”
...what?
“Go on?” Dash asked carefully.
Spike sighed. “That’s who the party’s actually for, but we can’t say that it is, not that Pinkie’s acting like- well, actually, does anything seem off to you about Pinkie?"
Dash’s head was spinning at the topic shifts. “Pinkie?”
“Yeah… anything about her seem odd to you?”
Dash weighed the question carefully before answering. "Well, she's crashing through every pony's houses, demanding they come to her latest party and has the crazy eyes..." Dash paused. "Which I guess is a normal Friday for Pinkie, but Fluttershy and I were talking like five minutes ago that were a little worried about her lately. But that was before we she wrecked the place.."
Spike squinted in thought. "I thought today was Saturday. "
"Yeah, well, for Pinkie Pie, every day is Friday."
"Then this is more Friday than I've ever seen her. She's pushing harder, breaking more things, offering to pay for more things she's broken, even things she hasn't broken- she had me send a letter to the Princesses, getting this thing approved as a Royal Canterlot Function, had it added to the calendar last minute... do you have any idea how much that costs?”
“I didn’t even know that was a thing. Are they cool?”
Spike shook his head. “Absolutely not.”
Dash stuck out her tongue. “Lame.”
“Plus, she gave Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle a gem to go get candy because she felt bad they're going to get chewed out for beating up Diamond Tiara."
Dash said, "What."
"And I know she's been a little off lately but ever since we tied her up in her house and Rarity started crying she's been a mare on a mission, stopping at nothing to throw this party because Twilight- no wait, Twilight didn't know, it was because Rarity-” Spike gasped. “RARITY!”
Dash said, "What?"
"All of this isn't for Twilight, well it is, but only because Rarity wants it for Twilight, and that's why Pinkie is doing this- it's all for Rarity." He narrowed his eyes and hissed, "It's all for Rarity."
Dash said, "What??"
Spike stood up on the kitchen counter, ranting, "She'll never have her! Rarity is mine! Not really, but, come on! This isn't fair! And to be using me like this, to get her one true pair when that's what I was doing, it's not faaaaiiirrrr...." Spike took a huge breath and wailed, "and none of this would have happened if I hadn't noticed that-"
Dash grabbed Spike by the shoulders. "Calm down, you're being hysterical!"
"I'm hysterical!" Spike jabbered. "I'm hysterical!"
Dash looked around and found her glass of water from earlier. It had warmed to room temperature but it was wet enough. She grabbed it and threw the water in Spike's face.
He paused. "I'm wet! I'm hysterical and I'm wet! I'm upset, I'm hysterical and I'm we-"
Dash slapped Spike.
There was a pause. She heard a quack of disapproval, turned and saw Civility staring up at her with a frown. Dash muttered, "I had to stop him from screaming."
"Sorry, I guess I got a little out of claw there." He looked down and saw Civility staring at him. "Hi."
Civility threw his wings up in frustration. "Quack!" He stormed off.
Dash shook her head. "Spike, I don't even know where to start-"
"I do." Spike sighed. "You gotta come to this party."
"Why?"
"Because where Twilight's first date is going to be."
Dash blinked. She had many questions, but the only one that came out was "With who?"
"Cheerilee."
Spike watched as Dash's facial muscles improvised a dance across her face. The who and the where were satisfied, and arguably the when would be placated as soon as the invitation was read. Spike knew, he just Knew, that based on the shapes Dash's mouth was making, the why and how were in a fistfight over who got to be asked next.
“How?”
“Rarity and I have been plotting. Pinkie is now involved. It’s complicated.”
Dash opened her mouth and closed it several times. There was only one question left. “Why?”
He raised his claws. "Dash, I'll explain everything-" he hesitated, “Later, I guess. Dash- can I count on you?” Spike’s eye was twitching, and his tone ingratiating. “I think there’s a chance for Twilight to really break out of her shell, here, but it’s a very dicey situation. I need her friends there to back her up.”
“Spike, you do know that, uh…” She tried to find the words..”Look, I remember my first date and, I didn’t really want a whole bunch of other ponies watching. I was kinda nervous enough. I mean, it was awesome, because I’m awesome, but still.”
“I think if Twilight doesn’t have friendly faces cheering her on… she may just run.” Spike hung his head. “Or something. There's like a million things that could go wrong tonight and we need all of her friends there to make sure she doesn't OH WOW IS THAT COFFEE?"
Spike grabbed the coffee pot that Classy had made previously and tilted it over his jaws. Dash raised her hoof to protest, but by the time the words formed in her mouth, the coffee was gone.
“Thanks, I needed that.”
"Spike." Dash cocked an eyebrow. "Are you okay?"
“I haven’t really slept in over 24 hours.”
“Oh.” Dash clicked her tongue. “Yeah, that was me a little while ago.”
“Alright,” Spike hummed, snapping his claws, “Operation Adorkable 2: Let’s roll.”
As he strutted out, Dash blinked. “Operation what now?”
"Applejack! Hey, Applejack!"
Applejack turned and saw Twilight. She briefly lit up, only to have a dark cloud descend over her face a moment later. She pulled her hat down and stomped off.
Twilight was perplexed. She ran after her friend. “Applejack, wait up!” Applejack didn’t stop walking. Twilight frowned, focused her magic, and finally flexed her teleporting muscles. It wasn’t much of a stretch, as her target was only twenty hooves away.. She appeared in front of Applejack, blocking her friend’s path. “Hey. Talk to me.”
Yelping, Applejack backed up a few steps. The cloud descended again over her face, and she grunted. "Fine, now yah wanna talk." She brushed past Twilight and walked away at a brisk pace.
Twilight blinked. She caught up with Applejack and matched her friend's pace. "I'm sorry?"
"I've been lookin for ya for the WHOLE day Twi! Runnin' all over Ponyville trying to find one purple unicorn." Applejack stomped the ground in frustration as she walked. "Now it don't matter ‘cause I ain't got the time."
"Well… I’m here now, and, I can talk with you wherever you're going?” Silence, other than the sound of hooves. Applejack wasn’t making this easy. “You’re obviously upset, I want to help. What's going on?"
Applejack glared at Twilight. "Not sure it's any of your business."
Twilight glared right back with a grim smile. "I'm making it my business."
Applejack stomped the ground again, turning away from Twilight. This meant she wasn’t watching where she was going, and she tripped over a trampoline placed by the side of a building. She hit the ground with a “Dang it!” as her hat went flying off. She opened her eyes, snarling at the the trampoline like it had insulted her skills as an apple farmer, and now was about to say something about her grandmother.
Twilight retrieved the hat, and walked over to her friend. Applejack was still on the ground. Twilight put the hat on her head, then lowered her neck, forcing Applejack to meet her eye to eye . "Remember when you made me an honorary member of the Apple family a little while back?” Applejack grunted. “Either I'm an honorary member of the Apple family, or I'm not." Applejack didn't respond, but a small smile was fighting a guerrilla war on the side of her mouth. Twilight sensed an opening. "And if I'm not, you can pump your own cider the next time someone challenges your cider crown."
Applejack sighed. "You're more right than ya know." Twilight was confused, but waited. Applejack lifted her head again. "Twilight, you know I ain’t bragging when I tell ya we got the best cider in these parts, right?"
Twilight smiled. "I have never tasted better."
"Darn tootin'.” She stood up, rubbing her front leg, which had a small bruise. “It's also the main reason we keep the farm afloat. Cider season is our biggest moneymaker, it’s the only way we can keep the prices of apples low locally. You ever wonder why we ain't got no medals or nothing?"
"Well... I never wondered about it before." She tilted her head to one side. "But I am now."
Applejack frowned. "The Apple family was banned from competing in any cider competition years ago." Twilight opened her mouth to ask the question, but Applejack was a step ahead. "Cheating. One of our kin was charged with tryin' to bribe the judges. We were told we couldn't ever compete again.”
"That’s awful! Wait. Charged?" Ever the logician and defender, Twilight pondered, "But not convicted? Ponies are innocent until proven guilty, Applejack."
Applejack looked less than amused. "Twi, think about Apples and honesty. How good ya think we are at crime? He ‘fessed up right there."
"Oh."
"That was years ago, as we've been makin' do in other ways, but ya can imagine working that hard to make what you know is the best, but not bein' able to compete?" Applejack gritted her teeth, glaring at nothing in particular. "Because of what yer uncle did?"
"But, I mean that's just one bad- er, misguided Apple! Why ban the whole bunch? Couldn't you app-"
"Dang it, Twi, I'm gettin' there! We did appeal, and got nowhere. Until now." She brandished a piece of official looking parchment. "The envelope this letter came in was addressed to some other bizarre name, Ringo somethin' but the letter is to me. Our appeal is granted! The Apple family can compete!"
Twilight grinned. "Applejack! Congratulations!"
"But now I gotta get my gear and cider packed and ready to go for a three month trip to Appleloosa, and yesterday would'a been better. And I can't find them anywhere! Big Mac's not at the farm, Applebloom's not at the clubhouse-" Applejack frowned as a vision passed before her eyes, "-although I think one of them bullies had been there recently, I saw some writing in marker that I'm pretty sure none of them woulda written."
Twilight's smile faded. "You said… three months?"
"Maybe longer. If if we win, we'll want to set up shop there. Although, maybe actually NOT there, maybe Dodge Junction. I can't stomach working in any town where that Trixie is sheriff." Applejack huffed. "Probably struts around town screamin' I AM TH'LAW or some other crud."
Twilight was lost. "Maybe longer?"
Applejack shrugged. "It's a long competition. Lotta bits at stake. And they test and re-test the cider. Ain't gonna be a vacation.” She sighed. “Maybe ya'll can visit? I don't know if we are gonna have time for a proper send off."
"But. You'll miss Hearths Warming Eve..."
Applejack nodded. "Probably. It's a sacrifice, and Applebloom won’t be happy. But, and hopefully she'll understand.” She sighed. “And hopefully so will Rainbow Dash, but ah ain’t bettin’ on it.”
Twilight was barely listening. Her nerves were freaking out, her muscles frozen and her heart sinking. All her one voice could eke out was, Three months, maybe more... No...
“Sorry to bother you with all that, Twi. Thanks for listenin’. Yer a-” She paused, studying her friend’s expression. “Twi? Ya alright?”
“You’re leaving…”
Applejack nodded. “Ah know it’s a shock, but ah gotta do this for me and mine. Ya didn’t think things could stay the same forever, did ya?” The expression on Twilight’s face betrayed that yes, she did think things could stay the same. Applejack took off her hat, sorrow suddenly etched on her face. “Oh Twilight, ah’m sorry. But it ain’t forever, ya know? We’ll be back soon..” She hesitated. “Well, not gonna lie, if it goes well, we won’t be back too soon.”
She gazed into the distance, a thoughtful look across her face. “We didn't used to be quite so harvest to harvest, ya know? If we win, maybe we won't have to." A wistful smile crept up her muzzle. "And maybe Applebloom really could do whatever she liked, and not have to worry about the family business." She turned back to Twilight. “Wouldn’t that be n-”
Twilight’s mouth was a crazed grin. Applejack backed up a few steps. She had seen this smile before. It was like the quiet before a giant rainstorm. “And, uh... speaking of my sister, ya seen her?"
"Cheerilee was walking her home…” she said with a forced calmness. “We ran into her by the river, and so we bought her some ice cream, then-"
Then the world exploded, imploded and collapsed, said her inner voice.
"Aw, Twilight, yah didn't have to-” Applejack froze. “Oh horsefeathers. Ya’ll didn’t let her have the Pinkie surprise, did ya?"
Twilight nodded, grin still in place.
Applejack's face lost color. "Double horse feathers! Was she… uh… sayin’ anything uncouth? Rude? Stuff like that?”
Twilight blinked. “She certainly said whatever was on her mind… with great frequency.” She was responsive to the question, but was staring straight ahead.
“Not again!” Applejack wailed. “Gotta go. Ya said Cheerilee was walking her home, right? Alright. Ah promise ah’ll try and say goodbye ‘fore we head out. Bye, Twi!"
Twilight remained, not moving, eyes open but not seeing. Some part of her registered that her friend had left, but the rest of her body refused to do anything with the information. Her inner voice was whispering, maybe, maybe if I just stand absolutely still… nothing else will happen.
She barely registered when Carrot Top walked up to her and said, “Ms. Sparkle, did Applejack say anything about wanting her carrots delivered?” Silence. “Or I can just bring them to Pinkie’s giant party?” More silence, although Twilight swiveled her eyes to meet Carrot Top’s, who winced. “Er… I hear it’s going to be a big to-do! Over three hundred reasons to attend… and, that it’s actually been labeled an official Royal Canterlot Function! Very fancy, huh?” Twilight’s horn lit up, and there was a crackle of energy. But she didn’t say a word.
Carrot Top’s ears drooped and she backed away from Twilight. And then, for reasons she could not later explain, Carrot Top went one step further. “Wouldn’t it be fun if the Princesses showed up?”
There was a bright purple flash, and when Carrot Top opened her eyes, Twilight Sparkle was gone.
"Reason three hundred forty four that you should come to this party- there’ll be activities for all our pets, including several I designed just for the ducks!"
Fluttershy had long since stopped paying attention and was hiding behind her mane, waiting for the verbal assault to end. Bonnet, on the other hoof, was entranced, staring open-mouthed at this pink tornado named Pie.
"The final reason, number three hundred forty five- there will be a chocolate fountain!" Pinkie took a giant breath. "In conclusion, those are all the reasons you should come to this party until I can think of some more."
Bonnet waited for a moment to be sure the verbal assault had stopped. After a few seconds of pony silence (there was still quacking, always with the quacking) he said, "Thank you for that... very thorough list of activities."
"I am proud of all three hundred and forty six reasons why you should come! And- hm?" She looked down and saw a Swanky tugging on her leg. "What's up, little lady?" Swanky held up her wings, and Pinkie picked her up. There was some soft quacking in Pinkie's ear, followed by a gasp. "Really? No! Wait, really?!"
Swanky nodded, pointing at Bonnet. "Qua-ack!"
Bonnet had that small but very heavy feeling one gets when they're about to be in deep crud.
"I forgot something!" Pinkie smiled. "Three hundred forty seven reasons. There will also be chocolate roses..." She wiggled her eyebrows and giggled like a filly. "If you know what we mean." Swanky turned in Pinkie's hoof and gave an all-knowing smirk in Bonnet's direction, fluttering her eyes.
Fluttershy wasn't paying attention, having turned to her ducklings once the Pinkie barrage ended. But Bonnet saw it all: wiggle, giggle and duck. Few things have the ability to inspire a pony like doing whatever Pinkie Pie wants to get her to stop staring at you, especially when a leering duckling is added to the mix. Bonnet was not immune.
Plus, dang it all...
He turned to look at her. Fluttershy's coat was mussed and stained, her mane was tangled in knots with feathers (duck and her own) sticking out, and giant bags were underneath her eyes. She was still the most beautiful mare he had ever seen.
"Miss Fluttershy?"
"Mmm?"
"Would you-" he stopped, looking up. At some point in the previous few moments of adoration, a duckling had somehow landed on his head and had curled up to sleep.
"Drowsy! How did you get up there? Sorry, Mr. Bonnet, I'll-"
"No, no, leave him. I need to do this now." He took a breath. "Would you like to go this party?"
She sighed. "I don't think I have much of a choice."
He blinked. "What?"
She cast a wary eye in Pinkie's direction, then whispered to Bonnet, "Pinkie can be very, well, insistent."
"What? No, wait. Ms. Shy, I meant do you want, to go, to the party."
She blinked. "Um... I'd rather just catch up on sleep, but I promised Pinkie..."
"With me!" Bonnet yelped, then took a breath, closing his eyes to steady himself. "Do you want to go to the party... with me?"
“Oh.” Fluttershy became very quiet. “Are you… asking me out?”
Pinkie and duck alike stared with rapt attention.
“Yes, if you, uh. “ He rubbed the back of his head. “Want to go.”
Fluttershy’s voice was barely a squeak. “You’re not funning with me, are you Mr. Bonnet?”
"I have never been more serious in my life."
"Zzz," snored Drowsy, drooling on Bonnet’s head.
Bonnet closed his eyes, sighed and lowered his head and took the sleeping duck off of his head. “I just think it would be fun to go a party.” He gently placed the duck on the ground, and smiled. “Together.”
Pinkie was clutching Quacky, mouth gaping.
Fluttershy fiddled with her tangled mane, trying not to smile too much. “Um, that sounds… nice.”
“Yayyyyy!” Pinkie cheered, throwing a pile of invitations up in the air. “First dates for all!” She stopped. “Well. First dates for some, chocolate fountains for all!”
Spike and Dash walked in, staring at the last few pink envelopes fluttering down from the ceiling. Dash looked around. “You didn’t crash into the house again, did you?”
“Not hardly! I got two more yes’s for tonight’s party, now they just need invitations!” Pinkie stopped, thinking. “Or actually, maybe just one! Everyone can bring a plus one, but they’re both each other’s plus one.”
Dash laughed. “That didn’t take long.”.
Spike looked at her in confusion, and she waved him off. Shrugging, he turned to Bonnet and Fluttershy and announced: "Then allow me to be the first to officially invite you to Pinkie's official biggest party ever, an Official Function on the Royal Canterlot Calendar!"
Fluttershy reached to take the card out of Spike’s claw, then hesitated. “Um… did you say it was an Official Canterlot Function?”
"That's right!” Pinkie grinned, “We spared no expense.”
“As in… officially on the Royal Canterlot Calendar?”
“Officially official, officially says so right on the card.” Spike stopped and re-read the piece of cardstock. "Oh wait, no it doesn’t.” He grumbled. “You know Pinkie, you should have had me write that letter before we had all of these printed.”
“Oh.” Fluttershy lowered her hoof, and looked at Bonnet sadly.
“What’s wrong?”
“I, um. Can’t go with you.” Fluttershy lowered her head. “I’m sorry.”
“Uh. That’s okay.” Bonnet tried to smile. “No big deal.”
She lifted her head, insisting, “But I want to! I do! I just…” Fluttershy sighed. “I can’t.”
“No, I understand. Really.” Bonnet looked away.
“Well, I don’t understand at all!” Dash snarled. “You two were all super happy like five seconds ago, and now you can’t go? Why not, Fluttershy?”
“I made a promise to someone… if there was ever an official Canterlot Function that I got invited to, I would take him.” She was tracing her hoof on the ground, ducklings coming over to her and nuzzling, trying to cheer her up.
“Promise?” Spike asked. “To who?”
“It’s the only time he’s allowed out, poor thing, and-”
Dash was in shock. “Discord?”
“Who?” Bonnet asked.
“It’s the condition of his parole! He’s only allowed to leave his house arrest to attend official-”
“Discord.” Dash repeated, flatly.
Spike put his head in his claws. “Oh jeez.”
“I promised! I Pinkie Promised him! He-”
“Discord?!” Dash roared. “You’re ditching this stallion over-”
There was a loud crash and puff of smoke, along a blast of light and everypony/duck/dragon shielded their eyes.
And there he was: Deer antler on the right, goat horn on the left, snake tongue, goat beard, and white bushy eyebrows crowning two mad eyes. He stood tall, so tall he almost hit the ceiling, and he held his lion and eagle arms out wide, as if seeking a giant hug. Around his neck was a silver necklace with three rubies, and across his face a toothy grin.
Discord crowed, “It’s... showtime!”
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Crap
I must admit, you are doing an amazing job of keeping all those plates spinning at the same time. Congratulations on an impressive and enjoyable feat literary gymnastics. I'm looking forward to the floor show.
Nice Beetlejuice reference. Here's another:
Oh hey, someone shipping an OC to one of the Mane 6 and doing it right.
3466781
I just met you, and I love you.
3466777
Hold onto your butts, it just keeps coming. Also, references to 80's movies, The Simpsons and Arrested Development.
Well...umm...that was...nice.
Yay. 
I also caught the references to Clue and Judge Dredd. Though I find myself suspecting that this was Discord's goal all along, now....
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I'm looking forward to all of the plates colliding at once to create a spectacular train wreck of a mess.
[youtube=zv5J48r9wUg]
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YES.
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Now if I coulda found the movie summoning...
There really are times I with I could give more thumbs up. So have a happy Twi
I apologise as it seems we definitely lack a Cheerilee emote to put with it.
Truly loved the Judge Dredd reference. Just picturing trixie saying that will keep a smile on my face for days. Thank you thank yo thank you
such a classic that Beetlejuice... plus Flutters is denying the colt she has fallen for to go through with a PINKIE PROMISE to DISCORD!?!?!?
I call uber1337h4x on Discord!
what fun is there in making sense?
3467188
Congrats on getting me to google "uber1337h4x "
3467205 mwahahahahahahaha! now I have the uber1337h4x! LakieLegion... AWAY!
*flies off into the distance using uber1337h4x powahs*
*spit take* Applejack's leaving!?
And a hilarious ending, Discord always makes things better!
3466848 Yeah, there were nooooo creepy undertones to their relationship. Totally appropriate. Yup.
Now with the ending of this chapter in mind...I'm very conscious of the fact that you never mentioned who was marrying whom...
My god this is so convoluted
I LOVE IT!.... and that Beetlejuice reference 
I love your Lyra and Bon Bon
And as noted later this is the exact moment that Fluttershy fell hopelessly in love.
Yeah, I'm certain that I know who set this all up, now.
Isn't Bonnet's special talent luck for other people? I'm fairly sure poker is a game he needs to stay far away from.
Yeah, figures.
Hmm, I'm suddenly wondering if Bonnet's talent is finally working out for him by allowing Fluttershy to get lucky.
*double fistpump* Bonnet for best pony of the day. That was awesome.
And Civility is best duck.
Dammit Discord! Welp, at least the party ought to be exciting.
Love the Producers ref.
Pure unadulterated chaos, this is.
Oh good lord, this has just become insane.
Though... AJ going away?
And... Twilight's worrying me. I'm not sure what's gonna happen there...
Just when you think it can't get any more insane...
themcp.webs.com/ExcellentChaos.png
3469608 I take it as a compliment that no one's mentioned the DDS getting incorporated so quickly. Par for the course in Adorkableverse!
well this has been fun, but I think I'll go stay some place less chaotic thank you. *puts on hat and leaps into the gates of Tartarus*
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Well, technically, they are not incorporated, it's a Limited Liability company. Those are way simpler to set up, so not really as impressive.
The story is like watching a car-wreck, happening in the middle of a typhoon, during the initial stage of an alien invasion, following a failed reading of the Necronomicon, whilst Satan begins his slow rise to torture the misbegotten souls left behind by the Rapture. You want to look away, but you just can't as the glorious chaos thrusts our fair Ponyville deeper into the gaping maw of Cthulhu. I look forward to more revelations, more insanity, and more heart-warming adorableness as this out-of-control train of story continues its fateful course. Keep up the great work!
Man, I hope Spike's wrong...
Can't help but think Discord set this entire thing up just to get out of the house. The chaos is so him.
Last chapter was yesterday... some its several weeks until this is updated. Damnit.
Still... I estimate about 5 chapters left.
So the Producers moving flawless into Clue. Nicely done.
Discord is best pony
You wonderful son of a biscuit.
You send me stuff to pre-read, and I always love it, and then, when you publish it I'm always floored by how you improved on what you send me.
This chapter was a stand out example of how goddamn well you balance multiple characters without burying the reader/audience in boring drama. The bits with Twilight were cutesy. I love that Bon Bon cares and is emotionally invested in Cheerilee's life. It was a touch that people might avoid, but, added depth to a background character. I love that Flutters is TOTALLY into Blue Bonnet.
There's so much more butt kissing I could do, but, who'd read it? This one was great. Really. I'm always excited for a new chapter, but, I'm more than averagely excited for the next chappy.
Keep up the great work, homeslice.
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Unless its done on purpose
Let the shit hit the fan, let the shit hit the fan, let the shit hit the... FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNN!
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stream1.gifsoup.com/view/1015497/dr-horrible-smile-o.gif
I just looked through the comments, and I saw plenty of Beetlejuice... but no judge Dredd. I need to rectify this.
"Probably struts around town screamin' I AM TH'LAW or some other crud."
This is beyond awesome I tell you. I have only one question. Well it's more of a demand, MORE!
This is the most insanely manic thing in the world, and I love every last word of it.
Seriously.
This is pure, unadulterated, genius.
I can just feel that this is going to collide in an explosion the likes of which we haven't seen since the big bang, and the recent addition of everybody's favorite draconequus is only going to make it more spectacular.
Bravo sir, Bravo.
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It will be glorious.
3588974 to be fair, it's probably canon that no one is willing to sell home insurance in Ponyville after Twilight Sparkle came to town.
Did you sneak a scene from Ocean's Eleven into this?
Also... Discord.
Just what the hell did you unleash?
~Skeeter The Lurker
3589309 I can neither confirm nor deny these shocking allegations.
3609750 you have no idea