Five - The Race
Five - The Race
Twilight, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, and Fluttershy sat in the hot air balloon. FriendlyFire and Rainbow Dash stood in racing position on a cloud. Rainbow Dash was confidant. FriendlyFire was also confidant. But Rainbow Dash was also excited. She loved to race, she even got her cutie mark by racing. FriendlyFire raced once, and he got his cutie mark by creating fire that was harmless. FriendlyFire was nervous.
"On your marks...get set...GO!" Yelled Twilight Sparkle. Both Rainbow Dash and FriendlyFire shot forward. They were moving fast. Every time Rainbow Dash moved ahead of FriendlyFire, he'd move up beside her.
"YOUR PRETTY FAST! BUT HOW FAST ARE YOU!" Rainbow Dash shouted with the wind in her face. She shot forward really far ahead. The ponies in the hot air balloon cheered. Then FriendlyFire shot forward and ended up beside Rainbow Dash. Rainbow Dash was shocked. She got frustrated and shot forward again, looping around a cloud pillar. FriendlyFire did the same and ended up beside Rainbow Dash again. She was startled. Nothing came close to the speed she was going. She got angry and pushed herself to do a Sonic Rain-Boom. The ponies in the hot air balloon cheered. FriendlyFire pushed himself to do a Sonic Fire-Bomb and ended up beside Rainbow Dash again. Rainbow Dash had a rainbow streak following her, and FriendlyFire had a fire streak following him. Together they were making a flaming rainbow. Rainbow Dash was so shocked she couldn't look away from FriendlyFire. All the other ponies in the hot air balloon stared at them with their eyes wide and their mouths open. The ponies on the ground looked up to see a flaming rainbow. Together, Rainbow Dash and FriendlyFire crossed the finish line together. It ended in a tie. They both landed, and the ponies landed their hot air balloon.
"Wow! I guess you really are my brother. Only a Dash could be that fast." Said Rainbow Dash. FriendlyFire smiled and walked up to Rainbow Dash. He placed a hoof on her shoulder.
"Thanks...sister." FriendlyFire said. Rainbow Dash smiled and they hugged. Twilight, Pinkie, Fluttershy, Rarity, and Applejack walked up to FriendlyFire and Rainbow Dash.
"Wow... I... I... I don't know what I saw but it was awesome." Said Twilight.
"My mom calls it a Sonic Fire-Bomb." Said FriendlyFire.
"Is... Is it real?" Asked Applejack.
"No, its fake. The first time that happened fire fighters tried putting it out, but it wouldn't go out." Said FriendlyFire. All the ponies laughed.
"This is going to make a fantastic letter to the princess." Twilight said, magically holding a paper and a quill.
"You gotta be kidding me, you know the princess!?" Asked FriendlyFire. All the ponies laughed.
A month has past and FriendlyFire moved in with Rainbow Dash in PonyVille. Twilight did a blood test and it was confirmed, FriendlyFire and Rainbow Dash are blood related. FriendlyFire made lots of new friends, and his bond with Rainbow Dash grew stronger. This is the story of how Rainbow Dash was reunited with her long lost brother FriendlyFire.
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Cool story
Thanks!
Love it
How does this have likes? This is the worst story I've ever read.
Allow me to explain.
First, You're grammer is horrible. Fix it.
Second, this is the dumbest idea ever. This is like a parody of bad ideas.
Third, whoever drew this is a horrible drawer.
Fourth, the OC looks stupid.
Fifth, this story SSSSSSUUUUCCCCCCKKKKSSSS!
There, a review.
2849493
No. Review's are long and detailed, helping the author along the way.
I don't even know what yours was.
2849549
A half assed review?
2849550
No, it came across more like the pathetic mewling of a beaten puppy. A review, a real review, goes into more depth. This is a step above your usual "THIS STORY SUCKS" but if you want to be taken seriously, you need to put effort into your work.
How ironic. You go for a grammar flame and misspell words in the process. But the grammar isn't horrible. Yes, there are grammar errors and spelling mistakes, but it actually reads more like a story written by somebody that has no idea how to write.
It's no worse than what you've written. But then the author of this piece isn't a little whiner either. Seriously, that in itself gets you a lot of thumbs down.
I mean a "dumb" idea is having your OC own a tardis and be the element of time. Now that is stupid.
Irrelevant to the story at hand. You can cry foul over a Pony Creator image. Something drawn by hand is usually rated a little higher. Also you shouldn't talk as your image for the Element of Time is pathetic.
So do you, but we never say that now do we? You got anything else to say about the actual story? Being a critic is pointing out the flaws. This isn't a flaw.
And there you go. Your catch all phrase for anything you don't like or that has been received in a better way than any of your work.
Here's a clue for you: you're the reason your stories get such bad press. It's your attitude that results in half the down votes. The other half are because you can't write.
So what predictable response will this message get of you?
Thank-you Umachan. I never had anyone stand up for me. It means a lot.
2849944
A dumb idea is when a random OC has sex with everything.
The cover art for the Element is really well drawn compared to this.
I'm not called "FanficCritic." So that argument is invalid.
That is why I'm going to put in my story to not thumb down the story just because it was written by me.
HA! You haven't seen my best work.
Go fuck yourself.
2849979
Oh, please. He wasn't standing up for you and your stupid self insert Gary Stu OC fanfic. He's just being a dick to me.
"and your stupid self insert Gary Stu OC fanfic." What the? What is that? I re-read that over and over again. What does that mean? Help me out here. I really have no idea
2850010
I could draw better art than what The Element of Time has in a car. And have. In pen none the less.
Really? A pen? Well that's very impressive. Did you trace anything, or did you free hand it? I free handed my first drawing then traced over it with another piece of paper and a sharpie
2850235
Alright. Draw something. I await your response.
TheaterCritic, your back! Now about that " and your stupid self insert Gary Stu OC fanfic." I still don't know what that means.
2850277
Here's two images Ive previously drawn in the car.
fc07.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2013/003/c/c/cadence_by_kazlene-d5q9p6f.jpg
th02.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2013/005/f/e/fluttershy__by_kazlene-d5qk5ap.jpg
And here's just a quick doodle I did in a friend's yearbook
fc01.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2013/190/0/d/image_by_kazlene-d6cr56x.jpg
2850293
Ok since theatrecritic doesn't seem to be answering I'll tell you what he means. An OC obviously is an original character, a self insert is when you insert a character that is you into a story. A Gary Stu is a male Mary Sue, a character that is too perfect and flawless. These characters upset any flow the story might have had and Theatercritic here has one that has gotten torn apart so many times, the bitterness in the young one's heart has turned to hatred. He just likes to lash out at others so as to make his story seem better.
Well thank-you Normal, for answering. And those are some good drawings in my opinion
2850626
You're welcome. And danke.
2850010
So where in this story does that happen if that's the definition of a "dumb" idea? Or can this simply be sour grapes because there's a story out there that you hate that is getting more thumbs up than anything you've ever written? Yeah, I'm thinking it's the latter too.
Did your Mommy tell you that as well? Kinda like how she says you're a good singer, really handsome and strong and all that kind of stuff? I hate to be the one to tell you, but she's only telling you this to bolster your ego. It's something that most Mothers do.
Doesn't matter, you're not much of a critic when it comes to movies either. Saying "Oh my god this was the greatest movie ever" is not being a critic. Being a critic means actually taking the time to formulate something and not just saying "this sucks". And if you're not a "fanfic critic" then why bother with saying, "There, a review." after you wrote that shite? Could it be that you actually thought you gave valid and cogent points?
So are you. But what does that have to do with what I said?
Brilliant! Nobody has ever thought of that before... no wait, they have and it usually results in a downvote storm.
I would hope not. If what I've seen up until now actually had any effort put into it, then you're truly a bad writer and there's no hope for you.
Just about what I expected.
C'mon bitch, you've been gone for a couple days, crying into your chocolate milk, whinging about how everybody is so mean to you and this is what you come back with? You're really not bringing your "A" game to this now are you?
2849979
Don't thank me, I thumbed this down due to problems in the way it's presented and the rather childish writing style. No, this was entirely directed at Lil Bitch who you might know as "TheaterCritic".
But just to piss him off, I'm going to thumb this up. But you really need to work on your writing.
2850022
Fuck you Theater Critic, your Oc is fucking ten times worse then his drawing. I can never draw what he drew, it is good compared to yours. Yours looks like pooped pooped on pooped So shut up and stop being a hypocrite.
So, everypony likes a horrible story, dislikes my comments, and likes everyponies comments that have to do with bashing me and my reviews.
Fuck you all.
2854790
Sounds about right. And it seems you never even acknowledged the drawings.
2859415
They are crap.
2859418
Ah, the words of the young.
2859418
May I ask what you'd be able to draw free hand in the car, with pen?
This is really good
I'm hoping for chapter 6
*claps really exitedly*BLOODY good job!