• Published 10th May 2013
  • 672 Views, 66 Comments

The Guardian of the Elements - Righteousdemon15



Equestria is heading toward war and the Princess needs you, the Guardian, your ancestors protected the ponies that bear the elements of harmony and the guardians were thought to be all dead you are from the family of the last guardians

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Chapter 1: Destiny

I exhaustively walk up the steps to my house with my grandfather. He turns to me to look at me most likely to continue the conversation we had in the car just like everyday. “Do you have a lot of homework?” I put on a tired smile “Thankfully, no and at least it is about 12 or so days until summer vacation.” He stops at the door before opening it “I want you to always remember that I love you, you are a son to me. Hell Grandma and I practically raised you.” He said with a loving smile. I lived with my grandparents more than my dad because he was busy a lot of the time with work. I am startled however hearing this because he rarely shows love like this, he will tell us the family I mean that he loves us, but something does feel right. I look toward him to respond “I love you too pap, and gram you two have always been there for me.”

With that he opens the door to reveal my father, Grandmother, and a tall being with a horn on her head and wings on her back with hair that words can’t do justice another noticeable is that she had fur all other her body and ears on top of her head instead of the side of her head. The last thing I noticed was a sword with a red and black handle in a case equally red and black. However my eyes were locked on her, my eyes entranced by her beauty she seemed so motherly. She turned toward me “Hello John West my name is Princess Celestia it is nice to meet you.” she said in a motherly voice. I quickly go down on one knee to acknowledge her as would a person would do such royalty. “You do not need to kneel John.” I quickly rise to my feet and and look around “What is going on Princess Celestia?” with a smile she said “Touch this sword and all will be revealed.” I look toward my family they nod.

I reach out for the sword and touch it memories invade of what I believe to be the past. People, places, times, and events all have some things in common such as it was war, they were the only people without fur and some made references to something called the ‘elements’ and that they needed to be protected. Lastly fighting styles flew through my mind many different styles some used by the military such as Navy Seals and Army Rangers, also how to fight with swords and daggers. I come back to reality with a headache “What? Where? Who were those people?” Celestia responded “They are your ancestors John they are called Guardians and this show that you are one as well.” I look at her confused “Well now what?” Celestia looked toward the couch “Take a seat and I will tell you” She explained everything such as that they evolved form ponies and learned to walk on two legs, grew hands and feet over many centuries, what the elements are, that everyday they were nearing war, and what my ancestor’s rule was in this. “Now John, I have an important question for you I am not forcing you do come with me and do this, but we need you John so will you come with me and help us? Just so you know you won’t be able to return to this world.” I stand up and look her in the eye “I will do it just give me some time to pack my stuff.” she smiles lovingly “Thank you, take as much time as you need.” I head in my room and grab my pocket watch my grandfather gave me, it was a treasured Heirloom it had an eagle on it. I also grabbed my fedora which was black and my pocket knife which is red and white. I grab my dog tags around my neck I wear them to honor all my family that has ever served in the armed forces I have had family in almost every war in America’s history except the Civil War.

I grab my cloths and head back out I check my pockets for my cell phone and I pod then head out to the living room. my dad stops me and has a pair of gauntlets in his hands “the guardians in our family used these they are called lonsdaleite they are 58 percent stronger than diamonds take them.” I take them from his hands and put them on they are light and very maneuverable and I don’t feel constricted in them my father adds in “They are also immune to magic so if you get magic shot at you hold up your arms to block it. Goodbye my son I love you.” he said reaching to give me a hug. I hug back saying “goodbye dad I love you too I will do my best.” I walk up to Celestia “I’m ready to go.” she looks at me “Alright and just so you know we don’t have cell phones in Equestria so you won’t be able to call anyone.” and with that she opened a portal. I turn and look one last time at my family and old life “Good bye everyone I love you all so much I will miss you.” I turn back and walk through the portal to begin my new life as a Guardian.

After I walk through the portal I find myself in a big room with guards and ponies in a blue and yellow suit and Princess Celestia standing next to me. A mare with wings and a horn just like Celestia comes rushing down the stairs "Dearest sister why dost thou not taken us with you?" Calmly Celestia replied "Because sister I feel you would have been overwhelmed and please you don't need to use the Royal Canterlot Voice" The dark maned princess blushed "Sorry dearest sister we- I shall calm down a bit" She turns toward you "Hello Guardian I am Princess Luna" I kneel down and reply "It is nice to meet you Princess Luna my name is John West." Luna smiled "You do not need to kneel John." I stand up and look over to the ponies in the blue and yellow suits "Who are they?" Celestia looks where you are "They are the Wonderbolts they perform for the public, but when war breaks out they help the military they perform special operations there squad leader is Spitfire they will be helping you train I know you learned moves from your ancestors from when you touched the sword they will train you in many different ways such as pain management and if you get captured and taken prisoner and torture to see how long you can last." She begins to leave She looks over one last time and says I will be writing a letter to Twilight and her friends asking them to come." I ask curiously "do they know that I am here?" "No, I planned on telling them when they got here." She walks out of the room and I turn toward the Wonderbolts and with a grin on my face "Well lets get started shall we."

Comments ( 66 )

Well then, what to say...
It's a good plot, i'll give you that. The ideas pretty good, there's just some important stuff missing.
I think you leapt in a little to quickly, but I won't complain about that much, it's your fic at the end of the day.
I recommend you read this handy guide to get a good idea of writing your fic.

Like I said however, it's your fic. Listen to me, or punch me in the face. Your choice :pinkiecrazy:

The description is just... no.
Learn to spell and use grammar properly.
That plot is also really overused. Just saying.

2558594 thank you especially for the link for the guide, but I think I'm just gonna stop I don't even know why I even tried I'm horrible at everything I try sorry I wasted your time with this fic.

2558680

Don't be like that man! :fluttercry:
We were all new once and you don't become a good writer over night!

My advice would be to take things slower and look at fics done by writers with experience doing these things. Take notes on how they wrote their stories and work your way up from there!
Aww yeah, give motivational speech like a boss!

Eldorado
Moderator

2558680 Yo. Don't quit because you got a negative response. Get an editor and improve your skills. Put effort in, get results out. Everyone's got to start somewhere.

2558616 okay then can you give me some examples so I know exactly what is wrong and what is bad about the description if you just say what you just did I can't learn from my mistakes so if you could tell me that would be great.

Ya' can't quit comrade. I remember my first fic ending up like this, but I didn't quit and I produced probably one of the most original OC x Applejack stories (what a rarity) to date (someone mind checking on that for me?). Anyways, DO NOT GIVE UP. There's people here that can help you, and I'm willing to lend a hoof with editing if need be.

Bonanuu #8 · May 11th, 2013 · · 11 ·

2558680 Yes, you are horrible. Do you know what I do with people that are attention whores, and beat them selves up so that other people tell them they are good? I agree with the attention whores. You are bad. So bad infact, that you should go kill yourself. No one likes a pessimist. And no one likes an attention whore. Especially not a pessimistic attention whore.

2559048 well if you're willing to help would you be able to tell me what is wrong with my fic mainly I found people saying grammar errors and spelling errors but I haven't found any spelling errors and I was never the best at grammar but I'm try for this but if you would like to help thank you it would mean a lot.

2558680 Continue it for the lulz :moustache:

2559055 I am not trying to be an attention whore and I'm sorry if I make you mad but I am a pessimist I've been made fun of a long time and it made it where I don't look for anything good in life anymore I try but I can't sorry if I offended you.

2559074 Alright, whatever, go cut your wrists in a corner, just don't tell us about it.

2559079 I am not an emo or goth and I don't cut my wrists

2559082 Fine then, Just be a little whiny bitch somewhere else, No one likes a pessimist, pessimists make the people around them feel like shit, or in my case, enraged.

2559087 then just don't talk to me or in this case don't message me that ain't my problem you keep coming back for more.

2559087 No offense dude, but you're being a HUGE prick

2559098 "Ain't" Isn't a word, you dolt.

2559109 *sigh* You can't just insult me, then say "No offense" and think I won't take offense. Imagine if someone said "I want to murder you and your family, but no offense" It doesn't work that way. And, He deserves it, Literally. He said that to get attention, but I just gave him negative attention instead of the positive attention he wants.

2559120 I have to admit, you got me there. Still though, your story sucks, and you should go kill yourself for being an attention whore.

2559125 Your parents didn't love very much did they is that why you must attack a person over the internet you could have just said a comment out loud to yourself and continued on with your day, but no you had to do this I don't really see a need in this so I will be the bigger man and stop thank you and have a good day, Checkmate. :trollestia:

2559152

Your parents didn't love very much

I assume they did, I mean, I was born wasn't I?

Yes, be the bigger man, and go slit your wrists. Also, thats one run on sentence there.

Checkmate.

2559168 I already told you I don't cut myself don't make assumptions and by the condoms can break and alcohol can play a factor. I'm just saying so get facts if you are going to fight someone.

2559182 I thought you were the bigger man, and you weren't going to respond? Who's big now?

And yes, I am a mistake, and adopted, and my birth mother did drugs while she was pregnant with me. And? Why should I care what some random person thinks about me? I'm only really doing this because you keep responding back with angry comments, and it amuses me. I just love drama.

2559055 Dude, not cool.

2559197 I'm mainly doing this now because I find it funny and then you get dark and gloomy and you tell me to go cut my wrists this ain't fun anymore man.

2559203 And there is the drama that I oh so love. Seriously, ever heard of a troll? Damn, you are stupid.

2559209 I know what a troll is I may not be the smartest but I'm not that dumb anyway this is my last post to you so have have I will miss you you helped me smile a bit I will reference a movie you get 10 points if you guess right "Thank you for creeping up my night and Jesus be with you. You know you are never alone when you are with Christ." I will give you a hint it has a talking teddy bear. bye :twilightsmile:

2559239 I'm not sure if you are lying, because you already said you would stop responding. You are obviously stupid.

i.imgur.com/0bIdw.jpg
This comment thread is great.

2559245
Oh, my hell. Dude, knock this shit off. If he wants to respond to your shitty comments with a light and humorous response, then let him. Don't call him stupid. Not everybody is going to think like you do and do things the way you want them to, but that doesn't mean that you have to be a complete and utter prick. If you don't like this story, then give him some constructive criticism, not your bullshit. If you don't have any good ideas for him, then go somewhere else. Even if it is your honest opinion that you're giving, that doesn't mean you have to say it in such a dickish way.

2559430

I'm only really doing this because you keep responding back with angry comments, and it amuses me. I just love drama.

This is why I call him stupid, and this is why you are stupid. I've already established I'm a troll, yet you guys keep trying to reason with me. My god, what in the ass is wrong with you people?

2559445
If you're a troll, then fuck off. I really don't care if you're doing it for the drama. You have no right to assume that I am academically inferior to you.

2559445 i kill with kindness if I could I would give you a hug and guess what YOU AIN"T GONNA STOP MY FUN I LET MY HATERS BE MY MOTIVATORS.

2559460 Well... You seem pretty stupid.

2559463

I may not be the smartest but I'm not that dumb anyway this is my last post to you

Oh, so you lie yet again. You know, I'm not sure if you can be trusted anymore...

2559487 you can't trust me I'm a fuckin teddy bear it is from the same movie as before do you know

2559481
I could say that about you, and I bet you'd get pretty pissed. Is this really gonna come down to a fucking name-calling squabble?

2559494 That grammar gave me cancer. Also, I'm pretty sure there should be some commas somewhere in there.

2559502 You are honestly retarded. Let me guide you in the right direction. Leave. Stop responding. For the love of god, I'm a troll, yet you give me food. You are retarded.

2559503 HAHAHAHAHAH do you actually think I care lol :rainbowlaugh:

2559522 Well... Grammar over the internet usually expresses how smart one is... So I suppose you don't care, I mean, you respond to a troll, you made this horrible story. Seems pretty stupid to me.

2559121 So because he has low self esteem/confidence/etc. he should 'cut his wrists in a corner, and not tell anyone about it' Its shits like you that drag humanity down with your piece of shit moral values

2559528 yeah i know you are a troll that is why I keep responding because I love you man love and tolerate,

2559533 Yes he should. No one likes a attention whore.

2559539 No, an attention whore says 'I am a piece of shit! Please pity me and give me attention!' He is just doubting his writing abilities and probably has low self-confidence

2559539 raises hand* I have a question how am I an attention whore I really don't care how people feel they can like me hate me I don't really care either way just so you know

THE MORE YOU KNOW

2559553 I'm assuming that the whole sentence there was a question since there was no punctuation...

2559550 Which is what he did.

2559566

I don't even know why I even tried I'm horrible at everything I try sorry I wasted your time with this fic

Low self-confidence and self esteem

I'm try for this but if you would like to help thank you it would mean a lot.

Words said often by rookie writers who have a bad first fic
After that, he actually gains confidence after he realises that you're nothing but a sad troll and a prick

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