Dearest Twilight. Please allow me a moment of your time.
Celestia finds herself regretting the fact that she has kept secrets from Twilight. In moments of weakness, she drafts letters to her student, revealing a larger part of her own story.
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Headcanon experiments. Each chapter covers a different segment of Celestia's history.
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Fun, and an interesting piece. I would almost have liked to get an inkling of a specific instance that prompted this letter. Or else, see how this letter lead Celestia to make a decision--rather than just having it be effectively a cautionary tale. Basically I'd almost like this to be part of an implied greater story.
The writing is great, and I can definitely see SS=S but I sort of wanted it too "Move" as a story, you know?
2577012 Yeah, I understand - and believe me, I've been having a lot of small ideas that would expand on this one. Specifically the story of Starswirl's fall into dark power and his overtaking of the Empire. Lots of potential. Not quite sure how I would go about it, though, assuming I ever devote myself to making a proper story of it.
2583831 Actually I sort of meant expanding the story inside the letter format.
So for instance, including a part early in the letter that implies that this is not just sent on a whim--but rather that Twilight herself had given some sign of being involved in something dangerous. This could be an "I heard from Spike you hardly leave the library anymore." Or "You seemed distant when you came to the Gala" or "I have not received any letters from you since your inquiry about X" That would make this a story about Celestia suspecting that Twilight is involved in some powerful and possibly Dark Magic and instead of rebuking her outright expressing her concern and support and caution. The piece becomes Celestia's Appeal to Twilight that she look before she leaps. (In response to a specific danger rather than a general vague "Potential")
The other possibility would be to have the end of the letter be Celestia deciding to do something, instead of just Cautioning Twilight. I'm a little more hazy on how exactly you could do this one, but it could be anything from Celestia giving Twilight some responsibility to affirm that she trusts her--like, I don't know, watching Canterlot while she's at the Summer Sun Celebration or something--to down right forbidding her to do something to abdicating the throne so she can be involved in Twilight's life at this crucial juncture. (These are all over the top but maybe they'll spark something?)
Over all I just feel like the story needs a bit more purpose to it, you know? People tell stories for a reason, and the more painful the story the stronger the reason. What I really want out of this story is the reason why Celestia is telling this story to Twilight *Now*.
Anyway, I hope that's a bit more clear as to what I meant. The other parts would make great full stories too!
Intriguing. That alone would provide a good challenge for me, as I'd have to really immerse myself into Celestia's character in order to match the story-telling with the story-teller.
This is pretty much what I had in mind. Celestia drafts this letter because, for one reason or another, she's come to suspect (and even distrust) Twilight. Something that's not exactly what had happened to Celestia in the past, but rather eerily similar and equally disquieting. With a dangerous mix of her past experiences, newfound worry, and proven potential of her student, it's all forming into this suspicion that started with the letter. What it grows into is the forthcoming adventure.
Anyway, that's how it plays out in my mind's eye.
Not too sure about this angle, as it seems to make transparent the initial reason (and possible crisis) for needing to take the action at all. After reading the letter, if Twilight knows why Celestia is assigning tasks to/spending time with her, it lessens the impact for drama and development. Twilight has been told of her teacher's worry, so it's only natural for her to take extra steps to assuage that worry, even if it means doing things that she normally wouldn't do (or vice-versa).
Yeah, I see what you're getting at. These are good ideas to work into a future project or expansion of this project. Plus, you raise a good point with the "more painful the story, the stronger the reason" view. Hmm, you've given me some things to think about!
Very good. Really should have more readers with the quality this has. Have you EQD'd this yet?
I like this story, it was short but good. The connection of Sombra once was Star Swirl was interesting and I would like to see more on that.
2717422 Thanks for the kind words. No, I haven't sent this toward EQD, mainly because their word requirement for oneshots is beyond what this turned out to be (they require 2.5K at minimum), and also because I know i have a better chance of being seen here than there. But I've also been chewing over the potential of this project, and want to expand on it later on. That will mean more chapters and deeper content, obviously meeting the 3K word threshold for multi-chapter stories. A later date, once my main project is finished up.
2718008 Many thanks. That's one of the main points on which I want to expand. So much can happen with just that one idea.
Mind if I ask how you two stumbled across this tale? It's been a month since I put it here, and my stuff tends to get swept under the carpet pretty quickly.
2719643
Blog post, someone else that I followed has been posting blogs about stories that they've read off their to read list.
2719656 Ah, then that means I made a good impression somewhere along the way. Thanks for telling me, this is good news.
2719713
I think I found this through the same blogpost. This one here.