Confide

by Leoshi

Not Creators, Only Timekeepers

My dearest Twilight Sparkle,

I hope I am not disturbing you with this letter. I understand that communication between us has lessened since your coronation, and I’ve no doubt that you are spending your time well with your own set of tasks. It goes without question that you have a checklist nearby from which I am now distracting you. My apologies.

My student, I must admit, the months of constant peace have been a welcome change for me and my colleagues here in Canterlot. Though we are all happy to be free from crisis (until the next one, of that I have little doubt), I confess that sometimes I feel as though the afternoons are too quiet. And when I give the sky to my sister each night, I find myself spending more and more time just watching the dynamic change take place. And while it is, indeed, dynamic when the day turns to night, one must wonder how routine it must be for the rest of creation. The rest of the universe. Even for beings such as us, it’s refreshing to see that perspective put forth.

Refreshing, and in a way, depressing.

My student, before I go further, let me make one thing known: I am not asking for any help or advice. Just like my last letter to you, this one follows a rather sleepless night. I do not wish to trouble you with seeking answers to my questions (and this time they aren’t even those). You must understand that I’ve spent many centuries pondering the subject I’m about to present. The answers – or truths, in this case – are simply too elusive. It’s safe to say that they do not even exist.

However, I do welcome a factual discussion on the matter, should you wish to pursue one. If nothing else, it would be a wonderful excuse to have you visit the palace garden once more. The bloom is more vibrant this year than it has been in ten. You would love it.

Now then, dear student, while last time I expressed a subtle yet disturbing fear over your own potential (and I apologize if I angered you), tonight I wish to tell you about somepony else we both know. In fact, there are two. Ponies of great renown, who have risen to challenges in days long past, just as you and your friends have done these last few years. And yes, you know them quite well.

My sister and I.

Have you ever wondered, my student, how Luna and I came to possess such power? There have been several studies on both of us, trying to determine the core of our own magic. It’s not unlike the typical magic tapped by unicorns, yet at the same time, it is a mutation. In fact, the powers of Discord are also similar to our own, but his are admittedly more refined. He is truly unique, in every sense of the word.

But I digress. I’m discussing magic, not a mischievous draconiquus.

The studies, as I’ve said, have shown that the magic granted to Luna and myself is a mutation of typical unicorn magic. Similar on the surface, yet different beneath. Like us, any unicorn could perform feats of nature that would make her the envy of her peers, as long as her instruction was good. Even we, the Royal Sisters, required some instruction before we were able to manipulate an object through telekinesis. Or even fly, as embarrassing as it is to admit.

In many respects, we two are similar to your friend Rarity. Or the local doctors that dot the landscape. Even that showmare you told me about would show just as much understanding as me, were she guided in the finer points of magic. (Though between you and me, it sounds like she could also stand to learn a little tact!) So where do the differences lie?

When a unicorn uses too much of his or her magic, exhaustion sets in. The mind simply cannot handle the strain. The same can’t be said for me or for Luna – our bodies and minds are more highly attuned to our power. ‘Millennium of mastery’ and all that. But to what extent, you ask? Yes, my student, I know you’re asking yourself that.

If I were to use too much magic, and continue using it, I would vanish. I’m not sure if I would die, but I’ve been assured by minds greater than my own of this fact. Princess Celestia would simply cease to be. It might as well be death.

What’s more, the strain that ordinary unicorns feel would go unnoticed by me. One moment, I would be casually turning a page in a book – the next, the book would fall with nopony to read it. I would be pushing myself ever closer to my own doom without any warning of it. And for all of this, the same applies to my sister.

But do not fear, my student. Both Luna and I have learned to pace ourselves in our casting. Besides, our ‘millennium of mastery’ has granted us a nigh-unending pool of magic from which to call. In reality, I would need to be moving the sun and moon without rest for about fourteen days before I ever came close to my end.

Yet still, there is one more difference between us and others that is worth noting. In fact, I can say it’s a difference between me and you, or me and Princess Cadence. That fact is you and she are also different than Luna and I – you two would also experience exhaustion if you pushed yourselves too hard. Regardless of your link to the Element of Magic, Cadence’s home in the magic-infused Crystal Empire, or either of your alicorn ascensions, you would simply pass out before you came close to death. In a way, you are lucky.

That, my student, is the extent of the differences. Which leads to your next question, I’m sure…where is the origin of those differences?

Before I continue, I must apologize again. This is yet another story I’ve failed to tell you, and I genuinely wish it were under better circumstances that I tell you now. Something about you just makes me more comfortable with telling my stories. I hope you understand that, regardless of what this story will make you think of me.

The reason I am able to call upon such magic, and why I would disappear if I were to use too much of it, is because of how I was born. The same can be said of Luna. However, ‘born’ is the wrong term to use, as it implies we had a mother and father. This simply isn’t true.

My student, we were never born. We were created. And unlike those intriguing religions found in some history books, we did not witness the beginning of time itself. We are not the creators – merely the timekeepers.

Harmony existed in this world long before we did. Discord began his reign before we first drew breath. Cultures of earth ponies, unicorns, and pegasi had all convened and survived before either of us first felt the warmth of the sun or the chill of snow. Some had even thrived on their own, long before our guidance and protection was necessary.

We were created out of desperation. A mix of magic and wishful thinking. We are the products of a ritual that was only practiced once. And it was only through our creation that we were able to so easily overpower the evils beset by Discord. It was years before we were able to defeat Discord himself, or even King Sombra for that matter. I still feel a knot of guilt for losing Starswirl the Bearded like that, but not so for my actions against Discord. The actions taken to win Equestria, both Luna’s and my own, gave us purpose. We existed to make life better, to make it thrive. To stop it from being so hard and horrible under Discord’s rule.

And that, dear student, is the origin of the differences. We were created for the sole purpose of defeating someone else. We never found a purpose like a regular pony; we were given one. Borne of magic, taught by tribes, instructed by philosophy and archaic science…we are not just uncommon. We are more than rare. Like Discord before us, we are unique.

I am a monster. My sister is a monster. By the natural order of things, neither of us should exist. We are the mutations.

Yet here I sit in a palace of gold, steel, and marble, writing to my greatest student about the nature of magic and the facts of my not-birth. I look around now, and I see the spoils of wisdom and plenty. A desk, cut from the finest redwood on this side of the mountain. An ink well, fashioned from gold mined from the frontier. A set of candlesticks, red with trimmings of orange and gold to symbolize the sunrise. A fireplace, lined on either side by a white-gold metal grate. Beyond my door, vigilant guards who are thankfully bored. And later today, I’ll enjoy a lovely meal, another typical day of court, a quiet stroll through the gardens, a meeting with the nobility, and perhaps a chance see the dynamic shift from day to night once more.

Do I deserve any of this? Should a creature like myself enjoy such leisurely walks and fancy meals? By what right have I earned the sun and Equestria, when I was literally made to have them? Or maybe I was made to simply overpower Equestria’s enemies, but I took the throne when the mood struck. Who is to say? Those who knew are all dead.

Sometimes I wish I could go through all my magic and die, just so I could ask them. But that would not get me anything – only silence fills the grave. As I said in the beginning, the answers are elusive. The truth is elusive. It ceased to exist many, many centuries ago. Those who had it were all claimed by time’s ever onward march.

Perspective, my student. Time is a greedy thing. Even this letter to you will one day cease to exist.

And speaking of time, I find myself short of it. The day’s tasks beckon. I leave you in much the same way I did last time: by asking that you understand.

My student, please understand that these questions are my own. Even Luna doesn’t share them. As such, the quest for answers is and was my own. But those questions simply do not exist anymore. If knowledge is power, then time is the tyrant ruler who jealously burns it all.

Please understand that these facts are shared with you because, like last time, I was ready to burst with my own feelings. I don’t need or want anything other than a shoulder to lean on during this time of weakness. Don’t feel compelled to make things better, since I know that’s your nature. It is appreciated, but unnecessary.

Please understand that this is just another small chapter of my expansive life. It may not be fair to tell you the beginning after last time (or indeed to keep telling you anything like this), but I personally feel like you deserve it. Whatever truths I can give to you, I will share. And like this one, some of those stories are disturbing and may change your opinion of me.

Finally, please understand that I hold no illusions about what Luna and I have accomplished in our time. The unhappiness under Discord, the turmoil under King Sombra, and the tyranny under Nightmare Moon are all events in history that are happily over. Despite my questions about my creation, I know we have done good and fair by our subjects. And though I sometimes wonder about change or my death, I could never bring myself to seek it out. There is too much here, now, that is simply too important to me. The truths I have now are far more valuable than any truth I could find among the ashes of time.

Yours,
Princess Celestia, Diarch of Equestria

Author's Note:

!Disclaimer!: Now that I'm stuck in a cramped apartment, I've come to realize something. The only ponies I *want* to own are those collectible ones that I can display on my desk. I've got nine of those, but none of them are my own creation. If you want to ask the owners, go track down Faust, Theisson, and Hasbro Discovery Family.

This was more than practice - I genuinely wanted to write this one. I've been stuck inside my own headcanon since watching Rainbow Rocks, and this has been a refreshing way to let loose with my imagination.

This chapter mainly focuses on Celestia's and Luna's immortality, and seeks to explain why they cannot age while Twilight and Cadence can.