Poor little Spike. Time and time again he's heard vicious arguments between Twilight and Trixie, but now he finally sees it, first claw, and can't take it anymore- he pours his heart out to Applejack.

Rainbow Dash has become quite the mare since joining the 'Bolts. Brave, loyal, charming, and the fastest flier in all of Equestria to boot, and Spitfire would be lying if she said she didn't admire that and didn't find that more a little attractive.

Not that she has a crush or anything.

So after a good night out on the town, Spitfire decides to make an offer to Rainbow Dash to do something special. It's an offer Dash can't really refuse.

Unfortunately there are a couple factors Spitfire didn't account for.

A story of sex, friendship, small talk, and aggressive awkwardness.

Gracious thanks to CarcinoGeneticist for his proofreading support.

Part of the Shelf Cleaning Initiative

Daniel Habbuck, UN ambassador to Equestria, hates his job.

Sure it pays well, but it's hardly worth having to put up with flank-kissing politicians and the stomach twisting anxiety of knowing that he represents all of humanity.
One night, after a particularly tense meeting leaves him wound up, Daniel is desperate for somepony to talk to. With his friends either busy or too far away, he hires a batpony prostitute, just so he can have some company.

As he soon learns, there's much more to this streetwalker than meets the eye...

Rated T for sexual references, but no clop.

Special thanks to WingmanRed, Georg, and Kraken Hatchling for proofreading and editing

EDIT: Special, special thanks to Comrade Pony for the suggestions
EDIT: Deleted cover art.