Site Post » Reviews Round 7 · 6:06pm Dec 12th, 2012
╗Σñ╬ └╝¼ ╩? もしもし？Har du några sparris? Hello? Is this thing on? Can you read this? Ugh, finally. You have no idea how much havoc this site overhaul has wrecked on the group. Alex's office got downgraded from a broom closet to half a broom closet. Nietzsche lost his glasses, and now he can't walk down the hall without getting nauseous... something about a lack of depth perception, or perspective, or whatever. Pav was all packed and sealed up in a box without any air holes. He's still pulling packaging peanuts out of his hair. We haven't found the rest of the group yet; they're presumed to be dead, at their second jobs, alive, accidentally sent to the Tegucigalpa branch of FimFic's offices, and/or simultaneously dead and alive.
To be perfectly clear, the reason that this wasn't posted until Wednesday is 100% due to the fact that the site background is now silver instead of tan. Any notion that this post was late because we're slackers is baseless slander.
Anyway, enjoy some stories!
Laundry-induced ennui.
I ventured far to the north on the Friendship Express, which is a wonderful product without which nopony’s home is complete. The tracks ended abruptly at an abandoned station covered with snow. There was nothing there except a 7-11.
You know, I'm often surprised by how poor the comedy is in a lot of fics. You would think that the very idea of writing about pastel colored horses would be funny enough on its own, but sadly, that's not the case. Comedy takes work, and having proper comic timing can often be quite difficult. It's due to that fact that so many comedies fail on the most basic level, and only “lol so random” stories ever become funny. Luckily for me, and I guess, by extension, you guys, The Woeful, Sad Sorrow of King Sombra takes that pre-conceived notion and kicks it in the teeth, and then laughs while it writhes around in agony.
I don't know about you, yes you, Michael (I hope I just freaked someone out there), but I love reading a good comedy, and let me tell you, this fic is good comedy. It may be kinda random, and it has more throwaway gags than you can shake a gag-covered stick at, but it all works, and for one very specific reason: comic timing. Say what you will about Fiddlebottoms, and his silly avatar, the man has comic timing, and he shows it quite well with this fic. Sombra is both humorous, and strangely lovable. He’s almost like that weird uncle you have where he's always doing lame magic tricks like pulling a quarter, or a “loon”, I guess, if you're Canadian, out of your ear or pinching your nose while gleefully crying, “I've got your nose! I've got your nose!”, but you know deep down that he just wants to be loved... or get the heck out of your house because he hates you. Either way, if you were disappointed by Sombra's lack of villain-y-ness in the season premier, then you should probably look somewhere else to find him being a, y'know, villain. But, if you're looking for an enjoyable tale without any of the heavy-handedness that, I'm sure, fills most Sombra fics, then check it out. I promise that, unless you're a heartless monster, or were born without a funny bone, it'll make you laugh out loud more than once.
Absurd comedy as a genre is something that we have no shortage of in this fandom. Given that most of it's pretty venial, it's rare enough to see a comedy that's actually funny, nevermind one that also has a moral thoughtfully and convincingly crafted into the narrative. So imagine my surprise when, from the opening scene in which Sombra arises from Twilight Sparkle's toilet and finally manages to clear his throat, a story emerged that was simultaneously funny and thoughtful, 'random' and easy to follow.
The mechanics aren't perfect, and there are some gaps in the pacing that detract from the immersion. Some of the jokes fall flat while others are much better; this inconsistency makes the story feel a little nervous. And then, too, the story sometimes relies on its jokes too much, at the expense of other aspects of storytelling. (This is probably the biggest problem; I worry that some readers may find it to be a bit too close to "feature-box comedy" for their taste.) But these flaws notwithstanding, there's no reason why someone who enjoys comedy shouldn't find The Woeful, Sad Sorrow of King Sombra a worthwhile read. It's fun, it's cute, it offers an unorthodox take on the canon, and at 4,100 words, it's relatively short.
I enjoyed it quite a bit, that I did.
Seattle is informing me that my first review was somehow insufficient in conveying the quality of this story. Fine. Allow me to elaborate.
Look. The Season Three opener had some issues. It was a more-than-welcome reprieve from the Poni Drought of Aught-Twelve, but especially now that we’re further into the season, the opener ain’t aging quite that well. The mysterious kingdom that reappeared and was instantly in peril. The incredibly lethargic and milquetoast crystal ponies. King Sombra. Yeah. On the plus side, I’ve committed to memory that the square root of five hundred and forty six is twenty three point three six six six four two eight nine one zero nine. So, as a fanfiction writer, what are your options? Well, you can pretend those episodes never existed. You can reweave the story, making it all dark and edgy. Or, to borrow a phrase from across the pond, you can take the piss out of it. I don’t know why you would remove urine from a piece of fanfiction, nor do I know what you would do with this urine after the fact; I’m not British.
The Woeful, Sad Sorrow of King Sombra is a delightfully irreverent work that reinvents everything we knew about the Crystal Empire, its residents, and its former overlord. Rather than apologize for the weaknesses in the opener, Fiddlebottoms doubles down and goes for broke. It’s hilarious and surreal and stupid (in the best possible way), yet somehow it ends up making more sense than the source material. If you want to understand—and I mean truly understand—King Sombra, then this is a must-read.
STORY 2
Salty Shores, by Garnot
Over here at Those Guys Who Are On The Frontpage For Some Reason, we like to find stories that we feel are good examples in storytelling. At least, this is one of our goals, underneath the primary goal of finding good stories for you, the reader, to enjoy. So, what have we here, and in what facets does it succeed?
Salty Shores has a very lovely horror vibe. Eldritch creatures. In medias res. Solitude. Mystery, so much mystery. The lead character, if a little underwhelming in the personality department, has an intriguing backstory which buries her right into the thick of the history of the town of Salty Shores. Because of this, part of the mystery is explained to the reader as the narrator reveals more and more of what they know about the cause of this disaster, and part of the mystery is revealed through the more-traditional means of exploration, catching even our protagonist by surprise. In many ways, the town of Salty Shores is a bigger character than even the protagonist.
The story has a bit of a slow build in the middle, as it was meant to be a multi-chapter affair. (Yes, the story is on a long hiatus. While a continuation would certainly be welcome, if only to continue the worldbuilding threads that didn’t come to fruition this chapter, the story works well enough as a one-shot.) Its beginning and end, however, convey an excellent sense of helpless, claustrophobic terror. Loss of faculties, of power, of body and mind. Whereas one of our previous reviews highlighted fear of the unknown, Salty Shores brings us fear of the unknowable. Evil that escapes logic or reason, and simply is. It is an unnerving tale.
It moved forward in a disturbing way, wobbling and twisting in ways that should have been impossible. It was a creature far worse than anything from my worst nightmares.
Have I mentioned that I love [Dark] stories? No? Well, let me tell you why I love them so much. This is a fandom where cute and cuddly is the norm, and any mention of dark and evil things breaks your immersion. It is quite difficult to write original horror stories, and exceedingly so for ponyfics. I should clarify, when I say “horror” I don't mean stuff like Cupcakes or Rainbow Factory, fics that are just gratuitous gorefests with no real substance or merit, I mean real horror, psychological horror. Stories that play on basic fears such as darkness, or insanity, without needing to use gore like a crutch. Although, that isn't to say that you can't have a gorey story and still have it be “true” horror, it's just more difficult to accomplish.
Salty Shores manages “true” horror quite well, and it is pervaded by a constant sense of dread, and foreboding. Perhaps the most well-realized part of Salty Shores is, well, Salty Shores, and by that I mean, the town of Salty Shores. Garnot has managed to create a town that feels realistic and terrifying at the same time. While reading, you get the sense that there is far more to this town than what we are told about it, and we are told quite a bit. The whole things feels rather Lovecraftian, especially when you consider the Eldritch horror at the beginning of the story. Having said that, I'll admit that, while I love Lovecraft, and horror stories written in that style, they are slow burns, and Salty Shores is no exception. Normally I wouldn't really consider this a problem, if it weren't for the fact that it is incomplete. Though, I still think that this could almost stand on it's own. But, I still hope that some day Garnot will come back and finish this.
You hear that, Garnot! Write more Salty Shores!
My peers enjoyed this story. As for me? If we're being honest, it didn't exactly grab my ass and call me 'hot stuff', but it's decent enough. My half-drunk thoughts, then: let's get to them.
What you have here is a stump of a much longer story that's yet to be written. Unsurprisingly, the one chapter that's currently in existence didn't completely satisfy me. The pacing slows down in places, and even meanders—justifiable in a longer story, of course, but irritating when all you have to read is a single chapter. Bits that don't currently feel relevant, which occupy a large portion of the chapter's opening, will surely find resolutions in the completed tale. So those issues, which are responsible for quite a bit of the initial difficulty I had in reading the story, will be addressed over time. But one thing that I felt could have been done much better was the narrator's voice, which came across to me as quite generic. I can't really say that that isn't a common problem in stories, or even that it's a problem that a lot of good stories don't have, but for some reason this particular narrator just didn't rub me the right way. I dunno, maybe I'm just a cranky bastard.
The chapter did pick up towards the end in terms of action, tone, and the general creep factor, so I'm curious to see where it will go from here. But until there's a little more meat on this story's bones, I suspect some readers will feel alienated from it, as I did. If you're into dark stories with soupy descriptions, though, go for it—you’ll probably enjoy it more than I did.
STORY 3
Good Girl, by DungeonMiner
Equestria is ultimately a place of light, happiness, and hope. How, then, does one subvert this hope, to show characters who are truly despondent? One approach: take that hope, kneecap it repeatedly, season to taste, serve with dog treat compote.
Good Girl takes our favorite mental ward patient, Screw Loose, puts her through the wringer, and squeezes out every last drop of optimism. She struggles against several adversities, like maintaining the love of her fiancée, or wrangling with her treatment. But how can these be overcome—and indeed, do they even matter—when she lacks lucidity? A prisoner within her own mind, Screw is forced to endure sorrow and frustration without any power to intervene. On the flipside, her fiancée is caught with frustrations and helplessness of his own. It’s this lack of power to change anything, seen from both perspectives, that really brings the malaise home.
Granted, the author’s use of the fiancée’s special talent is a bit heavy-handed. Also, this was a bit of a vignette or character study, as it lacks much forward movement, and that isn’t for all tastes. However, if you need a “I cried for want of shoes until I met the man with no feet” moment, or if you’re simply feeling too happy, give this one a go.
“You are the best part of her day,” she said smiling, trying to lift his spirits.
I'm sure most, if not all, of you have heard the song Good Girl by now. It's very well done, and it does a good job of telling a story on its own. But, like many things that tell a story, several people saw fit to expand upon that story and create something even better. There were several fics based off this song that I saw, and none of them were quite as good as this one. Granted it's not the best sadfic out there, but it's pretty good for what it's worth.
To be totally honest, I don't have much to say about Good Girl. It's short, sweet, and comes and goes without really making too much of a fuss. I think that's perhaps why this didn't become more popular. There isn't anything about that makes it particularly special, but it still has a surprising amount of depth to it. Both Screw Loose and Silver Lining are given equal opportunity to make themselves worthwhile characters, and DungeonMiner does a good job of showing why we should care about their plight. It's a sad, sobering tale, but it's not one that hasn't been done before. Though, I will admit that it's done in a very interesting way.
All in all, I enjoyed reading Good Girl, but I don't expect it will end up on my “List of stuff that I need to read again because it was so amazing”. Don't take that the wrong way, I still heartily recommend this fic. Just don't be surprised when it doesn't blow your mind.
liek dis if u cry errytiem ;_;
Good Girl is a straightforward sadfic with an imaginative take on the life of the barking pony from 'Read It and Weep'. The story's smooth pacing and even-handed tone are strong points, and add a sheen of respectability to what is otherwise a fairly standard sadfeels, ice-cream-eating story. That may seem minor, but proper pacing is essential for evoking emotion, and many a feelyfic has been ruined from lack of proper pacing. The perspective constantly shifts between two main characters; this device gives the story two main conflicts rather than one, making it at least 19% less put-down-able. Additionally, and I may be just imagining this, but I thought the synergy between the points of view created an ambiguity regarding the story's resolution, which I found welcome and refreshing. Instead of having an inexorable, predetermined "sad" conclusion forced upon me to elicit feels, I felt I was able to examine the available evidence and come to my own interpretation of what the future might hold for the characters. I enjoy power in general, so I found this aspect of the story to be relevant to my interests.
As for criticisms, I felt that the characters' internal monologues were a little oversimplified... And that's about all I can think of at the moment. A few readers will likely judge Good Girl to be emotionally manipulative. (I didn't, but I'm kind of a pushover.) I expect most readers, however, to find an engaging and entertaining story here. And at 3,300 words, it's a short and sweet one.
And that's the poni perspective.
And now we'd like to hear your perspective on this episode of Seattle’s Angels. Log on to our group page and tell us what you think. You can read any of these stories again, download .html and .epub formats, join in on fanfic and episode discussion threads, and much more. Find us at pbs.org fimfiction.net.
That's our post. We'll see you next time.
inb4 Regidar. Will look at the stories.
Two questions. First, how did you do the spoiler thing? Is it just [ spoiler ] without the spaces?
Second, and this is me being in possession of a phenomenal amount of not paying attention, but how do you pick the stories you review? At the very least, can you or someone who's more attentive and/or less lazy link to where the explanation may already exist?
EDIT: Disregard the first question. That's new, isn't it?
SALTY SHORES, FUCK YEAH!
Nice thing putting these stories on the front page.
602631 We reviewers look through stories until we find something we think is worth promoting. We put these stories in a top-secret, high-security database. The reviewers each week pick three stories that they agree should be promoted from the database or their own last-minute searches, and then they write their reviews.
If you (or anyone you know) would like to suggest a story, visit our group page. No self-promotion, though.
Oh, for anyone interested, the site update banished me to a land of Spanish poetry. I had to ride a bike town a dark, busy highway to get back, and then I had to pass an editing test before the bouncer would let me back in. Pretty sure that counts as being "accidentally sent to the Tegucigalpa branch of FimFic's offices" and being dead and alive at the same time.
602623 The square root of 906.01 is 30.1...
The square root of 912.04 is 30.2...
Quiet please make it stop.
602675 Count yourself lucky. The site update banished me so hard that it wiped out any record, throughout all of recorded history and everyone's memories, that I was ever a Seattle's Angels admin. Now nobody will believe me.
I would love asparagus! thank you!
602724 That's impressive. And terrifying at the same time.
602675 No self-promotion? Dammit. I was hoping to get a critical eye on my story. And I'd feel like an ass if I tried to get someone I know to give it the recommendation.
602724 I BELIEVE YOU ONLY I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID.
602750 Haha, I know what you mean. If a critical eye is what you want, I might be able to take a look.
602758 Would you mind? Thanks.
602675
Sooo... can we suggest fics if we helped edit?
Prolly not, huh?
602724 Heh. It didn't do anything to me. Weird....
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/200/420/BRTky.jpg?1321408042
Mostly newer stuff this time, it looks like, with Good Girl and Sombra based stuff. But okay, Sombra fic added to the read list.
602631
Yup, and no doubt partly to blame for this review being late.
Though if you want to show people how it is done, rather than putting in spaces, put in bold tags. [[b][/b]spoiler]Super secret stuff here[[b][/b]/spoiler] = [spoiler]Super secret stuff here[/spoiler]. Then you can say [spoiler]Super secret stuff here[/spoiler] becomes Super secret stuff here :)
Is there any particular way one can go about giving a review for this?
602782
omega-level.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/Neil-deGrasse-Tyson..png
602750
If it's merely the critical eye you're looking for, there's groups better suited than us. One such place might be mlpchan's /fic/ boards. The current edition of their Training Grounds thread can be found here.
602776 Hmm. I can't find anything in the rules about that, but I see your point. I guess you need to ask yourself whether you're promoting the story or your editing. That may come down to how much editing you did. At a certain point, an editor can almost become another author.
I'll run it by the other reviewers, though.
you now need to log on to find / view mature stories and also to download stories.
602776 602824
Hmm yeah, we'll discuss it but I figure that's probably okay. There's a Recommendations thread in the group forums.
602817
Seattle handles staffing, but he's not currently looking for any additional reviewers (I believe) so don't pester him with applications. But if you're looking to be considered at some point in the future, the best thing to do now is to start reviewing and get your name out there. Leave reviews in story comments, join one of the many review groups here on FimFic, heck even post reviews on your userpage blog. We absolutely welcome the competition, because more reviewers == the readers win.
602824 Honestly, in the past two or three chapters, I've not edited more than a paragraph, and the chapters are 8k words, so that's not much. The first chapter, is where I'll be spending much of purgatory in, because it's nowhere near our current capabilities. It's only 1k - 2k words, and sentence structure is downright terrible. I couldn't even read it.
I am not worthy! I am not worthy! I am not worthy!
602753
I raised Poultron every evening, just like Wanderer D raises Knighty every morning.
Now, in the interests of full disclosure, right before my banishment I might possibly have said some things to Wanderer that some authors would consider regrettable. Some might even say that I refused to move the Poultron for half an hour when the site was ready to transition, leading to some downtime (and a giant database race condition that corrupted the RAID on everfree.fimfiction.net). However, removing me from history entirely seems like an awfully drastic response. Am I right?
602903 THE ONLY WAY I COULD BRING YOU BACK, IS IF I KNEW YOU BEFORE YOU WERE REMOVED. I AM SORRY.
seriously? how do i change my groups description, there is no edit button at all!!
603014
Pretty sure they moved it in the site redesign. Check your groups page at http://www.fimfiction.net/manage_user/groups and there should be edit/delete buttons next to the group if you're the group admin.
602652
I'm actually a bit shocked this story got, well, got up here at all. I'm quite happy, is what I'm saying
And yes, I am working on this as we speak. Doing changes that I hope will be for the better. Soon, very soon, Salty shores will get its update.
Do we have to be a member of the Seattle's Angels group to post recommendations? For some reason, I can't post in the thread they have in their group. I'm not sure if that's a bug with the site, or if I don't have the proper permissions to do so.
603589
Yeah, to post in any group's forums, you have to join the group. It's part of the reason why, for example, so many EqD pre-readers are in the "I Hate Equestria Daily" group.
I Don't have any asparagus, sorry. :(
603912
Ah, I see. Thank you.
I highly disagree.
TELL SEATTLE THAT I HIGHLY DISAGREE WITH HIM
lol
603768
Yep, that sounds about right!
Asparagus is a bit of an in-joke I have on FimFic. Swedish was chosen psuedo-randomly on Google Translate. Wanderer D was whipping me for being late so I churned out the intro/outro on my lunch break. It is a thing that happened.
Simultaneously dead and alive?
OH MY GOD THEY'RE ZOMBIES!
AAAHH!
Where the hell is my shotgun!? WHERE THE HELL IS MY SHOTGUN!?
Vi verkar tyvärr ha slut på sparris, får man bjuda på kåldolmar?
I see
602624
i.imgur.com/dUpPL.png
607517 Two can play that game.
t.qkme.me/3uys.jpg
607583
google.com/url?source=imglanding&ct=img&q=http://iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/9863__suggestive_animated_lyra_mspaintponies_i-quo-d-fuck-it.gif&sa=X&ei=AzfKUI7oBom1igKjo4HoDA&ved=0CAkQ8wc&usg=AFQjCNHgnT_5HbdeS_WIZsgwrB-lLI2kfA
607594 cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/27171789.jpg
My feels...
602656
Swedish Brother! :3
607604
602816
How do you do that blackout?
Best comments/argument/comeback ever