L E M U R D A Y · 2:06am Sep 1st, 2012
L E M U R D A Y
Yes. You heard it here first, like a loud crack of sexy thunder from the schoolbook depository of my heart to yours.
“Wait, huh? What is this? I don't even...”
What's that, Lyra? You wish to know about this dinosaurically sexy occasion? You wish to tell it to your grandchildren as they sit in your lap off the backporch while you watch waves of Chinese soldiers doing battle with combine harvesters in the future?
“Not really, no...”
Well, I'll tell you all about it, my emerald little ball of ear-scritching adoracute. In the immortal words of Cyclops, “BEHOLD!”
WHAT IS LEMUR DAY?!
This is the day that shortskirtsandexplosions decided to Val Venis a piping hot load of text onto the Brony Community, anointing the penitent brow of the proverbial marsupial audiencial. I'm talking about 124,447 words all in one day! Over 120 thousand! Why, that's got to be five sentences at least!
“I... don't know. It seems an awful waste of time to drown an entire month in silence just to upload everything in one day—”
But this isn't just any upload!
“It isn't?”
Negatory! It contains romance! Explosions! Comedy! Drama! Explosions! Tragedy! World-Building! Leafy ears! Explosions! The word “sapphiric!” Robots! Tron references! Explosions! And even a narrative or two!
“I think your selling pitch is suffering from something in the redundancy department...”
Is that so? More like the RE-DOOMSDAY DEVICE DEPARTMENT. Because once you're done tripping through the boneyards left from these fanfics, you'll wish you had a handsaw so that you could cut through your waist and count the rings to where the blast wave of awesome scarred you for eternity.
“What I don't get is what lemurs have to do with a ridiculously large upload of pastel pony fanfiction.”
Well, I was originally going to go with W-Day for “whore,” but I felt like being less pretentious.
“Oh, well that makes a lot of—Huh?!”
So what's keeping us here?! Why waste time in a self-glorifying blogpost full of exhibitionist randomosity when there're plenty of pony epics to be unfurled?
“You're a horrible, lifeless, unsophisticated manchild.”
Love you too. So... Without further sandbagging, let us frolic through the fields of prosaic equine napalm that make up the contents of LEMUR DAY.
What's this? An Appledash story without the Romance tag?! Preposterous! Next thing you know, Clint Eastwood will be speaking at conventions! Ha! You see, it's funny because it's so soon...
"Weren't you, like, one of the biggest flaming haters of BB/Rae shipping when you wrote Teen Titans stuff?"
And just how is that relevant, Lyra? What does it have to do with Slice of Life, character development, melancholic conversations and cathartic warm fuzzies between the Element of Honesty and the Element of Loyalty?
"And take for example Final Fantasy: Cloud and Sephiroth are nemeses, rivals who are forged out of spilled blood and identity crises. Is the absurd act of fangirls shipping them any more sensible than your appetite for Appledash?"
You did see the frothing, innocuous black hole located where a Romance tag would have been, right?
"For that matter, why would Rainbow Dash interrupt her athletic ambitions to join the Wonderbolts for one solitary second of amorous coupling?"
F'naaaaa. Moving right along.
"Are you even listening to a word I'm—?”
Moving right along!
Hey, Lyra?
"Yes... you?"
What starts with the letter "P"' and rhymes with "contentious?"
"I don't know, but somehow I doubt you're the next Lady Gaga."
True, but they'd still stone me to death in Malaysia.
"What, for this story?"
No. For this story, I'll be ripped to shreds by anyone with a decent respect for plot, pacing, and narrative structure. However, the Malaysians will likely stone me for what I did last weekend.
"What are the odds that some of your 'marsupials' reading this are, in fact, Malaysian?"
What are the odds that you can move us the fuck along?
Hey! Check it out! You're in this story!
"Ew. So I am..."
And supposedly you've been quoted for wanting a beach ball at some point in it!
"Who's this 'Punisher' character?"
He's a human. You like humans, don't you?
"Eh, they're okay."
Well, unfortunately, you're too young to read this particular story.
"Wait, huh? What in Celestia's name do you mean? I'm twenty-two, you ignoramus!"
Sorry, Lyra. I can't let you read this and have your impressionable mind make you prowl the streets of New York, looking for high school dropouts to shoot in the shadows of dank alleyways. It's rated Mature for a reason, ya fuzzhead.
"What if the Punisher was kissing all of the thugs instead of loading bullets into them? Would it still have been rated mature?"
If that was true, then the next story is going to be fucking XXX.
Hopah! Hot ponies in love!
"Surely, you jest."
Yeah, well, anything would have been better than the story's current synopsis.
"That's a synopsis? I thought it was fungus growing off the computer monitor."
No, that's the author's attempt at streams of consciousness and narrative voice throughout a disjointed car wreck of a shipping fic.
"A Mrs. Cake tag? I don't think I've ever seen that before..."
Spoiler Alert: she's the mare who comes out on top.
"Okay, NOW you are joking."
You read me like a book.
"If so, then it's Choose Your Own Adventure and every choice ends in electrocution."
Hahahahaha... heh heh heh... ahhhhhhhhh... I don't get it.
Uhmmm... You know what? Let's just skip this one.
"You sure? It looks kind of interesting..."
Let's move along, Lyra...
"But I think... yes... could Bon Bon be in it?"
Moving right along!
Do you know Ponky?
"Heh, who doesn't?"
Well, he and I were... er, yeah... ahem... Well, he and I were chatting someday where I made the flippant mistake of asking him for a story prompt for L-Day.
"Why was that a mistake?"
Because he fucking gave me a fucking Pinkie Pie story to fucking write.
"Yes, so?"
So get a clue.
"Why do you hate Ponky P—er, I mean Pinkie Pie so much?"
Because she never hates herself enough.
"Oh. Well then, I guess I'll buy that."
Still, I believe I make up for it by uploading a story that's epic, kaizo, absurdist, and reasonably funny.
"It's just yet another ham-fisted, hurriedly written, literary piece of filth oneshot, isn't it?"
Ahem. Yes. Yes, it is... But at least it has robot laser eyes in it!
"Okay..."
And obscure references to DC Comics.
"Okai..."
And... And... uhm... there's also Discord.
"Yeah. Uh huh. I don't care. Let's move on."
Aaaaaaaand finally we come to this little bastard child of world building and suspense.
"Wow. You sound proud of it."
Well, I'm not so much proud of it as I am less regretful over it than all the others.
"Is that how you measure the majority of things in your life?"
Hey! Stop philosophizing out of turn! Bad Lyra!
"But I was just—"
Bad!
"Oh, go to Tartarus."
I will. But before I do, let me declare that this story was a moderately serious attempt at recreating the sort of elaborate detail that goes into the likes of End of Ponies and The Last Tears in Tartarus. As a matter of fact, it's an indirect prequel that takes place in the same universe!
"As what? Last Tears?"
No, End of Ponies.
"Awwww... phooie."
Cheer up, Lyrapalooza, it references the six alicorn goddesses and runescaping and moon speak.
"Uh huh..."
Oh, and it has bat-ponies! Because, by hell or high water, the word "sarosian" is gonna spread around like a Spring Break STD!
"Will anyone make it past the dense walls of redundantly verbose text and the excess of back-to-back comic-style action sequences to even bother?"
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmyeah, probably not. But hey, at least it's got fluffy ears in it.
"IIndeed."
Fluffy ears are the best.
"For once, I do concur."
So, where does that leave us?
Obligatory Picture Followed By Blog's Final Words
And so, there you have it, seven reasons to unsubscribe to me and never look back. I'll say this: It's been an absolute pleasure being able to write for y'all, and I look forward to smacking my skull against a keyboard continually. I'd be uber happy if any of you stayed along for the ride.. Though, for the time being, I'll be working with a great deal more tunnel vision, as I have some project(s) that, as you marsupials know, very much need to be completed.
"Can I go now?"
And for those of you masochistic enough to have slugged through all that detritus, maybe you'll learn something about the horrible, lemur-flavored doom of this world as a whole...
"Where's the door?"
And maybe, just maybe, you'll realize that Bret Hart had it coming all along...
"These hooves can't even work on the handle..."
Until then, stay sexy and dash apples.
"Hello? Can someone give me a lift through the window? This guy smells and I wanna go home."
We are all home, in that we are all dead.
"Don't you even start."
Heheheh... Ohhhhh Nietzsche, my ankles hurt from squatting here so much.
Salut.
-SS&E
P.S.: Oh yeah, and have some more Background Pony.
Of course!
It all makes sense now.
Edit: HOLY MOTHER OF GOD MORE BACKGROUND PONY
Anyone who was looking at the front page already figured this out, lulz.
You're insane.
Don't even change.
I really don't know whether to kiss you or unfollow you right now.
I'm fairly sure this is the first sign of the apocalypse.
I thought you want to dominate featured box
It makes perfect sense!
Wooooowwwww
So Much To Read!
but what to read first
... background pony it is
Bookmarking, because I can't FAV.
So, the result of this Lemur Day is.... A veritable flood of fimfiction, followed up with a new chapter of Background Pony?
I'm okay with this.
You know what? No, I'm not okay with this. I'm more than okay. I'M FUCKING AMAZING WITH THIS.
I love you so much
images.sodahead.com/profiles/0/0/2/4/1/7/1/2/3/all-of-my-wat-76770847574.jpeg
You know you're an ass, yes? A beautiful ass.
I am simultaneously aroused and terrified.
Surely this can only be a good thing.
You know something? Take out the horribly terribad stories on this site. The rest? Your blogs are more enjoyable than about half of 'em dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Fluttershy_lolface.png
Cheers, mate. I got a whole hell of a lot of reading to do!
I appreciate the gesture but I like the normal kind of updates better.
My sleep-cycle is forked up as it is, you will have to try a lot harder if that was your goal.
04:20 Chapter 6 of '"Loyalty" Begins With an L'
Onwards!
And then the world exploded into confetti, tears, and miscellaneous body parts.
Well, there goes my week-end. Onwards !
Kind of a low blow dude. I mean I know you like writing and you're good at it, but distracting from other peoples work because you just store fics? I mean you're good, real good! But I don't know this shindig seems like a dick thing to do.
...Yay! Lemur day!
You chose well in skipping Bon Bon Bon Bon Bon Bon, although I'm sure I'm not the only one to ask what in god's name made you write that... thing!
Dude................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... You fucking rock
images4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb58374/en.futurama/images/7/70/Scruffy.gif
326563
....you know, this is kind of a good point.....
Yeah, I don't have time to read all this stuff. I'mma assume it's horrible and that you should feel horrible.
HAVE ALL OF MY INTERNETS!!!!
WHY
WHY DO YOU TYPE SO FAST
Well, that explains it. It's Lemur Day. Everything makes sense now.
On another note, holy smokin' Jesus! Seven stories within a day, along with a new chapter of Background Pony, that series which I have yet to read but want to yet haven't gotten around to reading because of the 103 stories in my read later list?! That's butts! As in good. But seriously, I'm not going to be able to sleep correctly because of this. Why. I need some coffee.
And to think I had been hoping to actually work on a story of my own tonight. Shucks.
Astounfusedlemusednonplussedly,
~Plyxe
P.S. That closing thing was an amalgamation of the words "astounded," "confused," "bemused," and "nonplussed". So yeah.
TL;DR
So anyway, when's this "L-Day" you keep talking about gonna happen and what is it?
All I care about is the Background Pony.
326563
I concur. This is a dick move. I'm biased. I have a Burning Man story that I'd been waiting to release on September 1, the day the Man burns, which happens once a year. And now, all hope of being featured is gone.
(Though, honestly, people are going to hate that story anyway.)
Eh. Never mind. No featuring was had. So, I admit it was cool. Though I didn't read any of the stories. I was overwhelmed; I threw my hands up in the air, gave up, and moved on to Pipsqueak's Day Off.
Sorry, bud. I'm following you till the end of time...just because of these blog posts.
Also, fucking hell, just when my "to read" list was going to be clean...again...fuck...>_<
>I'm talking about 124,447 words all in one day!
For a second, I thought you meant you wrote all of that in one day. My brain could not handle the absurdity.
...you didn't write it all in one day, did you?
HORY SHET
I CAN'T EVEN ALL THIS TEXT
....so you're going to be making another Lemur Day, right?
I am speechless.
Which is why I type.
326563
Sorry if I'm missing your point, and in no way do I intend to start a firestorm, but how is it a dick move if seven stories go up in a short period of time by the same author?
People shouldn't be giving two shits about who writes a story, rather they should be caring about the story itself. And in no way am I accusing you of this, but by disliking something simply because of the numbers instead of the content it withholds, is a low blow.
326611
Same as above: I do not intend to start a firestorm. But you can still release your story on September 1st, nothing is opposing that.
Since when did writing become a competition? Come on, where's the fun?
You just blew my mind. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have... 2 hours of reading to do? More than that? YES.
>one of the biggest flaming haters of BB/Rae shipping when you wrote Teen Titans stuff?
Me too! I hated that crap!
Well shit, if I had known you were working on something like this, I wouldn't have pestered you with my stuff.
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/111/967/My-brain-is-full-of-fuck.jpg
So much to read!!
>That feel when SSnE uploads more words in a single day than I've managed to write in an entire year
Skirts and I also sang a loving, heartfelt duet, for those of you curious over his hesitational ellipses.
I know what I'm doing this 3-day weekend!
Love ya, Skirts.
Esteemed shortskirtsandexplosions,
On behalf of the other, less prolific authors of Fimfic, I would ask you to cease and desist your current rampage of awesomeness on the grounds that you make the rest of us feel like slackers.
Sincerely,
The Society of Authors Who Assume the Fetal Position and Cry for Three Days When SS&E Writes a New Story
326563>>326611
One story drops at a time on FimFiction, and it stays up there for the same amount of time as all the other stories that hit the front page. All stories spend an equal amount of time on the front page, regardless of who wrote them.
There is a time delay between each story getting posted to the front page of FimFiction to ensure that all stories spend a decent amount of time on there. Any story that you post will spend the same amount of time up there as any story written by ShortSkirtsandExplosions. If you are uncertain of how story posting works, refer to this blog post. Here is a direct quote from this blog, by Poultron, one of the administrators of FIMFiction:
So, why is this a 'dick move'? I'm curious to understand your point of view. Explain your reasoning, please! Your story will spend the same amount of time on the website's front page as SS&E's story. Why be upset?
326596
Bro, it just happened, and it's seven one shot stories by SS&E and a chapter of Background Pony.
327020
img163.imageshack.us/img163/1844/facehoof.png
>That feel when lots of SSnE on the one day you don't have time to read them.
And so my Read Later list continues to swell (least I've already read two of 'em).
If anybody is worried about ShortSkirtsandExplosions 'stealing views' from you, or causing you to potentially not get featured, it could be easily said that any popular author/author with more watchers posting any story could potentially steal views from you or decrease your chances of being featured, regardless of the number of stories being posted at any given time. If Chromosome drops the next chapter of Air at the same time, or Pen Stroke drops the entirety of Past Sins on the day you happen to post something, is it also a "dick move"?
Short Skirts is a popular author. He will generate a large number of views no matter when he posts, simply because he has a large number of watchers. There is nothing you, Skirts, or anybody can do about that, because that is how popularity works. Popular authors will get views. The only way to overcome that is to become equally popular, or fill a niche of writing that Skirts does not. That's how authors in the real world do things. Stephen King releases novels regularly, and yet, somehow, other authors still get their books purchased. The same can be said of this situation.
Your story will get views, based on the time spent on the front page and your number of watchers. That is how this site functions.