Screw it, I'm bored: Actingverse/MLP Crossover · 4:27am Sep 15th, 2015
Barnstormer's hoof connected with Rainbow Dash's jaw, sending her flying backwards across the map room. She struck the wall hard, across the tapestries, and Barnstormer was quick to follow up with a knee to her gut. Below them, wood splintered as Rarity threw First Take clear over the map table and into one of Twilight's bookshelves. Pan Flash still had her broken bottle in her teeth, menacing Pinkie Pie with it, but it was Pan Flash that look frightened. Twilight was shouting something nopony could hear, while Star Power screamed at the top of her lungs beside her, held in her magical grip.
Then, a bang split the air, so loud everypony grabbed their ears in shock. Head turned to see Deep Cover holding Applejack at gunpoint, a six-shot toothgun held tightly in her jaw. The first shot had blown apart one of the decorations, a few yards to Applejack's left. "THAT'S ENOUGH!" she shouted, mouthing the words around the bit. "Everypony just calm down!"
A brief, shocked silence followed. Star Power broke it. "Deep Cover, that's a gun. Where did you get a gun!?"
"From my bag!" Deep Cover growled, indicating her saddlebags with a little shake of her side. "Duh!"
"Why do you carry a gun in your bag!?" Star Power shouted, still floating in Twilight's telekinetic grip.
"Because I'm exercising my god-#### second amendment rights, that's why!" Deep Cover bellowed back. She paused. All the actors paused.
"D-did I just get bleeped?"
****
"####! ####! ####?" Pan Flash shouted at the top of her lungs, giggling at the resulting lack of noise. The actors were all clustered on one side of the room, the ponies on the other. Things were still tense, but had calmed down a bit after Twilight turned Deep Cover's gun into a flock of sparrows. Deep Cover didn't like it, but Twilight had turned her gun into a flock of sparrows, so she didn't have much ability to object.
"Oh man, this is hilarious," Pan Flash shouted, her countepart giggling as well. Few of the other ponies seemed in the mood for humor, particularly First Take, who was mumbling to herself in the corner. "Wait wait. I wonder what happens if I try to describe, um... grown-up topics, but without actually using any dirty words."
"Grown up topics?" Pinkie Pie asked, twitching her ears. "Like what?"
"Like..." Pan Flash gestured widely. "What a mare and stallion do together when they're alone?"
"Cuddle?" Pinkie Pie guessed.
"Oh yikes, no." Pan Flash collected herself, took a breath, and then cleared her throat. "So, you know that part where the stallion puts his hooves up on your back-"
-and that's the grown-up topic I wanted to describe!" Pan Flash finished. The entire room was gathered around her in a half-circle, nodding approvingly. Abruptly, all the actors froze, while the ponies of Ponyville kept on nodding.
"Son of a ####!" Butter Up growled. "They jump cut us."
****
"Hey," Butter Up nudged Pan Flash, pointing off to the corner with all the unicorns. They were taking turns powering up Twilight's magical battery thing, though the power meter barely seemed higher than when they started. "I think you should go check on First Take. I don't think she's coping with this well."
"Right. Good idea." Pan Flash climbed to her hooves, and then paused, lowering her voice. "...wait, how do I..."
"First Take is the one on the left," Butter Up whispered back.
"Oh, good." Pan Flash's brow furrowed. "How can you tell?"
"Because we've been sucked through a portal, fought a knock-down brawl, had a good cry about it, and Rarity's makeup is still perfect." Butter Up rolled her eyes. "She's a TV character. It will always be perfect."
"Oh, yeah. And First Take's eye-shadow is smeared." First Take started forward, and then paused. "Wait a second... Rarity. Her eye-shadow is still on."
"That's what I just said," Butter Up replied, impatient.
"Yeah, but... is that even makeup? Or are those lines, just like, a part of her face?" She stared intently for a few moments. "Okay, no. I need to investigate this. Hold on."
****
Star Power started as Twilight walked across the space. She tried to busy herself -- to look useful -- though of course there was little she could do. She just ended up fiddling with her hooves, then rapidly casting her gaze to the ground when Twilight got close.
"Hello, Star Power," Twilight said, making an effort to stay friendly to the strange arrivals. "Is everything okay?"
"I mean, yes, of course! Why wouldn't it be?" Star Power spoke, much too quickly. Her ears folded back when she realized her mistake.
"Well... you've been staring," Twilight said, with an encouraging little nudge of her muzzle. "Was there something you wanted to say to me?"
Star Power lifted her head. Steeled herself. Took a breath.
"WILL YOU TEACH ME TO BE A MAGICAL PRETTY PRINCESS?"
****
"And here it is!" Applejack proclaimed. "The real Sweet Apple Acres. What do you think?"
"It's surreal," Deep Cover admitted, as they trotted up to the farmhouse. "I just can't believe I'm really..."
As they reached the farmhouse, Deep Cover spotted the rest of the Apple family. Her eyes drifted over Granny Smith, Apple Bloom, and finally, Big Mac.
"Well, hello there," she greeted him.
It was the most awkward Big Mac had ever looked.
Two new fics, and now an Actingverse vignette? I think it's official: Jax is overloaded on pony.
derpicdn.net/img/2012/7/8/36598/large.jpg
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Actingverse 4: Deeper Cover, or Why Butter Up Waits in the Lobby After Therapy.
That image needs rockets, I think. It's not XTREME enough.
It's verra nice.
This is what happens when you go too many weeks without writing ponies. They build up in your head until they explode. It's like having a blocked colon -- the pressure keeps increasing until everything, uh...
You know, let's skip the metaphor. Glad to see the new stories, Jaxie!
:D
"Well," Twilight said, "Princess Celestia says we've got a thaumic lock on your dimension, so as soon as the Elements of Harmony have a few hours to charge, we can get you home."
Star Power let out a long breath and nodded. "I'm sure the girls will appreciate that."
"Yeah," Twilight said, in an oddly subdued tone.
"Yeah," Star said, with roughly equal enthusiasm.
The whisper of the gears in the cuckoo clock on the wall was unnervingly unlike the cold mechanical ticking of Star Power's green-room clock.
"If," Twilight began after a few moments, as Star said "Not --"
Twilight coughed. Star cleared her throat.
"Go ahead," both chorused, followed by the synchronized slaps of a double facehoof. Both glanced up at each other, then burst into laughter, at first uneasy, then genuine.
"Whoo," Twilight said as the chuckles subsided. "If my life is really being dramatized, I really couldn't have asked for a better actress, huh?"
"... I'm just going to say yes, rather than let myself think about the existential implications."
Twilight crooked one eyebrow. "Are you still having issues with my conjecture that we're alternate-reality versions of each other?"
"Look, my brain is pretty full right now. Half an hour ago I would have said that this was flatly impossible."
Twilight nodded. "Whereas I haven't had that luxury in a while. Not after meeting Future Me and driving myself crazy with that warning from the self-stabilizing time loop."
Star smiled. "I remember that one. S-two, E-twenty, 'It's About Time.' I spent the better part of three days green-screening and talking to Post Production's hand-puppets."
Twilight chuckled uneasily. "Yeah. That meeting got stuck in my head for months. It's so great to know that my most intensely awkward friendship lessons are being immortalized for future generations."
Star swung a forehoof, pointedly staring down at the ground. "Yyyyyeah. Uh, speaking of awkward, look, about that stupid princess request ..."
She was interrupted by the gentle touch of Twilight's hoof on her shoulder, and looked up to see the princess kindly smiling. "I promise, Star, there's nothing to be embarrassed about." The smile turned wry. "I see so much of myself in you. I know exactly how it feels to fanfilly like that. Did I ever tell you about the first time I met A.K. Yearling?"
Star felt heat rush to her cheeks, and tried to cover it with a giggle. "You and me both."
Twilight giggled back. "So, see, I know where you're coming from. I know exactly what's going through your mind, meeting an alternate version of yourself. And really, rationally, from an objective standpoint, considering how alike we really are, there shouldn't be anything to feel awkward about."
"Yeah."
"Yeah."
"... Yeah."
"Ex-act-ly."
Twilight's hoof was still lingering on her shoulder. Star glanced down at it.
"I mean, if I have to be honest, that kinda makes sense," Star allowed. "Maybe we are the same mare, in some weird, essential way,"
"Yeah," Twilight said. "That theory's prior probability does appear high."
Star glanced down at Twilight's hoof again. It hadn't moved.
Twilight's cheeks darkened, and she cleared her throat in a way that Star recognized all too well.
"So," Twilight said, "does your world have a Kinseed scale?"
We want more... But I'm not sure I'm ready for more of... THAT.
Fantastic.
Oh, this is fascinating. Is Equestria a fictional environment or a full-fledged universe that just happens to have different laws, including a quasi-sentient force enforcing the TV-Y rating? If you actually do expand this, I'd love to see the results.
Actingverse humor? Excellent. Though I do hope to one day see the remaining installments in its main continuity.
I know I liked this because I can feel the strain in my cheek muscles from grinning.
Now to go read Zeitgeist.
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upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/ee/Tall_ship_Christian_Radich_under_sail.jpg
1) Why did it have to stop
2) Why has this not been published
you jerkOh my god, yesssssssss.
More!
This was so cool!
Now make it an actual story.
3394465 omgosh that was to perfect!
*brain asplodes from all the awesome*
MAKE THIS HAPPEN!
Meta levels reaching critical mass...
Me likey.
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Aaaand, that's messed up!
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Them's fightin' words!
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"Not that it matters because I'm totally not gay! But I am a virgin if you're into that so you know ha ha ha maybe I'm just joking of course but seriously you're very attractive even if it would be weird. Ha ha."
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Oh, fine! More regular Actingverse it is.
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Because life is a series of disasters and then you die!
"Well, hello there," she greeted him.
I am *so* stealing those exact words for Letters.
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A mare who looks exactly like his sister, only she has the mind of a sociopathic child actor, is hitting on him because the pony who plays him back in her world is married and won't flirt with her. What's not to like?
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For the record, I've added this commentfic to my "Never The Final Word" anthology of story continuations.
3395286 (Perks up ears) Sounds like a little bit of Actingverse worldbuilding has been going on. Could it be that another release is lurking around the outskirts? Let me get out my Actor Call.
"Commercial Endorsements! Paid Public Appearances! Conventions!"
(lurks in wait...)
I'd most definitely read a story about this, no matter how crack-like it is.
If only to get my actorverse fix
Oh man, this blew my mind!
When firearms are sparrowed, only .... sparrows will have firearms?
For some reason, I really want Twilight to get Sunset Shimmer to mentor Star Power, through the magic book or something. Friendship's like a social disease, you have this urge to pass it on.
Deep Cover is the greatest awesomest character ever, words cannot express how much I love her.
3395019 Well that is wonderful news indeed! You should really take this blog and put it in your random bits story so future fans of the Actingverse have a chance of finding it like a year later.
3395019 either way is amusing and entertaining... It's just while you wouldn't know it by some series I read. I'm not a big fan of the more... "crackfic" style stuff.
Channeling Redshirts here, are we now?
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I loved that book.
3395016 No it's not! It's the magic of friendship! It's just deeper now is all!
I had forgotten how much I love Actingverse.
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Oh god Horizon please I don't want to go back to the Twolight shipping trenches.
Because I'm a dork, I wrote a review of this. And of 3394465 .
Because I can.
Though I think GaPJaxie already found it.
Hah! :D
""Oh, yeah. And First Take's eye-shadow is smeared." First Take started forward, and then paused."
Should the second First Take be Pan Flash?