• Member Since 19th Aug, 2012
  • offline last seen Jan 5th, 2018

Exiled Wing


Just a guy doing his thing and all.

Comments ( 145 )
  • Viewing 141 - 145 of 145

422785 Huh, I did not know that. Thanks for remembering. :twilightsmile:

421822
Plot Twist: Apollodorus was a Roman architect, hence, why I remembered.

421775 Oh, yay! :yay: Thanks so much for spotting all these errors... :twilightoops: Yikes. Anyways, thank you also for finally getting on this, I was starting to worry. But really, if you feel like you want to stop reading, go ahead. I can't force anyone to read. But kindly tell that friend of yours thanks, alright? :twilightsmile:

348605

Holy shit, sorry for forgetting about the fic. The only thing that reminded me is Apollodorus, if you happen to know of him.
On the bright side, I'm finally caught up in school :rainbowwild:


FOE New roam 18
- Highlight Loc. 7-8 | Added on Friday, April 06, 2012, 05:23 PM

I groaned and rolled onto my back, and stared up at the ceiling for a moment, and my senses soon registered the soreness of my face from the previous night.
> remove 'and stared' and replace it with 'staring'
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FOE New roam 18
- Highlight Loc. 9 | Added on Friday, April 06, 2012, 05:25 PM

Speaking of him, I didn't see him anywhere.
> Double him, use a different word
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FOE New roam 18
- Highlight Loc. 23 | Added on Friday, April 06, 2012, 05:28 PM

'Hugs Show Love!'
> Laughing my ass off, seriously
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I was also wondering about people and pony terms, because you seem to use people over ponies. Now, it's complete preference, but I'll need to know what to look for. If we're going by people, I'll need to correct some of the pony terms. the opposite also applies, depending.
==========

FOE New roam 18
- Highlight Loc. 79 | Added on Friday, April 06, 2012, 05:43 PM

Are... are all the poachers here for mister Bear?"
> D'awwww!
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FOE New roam 18
- Highlight Loc. 100 | Added on Friday, April 06, 2012, 05:46 PM

"Predator what the fuck are you doing?!"
>'Predator, what the--' Insert comma
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FOE New roam 18
- Highlight Loc. 109-10 | Added on Friday, April 06, 2012, 05:48 PM

But the pain was worth it. Because I had altered our fall enough such that HE was the one to crash into the ground.
> Should be one sentence rather than two
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FOE New roam 18
- Highlight Loc. 115-17 | Added on Friday, April 06, 2012, 05:51 PM

It was the fury that drove me to charge and throw savage yet carefully aimed blows at him, most of which he blocked, and it was the instinct for survival that heightened my senses such that I was eve able to block his blows despite his beastly and unnatural strength.
>even*
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FOE New roam 18
- Highlight Loc. 184-85 | Added on Friday, April 06, 2012, 08:51 PM

I couldn't for my own sake take in his lies... and yet I was.
>'I couldn't, for my own sake, take in his lies...' Add in the comma
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FOE New roam 18
- Highlight Loc. 290 | Added on Friday, April 06, 2012, 09:05 PM

Had... had all that been some kind of... dream?
> You sick bastard </3
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FOE New roam 18
- Highlight Loc. 392-93 | Added on Friday, April 06, 2012, 09:30 PM

can't because I can't just blow the bastard's brains out, and because I feel so lost that only he seems like he can tell me what to do."
> Dropped a feels bomb ;~;
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FOE New roam 18
- Highlight Loc. 446 | Added on Tuesday, April 10, 2012, 07:40 PM

"Suffice it to say that the beating your lover over here gave me damaged my vocal cords. I'll fix them later."
> 'lover over here damaged my vocal cords' Flow error. Just a tad of spring cleaning c:
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FOE New roam 18
- Highlight Loc. 486-87 | Added on Tuesday, April 10, 2012, 07:45 PM

"Mister Goldwreath... did you apologize to mister Predator yet? You hurt his throat, now he sounds weird..." She scraped a hoof on the ground nervously.
> <3
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FOE New roam 18
- Highlight Loc. 505-6 | Added on Tuesday, April 10, 2012, 07:48 PM

So, much as I found it quite unfair, I left the conversation at that and trotted off for preparations for this little trip I did not expect to have.
> Run on, divide the sentence by zer- I mean split it up. Yeah.
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FOE New roam 18
- Highlight Loc. 648-49 | Added on Friday, April 13, 2012, 09:59 AM

It went against what I would normally do and made me do the exact opposite: it made me turn around and trot away, hearing but ignoring the muffled chokes and sobs of the zebra just around the corner.
> M8, u wot? I didn't know Doomtune was a Zebra D:
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FOE New roam 18
- Highlight Loc. 709-11 | Added on Friday, April 13, 2012, 10:10 AM

This circular island and the circular heart of Roam at its center was the original city -- Roam before modern technologies allowed massive expansion. Even if the island had not originally been circular, nor even existed until the Roamans created the mote, that only served to deepen my awe at their engineering skills.
>'mote' You mean moat, right? Because a mote is a small particle of dust or something.
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FOE New roam 18
- Highlight Loc. 712-13 | Added on Friday, April 13, 2012, 10:13 AM

I said over the roar of the wind and the flapping our our wings as we flew deeper into the island.
> Double our, replace the first one with of.
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FOE New roam 18
- Highlight Loc. 730-32 | Added on Friday, April 13, 2012, 06:31 PM

"Yeah, but what if something goes wrong? Wastelands's fucked up -- I know, I've seen; there's some nasty shit in Equestria -- and considering what I've seen of Roam so far... I just feel like we shouldn't risk any of us getting hurt," she said cautiously, like I'd disapprove.
>You may want to clarify that Skyfire has been over in Equestria for ___ reasons, because it took me a while to remember she was in the Enclave and what not.
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FOE New roam 18
- Highlight Loc. 736 | Added on Friday, April 13, 2012, 06:33 PM

She sighed and gave me her a trusting smile.
> Remove 'her'
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FOE New roam 18
- Highlight Loc. 738-44 | Added on Friday, April 13, 2012, 08:28 PM

This place had clearly been a clinic of some sort. It wasn't a very large one -- in fact it may have been just for the few wealthy enough to afford it -- but it made up for that with medical equipment of the highest tier and quality and the best construction. Medical lasers and field generators lay on the ground, valuable-looking despite their age. Mark IV gravitation turrets lined the ceiling, deactivated. Massive marble arches divided the spherical interior space into four different sections, each housing several beds with diagrams of the bodies of every single sentient creature known hung along the walls. Restriction tables lay on the floor, formerly ready to immobilize any patient with a ferocious and violent attitude. Operation rooms, blocked off by flickering fields of opaque energy, lay in waste with all the equipment within strewn about.
> Reading this while listening to "Bramble on Elm Street" by Kitsune^2... Seriously, shits getting creepeir every second.
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FOE New roam 18
- Highlight Loc. 761 | Added on Friday, April 13, 2012, 08:33 PM

(for you see, I didn't care much fro spending; I cared more for selling, and honestly I had more caps then than I really needed),
> fro to for
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FOE New roam 18
- Highlight Loc. 762-63 | Added on Saturday, April 14, 2012, 01:01 AM

My curiosity was quickly sated by the main chamber -- there was barely anything of interest there --
>Sated = Satisfied. He was satisfied by an empty room?
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FOE New roam 18
- Highlight Loc. 763 | Added on Saturday, April 14, 2012, 01:03 AM

so I went down into the pi in the middle of the room.
> Pi is a number, or is it some Roman termonology I don't know?
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FOE New roam 18
- Highlight Loc. 782-84 | Added on Saturday, April 14, 2012, 01:08 AM

Dead trees and eery playgrounds marked the gardens and lawns, yet the signs of recent activity in the houses were abundant -- legion banners were hung here and there, and sandbags blocked off a doorway or two.
> eerie*
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FOE New roam 18
- Highlight Loc. 800-801 | Added on Saturday, April 14, 2012, 01:10 AM

"I guess I can understand. My dad used to get tired a lot too when he served in the military. When he get home though... he was so calm.
> 'a lot too' needs to be fixed as well, and it's he got, not he get.
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FOE New roam 18
- Highlight Loc. 823-24 | Added on Sunday, April 15, 2012, 12:09 AM

There was a memory orb, scratched and dirty, in a nearly waterless maot on the far side of the wall, moving to and fro in a small pool of water.
> Moat
==========
FOE New roam 18
- Highlight Loc. 837-38 | Added on Sunday, April 15, 2012, 12:11 AM

Her metal front pointed down to the ground as if in shame. "It has kept me hear for hours."
>here, not hear
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FOE New roam 18
- Highlight Loc. 838-39 | Added on Sunday, April 15, 2012, 12:12 AM

"What's the problem?" I asked, getting out of my relaxed demeanor and into one more fitting to aid my vehicle ally. Skyfire climbed out of the mote, looking annoyed but
> MOAT
==========
FOE New roam 18
- Highlight Loc. 855 | Added on Sunday, April 15, 2012, 12:14 AM

Zaita looked at her for a moment, then said simply, "I wanted to do something on my own."
> AI sentience, I love it every time.
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FOE New roam 18
- Highlight Loc. 865 | Added on Friday, April 20, 2012, 05:23 PM

the one commanded by Thanus, who is by the way now dead
>fragmented sentence
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FOE New roam 18
- Highlight Loc. 996-97 | Added on Friday, May 04, 2012, 06:22 PM

Not that it wasn't great to have finally ridden a steed; on the contrary it was actually an awesome first time, but it just really hurt.
> remove the 'but' at the end.
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FOE New roam 18
- Highlight Loc. 1107-8 | Added on Sunday, May 06, 2012, 11:13 PM

Had the settlement settlement not had -- according to the two of them -- an Equestrius garrison, I would have just flown up and forced the imbecile to open the gate for us.
>Double settlement
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FOE New roam 18
- Highlight Loc. 1149-50 | Added on Sunday, May 06, 2012, 11:17 PM

It would have been better, as well, if Bailan hadn't head-butted me.
> Remove the commas
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FOE New roam 18
- Highlight Loc. 1203-4 | Added on Monday, May 07, 2012, 12:09 AM

WE the Legion own this city and all the empire of Roam's holdings, not some pompous fool in Equestria who sends slavers into OUR land to gather SLAVES from its populace!
> 'WE, the Legion,' Add commas
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348605
Gah, sorry this is taking so long, being gone for that long put me WAY behind in just about every freakin' class. I'm roughly halfway through 18, more or less. I've got some time over the weekend though, so you might be able to expect it then ^-^

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