• Member Since 3rd Apr, 2013
  • offline last seen Dec 10th, 2013

ShyHeart


T

Cobalt Glint, a young unicorn, went through a terrible experience as a colt that scarred him for life... He moves into Ponyville to escape it, but it still haunts him. A mare befriends him and slowly helps him through it, and slowly falls for him, does he feel the same way about her?

This story is a light shipping of Sweetie and an OC. I'm going to put it on teen just to be safe.

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 12 )

Not bad! A few spelling/grammar errors, but certainly intriguing! :moustache:

2467181

Thanks, I guess I missed some errors, oopsies! :twilightblush:

Italics are used for thoughts in a 3rd person story, yours is in first person, you shouldn't use italics for the protagonist's thoughts.

Another thing that bugged me is how the main character doesn't really mind talking about his "horrible" past with someone he barely knows:

"Oh wow! It must of been really awesome there, huh?!"
"No, not after what happened to me..."

Should've been something like this:

"Oh wow! It must of been really awesome there, huh?!"
"Umm yeah, I guess so."

Hope this helped, do keep writing :twilightsmile:

Moving this to read later :), expect a comment from me at some point in the soon future!

2489306

I used Italics because I thought it would be easy to see that it was his thoughts, but I guess I could just make them bold. :derpyderp2:

And he didn't talk about his past that much, well not all of it anyways. He's used to talking about it to people, and that's why he was very willing to talk about it with Sweetie.

2489502

Thanks, look forward to your comment and support! :twilightsmile:

here a sugestion make the chapters longer

2509907

Well, I have a lot of stuff that gets in the way of making that a reality, thats why I want someone to help, but I can't find anyone to do so.:ajbemused:

AH WHAT?!!?!!?! CANCELLED!!!!!!!:rainbowderp::twilightoops: NNNOOOOO IT CAN'T BE!!!!!!!!!:flutterrage::fluttershbad: I DEMAND YOU KEEP GOING ON THIS STORY!!!!!!:flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage:

2624892

Well, I didn't say it was cancelled forever, did I?:trollestia: I was waiting if someone wanted to remake it, or until I finish my other story. Don't worry though, it will continue sometime soon. :pinkiesmile:Just some things I need to take care of before I start working on this again.:raritydespair:

I'll put it on incomplete, so that it won't look like I gave up:twilightsmile:

2625416 OH THANK LUNA ALMIGHTY!!!!!!!!!!:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy: I was sooo worried that i was never to see the ending of this story and trust me I like seeind endings ,ore then cliffhangers.:heart::pinkiecrazy::rainbowlaugh::rainbowderp::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

2625543

Well, make sure you favorite the story, or follow me to know when it updates! :raritywink:

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