The sequel to Time to Go, same concept except pegasisters.
Rockie needs a friend. She's lost in the world. But then a DJ saved her. Her friends are there, and she feels content. But when the flight test comes, she may never see her friends again.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Guys, this is my first fic! Don't hate on it, I worked very hard!!
2436991
Hint: don't say this is my first fic. That is like pouring blood on water near sharks.
Being the first fic doesn't excuse you for trying: because you could have read other fanfics, searched for a proofreader, etc. You could have seen how this site works before posting it.
With this done, that is a lot of tags. I will check how it goes. Be back later.
Thanks! I guess my brother could prpofread.
2437311
Welcome. Now back to the fanfic:
First thing that caught my eye:
No, bad author. You shouldn't tell the reader to fix your work. Saying something like 'criticism is encouraged' is one thing, saying 'please check my grammar and plot' is completely different. Also you must remember that the person who do so may not be gentle, so it's usually best to find a proofreader before publishing it.
Let me ask you now: did you check the chapter you just posted? It's weird. The paragraphs are used with no actually sense. I wonder if you copy pasted it from some other place. As a rule of thumb, always check your chapter style when in Fimfiction: it could be different from what you left it to be.
This made me laugh out loud for some reason.
Well, I don't have much to do from the plot. Mostly because there is just a single chapter (and only 1100 words!), so there is not much to say. My suggestion is that you check this chapter and fix this awkward paragraph use.
Keep safe and keep writing!
2437341
Yeah, it got denied at first, so I rushed in paragraphs xD. So pretty much it needs a lot of work. I tried hard and I hope to do better.
2437538
Don't worry about it. You got the right attitude, now you just need to go and fix it.
If you need help, don't be afraid to seek it! Check groups such as Struggling Authors or Author Support for example.
2437605
Thanks! I'm working on a grim dark fic right now, called 'Chances'. It's about a deformed pegasus teen who got taken to the Wonderbolt academy, but Spitfires out to kill him.
Well, that went well.
I like it, but there are a couple things I'm going to have to tell you about the characters, if this is going to be a sequel. If it isn't a sequel, then I guess this can just happen as an in between.
2437341 is right, some of the paragraphs seem to cut off at random intervals.
I think if you took this story, broke it apart, and filled it with as much detail as you could, then it wouldn't be so rushed.
While I read, it all seemed really, point to point.
The fact that Vinyl shows up, says hello, and then takes her, is kinda rushed, considering that she's going to be gone forever, and she's only 13.
If you need a proofreader I can work that in for you.
Like it so far, it just needs some work
Spectra, Spectra, Spectra....... I've offered you a million times to proofread for you. Seriously, girl.
Oh, Master Hunter55 I would like to introduce myself. I'm known as Pinkie, Harmony, Octavia and Gentle Butterwing. I'm StormtwistForver's BFF. I've known her forever.
SO HI FRIENDS!!!
2437823
Hello! Uhm... Yeah I think she could use some help with proofreading.
That and she needs some detail up in this rushed story.
I liked the part where you and your friends are taunting Rainbow Dash with "Rainbow Factory", but it was really disjointed, and hard to understand.
If she hasn't told you about it yet, you might as well read the original story: Time to go
Shameless story promo^
Thanks, Hunter, I 'll PM you the password, and Octavia, No way your proof reading it
>>MasterHunter55
Yeah, sorry Spectra, but I have to agree with my new friend.
Shameless promo is epic. And I've started reading your story....
I want to write a fanfic, I just need to come up with some epic ideas......
And also, Vinyl is immature and didn't care about her entirely.
2437855
Is it possible to tag my story in the description of your story?
Cause that would be an epic shameless promo.
Lol firgot xD
I think I'll make a poster that says "Shameless promo rocks." It will be for Master Hunter.
Why hello there StormtwistForever, My name is JollyRogue, Also known as Jason.
I'm the writer of Fractured Soul (Not so shameless plug-in) as well as a friend of MasterHunter55. Now Hunter showed me this story I have to say good for you, but there is some work to be done.
As the story is good, you are missing some important parts. Namely correct punctuation, grammar, and detail. With the punctuation and grammar go through and edit your story yourself, go over as many times as you need. Read your story aloud. Doing these will help you in finding mistakes and awkward sentences.
As for detail you need to explain some more. When you introduce yourself and your friends I have no idea what you look like, until all of you are ponies. You need to give the readers an idea that you are humans, or lizard people, if that is the case. Also since Micheal and Hunter aren't in the show it would probably be a good idea if you explained that they are a gray/blond pegasus and a black/red dragon.
Do not be discouraged to write. You have the potential for a great story, and if you get disappointed by a comment or dislike just ignore them. It's not the end of the world so let it slide.
Also I love Awoken, but you didn't give credit to H_8 seed. Anyways have a nice day and flutter on.
Well guys, I'm canceling this. I have nowhere to go, but I will post my next and only plotlines for this. Sorry guys! :(
Go to google docs for more of the fic.