"Pinkie Pie!"
Chapters (2)
DeadlyRose
Joined 4th Feb, 2012 ·
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I'll fix any problems, notify me here. I'll continue the series and epilogue, and a new story called: "A New Princess" is unlocked'!
pinkiecrazy::
facehoof::
So... how's the story everyone?
Please watch or fave this artwork. It was my first one, so please no bad comments. I'd appreciate compliments or if I have something wrong, please say it once and not many times.
Comments...
Let`s see.
Primo, your story is atrociously hard to follow through. Events come left and right and none of them with any clue as to why or what precluded them. N.B. - no, saying that`s how Pinkie Pie views the world does not let you off the hook. All of her actions are connected by logic. Granted, it may be insane troll logic, but there is a line of logic Pinkie`s following. Your story? It has none.
Secundo, writing "ALL RIGHTS RESERVED" in the bottom is quite incorrect. You do not own the characters, nor the show, therefore, you have no right to reserve any rights. All fanfiction comes under fair use rules.
Tertio - doublecheck the definition of words when you use them. In particular, this ". She is a orphan-like daughter to me." is outright grating. Current wording awkwardly suggests that Twilight is Celestia`s disowned daughter. It should be "She`s like an adoptive daughter to me." Or simply "She`s like a daughter to me.", seeing as Celestia`s speaking metaphorically.
Finally, quadro - but who was phone!?
205573 I fixed the heck of all those.
205573 And phone?! What phone? Lol
207731
It`s an internet joke. In case you don`t get it, don`t worry... much. You can always google for "but who was phone" and read about it in memebases.
It just pokes fun at your ability to put words together in pointless order. Like "So... has the story everyone?".
207750 Oh, Okay. That was a typo- my phone does that.
Sorry, it's just way too confusing and convoluted just from the get-go. You've got many different ponies doing things without much in the way of set-up or anything else, all scattered in paragraphs that don't make rhyme or reason. Sorry again, but I have to downvote.