G.N.D: A My Little Dashie Sequel

by Nibrudly

Acknoledgements & Author Notes

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

All who are listed here were my braintrust for this project.

They did much to help me in writing my fool’s errand.

My pre-readers:

Darkcloud64

Biglulu

The Questioner

My editors:

Biglulu

The Questioner

OTHER ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

The author of the original piece and the catalyst for this project and my humungous development as a writer:

ROBCakeran53

The Site generous enough to host every aspiring novice who wishes to write MLP fanfiction:

FIMFiction.net

Those Brave souls who donate their time and sanity to improving the works and authors of this site:

School for New Writers

Storytellers Underground

(Why? I’m sure they don’t get nearly as many “thank-yous” as they deserve)

The most important person in any project like this:

You, the dear reader

And the most important person regarding anything:

God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit

Answers to Possible Questions and/or Comments/b]

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO READ THE FOLLOWING. YOU HAVE SEEN THE ACKNOLEDGEMENTS, THAT IS ALL YOU NEEDED TO SEE. BUT IF YOU DO HAVE A QUESTION READ ON TO SEE IF IT IS ANSWERED.

The following are my responses to the comments and questions I have anticipated to arise after finishing GND. As you might be able to tell after checking my profile page, I am not planning on staying here to give them in person. So if you find an entry that’s similar to your question or comment, there you go. If you have one that’s not on here, feel free to ask it anyway. Somebody else might be able to explain, possibly, I don’t know, moving on. As you can tell, I am assuming that most questions will be about why I used what I used and why I wrote what I wrote. I don’t know, that seemed like the only thing someone would ask me about in regards to this.

Dad & David

You really seem to like dialogue, don’t you?

That I do. Inner monologue can be so tedious and it just doesn’t seem to build connections like a conversation can. True, perhaps I did make Dad and David more chatty than your average 40+ year old Man and 12 year old boy, but it’s better to have them talking than Dad narrating what the conversation was about. That only happened once (technically twice) in the original. And dialogue is what really makes the connections in a scene.

Dad has a name, you know. It’s “Brian.”

I have looked through the original over and over again and have not found a single mention of that name. Thus it is not what I consider canon and thereby I did not allow myself to use it. (Perhaps the populace accepted it, I did not. I wanted to follow the logistics of the original as closely as possible. That meant keeping Dad as nameless as possible, keeping the time scheme ratio of 1 Earth year = 1 Equestrian day, and having Dashie be the one to come back, not the other way around.)

Why did you bring David into this?

If I’m going about this realistically, Dad would obviously find something new in which to direct his energy. So naturally, I thought of volunteer work. However, it wouldn’t be interesting if all I had was Dad working in a soup kitchen all day. And I didn’t really think a romance would pan out. So I figured why not try going the “Big Brother” program route? It would certainly take advantage of Dad’s “supposed” parenting skills and maybe caring for other children would help him develop more as a character.

So then I invented David to serve as a replacement for Dashie in Dad’s life. However, before I knew it, I soon had Dad adopting David, and realized making him a mere replacement was not going to work out. So in Draft 3 I worked very hard to make sure they developed a good relationship throughout the story, ending with David’s adoption and the Porch scene.

Then tell me why you brought in Snowflake.

Three reasons:

1. To provide the catalyst for Dad to meet David.

2. To serve as validation of Dad’s choice to adopt. (Seriously; a single guy adopting a kid? Someone needs to be checking into that.)

3. To serve as a companion outside of David and Dashie. In the original, we hear mention of old friends and that’s that for Dad’s social interaction. It just makes Dad too much of a recluse. So by introducing Snowflake, Dad becomes a semi-normal adult. Now, Lizzie came along because what single guy runs an orphanage? (That’s rather sketchy…) And having her there actually developed Snowflake as a character in his own right.

(Fun Fact: I based Snowflake’s appearance, demeanor, and his name off of a background pony. I’m sure you can make a good guess as to who it is…just check the wiki.)

Rainbow/Dashie

What was up with the conflicting memories/personas bit?

During the preliminary writing process, I was formulating the catalyst for their reunion. As I researched other MLD sequels more and more, I saw too many times that they reunited for the sole reason that they just couldn’t move on. That kills any character growth they had in the original (and that growth is sparse at best).

So I wanted to create a situation where they had to get back together. A magical mcguffin from Earth (as is the usual catalyst) wouldn’t work because that would require Dad to use the “miss you” motive. (Plus, so many have been used already, it’s near impossible to come up with something original and relatively plausible.) Thus the only plausible alternative was Dashie to come back from Equestria.

But I did not want her to have a “miss you” motive. That makes her weak-willed and it creates more conflict than necessary. (If she wasn’t strong enough to stay in Equestria, how in the world would she be strong enough to leave a second time? You know, being realistic about the whole thing.) So I tried to come up with a scientific catalyst.

Enter the psychological trauma. Now, you will find that in many MLD sequels, Rainbow Dash is still Dashie, regardless of all her other memories and experiences. (In the episode “Games Ponies Play” we see a male Pegasus in RD’s flashback who, by looking at the multi-chromed mane, we can only deduce is her real dad. So we can also assume she had a mom as well, no? Now do you think that her time with them wouldn’t impact her character at all? Especially after her return?) That’s sloppy writing, as is writing her straight up RD for an MLD sequel. So I answered the question “Just what went on in her noggin when the spell took effect?” and then promptly took it out of the equation until the end.

This provided several boons.

1. A plausible explanation as to why they had to bring her back. (National Security is very important, no?)

2. It allowed me the opportunity to have Rainbow Dash interact with Dashie. (Which I thought was important since they really are two separate entities. However, I went more for “We’re sorta the same” rather than “We’re nothing alike” because then Dashie would be quite inferior to Rainbow, and who wants to like Dashie then? Plus, I did try the latter and…let’s just say whenever I tried the conflict route at any point in the story, everyone looked like irredeemable jerks…especially allowing the situation to degenerate into a Dash vs. Dash brawl…oy.)

3. Saved me from having to write “Rainbow Dashie” the whole time, which is how she should be written. (Best example I found of this? The MLD sequel “A Moment.” Still Rainbow, still Dashie, everything plausible and reasonable.)

Dashie seems to be a little too emotional, don’t you think?

If you’re talking about when she’s having her moment during the Dreamscape sequence, that’s two weeks of suppressed fear and sadness finally breaking out into the open. I just could not see her having a different reaction.

As for after she wakes up, I offer the following in rebuttal:

First day Conscious-Say goodbye-possibly forever- to the man who loved and raised you for fifteen years. On same day, have trouble with sorting out your memories and who you were. End up being encased inside a magic bubble.

Second Day Conscious-(4 weeks after you lost control)-Discover you had slept through all your father’s years. And you practically only left him yesterday. Then they come out of nowhere and say “Hey! You got problems in your upstairs and we need them fixed! We’re taking you back!” despite the fact your father is quite possibly dead or close to death (you never know who will age well and who won’t). Do you really want to see him like that? Just when he was so young and healthy the day before?

Third Day Conscious--Reunite with Father and see him all old and sickly. Then, you stick around to not only watch him die a rather painful death, but to also be at his funeral.

I ask you, how could she not have been under severe mental stress with all this coming at her in such a short period of time? Dad had near thirty years to cope; Dashie had three days. See what I’m saying?

What are Magus and Ink Blot doing there?

To make the story better. Allow me to explain.

Draft 2-Twilight trying to figure it out by herself, going to Celestia after Rainbow crashes. (Whatta plot hole!)

Draft 3-Twilight informing Celestia that something is wrong with one of the components of the Magic Rainbow Gun Elements of Harmony, on the day the incident happened. Celestia gets the best people to start working on it before Rainbow crashes.

Which seems more believable?

My point is, Rainbow Dash is a big deal to Equestria, and if the bearer of loyalty were to encounter some difficulties, Celestia would have to get involved at some point. And since Twilight isn’t an idiot, she would have sought assistance post-haste. And since at some point the best minds in Equestria have to show their faces, (otherwise there was no point in even mentioning them,) I brought in Magus and Ink Blot.

If your experts have names, then they are actually important to your plot, yes? (Nameless scientists are rather dumb, yes?) So by having Magus there to conclude that magic should have worked, and Ink Blot there to shove my psychological exposition down your throat, the egghead involvement became an actual scene. (Instead of being an absolutely useless addition to the story.)

In addition, once Dashie got back, she would need to seek out professional help, no? Boom; Ink Blot is useful for something else. (And if you ever have a pony employed in the field of psychology in your fic, just use “Ink Blot.” You’ll be hard pressed to find any name remotely acceptable otherwise. “Who names their kid ‘Rorschach?’” and don’t even think about using ‘Freud.’ It doesn’t end well.)

Would ya care to explain to all o’ us whah Applejack sez “I” instead of “Ah?” like she’s s’posed to?

Same reason why the above question looks ridiculous: we all know she has a southern accent; the “Ah” is redundant. Yes, I realize that almost everybody else uses the “Ah” if nothing else when writing any member of the Apple family, but you weren’t there for Draft 2. I took the accent too, too far. When it was brought to my attention that I had gone overboard, I realized it also (technically) applied to the common “Ah” in her speech. For that reason, to be sure I wouldn’t repeat my past mistake, I omitted the “Ah” in place of your standard “I.” And I did write southern, I just…wrote it sort of normal instead of definitely accented. So did I need to omit it? Not necessarily, but did I need to keep it in?

…

I’ll get back to you on that. Pends on whether people actually care about it or not and whether it costs me dearly. (I was told by my second editor that it would. In fact, that’s the only reason why this question is here. So tell me Questioner, did it cost me? Hardy-har-har.)

Pertaining to Plot (That didn’t particularly pertain to Dad or Dashie)

In chapter 3, you say that Dad’s pajamas were a “Father’s Day” gift? How could that be possible if Dashie had to stay hidden, hmm? Answer me that!

Obviously she bought it online; Ebay maybe. I’m sure Dad created her own account once she started earning money. Eh, that’s my thought anyway…how does that matter? I ask you, what point is there in bringing that up? If you wanted to bring up plot holes, you should have brought them up regarding the original. This is the universe I was given, I stuck to it as best I could. So just be chill, mon. Nawting but good vibes up in ‘ere.

Why did you let Dad die?

AKA: OMG! Y U KILL DADDY?! (I have heard that response so many times in my head during production.)

At the very beginning as I was formulating an outline, I asked myself how I should go about reuniting them. As I said before, I ruled out Dad using a magic mcguffin to get there, and I opted for Dashie to come back. But then that “miss you” motive came into play. If she came back, how could she possibly get herself to leave a second time? And then what? It would be worse leaving an older dad close to death than a younger dad with his life ahead of him. So I decided Dad had to die. (Doesn’t that sound terrible?)

Now if you think it’s bad I have Dad dying, be glad I didn’t go with my first thought. Originally, I was seriously thinking of having her come home to find his tombstone. But not only would that make me look like a troll, but that would hardly provide her the proper closure she required. (“I actually slept his life away…*angst*”) So I had Dashie return just in time to say goodbye, granting her that last chance and at the same time eliminating her reason to stay anchored to Earth. (And thereby effectively ending MLD: no Dad to come looking for her, no good reason to return, it’s done.)

You do realize you basically copied the ending from the original, don’t you? Isn’t that cheating?

I can understand why you would think that. I prefer to think of it more as a nod to the original (even so far as to use the term “mirror” or “parallel”) and show how it has all come full circle. It started with Dad getting his life back together; it ended with Dashie getting her life back together. It’s not because I couldn’t come up with something more original, it’s just what felt right to do. It just seemed to be the best way to end it. (But yes, I did recycle…fine “took,” ROB’s word scheme from the very last bit…but the letter in the album made too much sense for it not to be used, regardless of whether ROB used it first or not.)

…

Oh…you mean they both ended with a good bye. Meh, I liked it, see the above question for my motive. It wasn’t plagiarism, it was plot development. (That doesn’t really sound so good now that I say it. Huh.)

Why did you put the title at the end of the story?

Quite simple really.

Title: Good Night Daddy

Summary of Description: A story of letting go (Hmm…something’s fishy here)

Title + Description = (O_o) Dad is going to die!

Now while that realization at the beginning may actually entice you to read, I think this way was a much better way to go. Thus, to prevent spoilers, I refrained from having the full title displayed until the very end. Besides, I needed to give you some reason to start reading in the first place. (“I love a good mystery! What-ho!...Oh, that’s what the title is.”)

Pertaining to Me

Just wondering, any of this written from personal experience?

No, but you could say it is based on personal experiences in general. I was just writing from perceived perspectives I believed would enhance the story and the characters. Coincidentally, everyone in the world is going to be the child, the parent, or the grandparent at some point in their life and I managed to hit upon all three perspectives. Huh, fancy that.

So you know absolutely nothing regarding adoption procedures, “foster homes,” cancer, or psychology. That’s what you’re saying right?

In order: nope, yes I knew that’s what orphanages are called now, vaguely, going to school for it.

Regarding the adoption, I checked and the statistics I found said that six months is the average window of time for placement. I’m not entirely sure if you have visits with your adoptive couple before living with them, but that seemed to make sense to me. (Google was not forth coming on adoption procedures.)

I had a great-uncle who died of cancer, and I saw the toll it took on my great aunt, my grandparents, and my father (you know, his side of the family). Likewise, there have been several other members of my family and close friends who have had close calls with cancer. I have been fortunate enough to not have to go through the ordeal of having a loved one close to death. However, from the writing point of view, it is hard to write credibly for things you have not experienced for yourself. As for what kind of cancer Dad has, I believe I opted for somewhere around the larynx area. Whether or not violent (and eventually fatal) coughing can be a result of throat cancer is not something I can verify. (And we’ve already found a cure for tuberculosis-a much more plausible culprit-so that’s out.)

Overall, I looked for what I could and for what I couldn’t I made a guess. My apologies if I was off on my details, I hope you can overlook that one bit of my inexperience. (It shall be rectified for any of my future projects…if I ever do have any again.)

Since it seems you knew that writing an MLD Sequel was a bad idea-according to that intro in the description-why did you go through with it?

Here’s how my writing process works: I don’t come up with my stories, I have to wait patiently for them to come to me. If I try the former, the end result is usually a scant few paragraphs or something that would be classified as a failed troll fic. (At least, that’s what it would appear to be.) Now the latter has only happened twice, but both occurrences have produced wonderful results. Also, they write themselves. Literally, I go sit in front of a keyboard for a straight 3-6 hours until I finish the whole shebang. However, I should mention that neither piece broke 5,000 words.

So when this idea comes along, manages to stay in my head three days after it initially struck, and the first draft (approx. 15,500 words) is larger than my other two fics combined, it’s pretty hard to ignore it, no? And what is the point in writing a sequel, much less an MLD sequel, if all it’s going to do is sit on your stick drive? So I look for a place to post it, find FIMFiction, and discover I am not even the fiftieth (I doubt my guess is too high) to write one of these things. Certainly puts a damper on things, yes?

However, considering the fact it made absolutely no sense why I wrote this in the first place, yet it was larger than my two existing short stories, kept me from throwing out the idea. So I went a-lookin’ for some help and was surprised when the help found me. After looking over what I had, my initial editor BL gave me a 7K word count supplement on pacing, story, and character development. That’s huge, especially just to fix something as trivial as an MLD sequel. And after re-writing the whole thing and finding it was considerably larger than quadruple Draft 1, I definitely couldn’t just forget about it now.

So that’s why I came here and that’s why I went ahead with GND. It became the biggest thing I ever wrote, and that’s not lost on me. And I earnestly tried to write a MLD sequel that wasn’t based on wish fulfillment or fan service as so many of the rest seem to be. Whether my sequel can actually be considered a well-constructed story with believable characters and motives is up to all of you. I’m just thankful for the experience I received in writing and publishing this goll-dern sequel.

You do realize the original isn’t all that great?

Don’t, just don’t. There is no need to light any fires. (You may not be trying to, but that’s what’s going to happen.) Did I know the original story could have been better? Absolutely. Did I see almost 5k comments saying how it moved them? Indeed I did. Do I think ROB has a master plan behind all of this: Not revising MLD, allowing so many crappy sequels, controlling the minds of our children to become his zombie drones? Most definitely…excluding the last part. But c’mon, obviously he’s using it to distract us from something else up his sleeve. But what?

In any case, I know the original could have been better written and I agree, however, I also see the impact it has made in it’s current form and that’s quite huge when you step back and look at it. It could be better, but I’m fine with how it is. That’s my statement, run with it.

If MLD sequels are supposedly so bad, what makes yours any different?

I claim nothing outside of the third and final Draft being much better than my second. I may go as far as to claim that it is better than the generic MLD sequel. (There is a common thread of mistakes that reoccur over and over again. Call them MLDS clichés, even.) But to be frank, that’s a pretty low bar in the first place. Point being, I did put effort into making sure it at least attempted to meet the standards of a well-written story. I’ll put it this way: The generic MLD sequel is written with wish-fulfillment as the underlying motive; I tried to write an authentic sequel that actually built upon the original instead of merely bringing Dad and Dashie back together for a “happy” ending.

I will not claim my sequel is automatically better than anyone else’s (as I said, I’m comparing it to the MLD clichés) and I certainly don’t claim it to be any good. That being said, while the author is always sure of his story, it is the public that has the final say. In other words, of course I’m going to think I did well, doesn’t mean I actually did. So please don’t hesitate to tell me if I did not and I should eat some more humble pie.

You like to talk don’t you?

That is part of the reason why I left. Not the entire reason, but it was certainly a part of it. I should be a politician; I’d be awesome at filibusters…if I knew how to debate, that is. My point is that I do not like who I become when I talk through a keyboard. Too many words, especially too many pertaining only to myself. It ticks me off something fierce, it does.

Can we see your Second Draft?

No. Just…just no. Nobody should have to be subjected to that. (By which I mean, that was before my standards changed and I got serious about writing an MLD sequel. It’s more along the lines of the common crap you’d find. And who wants to read more of that?)

Why’d you leave? Afraid of criticism?

I have already explained my departure to those who I thought deserved an explanation. If they decide to share the details with you, I won’t object. All I shall say is that it was for personal reasons and leave it at that. Were it not for that reason, I certainly would have taken my place against the firing wall and took your strongest barrages, but alas, I shall be absent. Do not think that keeps you from commenting and critiquing the fic; I implore you, please do. And do not think you are no longer capable of critiquing me; if you have something to say, do go and say it. Just know that I came here to post GND, and having done so, I have no real reason to stay.

The writing finger moves, and having writ, moves on…

…And since I just can’t suppress it, “With this sequel, I have brought new meaning to the word ‘pegasister.’” *rimshot* You have no idea how long I’ve waited to say that.

There. Now I move on.

…I liked it.

Where were you twelve questions ago? Uh, I mean, I’m glad you enjoyed it.

Comments

[TheCloudtop]

As someone who has been with Nibs here, since before he left, I can say that he put a colossal amount of effort into this. Whether or not anyone who reads this likes it, I just want you to know that he took this very seriously, and he put the best he had into writing this.

[oberon]

2406871, it's not underappreciated.
It was just approved, minutes ago.

[Divine Path]

...oh well, seems like I glitched the page.
Regardless...
I am sad that there was no happy end for these people...
But I still cherish this with all my heart.
You clearly know how drag the reader into the events that unfold.
It is sad that with this, you shan't return....
Farewell, friend, and a farewell to Dad as well.
May your fictional heart beat in an other life.
Have fun, both of you.

[zachbobalu2]

This, this whole story, I have to say, was just as sad, if not more, than MLD itself. Excellent work.

[Nibrudly]

2515771
We are never told how old Dad actually is, so I did not have a definite age for him.

But here was my formula:

Start of MLD
Dad is mourning the loss of his parents, lives alone in their house. So he has to be old enough to be self-supporting, but not old enough to have started his life. (Most likely a college drop-out if that’s when his parents died. Age 24-30)

Life with Dashie
Fifteen years with Dashie (Age 39-45)

Life with David
Twenty-nine years later (Age 68-74)

So if you really want a singular number, I’d say 71 would be the middle age here.

And kudos for asking something I hadn’t even thought of.

[darkcloud64]

haha you did it! this has come a long was from the drift u sent me! Good job my friend! Hopefully see you soon.