Twilight Sparkle is being corrupted in mind and spirit by the Shadow, a dark magical force from ancient times. Now Princess Celestia is in a race against time to find the key to saving her student and her friends from the seduction of the Shadow.
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any estimate on how many chapters will be in this fic? I am enjoying it, I just enjoyed The Code's Apprentice more.
2534811 MMmh. Not sure. My original estimate was around 25 chapters. I might end up doing a couple more than that though.
Nn. Delicious things. The Shadow is much more worse than Disharmony though, in a way. But The Shadow is MUCH MORE glorious! All hail the Shadow~
*coughs, blushing* Okay, now that is out of my system... This is another good chapter, I never mind reading those things as long as they stay in fiction. AJ is truly one of the most stubborn mare out there... Do wonder how the other Elements will go though, since there's a probability that they are way harder to corrupt because of their personality... Although Fluttershy's kindness can be twisted to... this way. Yeah. *Shifty eyes*
Not bad; not really good either though. Allow me to explain.
First, the basis for everything I'm about to say: To me, characters under the influence of the Shadow feel like morally loose caricatures of their normal selves. Take this how you will.
Since I know you're reading Conviction, I'll use it as an example. In chapter 3, the events surrounding Slight choosing the name Slight are obviously horrible, but what really gives that scene its impact is her internal conflict (i.e. coming to terms with herself and what she's done). Similarly in this, the events here are horrible and tragic—however, they feel emotionally flat. Having the perspective characters be ponies under the influence of the Shadow inherently eliminates a large amount of their internal conflict because their moral standards simply aren't there anymore, and thus a major source of weight is gone. I suppose you could argue that Twilight and Co. not even really flinching as they perform these horrible acts is emotionally visceral, but I'd disagree with that for the same reason that Cupcakes isn't really emotional: too over the top.
This would probably have been much more visceral (or really, weighty at all) if it was entirely from Applejack's perspective (or if she was at least much less passive) so that we could see her change and break as things go along—watch her resist less and less and then start wanting it.
2535048
I can certainly see where you're coming from here.
Heck, I even agree that would be a pretty excellent scene. It's a concept I'll probably use in the future, since to be honest - I didn't really consider that as a narrative possibility. (As I've said before, I wish I could write to the standards of the guy who does Conviction.)
To touch on how the Shadow works - It was actually explained by Discord, in chapter 4 - "Whatever it touches, it makes more like itself." - What this ultimately means of course, is a reveal for another day. But that's what's supposed to be going on here.
Ultimately, this scene ended up being written for other purposes. To be a bit more precise, it was written as another step for Twilight down her dark path. Perhaps I could have gone about it better, maybe I could've added a little more to it. I dunno. The chapter is what it is, and my writing continues to evolve as a result.
Thanks for providing some really intelligent commentary, I appreciate the constructive criticism. I hope you stick around for future stuff to come.
An excellent chapter!
I liked AJ's conversion, having to knock her out, tie her up, and then annihilate her mind just to to bring her in feels like the way it should go.
I wonder if Scootaloo has been converted as well since she drank the cider too, even though she passed out afterwards.
With Dash, Pinkie, and AJ under control getting to Rarity and Fluttershy will be a piece of cake. Then we'll see if the Elements themselves are affected.
Of course, while all of this is going down at the farm, Cadence and Shining Armor are heading into Twilight City. I'm curious if they will just be told to wait until Twilight comes back or if the Shadowbolts will do something stupid, like try to capture them.
I almost feel like Applejack's breaking ended too shortly. Her eyes just go blank while Twilight is doing something internal; I kind of wanted to see the inside view of Twilight rewriting her.
2535300 Might end up seeing that. Doom Manta gave me a bit of inspiration to make a few modifications to some future scenes.
2535306
Sweet.
2535048 And now I'm going over all my future chapter plans and wondering wtf needs to be changed for the better.
Darn you and your reasonable commentary!
Ok, so let me simply start by saying FUCKFUCKFUCK! And secondly, I'm debating who has gone more insane, Rainbow Dash, or Twilight Sparkle, or Shadow, or whatever... Thirdly, I'm enjoying this too much.
I find it Itronic that this chapter is called "Apple family values" when right below it is...
Hmm... Are ya tryin to say somthin?
Nice chapter. This is what I was expecting, Plus. I never expected mind break. I never thought Applejack would fight that hard. Even with her intense pride and stubbornness. But as I thought, the CMC would fall. At least two of them. I figure the third will join on pure corruption by being around the others, because they are so close.
That's about all then. Back to plot building... and this is weird, but I miss seeing Silent Moon and Shadow Dancer. They are such cool characters.
Random thoughts:
After having some time to digest the chapter a few things sprung to mind.
Twilight didn't infuse the Shadow into the glass of brandy when she handed it off to Applebloom. She wasn't even channeling the Shadow at that moment and used her normal unicorn magic to pass the glass off. She also was rather insistent that the children be left out of the whole corruption process.
This would suggest the Shadow itself infected the brandy and that it acted independently, thorough Twilight without her even knowing it.
Twilight seems to think she can somehow undo everything that is happening at the moment down the road and in light of the above revelation that just does not seem possible.
This brings up the whole hierarchy of the Shadow enthrallment. Twilight's friends are directly enthralled to Twilight because she converted them. However, there are many who are part of the Shadow that obey Twilight but aren't really enthralled to her because they were converted before Twilight came along. Thus, how enthralled are the CMC to Twilight? She didn't really convert them but at the same time the Shadow did act through Twilight's magic to infect the brandy....
Well, I'm done rambling.
2536232 It could be that the brandy became infected because twilight had drunk from it, or as you said that the shadow has more freedom than Twilight thinks. I like the Idea
I personally thought that Rarity would have been one of the first of the mane6 to be corrupted, probably because of her personality and how fast she went 'bad' in The Code's Apprentice. I should probably stop comparing these two stories
2536862
So far the ones corrupted have been based on convenience. Rainbow Dash was in the library when Twilight shadow jumped there and Pinkie Pie was lured into the city with drugged sweets. Applejack was the first one Twilight planned to go after. Since Sweet Apple Acres is isolated, and the death of Filthy Rich made a good excuse to show up, Applejack was a logical choice.
Now that Sweetie Bell is under the Shadow's control, Rarity will be easy to manipulate into a defenseless position. Fluttershy will be interesting. Her cottage is isolated but filled with very loyal animals that will probably react badly to Shadowy mind rape on their owner. Twilight will probably have to lure her away from her cottage, but with all her other friends under control setting that up shouldn't be a big deal.
I'll be honest, I think you went too far in this story, and am now afraid of what future chapters may contain.
Which is why I'm dropping this story from my favorites.
It's pretty much all downhill from here on out.
2537184
I'm sorry to hear that but I understand your reluctance. I hope you rejoin us for future stories and thanks for reading!
And another anonymous downvote!
*HatersGonnaHate.gif*
Kinky Twi meet Alt ending changeling Twi from Hard Reset. Something tells me you would get along just fine.
*me reading this chapter*
Lalalalalala. Skipping this... and that... and that... and that... Most definitely this as well... What did I actually READ in this chapter?
Hmmm... Part of that scoots thing...
So much time spent on this stuff, I want to get back to the plot.
No, no no, not THAT kind of plot!
Since you're going to do it anyway, I'll save you the trouble and GIVE you a Flutter scene.
My heart is on fire... ow.
2540088 This is plot! It's not my fault you don't wanna read around the smexy stuff. XD
It's okay, it wont last forever.
2540106
*shudders* At one time I actually LIKED reading that, but as you can tell, things changed.
Trust me when I say that I like your fic enough to continue reading this, even with clop galore.
That might be considered a flaw of mine, I just want to know how the story ends. I'm in too deep to turn back now.
I'll hide in my safety hole now.
AND I'll read the chapter... for real this time.
2540190 Aw, Im sorry man. You'll have to skip over part of this next chapter, I'll warn you - but it's mostly for plot continuity so you won't miss too much.
Thanks for sticking with me though. I appreciate it.
And we have now reached the point where I feel I may have been too hasty to root for Twilight Shadow A little disappointed with having to basically destroy AJ to convert her but a good chapter nonetheless. Looking forward to more.
I just finished The Twilight Struggle and read through the first eight champters of this one. Now my eyes hurt after hours, staring on the screen of my E-reader, but I have to admit, IT WAS WORTH IT! It may be a bit overly graphic on some points, but it surely is extremely entertaining thus far, and I'm looking forward to continue reading later.
I just hope that Fluttershy will not suffer during her conversion. I have kind of a soft spot for that yellow pegasus.
I'm going to recommend this piece of insane-artwork to a few friends. You seriously deserve more appreciation for your work. Also, may I ask how much time you spend in front of your writing desk per day? I'm a bit curious, because you update so frequently.
Track'd and follow'd. Thou art amazing, thanks for writing this great story, and yeah that was pretty much everything I wanted to say.
so is this story mainly a light/implied hardcore porn fic? Or will it pick up to less pornographic stuff later?
2540203
Awesome sauce.
Welp, did you at least get my comparison? Hard reset Changeling Twi, and fallen Twi?
Both evil, and kinky.
C Twi is insane, and f Twi is just plain evil.
2543770 There's a lot of story going on here in different ways. The cloppy stuff is supposed to be there to serve the plot - in the sense that it's highlighting the downfall of Twilight's morals, as the ponies around her try to find a solution to the problem.
And yes, a LOT more plot is coming.
2543830 *Facehoof* Thank you.
2542427 Woo! Thanks for joining us! ^_^
That may well be the best pun I have ever heard
Well that is a little awkward
gotta get me some hot filly on filly action
Well… now I really want the Shadow to lose.
That said, I've enjoyed reading this so far. The plotline is interesting, if not captivating, the moral wrangling is entertaining and the sex scenes aren't gratuitous.
And now on to see how much you thwart my hopes for victory.
Dash had her hooves wrapped around dash's neck? how do you do the highlight thing
I can't say I'm too comfortable with the filly on filly content, but it does serve the plot. Twilight is sinking lower and lower into the Shadow and losing more of herself in the process. She took on the power to save others from it, but by doing so she is slowly infecting all of those around her. Every step she takes is sinking further into the quagmire and she is calmly rationalizing away everything from killing Filthy Rich to effectively raping AJ's body and mind.
((A/N: Warning: The following chapter contains extreme elements - Rape, Mind Break, and drunk fillies doing implied things with other drunk fillies. Reader discretion is advised. If you don't like it, tough.))
dam you have no idea how hard i laughed at that when i got off work i had a crappy day, read that and just started laughing until my ribs hurt good job my friend good job