Iron Will was furious.
Actually, his mood wouldn't be much of a surprise to anypony who had ever crossed paths with him. Minotaurs were one of those races living in Equestria who just seemed to have anger set as their default emotion, but in this case it was a special kind of fury that caused him to clench his fists as he strode swiftly through the streets of Ponyville.
By any means necessary.
Iron Will's superiors at Can't Run, Can't Hide had made it clear that he was to do whatever it took to get the money from the green unicorn. What was her name again? He pulled out his notepad and checked. Lyra. Whether Lyra had opened up a shop to pay off her debts or not didn't seem important to them, though the fact that another unicorn, Trixie, had opened up a rival shop most certainly had caught their attention. Anything that might hinder their ability to collect payment had to be eliminated. He had asked them how he was expected to do that, and the suggestions he received had horrified even him.
Sabotage. Slander. Robbery. Arson.
At the end of the day, they didn't care how it got done. All that mattered was that Trixie Lulamoon was in the way of business, and either Iron Will would take care of her or Can't Run, Can't Hide would take care of him.
The minotaur arrived at a building that some might call fancy, but anyone with a modicum of taste would call gaudy. The two-story tall building looked to be constructed of magically carved wood and featured several unnecessary support pillars that seemed to be more for looks than for anything else. Just above the door hung a flashing sign, likely also magical, that showed a blue unicorn dancing between two spinning bits. Iron Will knew then that this was his destination. He hesitated for only a moment more before striding through the door and demanding to see the shopkeeper.
..o0o..
"I think this is the place!"
Bon Bon took a parchment from her saddlebags and studied it for a moment before lifting her head up and looking around. "I think you're right," she said. She put the parchment back into her bags and glanced at Lyra. "I'm still not sure this is such a good idea, though. I mean, no offense, but we're not exactly the heroic type." She waved a hoof at their surroundings. "Galloping around all over Equestria searching for treasures and collecting bounties? Us?"
"Of course, us. We're going to be great! There isn't anything we can't do together." Lyra took a moment to take in the scenery. They were some distance from Appleloosa, in the lower foothills to the north. Tall cacti and short, thorny bushes dotted the landscape all around them, and the wind occasionally blew red dust up to mingle with the brilliant blue of the sky. She only noticed the monster because it had shimmered slightly. "Ooh! I think that's what we're here for." She trotted over towards the bush it was sitting under. "Aww... it's kind of cute!"
Rolling her eyes, Bon Bon walked over to have a look. The 'monster' was a little blob of slime, its translucent, gelatinous body tinted a light shade of red. Inside its body was what looked like a blacksmith's hammer. The slime quivered slightly as if in greeting.
"Right," Bon Bon grunted. "So this is it. We just squash this thing, retrieve the hammer, and then go collect the reward and give half to the Flim Flam brothers so they can find us another job." She shrugged and got into position to stomp on it. "I guess it's straightforward enough, though Celestia knows why nopony else thought to come do this themselves."
Lyra's eyes widened. "Wait! You can't stomp on Squishy!" She moved her head down to nuzzle the slime thing.
Bon Bon sighed. "Lyra, the contract specifically says that this thing isn't alive. It's just a puddle of magical components that can move around of its own accord because of some mishap, and it somehow stole the blacksmith's hammer. We just have to squish it and–"
"Ow!" Lyra shouted, rubbing her snout with a hoof. "Bad Squishy. Bad!" She looked up at Bon Bon. "Is my nose red?" She frowned and glared back down at the slime. "That was rude, Squishy. Now, apologize and give us the hammer, and we can forget this ever happened."
The slime quivered, as if in agreement.
"What happened?" Bon Bon asked. "Are you okay?"
The confusion was evident on Lyra's face. "I'm okay. But Squishy stung me! Why would he do that?" Bon Bon raised an eyebrow and looked like she was about to further explain how 'Squishy' didn't have emotions, but Lyra continued. "It's almost like he's made out of fire." She nudged the slime with a hoof. "Kind of like– Ow!" She pulled her hoof away quickly. "That is not how you make friends, Squishy!"
The slime was motionless, and they weren't getting any closer to collecting the reward money. Lyra tried using her magic to pull the hammer out of the slime, but it was no use. She was just about to ask Bon Bon for advice on what to do next when the slime shifted suddenly and leapt onto her head. The pain was immediate.
"Yow! Ooooh ow ow ow ow ow!" Lyra howled in pain. She shook her head violently and managed to dislodge the slime, but it reared back and leapt again, this time bouncing off her flank before dropping to the ground. "Okay, Squishy wins. Let's get out of here!" Lyra shrieked. She somehow managed to gallop and limp at the same time as she made a beeline straight back towards Appleloosa with Bon Bon following right behind. They ran for several minutes before Lyra's injuries forced them to slow down. They stopped next to a pair of cacti where Lyra flopped to the ground and buried her head in her front hooves.
Bon Bon drew near and gently nudged Lyra's shoulder. "Lyra?" she asked quietly.
"I can't do it," Lyra mumbled. She lay on her side, cradling her injured hoof, unmoving and defeated. "You were right," she said, staring ahead at nothing. "We never should have gone to the guild. Even if we'd retrieved the hammer, Flim and Flam would have taken half of our reward. There's no way we can earn enough bits in time; the first payment is due in a couple days!" Her eyes glistened as the sun began to set over the distant hills. "I just... can't."
Bon Bon's expression softened as she lay down next to Lyra. "Hey..." she soothed. Lyra closed her eyes, but Bon Bon wasn't deterred. "It isn't easy, I know," she said quietly. She looked up at the sky, where stars were beginning to show in the fading sunlight. "But... well, if it was easy, then it wouldn't be so amazing when you do manage to pull it off." Lyra opened her eyes, and Bon Bon continued. "You said so yourself: there isn't anything we can't do together, and I really do believe it. We'll have our good moments and our bad, but when hardships occur and luck's just not on your side, you just have to remember one thing."
"What's that?" Lyra asked.
Bon Bon stood up and held a hoof out to Lyra. "That no matter what happens, I'll be here for you."
Lyra stared at the hoof for a moment, then looked up into her best friend's eyes. She couldn't help but smile as she took the hoof and stood up. "And I'll be here for you," she said. "Let's go save Lyra's Ultimate Item Emporium!"
..o0o..
Trixie Lulamoon was alone behind the counter when the minotaur strode through the door. She had just sold off another crate of goods she had picked up in Appleloosa and needed to restock the shelf, but that could wait until her little helper arrived. Celestia knows she wasn't going to lower herself to performing manual labor, even if she could just levitate the product onto the shelves. Let the little runt do it instead. The filly was far too much of a daddy's girl, and could do with a few chores, anyway. She couldn't just go and cry to her father, either. He had put Trixie in charge of the shop, and Diamond Tiara was just there to help when she could, and that most certainly worked for Trixie.
It only took one look at the expression on Iron Will's face for Trixie to suddenly wish that Diamond Tiara were there right now. She could use a witness.
"S-stay back, you!" she demanded with false bravado. "Trixie won't hesitate to protect herself! W-what do you want?"
Iron Will strode up to the counter and glared down at the unicorn cowering before him. He clenched his fists and growled, his deep voice reverberating through the shop. He stared at her for several tense minutes, but finally he sighed and unclenched his fists.
"Iron Will..." he began, seeming unsure of himself. He looked around as if to make sure nopony was watching. Once he was satisfied, he spoke five words that would completely change the fate of Lyra's Ultimate Item Emporium, for better or for worse.
Squishy 1- Lyra 0
...and those 5 words were an advert.
Seriously need a page break or 'to be continued' or something at the end there because the ad placement (assuming you have an adblock exception for fimfic) is going to create some really weird endings depending on what the software is throwing up at the time.
On the other hand... anyone get anything really funny yet?
5392117 Lol. Yeah, not my favorite FiMFic ad placement spot, but what can you do?
5392117 "Iron Will..."
"Choose the product that's perfect for you."
I'm calling it now: There is no debt, and CRCH has been scaring the innocent into paying nonexistent debts for a while. In unrelated news, CRCH is about to go out of business due to a certain... minotaur-related incident...
5392117
"Iron Will..."
"...never tried contact lenses?"
5392117 Mine was just an advert for a camera. So far.
Me thinks that Iron Will said: "Iron Will... Has a proposal for you," mind you I don't think Trixie in this story is silly enough to think Iron Will was actually proposing to her but it can't be like he said "Wants to propose to you" right? Unless he said: "Wants you to marry Lyra," which would definitely change the fate of her shop either way...
Don't know what brought me to think if that but hey, a guess is a guess.
"Iron Will... needs Great and Powerful help."
"Iron Will... has a job for you."
"Iron Will... is putting together a team."
"Iron Will... sees you don't believe him."
"Iron Will... wants to buy your shop."
5392486 If that's true then I can totally see lawsuit for those guys and being punished by the princesses for fraud and other illegal means they may or may not have committed or forced. Either way CRCH is screwed.
5392117
Iron Will ... will eat your hay tacos.
or
Iron Will ... bought your soul from Filthy Rich.
Hey Squishy youre so fine, your so fine you burn my nose, hey Squishy.
Iron Will, Will Buy Everything You Have. ?
Poor Squishy, he wants to share his love....Maybe.
And oh my gosh, what's Iron Will up to. Hmm...
Some ponies just weren't meant to be adventurers.
Also, Iron Will's morals are butting up against his desire to stay employed. Definitely looking forward to finding out what he said.
"Has a proposition for you"?
"Thinks magic is very overrated."
How else is he going to get Trixie to flip out and burn her own shop down?
5393223 IS PUTTING TOGETHER A TEAM?!
All he needs now is an eye patch, billions of dollars worth of military grade weaponry, and an old fashioned hero and he could be Iron Fury! He should also name his team the Pone-vengers!
5395992 You're giving me ideas for another story.
5395996 media.giphy.com/media/Q7y3K35QjxCBa/giphy.gif
"Iron Will can't resist Trixie's speech patterns. Iron Will thinks we should team up."
Oooh. Cliffhanger. I'm looking forward to the next one
5392126
And those words were...
Parrot Minidrones
Apparently.
Slorgy, I expected better of you. why would you not use British Eng... oh. Never mind.
This, though:
Canon spelling is actually Appleloosa.
Whoa, man. I hope things do get better for poor wittle Wyra.
5392117
"Half off Funko pony figures"?
For a minute there I thought Lyra was going to recruit Squishy as her first "adventurer", maybe she still is...
5392117
Mine said 'check out our selection of titles'.
Finding Nemo reference for the win
This is awesome. Beaten by a slime. Brilliant.
Also, I would never have thought of the idea that Trixie could actually have a good influence on Diamond Tiara. Then again, I never had the thought of them meeting either.
Dory? What are you doing on dry land?
And also, Iron Will... what are you planning. Also, Child Labor Diamond, HILARIOUS!
5392117
Fast, easy loans! 100$ and up in minutes! Subject to approval.
5392117
6430156
I got the best one yet.
Great Rates. Fast-Service.
Unishippers. The shipping company that works for you.
I keep telling myself ‘one more chapter’ and then I finish the chapter and I’m like ‘perhaps one more’
It’s been like this for 5 chapters at this point.