Chapter 16 - Deadline
Iron Will took a swig of cider, then stared into the empty mug and watched as some stray foam ran down its side. His drink hadn't been nearly enough to sate his thirst, but he was drinking from a pony-sized mug. It would take several more refills before he could consume an amount fit for a minotaur.
Sitting across the table, her unblinking glare fixed directly on him, was Trixie Lulamoon, partial owner of Filthy Trix, and the newest member of the Adventurer's Guild. Her drink was untouched and, while Iron Will had to admit that her leaving it in this state was effective in setting the tone of her mood, it was also probably warm by now. Such a waste of good cider.
It was she who spoke first.
"Trixie is not amused," she said, her voice dripping venom. She had not blinked once during their entire meeting, and Iron Will privately wondered just how dry her eyes must be from the effort. Perhaps that was just something ponies could do. He'd ask Lyra about it later.
Iron Will leaned forward, set his mug down, and slowly placed both hands on the table. "Iron Will doesn't care," he said, his eyes locked onto hers. If she wanted to have a competition on who could be the most intimidating, he was more than happy to play along. That was just something minotaurs could do.
Trixie's eyes narrowed. "Well Trixie thinks you had better start caring. Trixie thinks you sabotaged her intentionally!" She pointed an accusatory hoof at Iron Will. "Everypony knows you're working with her now."
There was a flurry of movement as nearby patrons leaned back in their seats or abandoned them completely to get out of the way. Iron Will had stood up from his chair, and everypony knew what usually followed whenever a minotaur abruptly stood up. Sure enough, he slammed both fists down upon the table, which certainly would have splintered if not for the protective spell that the shop owner, a brown-coated unicorn, had instinctively cast upon it from his spot behind the counter.
"You are the only one at this table who works for her!" the minotaur howled. The veins in his neck bulged as he ground his teeth together. He glared at the nearby patrons. Their wide-eyed stares only further served to agitate his already poor mood.
"Iron Will does not work for Lyra's Ultimate Item Emporium!" he bellowed. Everypony in the room had long since stopped moving, as they listened in complete silence. Iron Will ignored them and turned to Trixie, lowering his voice a little. "And Iron Will did not know that Lyra would hire the entire Adventurer's Guild! He recommended the Guild so that you might have access to good stock without buying up everything in town!" He half-sighed, half-growled. "It was meant to be a win-win situation."
Trixie had endured Iron Will's tirade in silence. Though she had flinched slightly when he'd slammed his fists into the table, she had mostly observed him as a statue might: unblinking and unmoving. She studied his face for a moment before speaking.
"You don't work for her, but you do care for her," she said.
It was Iron Will's turn to look bewildered. He opened his mouth, shut it, blinked and tried again.
"Iron Will's only concern is to collect the debt that is owed to his client," he said.
It wasn't entirely true, though. He would never compromise his position as a debt collector, of course, but he had to admit that he admired Lyra's business sense. Where most of those targeted by Can't Run, Can't Hide fled or fainted on the spot, Lyra had sprung into action with a plan that might actually have had a chance to work if she'd had more than a week to prepare.
Reality saw things differently, though. Collection Day was here, and Iron Will had only one duty before him: he would collect. One way or another.
Besides, it was a well-known fact within the industry that debt collectors had no friends.
Trixie studied him a moment further, then stood abruptly and gathered her things. She stopped just before the doorway and looked back. "You do care for her," she remarked. Her eyes narrowed slightly. "Trixie wonders... how much is it going to hurt when you arrive at her door today to destroy everything she has worked so hard to build?" She disappeared with a swish of her tail before Iron Will could even think to respond.
..o0o..
Iron Will had not looked forward to visiting Lyra's Ultimate Item Emporium today, but his meeting with Trixie had managed to make it even worse. The irritating blue unicorn knew how to... well, be irritating.
But she was wrong about him.
Debt collectors could never allow themselves to feel any kind of emotion when it came to their jobs. At the end of the day, it all came down to simple numbers. If he could do something to increase the number of bits his client received, he would do it. If anything arose that might decrease the number of bits obtained... well, it needed to be eliminated. That's all he had been trying to do: get as many bits out of Lyra Heartstrings as possible.
So why was he walking so slowly? It was Collection Day. He should be pleased.
Iron Will rolled the thought around in his mind for a bit. The answer was simple, of course. By moving slowly, perhaps he would give Lyra time to make one more sale and earn just a few more bits that he could then collect and pass on to his client. That had to be the reason.
He caught himself staring up at the sky, and shook his head to clear it. It was time to focus, not get caught with his head in the clouds. Lyra had tried her best, but it wasn't going to be enough. He'd need to seize her earnings, all unsold stock, and her home as well. It wouldn't cover the entire debt, but that wasn't his concern. He only needed to collect as much as he could. Can't Run, Can't Hide would sort out the rest of the details with the Royal Canterlot Bank. He would earn a bonus based on how much he managed to collect, and then he could move on.
His face was set in grim determination by the time he reached Lyra's Ultimate Item Emporium. He paused for a brief moment before opening the door and walking inside.
..o0o..
"Welcome to Lyra's Ultima—"
Lyra blinked at Iron Will, then grinned. "Oh, it's you. Would you like to buy anything?" She was already moving toward a display full of various odds and ends she'd collected from the Guild. "We just got these in this morning! I bet this hat would suit you well."
Iron Will patiently removed the hat Lyra had put on his head and set it back on the display. He did not return Lyra's smile.
"Good morning to you too, Mr. Grumpy," Bon Bon quipped from behind the register. She busied herself with rearranging a nearby display, not waiting for a reply.
Lyra tilted her head. "Hm, I guess that hat didn't suit you after all." She moved to another display and picked up the blacksmith's hammer. "Hey, you're big and strong. I bet you'd make a great–"
"Stop!"
Lyra halted in her tracks and looked up at Iron Will, her mouth still open.
"It's time," the minotaur said. "I've come to collect. Five thousand bits."
Lyra looked at Bon Bon, who looked at Iron Will. Iron Will just stared straight-ahead. A long moment of silence stretched on for what seemed like several minutes. Finally, Iron Will sighed.
"It is my unfortunate duty to inform you that, as a representative of Can't Run, Can't Hide, it is my task, as an immediate consequence of your inability to pay the required first week's payment, to seize all available stock and any other assets that you may have acquired as a direct result of–"
He was interrupted by a loud thunk as Lyra and Bon Bon dropped a heavy wooden box in front of him.
So they knew this was coming and they don't even need to hear the rest, Iron Will thought. It was just like Lyra, too. Just get it over with and move on to whatever awaited her next.
He waited for them to start packing away the rest of the assets, but neither Lyra or Bon Bon moved. They just sat in front of him with the box in-between them.
"And what is this?" Iron Will finally asked.
Lyra blinked. "It's what you came for."
Bon Bon rolled her eyes. "Uh, yeah. Five thousand bits." She stood up and motioned impatiently with a hoof. "Now, if you don't mind, you're kind of scaring away any potential customers, and we've been really busy lately so if you could just, you know, take the bits and maybe come back later, that would be great."
Iron Will did an admirable job of keeping a straight face. He cleared his throat, picked up the box, and said, "Well then. Congratulations. I will return some time later today to discuss where we go from here." He then backed his way out the door and headed south towards Can't Run, Can't Hide.
It wasn't until he reached the outskirts of Ponyville that he allowed himself to break into a wide grin.
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Yeeeee! A wild update! Thanks.
6058725 You're welcome!
Thank you for your patience, and for reading!
I really want Lyra and situation to accidentally set up an Oroubourous class futures derivatives on Cant Run, Cant Hide. that is, a collection of buisinesses and employments, that CRCH invest in, so that when they finally call on the debt to break the buisiness, they end up going bust in the recursion, and Lyra, due to the immense rate of trade, ends up with all the money. And All the Assets. Including Iron Will.
I almost want to say that Lyra has acquired Iron Will's Adventurer Card... But not yet. He requires more adventures to permanently unlock.
hah! Just *thunk* "anything else?"
>Titles the chapter "Deadline"
>Takes two months to release it.
snirk
Not bad by the way.
6060824
It's so true though.
6058762 They could also trick them into investing heavily in frozen concentrated orange juice futures, which the business ponies believe will be harmed by a heavy frost in Coltifornia, while Lyra and Co. know the frost did no damage and the agricultural report will trigger a round of heavy selling; go in and exacerbate the fall by selling puts just before the report announcing no price change in the orange harvest, then buy up all the plunging valued shares on a margin call then short them upon moderate rebound for mass profits!
Hey, it could happen!
images.blu-ray.com/movies/covers/407_front.jpg
6060912
Please tell me the main characters in that got arrested for insider trading.
6061059 Nope! Actually, they used the attempted insider trading of the villains to make themselves rich and wipe out the villains entire fortune in the process.
It's rather sounding like this plan of Lyra's is going to be successful well past the point of earning enough to pay off CRCH. Good show, girls.
Oh, Iron Will. You didn't even check what was inside the box...
Still, Lyra being Lyra, it doesn't seem likely she could have remained so casual if she had any doubt whatsoever about her ability to pay. Perhaps an experienced debt collector could read that and be happy to wrap things up in an instant, given the opportunity.
Also interesting to see an aspect of coin-based currency play out here, with a large payment requiring a physically large storage unit to transport it in. Equestria doesn't seem to have paper currency or a credit industry, although I assume the concept of promissory notes, especially from nobles, or the throne, exists (even if not in wide circulation). I don't think we've seen a bank, either...?
6062119 alphabetbands.files.wordpress.com/2013/01/whats-in-the-box.jpg
First a conversation where first-person pronouns go to die, then the first week's payment. Lyra's quite good at this once she gets a chance to prove it. Of course, this was just the first installment...
I just read this entire thing over the last few days. I loved it. Here is hoping it sees some love more often.
6058751 Glad Lyra and Bonnie will get to keep their house!
Hahaha. Excellent.
I'm glad I finally got around to reading this. Now I need more. More, I say!
Um, please. I really want to see what the next instalment of the debt is going to be, and the time frame that Lyra has to acquire it.
WOOHOO it's still going!!
Heh, Iron Will, you old Tsundere.
... Or Kuudere? Is a dere even applied to hulking masses of minotaur?
Eh, whatever, the price was racked up, and the future promises to be a bright one.
Um... My story is broken.
There appears to be no more.