Chapter 34 - Heroes
After her meeting with Discord, Lyra made her way to the town square, where Rainbow Dash stood at a lectern surrounded by a small crowd of the few ponies left in town who had not yet rushed to the safety of their homes in order to shutter the doors and windows. It looked as if she was just putting the finishing touches on her call to arms.
"... and so as much as I'd love to stay here and kick some serious monster tail, Ponyville needs others to step up and help with her defense," Rainbow announced. She spoke with confidence and passion. "That's why, despite our history of anonymity, I'm calling for my fellow members of the Adventurer's Guild to come forward and reveal themselves in this time of need. I know that if you all rally behind them, there isn't anything you can't overcome!" She grinned sheepishly and quickly added, "Plus, most of the monsters are basically harmless, so it's nothing that you guys can't handle. Except maybe the timber wolves. They can be kinda tricky." She shuffled nervously. "Um, anyway, you'll all be fine. So where's my fellow guildies at?" With that said she scanned the crowd, obviously expecting somepony to stand up and help take charge.
"Didn't you hear? The Adventurer's Guild was disbanded!" somepony called out from the crowd. Others began to murmur and look around nervously.
Rainbow's jaw dropped, and Lyra's cheeks suddenly grew red. With the sudden and unexpected news about her parents, she had completely forgotten to fill Rainbow in on what had happened to the guild. The crowd was getting more restless by the minute, and more and more ponies were leaving to go hide in their homes.
"Does it matter?" a small voice called out.
The crowd quieted and parted, and a young filly wearing a hooded cloak stepped forward. She scanned the crowd almost shyly before trotting up to the lectern to stand beside Rainbow Dash.
"Ponyville doesn't need the Guild. It needs heroes. A hero doesn't do something dangerous for recognition or reward. A hero does it because it needs to be done. We're all very lucky in that we have six wonderful heroes who do just that time and time again, but tonight they can't be here and so it's up to us. The weak. The timid. The ordinary. But within each and every one of us is the strength and courage to become something greater than anypony could ever imagine... even ourselves. It's time for the weak to become strong. The timid to be bold. The ordinary to become extraordinary." The filly removed her cloak and tossed it away. "My name is Scootaloo, formerly of the Adventurer's Guild, and tonight I choose to be more than a bystander. Tonight, I fight for Ponyville!" As she finished her speech, she turned, beaming, and looked up at Rainbow Dash.
It was difficult to imagine Rainbow's jaw dropping any further than it already had, but she somehow managed it. It only took a brief moment before Rainbow's expression warmed into a look of pride. She looked up suddenly as a pegasus flew over the crowd to land beside her and Scootaloo.
"And if the town needs saving, it'll be a lot easier if we save it together!" The pegasus removed her shades. "The name's Spitfire, formerly of the Adventurer's Guild. If there's anything that leading the Wonderbolts has taught me, it's that we fail or succeed as a team!"
The crowd around the lectern began to grow as ponies came back out from their homes to see what was happening. Whispers could be heard of "heroes," or "Spitfire," and the like. Another pony emerged from the crowd and walked up to the lectern.
"I'm Maud," she said in a monotone voice. "Formerly of the Adventurer's Guild. When you're stuck between a rock and a hard place—" she casually walked over to a large boulder that was near the lectern, turned, and bucked her hind legs out at it, "—you destroy the rock."
The crowd watched in awe as cracks quickly forked along the face of the boulder, which then shattered into a mound of small pebbles. More ponies emerged from their homes as word spread of what was occurring at the town square. They stared and pointed as a war hammer-wielding minotaur made for the lectern.
"Iron Will did not come to Ponyville to be a hero or to help others," the minotaur said. Confused looks could be seen among the crowd. "But then Iron Will met Lyra Heartstrings. Lyra is a pony who is smart, determined, and relentless. But she is also a pony who will make the difficult choice, even if it hurts to do so. She taught Iron Will the value of friendship, and it is now Iron Will who is in debt to her." He looked at Lyra and gave a little nod. "My name is Iron Will, formerly of the Adventurer's Guild." He raised his war hammer high over his head. "Even if ten thousand monsters are on their way here, not a single one of them will harm anypony while Iron Will still stands!"
Cheers erupted from the crowd, and ponies began to stomp their hooves in support of the heroes who stood at the lectern. Lyra looked around in awe at how all these ponies, who only moments ago seemed ready to give up and hide, were now full of adrenaline and ready to fight. It took her a few moments to realize that everyone standing at the lectern was now looking at her expectantly. Bon Bon emerged from the crowd and gave her a small nudge as if to say "Go on."
Lyra slowly made her way to the lectern. Everything seemed to move in slow motion, and her mind was weighted down with all the things that had occurred over the past few days. But when she arrived at the lectern and looked out at all the ponies who were now looking at her with rapt attention, she understood. Just like Scootaloo had said, it was time to step up. She looked over the faces of everypony who was gathered one more time before speaking.
"My name's Lyra Heartstrings. I'm not formerly of the Adventurer's Guild, but I think most of you already knew that. I'm... not very strong. Not like Maud and Iron Will, nor am I particularly brave like Spitfire or Scootaloo. I'm just an ordinary pony like you. Many of the faces I see gathered here today are ones I know well, for I've served many of you at my shop... which I am also no longer associated with." She cleared her throat and continued. "I... just spent the past few weeks fighting to save my home. Running the shop was never about making a profit, it was about preserving memories. Because, thanks to some strange ancient artifact, memories are all I have left of my parents." She wiped away a few tears and continued. "It took them from me, and now that same artifact is threatening to take away everything else. Rainbow Dash and her friends aren't going to let that happen. So I don't care that I'm not strong, or brave, or wise. I'm Lyra Heartstrings, and I'm not going to stand by and let the monsters it helped create come and take over our homes!"
The crowd once again burst into cheers. With the residents of Ponyville fully motivated, it was time to start planning its defense.
Once Lyra, Bon Bon, and the former guild members had discussed what needed to be done, they all dispersed in order to put their plans into motion. The moment Lyra was alone, Discord appeared in front of her.
"Congratulations. What a rousing speech. Couldn't have put it any better myself," the draconequus cried, clapping his claws together. "It's almost as if coming together for the greater good is better than relying on somepony else to do all the work for you."
Lyra smiled. "I understand. But don't you have an artifact you need to go deactivate?"
"I do," Discord said. "It's just, I got to thinking. You see, there was this one time where I used my magic to transform Twilight Sparkle and her friends into complete opposites of themselves. Even turned them grey, if you can believe it. It was quite the show."
Lyra raised an eyebrow. "Um... yeah, I think everypony's heard the story. Why are you telling me this now?"
Discord put his lion's paw up to his chin in mock thought. "It's just curious, is it not? You know, despite all my efforts to completely change them, there was still... something there. Some part of themselves that not even I could take away from them. And I'm, well, me!" He leaned in close, almost conspiratorially. "I guess not even chaos magic can completely take away one's identity. Good luck with the slimes!" With that said, he snapped his clawed fingers and disappeared.
"You ready?" Rainbow Dash said when Discord appeared next to her.
"Of course! Let's get this over with. I'm getting my mane styled later, and I don't want to be late for my appointment," Discord said. Rainbow nodded, and Discord raised his clawed fingers.
From a little way behind the pair, unnoticed by either of them, a figure emerged from the trees and rushed quickly towards them. As Discord snapped his fingers, he, Rainbow, and the third figure were all teleported to the location of the Entropy Prism.
It was late afternoon when the first wave of monsters was spotted on the outskirts of Ponyville. The expected slimes and timber wolves were there, but there were also more of the strange mushroom creatures Flim and Flam had discovered. Ponies moved into their assigned positions and waited for the signal. Though the tension was palpable, the lines held. Then, just as the first of the creatures reached the very edge of town, a horn was sounded. The battle for Ponyville had begun.
Maud Pie blinked. She was part of the front line defense in the wilderness just outside of town, and even though the battle had barely begun, she was already being stalked by no less than four timber wolves. The twigs and branches that their bodies were comprised of creaked and snapped as they drew closer, mixing with the horrifying sound of their growls.
Maud blinked again.
The timber wolves hesitated. Though creatures derived from magic, they still possessed some basic form of instincts. Prey was supposed to cower and hide, not just sit there and stare at them. Still, their predatory impulses eventually won out, and they advanced again.
Maud reared up and brought her two front hooves down hard onto the ground. Somewhere beneath the surface, fissures began to form, then expand in key areas. They eventually reached the root system of a nearby tree, compromising its structural integrity and causing the ground to give way near its base, leading the tree to tilt dangerously. Maud was already walking toward the next group of monsters even before the tree fell and destroyed the timber wolves.
From the sky, Spitfire had an easy time of spotting where the monsters were coming from. Her time spent coordinating the Wonderbolts also helped her to quickly assess situations as they arose, and to work out a response to each new problem.
"You there! Got a group of five slimes just around the corner of that house on your east," Spitfire called out from above. The stallion she spoke to looked up, then nodded his head and led a group of ponies toward the threat to eliminate it. Spitfire then flew towards three mares who were holding each other and looking around nervously. "Hey, heads up! Six mushrooms incoming from the north. Retreat to your south and group up with the ponies there. You can easily take them out together!" The mares nodded and galloped away.
Terrified shrieks from nearby drew her attention toward the Ponyville schoolhouse, where a timber wolf was crouched and ready to pounce on the town's school teacher, Cheerilee. Spitfire flew toward the timber wolf at full speed, and collided with enough force to shatter its body, sending twigs and branches scattering in all directions. After accepting Cheerilee's thanks, she ushered the teacher into the safety of the schoolhouse, then took to the sky once more, ready to assist wherever she was needed.
Scootaloo had somehow managed to get herself into a sticky situation. She had seen a small group of monsters heading in the direction of Lyra's home, and she knew that she and her ex-guildmates had all come too far in their efforts to save it just to have it be overrun with magical creatures.
Unfortunately, she'd gotten herself surrounded. But she wasn't worried. She had her blacksmith's hammer at the ready, and there was no way Lyra was going to lose her home now. She rushed toward a slime and brought the hammer down hard, sending slime in all directions. Pieces of it landed on her side and burned, but she paid it no heed. She turned around just as a timber wolf pounced and the hammer connected with its mouth, sending its lower jaw flying from its head. She ducked this way and that, using her small size and great agility to her advantage. Before long, she had taken the entire group down.
Panting, she sat on her haunches and took a rest. Saving the day was hard work, and she was still a kid, after all.
A low growl from right behind her raised the hairs on her neck and back. She tried to quickly turn around, but she knew it was too late.
Just as the timber wolf prepared to leap at Scootaloo, a small form came crashing into its body and knocked it to the ground. When the small form finally rolled to a stop, Scootaloo saw it was Diamond Tiara. She opened her eyes, shook her head, and give a shy smile. The blacksmith's hammer was brought down upon the timber wolf's head before it could scramble to its feet.
"I... I'm sorry about the shop. I just didn't see any other kind of solution," Diamond said, dusting her coat off with her tail. "I hope you can forgive me."
Scootaloo smiled. "I know you were just trying to help. I'm sorry I yelled at you. I was focusing on the wrong things, and it turns out you're actually kind of awesome!"
Diamond blushed, the the two friends set off together to find any other ponies in need of help.
Iron Will, Lyra, and Bon Bon were in the center of town, doing everything they could to hold off the waves of monsters. With his giant war hammer, Iron Will was an offensive juggernaut, and countless magical creatures fell to his might. Lyra, though not exactly gifted in offensive spells, did what she could to send bolts of energy from her horn into the monsters. She also created her magical shield whenever necessary until Iron Will could finish off whatever was attacking her.
Bon Bon was content to mostly stay out of Iron Will's way, though she did run in and buck the occasional mushroom or timber wolf when the opportunity presented itself.
That is, she was content to stay out of the way until one of the slimes leapt at her from behind and landed directly on her bottom.
"Oww!" she cried, her eyes narrowing. "Are you kidding me?" She craned her neck back and grabbed the slime with her mouth, completely ignoring the searing pain that it caused. With a guttural growl of rage, she galloped headlong toward one of the mushroom creatures and hurled the slime at what she assumed was its face. The mushroom squawked with pain before Bon Bon lowered her head and drove it into the midsection of the creature. It went flying backwards, directly into the path of a charging timber wolf. The timber wolf stumbled, throwing it off-balance just long enough for Bon Bon to leap up onto its back and tackle it to the ground. She raised her hooves up and smashed them down onto the timber wolf over and over again until it became nothing more than a small pile of twigs. When she finished, she looked around in all directions before locking onto another target and rushing after it, screaming the entire time.
Iron Will and the timber wolf he had been fighting had both stopped to watch Bon Bon's fury be unleashed. Iron Will raised an eyebrow and looked down at the timber wolf. It looked up at him, then back at Bon Bon, then turned tail and retreated back into the forest as fast as it could.
"Hey, who said you could have all the fun? Why don't you save some for me?" a voice called out.
Iron Will turned and grinned. He strode toward the source of the voice and folded his arms across his chest. "What took so long?" he asked.
Shining Armor laughed. "Sorry, had a city to defend. You might have heard of it. Canterlot? Anyway, I also brought some backup with me." Behind him, patrols of his Royal Guard spread out in order to assist where they were needed. Bursts of green magic could occasionally be seen as Flim and Flam joined in the effort as well. Shining Armor walked up to Iron Will and held out his spear.
Iron Will raised his eyebrow, but soon gave in. He traded his war hammer for Shining Armor's spear, ignoring the childlike joy showing on the pony captain's face. The two stood back to back, their weapons at the ready.
"Shall we finish this?" Shining Armor said with a grin.
Iron Will smiled. "Let's do it."
"So, uh, do you think you can cancel out the Prism's effect so that whoever deactivates it doesn't, you know..." Rainbow asked.
"Does he really have to? I mean, he's Discord, right?" Pinkie Pie replied. "He can just change us back to who we're supposed to be if it alters us. Right?"
"Well, I mean. Probably."
"Probably!?" the six friends cried in unison.
"Discord!" Twilight exclaimed, obviously annoyed. "How could you not know what will happen? Isn't chaos magic kind of your thing?"
"Well yes, obviously, princess, but you're forgetting just who the Prism was created to stop in the first place. It wouldn't exactly be my fault if things didn't go to plan. That is kind of the point of chaos magic, after all."
"And you're telling us this now?" Applejack blurted.
"You're welcome," Discord said.
Twilight sighed and put a hoof to her forehead. "Okay, so we combine our magic... the magic of friendship along with your chaos magic. That should be enough to normalize things in the general area. Do you suppose it could be enough to deactivate the Prism without anypony having to do so manually?"
"I don't know," Discord admitted. "I've never tried. Let's give it a go, Worst case scenario, I'll see what I can do if anypony gets altered."
"That's not very reassuring, darling," Rarity sang sarcastically.
"Well it's not going to fix itself. Let's just get on with it," Rainbow said.
"Agreed," said Twilight. She and her friends moved into position and joined hooves. A moment later, they were all levitating off the ground as colorful bursts of magic appeared around them. Nearby, Discord closed his eyes and added his magic to theirs. As soon as the powers combined, the trees and buildings in the area that were floating began to drift to the ground as the normalizing effect took place.
Unseen by any of the gathered friends, Amber Glow watched from within one of the buildings. She thought about what she'd just heard. If the Entropy Prism didn't deactivate on its own, somepony was going to have to do it manually. There were no guarantees that Discord could assist in changing them back, being that the magic within the Prism was meant to stop Discord in the first place.
She took a look around. Things were normalizing, but it didn't look like it was going to be enough. Equestria couldn't afford to lose any of these six friends, but there was no way any of them would allow Amber to try if they knew she was there. That was just the kind of ponies they were. She stealthily left the building she was in and made for the one that the others had indicated held the Prism. Once inside, she tread carefully around various floating chairs and other things until she saw what she was looking for.
The Prism wasn't glowing, and there wasn't any kind of power that she could sense emanating from it. It wasn't even floating.
It terrified her.
She closed her eyes and, after she managed to stop her legs from shaking, reached a hoof out and touched the artifact.
Nothing happened.
With a small sigh of relief, she picked the Prism up. It seemed as if it were safe to carry. Good. If she were to try and deactivate the Prism and fail... she didn't want Twilight and her friends to be affected by whatever might happen. She quickly fled the building and disappeared back into the surrounding forest. Once she felt she was a far enough distance away, she set the Prism down and stared at it.
This was it? This one small thing was responsible for so much danger in Equestria. How many more dangerous artifacts just like it were out there?
She reached her hoof out, intent on deactivating it, but she hesitated. Her heartbeat increased, her breathing became heavier, and sweat dripped down her forehead.
What was going to happen to her?
With a sigh, she thought back to the speech she'd heard earlier from one of the old Adventurer's Guild members who was just a filly.
A hero doesn't do something dangerous for recognition or reward. A hero does it because it needs to be done.
She smiled. Such wise words from one so young.
"I'm sorry, Trixie," she said. She then touched a hoof to the Prism and thought of normalcy.
Rainbow Dash opened her eyes. She looked all around, but there wasn't anything floating in the air that shouldn't have been.
"It worked!" Twilight Sparkle cried. "The Prism must have been deactivated. Everything's back to normal!"
Discord shrugged. "And here I was looking forward to seeing if I could reverse its effects on somepony." At the glares he received he held his paw and claw up. "I'm kidding! Sheesh, tough crowd. Really though, can we go home now? As delightful as its been to save the day, I do have other things to attend to."
"I can't believe it, but I'm gonna have to agree with Discord," Applejack said. "Y'all run along now. I'll go get that Prism thingy so we can hide it away somewhere safe."
A few minutes later, however, Applejack came back empty-hooved. "It's done gone and vanished! Must've vaporized when we combined our magic or the like. I looked all over, and it just ain't there!"
Somewhere in the forest, somepony slowly stood up on sore legs. She tried to think of how she ended up where she was, but no answers came to mind. In fact, everything about what had just happened was hazy.
She concentrated and searched deep within herself for something... any kind of answer to hold onto.
Glow.
Her name? No. At least, that wasn't all of it. What had happened to her? She stumbled over something and looked down. Some kind of brooch or pendant was on the ground. A multi-faceted ruby set in gold with six small circles surrounding it. What was this?
Magic.
Magic. Yes. It had done... something to her. Something she couldn't explain, but she knew it was terrible. Magic was mysterious. Dangerous. The world would be better off if magic were to disappear before it could harm anypony else.
She picked up the object and carried it with her as she walked further into the forest. Nothing about her felt... right. She couldn't put her hoof on it, and it was infuriating.
She stumbled onto a lake. She was thirsty and needed water. She walked to the water's edge and bent down for a drink, but she paused when she saw her reflection.
She was... small. A filly. Her peach colored face was freckled, and a shock of blue curls hung from her mane.
She didn't recognize herself at all.
"I'm... tiny," she said. She looked at her reflection again, and tried to reach once again for something of herself. Anything.
Optimism.
Yes, she shouldn't be so pessimistic. She might not understand what was going on, but she should try to see the bright side of things.
"No, I'm not tiny," the filly said. "More like... cozy."
With that said, the filly drank her fill and disappeared further into the forest.
It was several days after the Battle of Ponyville when Shining Armor came to visit Lyra. The battle had ended abruptly when all the monsters suddenly lost most of their aggression. From there, it was an easy matter for the combined forces from Ponyville and Canterlot to clean up what was left. In the end, nopony was badly hurt, and the town was already starting to get back to normal.
"Shining Armor?" Lyra blinked. "Um, come in! Sorry, I just wasn't expecting any more official visits. Not that I don't appreciate the medal the princess awarded me, but I kind of figured the celebrations were all finished and everypony had moved on."
"Oh, my visit isn't about anything like that." He stepped inside and took the seat that Lyra offered. "It's about your debt."
Lyra's eyes widened. "Wait... I paid that off! There's no way that after all we've been through—"
Shining Armor held a hoof up. "No, it's not like that. See, your debt originally came from your parents, correct?"
Lyra shrugged. "That's what I've been told."
Shining nodded. "They took out a loan from the Canterlot Royal Bank to fund what was supposed to be a short, easy quest offered by a company called Adventure Life. We learned as much by studying the journal your parents left behind at the site of the Entropy Prism. Adventure Life was a company that offered such quests for large rewards. Or... that's what they wanted everypony to think."
Lyra blinked. "What do you mean?"
"Adventure Life was just one of many names the company went by. We've done some digging, and it turns out that the folks at Adventure Life had what they thought was a fool proof plan. One of them found an artifact... one that could alter reality. The Entropy Prism. As it turns out, they knew exactly what they were sending ponies out to do. They knew that ponies like your parents could never complete the quests they sent them on, because anypony who completed the quest would become somepony else entirely, meaning they would never have to pay out a reward."
Lyra put a hoof to her mouth. "That... that's awful!" she said. "But why would they do that?"
Shining Armor leaned forward. "That's where their sister company would come in. You may have heard of them. With ponies disappearing, it would leave large debts in their names that were unaccounted for. Enter a little startup called Can't Run, Can't Hide to sweep in and collect the debts from unsuspecting family members. It didn't take them long to realize that if they waited a few years, they could collect a large amount of interest as well. The entire thing was a get-rich scheme!"
The room was silent while this information was absorbed. Finally, Lyra said, "B-but... Iron Will?"
"Completely unaware of what was going on. He'd only been on the job a few days when he came for your debt, and had no knowledge of anything other than their urgency at getting him to collect."
It took some time for Lyra to fully absorb what she'd just learned. But Shining Armor wasn't finished.
"So that's why I'm here today. The criminals behind both Adventure Life and Can't Run, Can't Hide have all been apprehended. They have a lot to pay for, and the princess will make sure that justice is served. And that leads to the matter of your debt. Upon learning of what these two companies have been up to, the Royal Canterlot Bank has waived all debts related to the matter."
"Well, that's nice of them," Lyra said, "but I already paid off my debt."
Shining Armor smiled. "I don't think you understand. You paid one hundred twenty-five thousand bits to a company that doesn't exist, for a debt that has been forgiven in its entirety. I know it can't bring your parents back, but... " He whistled, and the door suddenly opened. Several Royal Guard ponies entered bearing multiple chests between them. They set the chests down and went back outside.
"Here it is now. All one hundred twenty-five thousand bits. I believe that makes you the second or third richest pony in Ponyville, Lyra Heartstrings."
Lyra stared at the chests. Admirably, she lasted a few moments before she finally fainted.
Stats
Page generated in 0.046 seconds
Total duration
1,034 users online
1,532,025 hits today, 2,004,447 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
That's the origin for this world's Cozy Glow. Oh you clever son of a bitch.
Thats nasty, abusing The Perambulating Perambulator like that.
Oh look, normal legal buisiness practices who practiced on the wrong people.
Nice speeches!
And woah. Cozy Glow! ... So sad, but so cool, to see how such (small?) changes can affect someone's whole personality!
And woah! So that's what happened to Adventurer Life!
Nice explanations and town defense and stuff!
Aww, poor Amber Glow . She saved the world and nobody knows.
Maybe she'll be lucky and there's going to be a happy ending for her in this continuity.
This couldn’t’ve been planned at first, because this fic’s too old, but my gosh that’s awesome.
10262801
I can remember Cozy's first appearance in-show, and I immediately wanted to do up a backstory for her. Then life happened and I stopped writing, and the show ended and she still didn't have a backstory, which was great because it meant that show canon couldn't mess with my plans.
It fit perfectly with where I was taking this story anyway, so it all worked out.
Spitfire doing the things makes me laugh -- Hobby Adventurer Spitfire on Vacation. I don't know why, it's endlessly amusing.
SHE'S RIIIICH! Lyra is has mega STONKS!
Still though, it's a little unsatisfying to see an unnamed set of particularly dastardly intent get axed on the sidelines, but I guess that's not particularly important.
Honestly though, this is my favourite Iron Will I've ever read with the whole character arc with the canon bits obsessed character coming around through thick and thin, just excellent.
10262840
So, don't commit a black sheep of deleting a named character -- or in this case the convenient continuity exception -- and get to explain a different character's backstory. Hmm, kinda sad for Amber still considering what happens with Cozy Glow later on.
You cheeky--
So... how does that little filly turn into pure one-dimensional evil in this universe?
TOM!!! Noooo!!
Ohhh so thats The origin of Cozy Glow I can't believe I didn't see that coming to be honest with you specially the name Amber glow I can't believe connect the dots lol but I wonder in this world is she going to be evil hmmm i guess the will be answered another time the the battle was awesome
10283058
Not happy with that too be honest. Amber Glow needed to be shipped with Trixie, not turned into a being of evil that wants Tirek's massive ***k.
Lyra hasn't got the faintest idea of what she wants to with all that money and it wouldn't surprise me if she just gave a lot of it away.
Oh, goddamnit.