Chapter 1
Debt
Lyra Heartstrings was sleeping peacefully in her warm, soft bed when opportunity knocked at her door. It did not knock heavily, nor did it knock gently. It knocked in such a way as to produce a very reasonable level of noise and, in fact, was just loud enough to wake the mint-colored unicorn from her slumber without startling her. Stretching her back and shoulders, Lyra half-opened her eyes, took a sleepy glance around her room, then promptly flopped her head back onto her pillow and went back to sleep.
It is said that opportunity does not knock twice, but in this case it did, albeit a bit more firmly than before.
Lyra grabbed her pillow in her hooves, flipped over onto her side with a swish of her tail, and pressed it firmly over her head. Although her display of dissent was admirable, there was nopony else around to see it, and she could not block out the offending noise. With a small sigh, she leapt out of bed and trotted through her house and to the front door. Despite her earlier protests, she put on a big smile as she opened the door.
"Hello!" she beamed as the door swung open. Her smile faltered only slightly when she realized that it wasn't one of her many pony friends waiting outside to greet her, but was instead a large, bluish-grey minotaur studying a clipboard. He looked over the top of the board when he noticed Lyra had opened the door.
"Good day there, pony," the minotaur said in a gravelly voice. "I, Iron Will, am looking for a Miss..." he trailed off as he quickly brought the clipboard back up. "Lyra Hate-strings." He brought the board back down and scrutinized her. "If you would be so kind as to show Iron Will to this unicorn, Iron Will would be most pleased."
Lyra scratched at her white and green mane with a forehoof. "My name is Lyra, but my last name is Heartstrings, not Hate-strings..."
The minotaur quickly looked back down at his clipboard. "Is that so?" he asked. "Well then, Iron Will will just make a quick adjustment here and... there we go. Lyra Heartstrings it is, then," he said with a satisfied grin.
"Thanks, I guess," Lyra quipped. She raised an eyebrow at the minotaur, who was staring ahead blankly and still grinning. "So, you needed to see me about something?" she queried.
"Ah, yes!" he said, suddenly coming out of his trance. He briefly glanced back down at the clipboard again before continuing. "Iron Will is here as a representative of Can't Run, Can't Hide, a collection agency working on behalf of the Canterlot Royal Bank. We have been informed that your parents have been missing for several years. Is this correct?"
Lyra's ears lowered. "Yes, that's correct," she murmured. Then her ears shot back upwards and she looked up at the minotaur excitedly. "Wait, have you found my parents?" she asked, hopping up and down gently.
"Hm? No, that's not the kind of collection we do," the minotaur replied. "Iron Will is here to inform you that due to their unexpected disappearance, in lieu of your parents, you now have the responsibility of paying off their debt to our client, the Canterlot Royal Bank. Congratulations on your new and sudden responsibility!" With that said, he clapped his large hands together and grinned down at her. "You can make your first payment now, or within a week. And please do not worry, Iron Will will make every effort to remind you each and every day when your payments are due so that we do not have to repossess your home. Any questions?"
There was an awkward silence as Lyra stared open-mouthed at Iron Will, who was smiling nervously down at the stunned unicorn. After his disaster with that assertive yellow pegasus a while back, the minotaur was quite self-conscious about upsetting his clients. Technically this Lyra Heartstrings was not his client, but it would do him no good to upset her and cause her to flee town. Despite its name, Can't Run, Can't Hide had a laughable track record when it came to reclaiming debts. It was something they preferred to keep quiet, and it was this fact that had led them to hire on Iron Will with the hope that no one would dare try to flee from him. If he couldn't even get his first target to pay up, he would have no hope of retaining his new job. He cleared his throat and tried again.
"Is there anything Iron Will can do or explain for you?" he pressed.
Lyra snapped out of her stupor and blinked a few times. After a moment, she found her voice again. "My... parents had a debt, and I owe it? But I haven't seen them in years! I didn't even know they had any debts. I don't even have that much saved up," she admitted, shaking her head. She looked back up at Iron Will. "How much did they owe?"
Iron Will's chuckle sounded like crumbling granite. "Now, now. Can't Run, Can't Hide has discovered that the best policy is to ensure that the full amount of your new debt is not revealed on the first day. It keeps ponies like you from fainting or fleeing on the spot. Tricky business, that," he muttered to himself. "What I can reveal is that the number is incredibly large, and that we will be forced to claim your home, and possibly all of the possessions within it, if it is not repaid in full in an efficient and timely manner." At the look of despair on Lyra's face the minotaur quickly added, "But we are willing to work with you to ensure that the transfer goes smoothly. And remember! Iron Will shall visit daily to ensure that you are fully aware of when you must pay. We are aware that there is nothing worse than forgetting a due date."
There were plenty of things that Lyra could think of that were worse than forgetting a due date. For example, being woken up by a large, yet strangely polite minotaur who states he's here to inform you that you owe an incredibly large mystery sum of bits that your parents failed to tell you about before they decided to suddenly and mysteriously disappear from your life. She supposed things could be worse. Besides, maybe she could just take out another loan to consolidate the debt and buy some extra time, then she could...
"Oh yes," the minotaur added suddenly. "Iron Will forgot to mention that because this debt has been outstanding for a very long time, you've been black-listed by the Canterlot Royal Bank and all banks within the surrounding territories. You should probably be aware of that."
"Arrgh!" Lyra screamed and slammed the door in frustration. She did not answer the tentative knocks that followed.
"Um, Iron Will shall return tomorrow to remind you of your due date," the minotaur shouted through the door. "Iron Will wishes for you to have a nice day!" Lyra could hear his departing hoofsteps.
What am I going to do? she thought miserably.
Interest piqued. Please continue.
I can tell this one's going to be interesting.
You had me at Recettear. Pray continue.
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2328411
Hm. Your avatar...
You do realize we have to fight now. I choose blueberry pie, at dawn.
Up until now, this has been quite amusing and laughably illegal, but it's comedy, where laughability is the objective. Let's see what you've got in store for us!
2328567
B-b-but I
stole it from the artistused it first! Besides, blueberry pie is dreadful, and I'm not a morning person. I shall simply hide inside my Impenetrable Shield of Impenetrableness.**Preemptive Favorite**
Can't wait for more; having said that, take your time and keep up the good work.
...Oh, silly Lyra. This should be good. I approve of casting Iron Will as the collector-- I think he'll fill the role much better than if you'd just summoned some OC pony from the ether.
That said, keep up the good work, and I look forward to more!
Hah, I like this concept. I also feel sorry for Iron Will. Have a tracking favourite and I look forward to more.
Amusing, but I find it a bit hard to believe that Equestrian banks and financial law are even more evil than those in our world. It's not Fallout Equestria, but it is a bit, shall we say, unfriendly?
Umm.. the entire premise is highly illegal. Collection agencies are scum, but even they have to abide by rules. Still will track for potential shenanigans
I'm already enjoying this.
can't wait to see an update
2329048 In America it is highly illegal, but Equestrian Law could be vastly different. Especially since they have a monarchy.
Yayifications!
I'm gonna track this.
Recettear!?!
ooooooohhhh 'dis gun' be goooooood!
Put all your possessions under a friend's name and claim bankruptcy.
~or~
Take the collection agency to court and because they have the wrong name, you can get off on a technicality. I bet the real Lyra Hatestrings is one lucky pony, she's probably hanging out with her best friend Bun Bun at Glucose Prism Avenue.
Has anyone else noticed that "Ponies having tax/debt problems and opening up X business" is becoming sort of a sub-genre of slice-of-life?
Mother of God... Recettear is one of the most awesome sandbox games that I have! Adorable too. Now for Lyra to have her pixie friend (in this case it would seem to be Bon Bon... and Iron Will) to help her out in buying stuff from te market, charging a higher price at which I have no idea why normal people just can't go the market thus putting all those shops out of business and selling it to said customers.
Dungeon Crawling! To the Diamond Mines! We need some worn swords, wooden shields and of course, an adventurer that didn't pass his guild test! ... Yet.
Yes, nerding out but you had me intruiged by Lyra's face followed by Recettear
2332579 Thanks!
I'm playing further through the game to make sure Emporium doesn't just become a carbon-copy of Recettear. I want players of the game to be able to recognize nods to it without feeling like it's just the same story retold with ponies.
Also, Iron Will is best Repo Man.
2332641 One obvious thing would be no church thus having the need to change one of the characters and why they decided to start venturing (if you know who i'm getting at) and... Hmm... who can possibly replace that drunkard? Hmm... If there was a pony mod for this, I would so get it
Lyra, if you want to earn money, just sell your bottomless cup of soda! I would buy it for....like, a millioon buts.
Edit: Autocorrect:
I mean, I would buy it for....like, a million bits.
2339565 I would buy it for a million buts.
Hmm, I think I LIKE polite!Iron Will. It's an interesting addition to his character, but makes perfect sense how you explained it. Mind me yoinking the idea for my own headcanon?
Oh wow a Recettear story, interesting.
Am I the only one who'd find it awkward and amusing if the pony who was in debt was actually a Lyra Hate-strings not Heartstrings and Lyra Heartstrings simply thought it was a mistake on her name in a huge misunderstanding where Iron Will has the wrong pony? Cause that's what I got when I read that line. A case of mistaken identity due to similar spelled names. It'd be like the EG Inspector and Turner/Turnbalm incidents all over again. XD
Faving and liking now.
2331946 Lyra Hatestrings is the 3-legged pony who killed her parents...
Soon Lyra Heartstrings will be framed for the murder. It would have happened already but Lyra Hatestrings is a really lazy conspirator and has been boozing it up in Los Pegasus for the last few years.
I have Reccetear, and I have always questioned the legality of this. How does a bank have within its legal rights to enforce debt collection on adults where their relative with massive debt is missing?
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4913821 um well at least for Recettear
It's even worse as there wasn't any debt to begin with for Recette. it was made up for I forget the full reason. something to do with Arma or something...
4913821
Well, it is a fantasy medieval kingdom. I rather doubt they have child protective services or laws against child labor or any number of laws you take for granted.
well... you know what they say
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Never heard about this game until now.
Your writing is quite nicely done too.
Recettear, one of my favorite games.
Crossed with Lyra, one of my favorite background ponies...
Me like, me love, and me will follow on the FIRST CHAPTER!
Now, TO THE FUTURE!
Poor Iron Will. And poor Lyra too, being slammed with that huge debt. That mint green gal never can catch a break, can she?
Rereading. This is a fun and delightful fic.
5887828 Yeah, there is that. While in most civillised countries, a child can not be held liable for their parents debts, except under specific circumstances, such as them having agreed beforehand to do so, or sharing a joint account, this is a more medieval society, with fewer protections.
However, I can't believe things are so lax, they won't even tell her how much she has to repay. That smacks of the sort of debt bondage that used to be common in many places, and still exists, mostly in the crappier parts of Africa and Southern Asia. If you don't tell your debtor how much they have to pay, you can set it up so they are never able to pay off the debt.
Lyra, get a lawyer, or appeal to a princess. Maybe they can't forgive your debt, but they can at least make sure the repayment terms are open and fair.
2328786
This comment aged well.
7 years later: Hey, we might just finish this thing!
4913821
Unless you are present when the debt is being created and have cosigned to pay off the debt with your parents then banks and debt collectors can't do what has happened as the catalyst of this story and because of how fare and wise Celestia is suppose to be I'd say Lyra is well within her rights to say: "take your scam somewhere else"
It's good when the front page features stories like this.
9208197
Actually even in the USA you can have debt collectors coming after you for your dead parents debts. Actually it's fairly common practice for the credit card companies of the deceased to immediately send the last bill over to collections just because they can't legally go after you for it but the debt collector can ruin your credit and be very annoying about it. Ahh the things you find out when both your parents have died.
I see that in the decade since this was written, we have not made much progress on the broken debt collection system….