I don't follow? Why is Trixie all of a sudden here? Why is Applejack having to ask a human to save the world from demons? What the fuck did I just read? I just don't understand this drastic turn.... I came here for the desperate trophy wife and now I get random save the world plot.... DAFUDGE CAKES?
Not really. In chapter 4 Dale explains on why he wanted to put a bullet in Trixie's head. I mean honestly the bitch summons a DEMON and Celestia is going "No. Don't do it!".
Fast forward five years and Trixie gets out/escapes and the crazy bitch summons another demon. I would be at that point: "Now you know why I wanted to put the rabid bitch down." Also, if anypony died then I would look Celestia in the eye and say: "You should take a good look at those ponies your majesty. They are dead now because you believed that Trixie was worth saving." I might get nuked by Celestia, but you know, the Truth hurts.
Theres gotta be some kind of plot twist.... Fancy Pants returning to find out what happened? NOPE ITS DEMONS! Trixie is greatest and most powerful and best pony
This story is not just good and well written, its actually very fun to read. And stories that are really fun to read are a bit of a gem on this site. You don't just have me saying that you rock or my approval of this story, you also have my thanks for making this, its just so fun to read.
Glad to see the story continuing, Usually once the main character has sex the story ends there, and don't let it bother you if people are complaining that your story is not good and that it shouldn't be featured(if it wasn't any good this story wouldn't have over 300 favorites and over 200 likes)
If the same shi happens like before then he should just give up on equestria honestly. "You wouldn't be any better than her" The loon broke out of prison just to summon demons again and you think I will be just like her? You obviously never been pissed off.
Lovin the twist. Maybe after saving the day...again..the guy can actually get some respect. I hope you don't let the haters get you down. This story is most excellent and deserves more praise then it's getting. I highly look forward to more.
Now that's what I calls an interresting twist. And i find it hillarious how he for all those years had access to weaponry capable of bringing down Equestria
Also, is it bad that I would be able to wave the apple family goodbye, and simply take my leave when they asked for his help?
2294672 Some GROM guys use it. The Israeli's were going to issue it back in the day as border patrol to give them that extra 'Umph' needed to put a hole in an engine block (Which it can do) but over all only a few people ever use the pistol and it was never issued as a standard issue sidearm. But it's still cool for stories, ever read Mack Bolan great action series. Though it does have a few quirps here and there, overall it's just badass
I really like the fact that this chapter is mostly about the ponies trying to convince Dale to fight again. To be honest I would've laughed at Applejack's face and told her that she and her friends have literally given me no reason to fight Trixie other than saving my own butt. I'm just glad his only REAL friends manage to convince him to try again indirectly and directly.
The morning after… get some coffee, grab an apple (scientifically proven to be better for waking up than coffee! ) And let’s get down to readin’!
… “to Sweet Apple acres” – ‘acres’ should be capitalized. … “kicked me outside in the barn, consider me a” – Considering how this is past tense due to how Dale’s remembering the different actions, I’ll request something different: Instead of ‘consider’, replace it with ‘branded’. … “it was any pony else” – In the story up until this point, you would use ‘pony terms’ with hyphens. ‘some-pony’, ‘every-pony’, etc. With that in mind, ‘any pony’ should have a hyphen inserted between the two words. … “‘Why the hell would he have a gun underneath the seat? We weren’t gangsters or something, we were allowed to have our weapons in holsters. It would be a mystery that I would never unveil.” – The statement starts with an apostrophe, but there’s never a second one to end the ‘mystery’ that Dale was going over in his mind.
Well, Applejack got a bit of character, but seriously, being forced to live in the barn, given leftovers and no washroom or cleaning facility aside from, likely, a garden hose? Yeah, still quite a bit to answer for, there, Applejack...
Not to mention the others, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. THIS is the ‘Dale’ I had been expecting to see for the past several chapters, because it’s believable. THIS is what was expected in terms of his character and personality, heck, it’s how he started in the story! It took a while to get back to it…
And then he goes back to fighting for a cause. Oh for pete’s sake… well, fine. Fleur’s there, so I can give you a bit of leniency. I’ll be damned if he didn’t go WAY too quickly from “resist every urge of wanting to help” to “Let’s go save Equestria!” Seriously, on a DIME, that change. Way too many actions were taken, given how little we had learned about Dale, from Big Mac. Yes, he had ponies who knew, but still, come ON!
The suspension of disbelief was pushed way too far after he literally took two paragraphs to fully change his mind. No real inner contemplation, no real moment to weigh the decisions, just “Dog tags? Picture? What am I doing? Weapons Up! LET’S GO!”
It’s nearing the end, but I’ll be damned if I’m not incredibly disappointed in how a chapter that should have been separated into two chapters (one for reluctance with regards to him wanting to help, and another for him to change his mind), felt rushed. It was one of the biggest chapters, and it was rushed.
At this point, I’m sticking around just to see how it ends because of how well-written your OTHER story was. I’d love if this got edited to make the scenes more believable with regards to emotion or pacing, but… I might as well keep going.
FUCK YEAH! TIME FOR BIG MAC AND DALE TO KICK ASS! but Demon, Big Mac can't use a gun, he has no fingers. Well, neither do you Pinkie, but you manage, somehow.
It sounds to me like what you should have done in the beginning is to sneak into the palace, interrogate a guard that looks high ranked for the location of your weapons, kill said guard, get your weapons, assassinate all the royalty, then leave with Betsy for a different country. If they try to man-hunt you, go Rambo on their asses.
Yeah, seriously. If I woke up and lashed out because I thought I was under attack and they responded by taking my weapons, the above paragraph is how I would react. After all, if someone believes something is trying to kill them, taking away their weapons does nothing but scream "I'm going to hurt you so I am taking away your best chance of defending yourself". If you want to show you mean no harm, let them keep their best chance of defending themselves with them, i.e. their weapons. Duh!
Heck, the ponies don't appear to have any sort of security outside of the Royal Guard. Who are at the palace and depicted as being in extremely (like, down to negative eleven) tiny numbers.
Honestly wouldn’t have let them take my shit. I would have just loaded up in Betsy and drove off, screw em if their gonna treat me like a dog. I’m sure Kludge town could use a hired gun.
Okay, even disregarding how spontaneously this guy's attitude and opinions change from one second to the next, I call total bullshit in this chapter. But probably not for the reasons you're thinking. One word: gas.
Even disregarding how badly a vehicle can degrade from lack of maintenance and upgrades over time (ESPECIALLY when left COMPLETELY at the mercy of hot and humid wilds like the Everfree), there is absolutely NO WAY that the gas in the engine should still be at all usable. Gasoline has a relatively short shelf life of only a few months as the various chemicals within it rapidly break down. So, there is ABSOLUTELY NO WAY that Betsy should be able to drive anywhere! Never mind even just starting up!
I don't follow? Why is Trixie all of a sudden here? Why is Applejack having to ask a human to save the world from demons? What the fuck did I just read? I just don't understand this drastic turn.... I came here for the desperate trophy wife and now I get random save the world plot.... DAFUDGE CAKES?
2288335
The first few chapters would help to sum it up.
2288339 It's still kinda random though.... Guess I'll see where it goes.....
2288358 Meh....
2288376
Just saying is all
2288411 Alright! I'm just feeling meh about this whole plot. I can wait though....
2288055
Just because you are popular doesn't mean what you're doing is flawless. Hitler was wildly popular.
Also, many of the people posting constructive criticism, have 'better' like/dislike ratings than this story. That makes them 'better' sources, right?
/sarcasm off
2288370
Not really. In chapter 4 Dale explains on why he wanted to put a bullet in Trixie's head. I mean honestly the bitch summons a DEMON and Celestia is going "No. Don't do it!".
Fast forward five years and Trixie gets out/escapes and the crazy bitch summons another demon. I would be at that point: "Now you know why I wanted to put the rabid bitch down." Also, if anypony died then I would look Celestia in the eye and say: "You should take a good look at those ponies your majesty. They are dead now because you believed that Trixie was worth saving." I might get nuked by Celestia, but you know, the Truth hurts.
Maybe add a dark tag? Just a thought.
2289133 Why read the others if they suck?
Theres gotta be some kind of plot twist....
Fancy Pants returning to find out what happened?
NOPE ITS DEMONS!
Trixie is greatest and most powerful and best pony
This story is not just good and well written, its actually very fun to read. And stories that are really fun to read are a bit of a gem on this site.
You don't just have me saying that you rock or my approval of this story, you also have my thanks for making this, its just so fun to read.
Glad to see the story continuing, Usually once the main character has sex the story ends there, and don't let it bother you if people are complaining that your story is not good and that it shouldn't be featured(if it wasn't any good this story wouldn't have over 300 favorites and over 200 likes)
2286335
There you go!
Holy crap that is good Please type more
2291030
"There you go"?
There I go what? I don't know what is "going" there.
If the same shi happens like before then he should just give up on equestria honestly.
"You wouldn't be any better than her"
The loon broke out of prison just to summon demons again and you think I will be just like her? You obviously never been pissed off.
Lovin the twist. Maybe after saving the day...again..the guy can actually get some respect. I hope you don't let the haters get you down. This story is most excellent and deserves more praise then it's getting. I highly look forward to more.
Now that's what I calls an interresting twist.
And i find it hillarious how he for all those years had access to weaponry capable of bringing down Equestria
Also, is it bad that I would be able to wave the apple family goodbye, and simply take my leave when they asked for his help?
2294672 Some GROM guys use it. The Israeli's were going to issue it back in the day as border patrol to give them that extra 'Umph' needed to put a hole in an engine block (Which it can do) but over all only a few people ever use the pistol and it was never issued as a standard issue sidearm. But it's still cool for stories, ever read Mack Bolan great action series. Though it does have a few quirps here and there, overall it's just badass
I really like the fact that this chapter is mostly about the ponies trying to convince Dale to fight again. To be honest I would've laughed at Applejack's face and told her that she and her friends have literally given me no reason to fight Trixie other than saving my own butt. I'm just glad his only REAL friends manage to convince him to try again indirectly and directly.
The morning after… get some coffee, grab an apple (scientifically proven to be better for waking up than coffee! ) And let’s get down to readin’!
… “to Sweet Apple acres” – ‘acres’ should be capitalized.
… “kicked me outside in the barn, consider me a” – Considering how this is past tense due to how Dale’s remembering the different actions, I’ll request something different: Instead of ‘consider’, replace it with ‘branded’.
… “it was any pony else” – In the story up until this point, you would use ‘pony terms’ with hyphens. ‘some-pony’, ‘every-pony’, etc. With that in mind, ‘any pony’ should have a hyphen inserted between the two words.
… “‘Why the hell would he have a gun underneath the seat? We weren’t gangsters or something, we were allowed to have our weapons in holsters. It would be a mystery that I would never unveil.” – The statement starts with an apostrophe, but there’s never a second one to end the ‘mystery’ that Dale was going over in his mind.
Well, Applejack got a bit of character, but seriously, being forced to live in the barn, given leftovers and no washroom or cleaning facility aside from, likely, a garden hose? Yeah, still quite a bit to answer for, there, Applejack...
Not to mention the others, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. THIS is the ‘Dale’ I had been expecting to see for the past several chapters, because it’s believable. THIS is what was expected in terms of his character and personality, heck, it’s how he started in the story! It took a while to get back to it…
And then he goes back to fighting for a cause. Oh for pete’s sake… well, fine. Fleur’s there, so I can give you a bit of leniency. I’ll be damned if he didn’t go WAY too quickly from “resist every urge of wanting to help” to “Let’s go save Equestria!” Seriously, on a DIME, that change. Way too many actions were taken, given how little we had learned about Dale, from Big Mac. Yes, he had ponies who knew, but still, come ON!
The suspension of disbelief was pushed way too far after he literally took two paragraphs to fully change his mind. No real inner contemplation, no real moment to weigh the decisions, just “Dog tags? Picture? What am I doing? Weapons Up! LET’S GO!”
It’s nearing the end, but I’ll be damned if I’m not incredibly disappointed in how a chapter that should have been separated into two chapters (one for reluctance with regards to him wanting to help, and another for him to change his mind), felt rushed. It was one of the biggest chapters, and it was rushed.
At this point, I’m sticking around just to see how it ends because of how well-written your OTHER story was. I’d love if this got edited to make the scenes more believable with regards to emotion or pacing, but… I might as well keep going.
FUCK YEAH! TIME FOR BIG MAC AND DALE TO KICK ASS!
but Demon, Big Mac can't use a gun, he has no fingers.
Well, neither do you Pinkie, but you manage, somehow.
It sounds to me like what you should have done in the beginning is to sneak into the palace, interrogate a guard that looks high ranked for the location of your weapons, kill said guard, get your weapons, assassinate all the royalty, then leave with Betsy for a different country. If they try to man-hunt you, go Rambo on their asses.
Yeah, seriously. If I woke up and lashed out because I thought I was under attack and they responded by taking my weapons, the above paragraph is how I would react. After all, if someone believes something is trying to kill them, taking away their weapons does nothing but scream "I'm going to hurt you so I am taking away your best chance of defending yourself". If you want to show you mean no harm, let them keep their best chance of defending themselves with them, i.e. their weapons. Duh!
Heck, the ponies don't appear to have any sort of security outside of the Royal Guard. Who are at the palace and depicted as being in extremely (like, down to negative eleven) tiny numbers.
They took his weapons and he wasn't pissed in the least dude wtf hes MILITARY he'd of raised high hell maybe beat the fuck out of a couple of people
Honestly wouldn’t have let them take my shit. I would have just loaded up in Betsy and drove off, screw em if their gonna treat me like a dog. I’m sure Kludge town could use a hired gun.
Okay, even disregarding how spontaneously this guy's attitude and opinions change from one second to the next, I call total bullshit in this chapter. But probably not for the reasons you're thinking. One word: gas.
Even disregarding how badly a vehicle can degrade from lack of maintenance and upgrades over time (ESPECIALLY when left COMPLETELY at the mercy of hot and humid wilds like the Everfree), there is absolutely NO WAY that the gas in the engine should still be at all usable. Gasoline has a relatively short shelf life of only a few months as the various chemicals within it rapidly break down. So, there is ABSOLUTELY NO WAY that Betsy should be able to drive anywhere! Never mind even just starting up!