2279491 Uhm I think it has something to do with the dominatory status of the household. I'm not exactly sure but it looks like Applejack is more like the alpha of the home. I'm not really sure but I'm just writing it as I see it
2279491 Equestria has always come off as pretty heavily matriarchal to me, if for no other reason than that females seem to make up a clear majority of the population. If that's the case, then it's probably just the natural order of things that the oldest capable mare should head of the house.
"I realized that we were soaked and in need of a shower." No. Just- no. The amount of Waht in that statement is unimaginable. So you are soaked by soapy water and you need to take ANOTHER shower? No. Grab a towel, and dry off.
Alright, onto Chapter 5, let's see if it picks up.
… “it was it was better” – Remove one instance of ‘it was’. … “I grabbed the hair drier, which conveniently already plugged” – ‘was’ should be placed between ‘conveniently’ and ‘already’. … “You squad gets” – ‘You’ should be ‘Your’. … “But next time do you think you could at least leave me a towel” – End the sentence with a question mark. … “she was still in” – Replace ‘she was’ with ‘she’s’, since ‘she is’ still in heat at this point.
YES IT DOES! Okay, okay, this is the sort of interaction that really brings some dramatic 'life' to a story. Yes, the fact that this is a 'heat' story seems rather expecting with regards to this taking place, but at least we know Dale has a set of moral standards, even though his views of Fleur changed in only two days. Yes, she took a shower, but suddenly he was entranced with her?
... well at least you held it off for a few chapters, and a couple of days. The longer the amount of time there is to build the relationship, though, the easier it is to buy a humanxpony relationship in a story. If it happens too fast, especially with a war veteran who likely grew to dislike mares in his time on Equestria (Applejack, Twilight, Celestia, etc.), then logically, he'd be much more reluctant when it came to Fleur's advances.
Well, anything to advance the... *sighs* I can't say that in good taste. No, no, it's too difficult to believe. I'll give it to you anyways, but Dale should have had to deal with Fleur's heat cycle for at least a few more days' worth of chapters. He's been branded an animal by several mares, and she's in a heat cycle that he acknowledges the presence of. Not to mention his shellshock existing (which wasn't all that prominent when he woke up. )... I'll be moving to the next chapter after a brief nap.
Oh contrare my friend this going to end very well.
Yea I think he is in for a load of "pain" tonight lol.
2279491
Chances are Applejack has final say when it comes to the farm, so even if Mac is cool with you his vote matters little.
2279491 Uhm I think it has something to do with the dominatory status of the household. I'm not exactly sure but it looks like Applejack is more like the alpha of the home. I'm not really sure but I'm just writing it as I see it
Someone is going to get strapped onto the bed tonight.
2279491
Equestria has always come off as pretty heavily matriarchal to me, if for no other reason than that females seem to make up a clear majority of the population. If that's the case, then it's probably just the natural order of things that the oldest capable mare should head of the house.
happy fun time yes?
well that got out of hand quickly
"I realized that we were soaked and in need of a shower."
No. Just- no. The amount of Waht in that statement is unimaginable. So you are soaked by soapy water and you need to take ANOTHER shower? No. Grab a towel, and dry off.
Just let it happen,dude. You can plead statutory rape later.
2282846 Calm the hell down Mr.Expert
2279396 this story will definitely have a happy ending.
Alright, onto Chapter 5, let's see if it picks up.
… “it was it was better” – Remove one instance of ‘it was’.
… “I grabbed the hair drier, which conveniently already plugged” – ‘was’ should be placed between ‘conveniently’ and ‘already’.
… “You squad gets” – ‘You’ should be ‘Your’.
… “But next time do you think you could at least leave me a towel” – End the sentence with a question mark.
… “she was still in” – Replace ‘she was’ with ‘she’s’, since ‘she is’ still in heat at this point.
YES IT DOES! Okay, okay, this is the sort of interaction that really brings some dramatic 'life' to a story. Yes, the fact that this is a 'heat' story seems rather expecting with regards to this taking place, but at least we know Dale has a set of moral standards, even though his views of Fleur changed in only two days. Yes, she took a shower, but suddenly he was entranced with her?
... well at least you held it off for a few chapters, and a couple of days. The longer the amount of time there is to build the relationship, though, the easier it is to buy a humanxpony relationship in a story. If it happens too fast, especially with a war veteran who likely grew to dislike mares in his time on Equestria (Applejack, Twilight, Celestia, etc.), then logically, he'd be much more reluctant when it came to Fleur's advances.
Well, anything to advance the... *sighs* I can't say that in good taste. No, no, it's too difficult to believe. I'll give it to you anyways, but Dale should have had to deal with Fleur's heat cycle for at least a few more days' worth of chapters. He's been branded an animal by several mares, and she's in a heat cycle that he acknowledges the presence of. Not to mention his shellshock existing (which wasn't all that prominent when he woke up. )... I'll be moving to the next chapter after a brief nap.
2390664
At this point, I think Fleur was able to control her hormones by distracting herself.