Rainbow has always been brash and a bit head strong, but this has never hurt anyone she cares for. That is, until it happens to somepony she promised to be like a sister to. Now, faced with the reality, will Rainbow Dash come to terms with the fact that she isn't exactly a good role model? Or will she attempt to change her ways and be better, for those she cares about? Only time will tell.
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I want to think that this story could turn out to be something good, but there are some issues.
The plot is progressing way too fast. Everything is happening at once and i dont have the time to actually symphatise with the characters.
Do not use colored text. It looks horrible and i almost backed out because of that.
And the sentance structure is just weird.
I would love to elaborate some more, but i am writing this in between classes so i dont have the time. Also, if you need a prereader or editor, just contact me by fimfic message and i'll help you out.
i for one like the colored text makes it really easyt o distiguish whos talking a problem i have reading other fics hope to see more
So Scootaloo is dead?
2265064>>2265082>>2265338 HAPPY PI DAY!!!
2265064
Clarification on why people hate colors?
Then again choice is limited. I couldn't even do the mane 6 color schemes with it...Again maybe, maybe not.
This plot point is meant to progress fast. This is the Prologue, and this is just an event to continue the plot. Next chapter will be more elaborate, and slow down. Promise.
As for the color...I don't know. I really hate how theres like 8 colors. No options whatsoever.
I do have a FiMFic reader actually. Sadly the last part never got to him, so it's probably riddled with errors.
Thank you for your comment, constructive criticism is always welcome.
(Also, thanks for sticking with the story, even if it has it's flaws.)
2265082
I agree with this. Some fics its like "Ahh whos talking??"
2265338
We shall see. However this isn't a one off, and theres very few ways I could go with a Scoota-funeral. Plus I hate killing canon characters.
2265412
Happy Pi Day?
2265463 Finally, someone replies!
2265564
Sorry Im a bit late with the replies...Had to sleep and such.
2265584 Meant that I've been advertising Pi Day all day and you're the only one who has replied as of yet.
2265589
Well of course! Who doesnt love Pi?
2265605 mathematicianspictures.com/Images/250w_PIDAY_Use_02_Pi_Day_Po.jpg
Write next chapter please DX Also i love how you used the colored text, i couldnt help but read in their voices lol
2265669
Patience is a virtue! xD It'll be up in the next day or two.
2265697 Okay then Zecora =P *noticed your rhyme*
2265726
I didn't even notice my rhyme...
2265463 okay, i can see the point with the plot and i won't hold it against you.
but please remove the colored text. it is horrible to look at and it screams "amateur" more than anything else. it is so terrible to read that i'll just leave if it continues with it, simply because i can't read it.
edit: i'll hang on if you atleast make them darker, as it is, they are way too bright.
2265820
Okaaay. I think this may be a personal issue. They don't seem too bright on my screen. I guess this will be another thing to consider when Im putting up the next chapter.
2265840 it is basically unreadable for me on light and medium light, it is only readable on medium dark or dark, but then it's just plain ugly to look at. and where did you get the idea that coloring the text was a good idea?
2265865
The 2 comments stating that they liked the coloring?
And the fact that some fics are really difficult to pick out who's saying what sometimes. Color just kinda adds that extra bit so we can clarify who is who. But I digress, the color selection is extremely limited, so it's difficult to do anything extensive with it.
2265885 yes, some fics have that problem, but you don't have that problem, which makes the colored text annoying and obsolete.
2265905
Well at least Im doing something right then!
2265912 you're doing it very well, especially for a first fic, but the colors are horrible.
2265412
Yay pie day!
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/4/4b/Apple_pie.jpg
2266030 "Hey, I baked you a pie!"
A good start, but I'd like to point out a mistake: It's spelled "prologue", not "prolouge". I'll be following this for a bit, curious to see where it goes.
so because it was so foggy scootaloo flew into a tree that really sucks
start writing again please
You better hurry up on updating this...
hi -waves- i think i followed this when it was originally put up so i had to reread the first chapter but so far so good and no dead scoots, braindead maybe?
6532129
Thanks for the follow! And I guess we'll see!
patience young Padawan