She was just a little old filly in Ponyville, who wanted so much to be elite and live in Canterlot with the upper class ponies. He was just a little old colt in Canterlot, who looking for love and some pony to have in common as he does. They first set their blue eyes to one another at a party host by Fancypants. Is it love in first sight? Do they have in common?
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This is my first time posting a story here. Would like to thank my DA sister for proofreading it. This is basically a story between Rarity and Elusive (her male-counterpart) since both are a lovely pair that is.
Cover Art by Me
Chapters (2)
Ok, since nobody is there to give the proper critique and just gives downvotes. I'll do this for them.
Point One:
You could skip the Rarity’s Pov and Third Person's POV. They break the flow of the story and you can do without them.
Point Two:
You should break the paragraphs up a bit to have less of a wall of text feel. Also indent paragraphs it is important.
Point Three:
I believe that
would suit Rarity better.
Point Four:
You should change short description a bit to.
Point Five:
Let's list the mistakes in text:
That's first paragraph. You should get someone to check your text before you publish.
From that paragraph I'm lead to believe that you're not native English speaker.
As such you should take up my advice below.
Final Word:
You're getting downvotes not exactly because of the mistakes. Of what I've seen of the story isn't really that terrible.
You have Blueblood, Rarity and Romance tags. Some people think of the idea as automatically bad.
Find an Editor and Proofreader in one of the groups centered around that on FimFiction.
Try reading the text few times to get every mistake out.
Don't get down and keep on writing. This story has potential.
P.S.: I recommend thirtyminuteponies to get skilled up in writing.
They are fast to write and you get constructive feedback.
well, thanks for the help. and i know about finding a editor and proofreader.
This is good! Although there are some errors, this shall progress very well. I take my word on it.
2260018
thnx and i know about some grammar errors. that is why am looking for some editor and an proofreader.
I like this story, you should finish it
