Rainbow Dash and Rarity are headed together on a holiday in the jungles of Coltombia; Rainbow Dash for adventure, and Rarity for the many beautiful artifacts. Yet, Rainbow Dash has an ulterior motive, to win over the truly loving and sensual Diamond Unicorn.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This doesn't need to be capitalized.
Generally speaking, internal monologue (thoughts) should be in italics.
Hmmm..... A struggling author writing a shipping fic.... You are a lot like me! I'll give your story a read....
Hmm... this was pretty good. The one criticism I would make is that the passage where Rainbow talks about Rarity's eyes feels a little OOC. I just can't see Rainbow Dash using a phrase like "power and primal energy." Also, Rarity feels a little one-dimensional right now, but that's easily resolvable as the story goes on. Certainly not the worst thing I've read lately, but it definitely could be polished.
2516190 Thank you very much for the feedback.
I enjoyed this very much. I hope you continue it soon<3