Rosewood has never had it easy. Losing her home and family in a dragon attack, she carries the reminder of her loss every day through her burnt face and lost leg. Forced to move out of her destroyed village, she is relocated to a town where ponies mock and ridicule her appearance. She develops the nickname "Scarecrow" for her appearances, and grows to trust no pony she meets. She escaped to the Everfree forest to leave the world behind and live alone
One day, a lone pony stumbles upon her house in the forest appearing lost. Rosewood was prepared to attack the stranger, but finds out he is blind, alone, and in need of help. Rosewood takes the stranger in and helps him, and he reveals his name is Rook. He's reluctant to tell how he lost his eyesight, and Rosewood begins to develop a close bond with him. Little does she know that he holds the secret that reveals the source of her misery, and it would soon put the two ponies on a journey to right what has been wrong for so many years in Equestria.
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Expect this to be a long story, and it may take me a while to get chapter by chapter out, but I'll work hard enough on it. I hope you enjoy it, and don't forget to vote and comment!
This story has definitely peaked my interest. Well written and dramatic.
A great start for your first story. Still could use a little polish. For example, begin a new paragraph each time someone new speaks. Also try to put dialogue at the begining and/or end of the paragraph. It looks cleaner.
Example:
Would look better as:
Your overall spelling and grammar looks good, save for that one word I marked in red
Another tip would be to shorten the description. A good rule of thumb is keep it short enough that a reader doesn't have to click "more." Not only does it save time, but it leaves something to the imagination.
If you have any further questions, feel free to send me a message.
Welcome to FIMFiction!
I don't think a starving, legless, half-blind, lil weakling can make a guard crash through a window. Momentum or not, it makes no sense... The wooden leg bit does not make sense either, those things are not sharp in any way. She wouldn't be able to walk if the thing was too pointy.
Soo yeah... Liked and faved.
EDIT: Oh! You're new, I didn't know that. Welcome! It's a very good first story for a first timer by the way. Most of everyone who submits anything here for the first time makes very bad mistakes, but this one's fine so far!
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I saw the spelling mistake and fixed it up. Thanks for pointing that out!
And if it's anything I'm weak with, it's paragraph structure. I really do appreciate the pointers on that, and I'm making sure I make it better the next time around. As far as description, I'll see how I can shorten it out.
Once again, thanks for the pointers, and even more thanks for the welcome!
Awesome
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I can't answer any better for the red guard crashing through the window, other than the guard is implied to be dumb as bricks and tries to do as much damage possible when charging at Rosewood. As for the leg bit, it would be a little harder to describe the wooden leg without needing a visual, but the leg can be more visually compared to a hospital crutch, minus the rubber base on it. With months of no upkeep, the leg at this point is not very blunt, and has rounded out at the end from constant walking.
This was a description I had planned to save for the next chapter, but I hoped maybe this would make the situation a little more understandable.
And much appreciation for the favorite and like, and especially the welcome! I do hope this story keeps your interest, and I'll keep up as much good work as I can. I'm not perfect, so I'm always appreciating some constructive input on pretty much anything.