A Clockwork Pink

Based on Stanly Kuberick's "A Clock Work Orange", Pinkie Pie and her gang go causing trouble. Nights of being being sharpened by drug laced cupcakes, gang fights, brainwashing and more.

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toonninja

toonninja #1 · Jan 28th, 2013 · · ·

I'll be the first to say that an idea like this, while not wholly original, is certainly an entertaining one. That said, there are some issues here that I hope to point out. If it comes off at all callous or rude on my part, then I apologize, but these are serious editing concerns regardless.

Okay... First and foremost, it's A Clockwork Orange. Just Google "clock," and it'll tell you.

that'll really kick your socks off

Knock?

Ready to sharpen your wits for a night of the old 'ultra violence.'

Is this supposed to be a question, or had you meant something like "Prepare to sharpen your wits," or...?

Shining armor called from afar

"Armor" isn't capitalized, and there isn't any period at the end of the sentence.

However, neither one of them knew, that their lives would change.

An overly simple statement with a few too many commas. Most would add "forever" or "drastically" to the end; leaving it as merely "their lives would change" is actually a bit jarring.

"Equestrian girls we are unforgetable"

There should probably be an indication that this is a song, like full italics or something along those lines. You should also probably check that these are the actual lyrics as they're written.

Go ahead and run your stories through spelling and grammar checks; it helps catch things one would ordinarily gloss over, and it's worked for yours truly. I'd also recommend having someone else look over your work. A fresh set of eyes never hurt anybody.

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Caesar2013

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