Coming Home (Hopefully Not For Long)
Vinyl looked at her old house with mixed feelings. There was a chain-link fence along the perimeter of the yard. It was a small yard with a garden to the right. Looking back up at the one-story white house, she sighed. Never thought I'd be back so soon...even if it’s only for a day or two. Using her magic to float her belongings behind her, she walked up to the front door and got the key that was hidden under the mat.
She recalled her conversation with her mother. She and her dad were on vacation for two weeks and weren't home, but they agreed to let her live there for a while.
Walking into the dark house, Vinyl went straight down the hallway to the guest room. Hastily throwing all of her things in an empty closet, she flopped onto the bed and yawned. Wow, this is late even for me. Within a few moments, she fell asleep just as Celestia began to raise the sun.
---
Just as Vinyl Scratch was falling asleep, Octavia's alarm clock began to go off. Hitting it with her hoof, she sat up and yawned. Getting out of bed, she mentally ran through the day’s checklist. The first thing was practice with the rest of the orchestra, then to buy more groceries. The last thing that absolutely needed to be done today as well was to advertise that she was looking for a roommate. Wait, how do I do that? Shrugging, she picked up a pink bow tie from her bedside table and put it around her neck. Looking into a mirror, she adjusted it so that it wasn't lopsided. "Perfect." Octavia smiled. Today was going to be a good day.
6 hours later...
Today was not a good day, it was a HORRIBLE DAY! Octavia glowered outside her window. Being on the fifth floor of the building with a big park right across the street made a great view. But today it was obscured by a downpour of rain. "Stupid rain." She muttered. Octavia was late to the rehearsal, she got caught in the rain, and she forgot over half of the things on her grocery list. The only good thing that happened was that somepony wanted to be her roommate. Octavia's anger vanished, and nervousness replaced it. A mare was coming tomorrow for an interview. Her name was...Vinyl Scratch?
Octavia glanced at the clock, and found that it was 6:03. She groaned. Well, I’d better go make some dinner. Getting out of the chair, she started to walk into the kitchen when the day’s newspaper caught her eye. It seems with how hectic today was, I forgot to read the newspaper. Grabbing a mug filled with coffee, Octavia read the section entitled, "Music of Canterlot". “Ugh,” Octavia disgustedly thought. There was a picture of a white mare in front a turntable making "music". “Hah,” Octavia muttered, “I didn't know putting a rock in a blender counted as music nowadays.”
The headline read, "Newest DJ in Canterlot: DJ-PON3." Octavia frowned. "Where do they come up with these ridiculous names?" Looking down at the article, she found the mare’s real name. Octavia spit a mouthful of coffee all over the table. "VINYL SCRATCH!?" She yelled.
---
Vinyl Scratch woke up at around noon. At first she was confused. “This isn't my room! Where am I?!” After a few minutes however, last night’s events came back to her. Vinyl looked around the room. “Well I guess I'm back, ‘home’.” Vinyl didn't like this house. It was small, the walls were thin, and the windows couldn't hold their own against her amps. Vinyl thought of her parents. I love them and all that, but this place was not the best growing up.
Back in school, she was made fun of for not being as rich as the other fillies. Unfortunately the teasing only got worse as she got older. No, I could do without stepping foot in here ever again. Finally getting out of bed, she used her magic to put her sunglasses on as she left the room, and went into the kitchen. So what’s the best way to go about this? Sitting at the table, she looked outside the window, hoping the answer would come to her. Unfortunately, life doesn't just drop a new house in front of you no matter how hard you wish it would. Well, I'm pretty sure I can't live on my own. Just starting out as a DJ meant not a lot of ponies knew about you. Vinyl was beginning to get recognized, but for now she wouldn't make enough money to live on her own.
I guess I'm just gonna have to live with someone else. Yawning, Vinyl grinned. "Time to see what pony is lucky enough to have me live with them!" Making sure to lock the door behind her, Vinyl felt good. "Let's go do some interviews." She said to herself.
10 hours later...
Vinyl managed to get three interviews. The first two had been the same day, but the third one was tomorrow…er…today. It was past midnight, but Vinyl couldn't sleep. The first two interviews had gone horribly. The first was with a mare named Colgate. At first everything seemed to be going well, the house was nice, Colgate was nice, and they had a lot in common. But everything went downhill really fast.
Colgate was a...Vinyl scratched her head; how can I put this nicely? Colgate was an INCREDIBLY PSYCHO CLEAN FREAK! Vinyl only spilled a little bit of soda, and she flipped out. Colgate jumped out of her chair and tried wiping the soda up with a blanket. I only asked if she wanted me to get some paper towels, but she screamed, "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!" So Vinyl reflected, I did the only rational thing. Vinyl ran from the apartment like Nightmare Moon herself was flying after her.
The second interview was the complete opposite from the first. This tenant was not crazy...or at least not as crazy, but Vinyl had absolutely nothing in common with the mare. Her name was Trixie, and she was the most annoying self-righteous pony Vinyl had ever met. During the interview, Vinyl remembered walking by a show in the park one day. She asked about the magic show she saw, but that was a big mistake. Trixie started ranting about herself, somepony named Twilight Sparkle, and amulets. Well at that point, Vinyl began to get nervous and worried about her own well being and Trixie's sanity. Vinyl sighed. No, it was more like I slowly backed out of the room, while Trixie started screaming about revenge.
Vinyl rolled over. I have one last shot tomorrow, so I have to make it count. She sighed. I hope she's normal, whoever Octavia is. Something about that name seemed familiar, but Vinyl was already drifting off to sleep. Suddenly, her eyes shot open. "Oh damn, she’s that pony who plays in that fancy orchestra." Oh no, this is a problem. She'll never let me live with her! Then, Vinyl had a brilliant idea, one that would definitely work. Drifting back to sleep, she ran through the complex plan. Lie, and make things up as you go along. It never failed.
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2137682
I felt is a little to rushed, but the next chapter will not have to have time changes
The thumbnail made me just amused to read it. (really? who wouldn't want to see Vinyl chew on Octavia?)
2139329
That just HAS to happen in one of the chapters! You have given me an idea...
2139342
Perfect!
Interesting read. The story itself is solid, but there are some things that have stood out to me. First off is the pacing. I would definitely recommend adding more to each of your chapters. Description is free, and I recommend using it generously, albeit not too generously.
Another thing is the description itself, or showing and not telling. The story is already told in an omniscient perspective, which is fine, but I would advise you to appeal to the senses more. Tell us more what the characters feel and see as opposed to what is. It's very important to allow your characters to feel; it will better attach the reader to your story.
Those are the two major things I noticed. Other things are syntax errors that will be ironed out with more writing practice. For example:
should be
Otherwise, I look forward to more. Sorry I can't go more in depth but I simply don't have the time right now.
Keep it up!
I downloaded and faved after seeing the author (really... EVERYWHERE!) Please, do not dissapoint. (Though in reality, unless you have a lot of really obvious errors, it should be fine givin that I'm extraordinarily partial to 'TaviScratch' fanfics)
Edit:
Having now read it... WHERE'S THE BUCKING UPDATE?!?!?!?!
In the HTML file this sentence is written like this: <i>I did the only rational thing. Vinyl ran from the apartment like Nightmare Moon herself was flying after her.<i>
It should be like this: <i>I did the only rational thing. Vinyl ran from the apartment like Nightmare Moon herself was flying after her.</i>
Because ther isn't a "/" in there the italics are never closed and the text stays in italics.
Other than that, I'm curious how the interview will work out. I can probably predict the outcome, but I'd like to see how Vinyl act.
Do continue.
hmm you have got my attention keep it up
Oh this has great potential.
Nice when do you think the next chapter will be up
2206508
Then don't read HTML
don't rush things mate,taking time makes for better stories...sometimes
Update?!?! /;-|)
I love this stuff! I feel like you nailed Vinyls and Octavias personalities.
This was awesome! I hope to see more sometime in the future