Gray Pea Shooter
Joined 4th Jan, 2013 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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(Joke) Alt. Title: Milking Her For All It's Worth: A Mature Romcom
SAFETY BRICK!
KEEP IT BY THE BEDSIDE
SAFETY BRICK
DITCH IT AT EM PERVERTS
SAFETY BRICK
CHASE DEM BASTARDS AWAY
SAFETY BRICK
THAT'LL BE 50 BUCKS!
.... was safety brick inspired by tobuscus by any chance?
You know what? I think I will visit this Tumblr.
*Takes closer look at preview image.*
NEVERMIND.
Too short, unorganized, beginning sucked, move too quickly with the story.
Just saying, you should use THIS pic.
fimfiction-static.net/images/story_images/65185.png?1353648458
You can get your account banned if you use NSFW stuff.
1914238 Well this is a comedy so...
1914489 Thanks. Its been fixed. I'm new so. I was kinda concerned about it before but I changed it so It won't be a problem anymore.
1914443 K thanks. I'm terrible at this.
1914279 maybe... SAFETY TORCH!
You might want to note that the tumblr is NSFW.
Because I kind of wish I'd known that before clicking on it.
1914617 Sorry DX Wow I really should have thought this threw.
Yeah...I should just give up now...and I had a Civil War fic planned
1914599 I didn't intend to be so... mean. It's just there seemed to be so many joke's that I though some constructive criticism would help.
Please don't stop just make the next chapter better. Think of this fic as a test subject!
1914735 Test Subject will NOT receive cake.
(Don't worry bout it ;) I'll do my best and keep writing chapters)
1914803 Do you have people helping you? Like proofreaders, editors, and pre-readers
1914813 Nope. (Going solo has failed me yet again
)
small grammar errors her not here
Instead of "as her hooves exited the house," you simple could have said, "as she exited her home" or "leaving her library"
Also, you said this was romance, and there's little romance in going straight to sex. it's because I thought this was a romance comedy that I began reading it, but I don't like clopfics so this will be the only one i read. You may want to change it out of comedy, I didn't find anything in there funny, or hilarious, and comedies are the hardest type of writing style in my opinion. Hope some of this helps, don't ever give up!
1914950 K. I'll fix it.
I like.
The OOC spike ending basically ruined his character for me in this story. It also made me take the story itself less seriously.
Why man....why.
Pretty good for your first clopfic.
1916363 Danka my hard hatted friend.
Spike is disappointed.
doin good soo far, no criticism from me...
Favorited and thumbed up, I'll be watching for the next chapters soon!
hahahaha milky way!