• Published 20th Dec 2012
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Cultural Artifacts - Dan_s Comments



A little piece of Earth arrives in Equestria, a human and it's home. The citizens of Ponyville and Princess Luna struggle with this newcomer, as it struggles with them.

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9) Anniversaries

Dan's Comments

Cultural Artifacts - Anniversaries

DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Day 19

"You see Miss Twilight, there's just one little problem that makes this all less than perfect," Holly Hock explained as she led Twilight through the doors of the restaurant the Canterlot team had just purchased.

"Oh, I'm always willing to help," Twilight told her happily, "But who were those workponies?"

"They were from the fireworks company. There was a lot of nitre they needed and we had a large supply. We just need some help cleaning up the rest," Holly Hock said as she opened the door to the kitchen.

Twilight's ears went flat as she saw the absolute and utter mess on the floors, the counters, on any line or plane with even a slight horizontal projection. Even the broom leaning against the far wall still had a crusting of bird droppings. "What am I supposed to do about this?" Twilight said in strangled tones, "I'd need a fire hose and a dozen tiny ponies with shovels and scrub brushes."

"You can conjure that?" Holly Hock asked, then shook her head, "Well of course you can. Silly question."

Twilight turned to stare at her. "This is disgusting!"

"It was worse before the crews came in a scraped down everything," Holly Hock said, "So what's it need fire, water, or something else?"

"How about we just bury this?" Twilight said as she looked around the mess.

"The floors are stone, and there are drains?" Spike asked as he trotted in. He whispered to Twilight, "You always wanted an excuse to try out that tornado spell."

Twilight steadied herself. "Yes, and a thunderstorm to start things off," Twilight said as she took a deep breath. "Thanks Spike. You two better get out of here. The last time I tried this spell, it sort of got away from me."

"In here it wouldn't matter," Holly Hock said and left the kitchen for the converted living quarters. "I need to go catch some ingredients."

Twilight grimaced at that. "I wish you wouldn't. Fluttershy is friends with most of the animals around here. While she accepts that animals eat each other. I don't think she'll be too happy with you hunting her friends."

"Oh." Holly Hock looked around and leaned close. "Can you keep a secret?" she whispered.

Spike and Twilight nodded.

"The meat I get the most compliments for, that really pleases a griffon-palate. Is Parasprite." Holly Hock straightened up. "Now don't tell me your friend wants to make pets out of them."

"She tried," Twilight explained.

Holly Hock stared for a moment. "Well, I usually have to keep a small stock in Canterlot. I had them released in the Everfree when I came here, so they wouldn't escape and eat Canterlot out of all its supplies. But I can hunt them up here, fresh."

"Can I just cast my spells?" Twilight asked, "This talk is making me a bit queasy."

"Be my guest, and thanks," Holly Hock said as she left, "I'll cook something pony-style for you later."

Twilight watched the mare happily trot away. "I think she'll fit into Ponyville perfectly."

"Then why do you sound worried?" Spike asked.

"Because it reminds me how well we fit in here," she replied with a nervous grin. "Okay. Thunderstorm and tornado. That should do the trick. And if it doesn't, we'll think of something else."


Fluttershy hadn't been expecting any guests, and especially after lunch. She opened the door and saw Rainbow Dash draped over her Highness Luna, like a rug.

"Good afternoon," Luna said quietly, formally.

"Hey 'Shy." Rainbow raised a hoof as if it were painful.

"What happened?" Fluttershy gasped and stood aside as her Highness walked inside.

"Guess who's the fastest pony in Equestria?" Rainbow Dash asked as she raised her head, then flopped it down again.

"Uh, you are?" Fluttershy said as she helped Luna move the nearly boneless pegasus to the couch.

"Guess who also forgot the Pony-Sisters can teleport? A serious advantage in a steeplechase," Luna asked.

"I still beat you on the straightaways," Rainbow Dash mumbled.

Fluttershy smiled slightly, but let her Highness see it when Luna also grinned.

"I think she needs a bath and a nap," Luna said regally. Then the shier filly peeked out. "I know I do."

"Ha!" Rainbow Dash exhaustedly exulted, holding a hoof of triumph in the air, before letting it flop down and fell asleep.

"You can take a quick wash upstairs," Fluttershy offered.

"Thank you, but I have a meeting in five minutes, that has already been twice postponed," Luna said, "If they are going to have me running over to see that they are unready, they will get me as I am." She stood proud and tall, glaring down at her subjects, and smelling vaguely manky. Luna relaxed.

Letting Fluttershy observe, "Wouldn't 'straight from the shower' be a better approach?"

Luna thought and nodded. "I think I saw a hose outside," Luna said.

Fluttershy squeaked at the implication someone would just hose off a princess. She raced upstairs to get some scented shampoo as Luna walked out the front door.

Fluttershy hovered out the door with her cargo. "Uh, this might be better," she offered, "You could be, ah, fashionably late." She smiled hopefully.

"Thank you," Luna said as she used her magic to hose herself down. Fluttershy squeaked with embarrassment at the entire affair.


Mystery glanced at the famous 'Sand Cobra' and couldn't fit the image of the despondent she-griffon Svetlana with all the stories and rumors. It'd be like finding out Daring Do was actually a dumpy actuary, he thought as she walked a few paces behind him.

"You can act like we're the same rank," he said quietly, "You are on a mission after all."

She guiltily moved up until they were walking side by side. "You don't have to do this," she said quietly.

"What has you so spooked?" he asked, "You've been acting like a scared filly."

She glanced at him. "They know," she whispered earnestly, "They know all I did."

"They evidently knew while you were doing it," he replied, "So what's the difference? Now you know that they know." He shook his head. "I'm not doing that joke. The pink one would show up for sure."

She smiled. "But why the charade? Were they waiting until I was out of Canterlot to make their move?"

"I don't think they're going to 'move'," he said. "I think they are playing a much longer termed game than that. I think that you stealing secrets they essentially were letting you take, won't have them tearing you to pieces."

"What about our rulers?" she asked, "Imagine if they think that everything I've done was at Celestia's behest, and with her approval."

Things fall into place, he thought, and grinned at the idea.

"Then we'd better do our best to get all we can from the Big Guy. And I suspect that it may take quite a long time. By the time we get back, tempers may have cooled," he said, and enjoyed her hopeful grin.


This smells like the hospital, he thought as consciousness returned.

"Come on, you can do it!" he heard Discord urging.

Someone wants me awake more than I do, he thought. He opened his eyes and glanced around. His guardian unicorn sat on the floor, with the youngster he'd rescued seated opposite her. Between them was a game board resembling a traveling chess set.

"Your guardian's name is Trixie, or 'The Great and Powerful Trixie'. The little one is called Dinky Hooves, her pegasus-mother is called Derpy Hooves . . . but you knew that much, or you couldn't have had Rainbow Dash name her," Discord said in the confides of his mind.

Trixie's horn glowed and one of the pieces lifted, moved and the tab at the bottom fitted into the hole on the board.

Oh course, you don't think I beat that bunch without being able to read their minds too. Little Miss Evulz knew everyone in Ponyville from her scouting missions. How are their names pronounced in Equestrian?

Discord made a series of noises. He tried and failed to duplicate them in his head.

Dinky closed her eyes and concentrated. A piece glowed a slightly different color, lifted, but didn't land in a hole. Dinky was straining now, while Trixie spoke quietly, obviously encouraging the youngster.

I almost think you're making fun of me, he thought, But I can almost recognize some of the sounds from the purple unicorn's name. What was it? Twilight Sparkle. He watched the scene for a while. Very different from her public persona, he thought as after several attempts, Dinky finally got the piece in the hole, but not the right hole and so had to start over again.

"Ah so sweet, so cute, gag me," Discord said grumpily within his mind.

Well you better hope they're sweet and cute, or they'll start trepaning to get you out, he thought back, then spotted the book he knew he owned, Okay why'd they pick this one of all the books. He silently collected it.

"Maybe they picked your rattiest and most worn books, figuring you'd use them," Discord replied.

That would explain the Handbook of Chemistry and Physics being alongside this one, he thought as he silently paged through it. He glanced at the two unicorns for any sign he was disturbing their lesson.

"Aren't you going to slow down and actually read it?" Discord said, "Principia Discordia, Steve Jackson Games 1994. A book about . . . me?" Discord's smile was quite audible.

Got to find the right passage and not exactly, ah, here it is:

'The Aneristic Principle is that of APPARENT ORDER; the Eristic Principle is that of APPARENT DISORDER. Both order and disorder are man-made concepts and are artificial divisions of PURE CHAOS, which is a level deeper that is the level of distinction making.

With our concept making apparatus called "mind" we look at reality through the ideas-about-reality which our cultures give us. The ideas-about-reality are mistakenly labeled "reality" and unenlightened people are forever perplexed by the fact that other people, especially other cultures, see "reality" differently. It is only the ideas-about-reality which differ. Real (capital-T True) reality is a level deeper that is the level of concept.

We look at the world through windows on which have been drawn grids (concepts). Different philosophies use different grids. A culture is a group of people with rather similar grids. Through a window we view chaos, and relate it to the points on our grid, and thereby understand it. The ORDER is in the GRID. That is the Aneristic Principle.

Western philosophy is traditionally concerned with contrasting one grid with another grid, and amending grids in hopes of finding a perfect one that will account for all reality and will, hence, (say unenlightened westerners) be True. This is illusory; it is what we Erisians call the ANERISTIC ILLUSION. Some grids can be more useful than others, some more beautiful than others, some more pleasant than others, etc., but none can be more True than any other.

DISORDER is simply unrelated information viewed through some particular grid. But, like "relation," no-relation is a concept. Male, like female, is an idea about sex. To say that male-ness is "absence of female-ness", or vice versa, is a matter of definition and metaphysically arbitrary. The artificial concept of no-relation is the ERISTIC PRINCIPLE.

The belief that "order is true" and disorder is false or somehow wrong, is the Aneristic Illusion. To say the same of disorder, is the ERISTIC ILLUSION.

The point is that (little-t) truth is a matter of definition relative to the grid one is using at the moment, and that (capital-T) Truth, metaphysical reality, is irrelevant to grids entirely. Pick a grid, and through it some chaos appears ordered and some appears disordered. Pick another grid, and the same chaos will appear differently ordered and disordered.

Reality is the original Rorschach.
Verily! So much for all that.'

"Is that profound, or insane?" Discord asked, "Wait, asking that question is an Eristic Illusion and an Aneristic Illusion, respectively."

Very good, you are learning. Which is what you hung around for. A few more passages, he thought as he paged around, revealing the Curse of Greyface, and the Doctrine of the Original Snub to the chaos spirit.

"This Book must be translated into Equestrian!" Discord announced with a fanfare of bullfrogs, and mooses.

Oh course, he agreed, But only one person understands both languages, and he can't write or set type. He's going to have to fix that.

He heard the clang, and the sound of a hammer dulcimer being eaten with chopsticks.

"You tricked me," Discord said, sounding wounded.

Of course I tricked you. You came to learn, how else would I teach you? It isn't trickery or even Chaos that are the problem. It's that as you employed them, they were neither creative, nor life-affirming. Once you can switch around to approach Chaos from the creative and life-affirming angle, you may drive some stuck up Greyfaces to drink, but Celestia isn't going to encase you in stone again. He yawned, attracting the instant attention of the two unicorns and the mother pegasus who been under the bed.

The little one, Dinky Hooves, was in the crook of his arm, happily chattering away. The two adults had their forehooves on the bed and were likewise peppering him with comments and questions.

"Seals are grounding her's turn. Paleodentures and Occidental. In school we learned, the drefnimere. Sorry, even I can't keep up with all three of them," Discord admitted.

Not a problem, he told Discord enjoying the happy faces. He beeped all three of them, and was beeped in return. He then pointed back to the half-finished board game.

"You need to finish your homework, young lady," he said in a fatherly tone.

The little unicorn frowned, but hugged him and hopped down to work. Trixie grinned and sat back down opposite.

He settled down to watch them as his eyelids grew heavy. Someone, Derpy presumably, pulled the covers over him and settled beside him.

"If the apple said 'for the prettiest', and one was the god of beauty, wouldn't that one automatically win?" Discord asked.

Actually, considering Zeus's wife was the god of marriages, he should have given the apple to Themis, as all brides on their wedding day are the most beautiful women in the world. His wife may have grumbled, but she would have supported that decision. The gods were never known for being deep thinkers.

"Like all your, our recent victims," Discord realized.

He was asleep before he could answer.


Glory and Forget-me-not ran into the restaurant that would be their home. Spike was flanking Twilight, as the unicorn backed out of the kitchen levitating an axe. She noted the other two.

"Uh, you're going to need a new broom," Twilight said, "The spell, kinda got away from me." She tried to grin, but saw they weren't buying it.

"What happened?" Glory asked as she pressed past Twilight into the kitchen. The place was spotless, except for the occasional scorch mark on the walls, ceiling, counters and the cabinets. And the rather subdivided broom laying on the ground. "What happened?"

"The metal of the broom caught on fire from one of the lightning strikes," Twilight said, "I couldn't put it out, so I cut off the burning part from the rest. I didn't know the inside was hollow and was on fire too." She laughed nervously, then fell silent.

Forget-me-not looked around the kitchen. "Do I even want to know where all that stuff went?"

"In fireworks, silly," Pinkie Pie said as she entered and looked around. "This is bigger than the Cakes'," she commented.

"And completely clean," Glory said happily, "You do good work."

Twilight smiled.

"So! What's on the menu? What's on the menu?" Pinkie asked as she bounced excitedly.

"Parasprites!" Holly Hock announced as she entered.

Pinkie became Greenie, and joined Twilight's dash for the front door.

"Well, I didn't ask them to eat any," Holly Hock said peevishly. Then looked around at the nearly spotless and completely empty kitchen. "Griffons who like sausages should never watch them being made," she said as she opened her saddle bags and removed the jar now filled with Parasprites. She put two drops from an eyedropper through the holes in the lid, then put the jar in the cold box. "Got to scrub off the walls and floor. Or come up with a good story to explain them." She happily began investigating what all the cabinets held, and to organize them her way.


Mystery watched the four, rather-pale mares covering over the hole they'd dug. How a white unicorn could look even paler was beyond him. "Is this a pony-thing, or a mare thing?" he asked carefully.

"It's a running into a carnivore's kitchen thing," Pinkie Pie, still greenie, explained as she wobbled, "I would invite you to Sugarcube Corners, but eating, doesn't appeal to me right now."

"I think teasing them would get us beaten up when we slept," Sveti said, "So I say we look around the Apple farm. Apples are one of the few things griffons enjoy as much as ponies. They may also have some cider for sale."

"Cider season's starting?" Pinkie Pie asked eagerly.

"Hard cider, Pinkie," Twilight said. She looked around. "Where's Spike?"

The little dragon walked out of the former restaurant. "There'll be sandwiches soon," he said quietly, "And Twilight, can we go home?"

"Sure Spike, are you okay?" Twilight asked.

"I don't want to talk about it," he said quietly. "I'll never think of 'cold cuts' the same way again."

"Ah," Twilight said and started putting the little dragon on her back.

"Twilight, that's probably not a good idea," Spike said carefully. "Walking is just fine."

The mare nodded and she headed towards the library.

Forget-me-not raised her head. "I think getting our stuff from our temporary quarters might be a good idea."

"Are you all right?" Sveti asked and small pegasus nodded.

"I will be. It's the eagerness I'm troubled by," the pegasus admitted, "Glory, let's go."

"Enjoy your lunch," Glory said as she hurried away.

"What's eating them?" Mystery asked. Sveti shrugged.


Rarity entered the library. Twilight and Mystery were staring at the pages of the Monster-Equestrian dictionary and the two bicolumn letters. Rarity smiled to Sveti who was watching with bemusement. Rarity's target was also there.

"Your Highness," Rarity said timidly, she looked back at the monster's book in her saddlebags, "There is something you should see. Privately."

Luna looked at her with some concern, but indicated the hallway to the kitchen. Rarity followed, and she carefully laid the book on the kitchen table, and opened it to the book-marked section.

"They know about alicorns," Rarity said as she indicated the picture of the winged unicorn. The figure was reminiscent of Celestia. "Judging by the little, pink monster-mare's reaction, he's a male. And I think there is some precedent for dealing with a shapechanger," Rarity said carefully and opened the book to another book-marked page where the little, pink monster-mare cuddled with a monster-stallion with a horn. "I admit I don't fully understand all the implications. But you shouldn't give up too easily." She felt the Princess's glare. "Highness, I apologize, but you and Celestia are conflicted on your feelings. And I don't believe you should be."

"My feelings are my business," Luna said carefully.

"True." Rarity bowed. "And I apologize. But you should decide what you are going to do. For his peace of mind, if not your own."

"Why are you acting as matchmaker?" Luna asked neutrally.

"Not matchmaker, Highness," Rarity said, "Just trying to see friends not hurt each other. I have painful experience with letting what I thought versus what actually was affect my decisions."

Luna nodded.

Applejack entered. "Highness, Rarity. Have ya'all seen Applebloom?" the farm mare asked, "She finished her mornin' chores, and I ain't seen hide nor hoof of the filly since."

Rarity considered. "That's odd, I haven't seen Sweetie Belle since this morning either."

"The Cutie Mark Crusaders?" Luna asked carefully.

"Well, yes," Rarity admitted apprehensively.

"They are known. Even in Canterlot," Luna explained. "But what of them, are they not with their third member, almost always?"

"They can get inta a heap a' trouble on their own," Applejack said, "Since I ain't seen columns of smoke on the horizon. I don't think they're in too much trouble."

"Speak for yourself, Applejack. Sweetie Belle usually comes home covered in tree sap, or honey, or mud, or . . . well, pick anything sticky and tenaciously difficult to clean."

"Better'n being skunked," Applejack said. Both she and Rarity were surprised by the princess's guffaw.

"Sorry, remembering Celestia getting skunked. And her utter bewilderment at suddenly being shunned," Luna admitted. "We should set up a search for them, and I think myself and our two griffons will be ideal."

"I'll talk to Rainbow Dash, maybe they headed into the Everfree," Rarity said, then turned back to the princess, "Please consider what I said, and take it as a warning."

"Thank you," Luna replied before heading out towards the door.


Night had fallen when he awoke again. Discord was surprisingly quiet within his head. He glanced around the darkened hospital room. Can't see the unicorn, he thought as he craned his head to try and spot her. Giving up he slipped out of the bed, verified he wasn't going to step on her as he put his feet on the floor. He found her at the foot of the bed. He leaned down and nudged her gently. She made a dismissive noise. 'Mom, just five more minutes', he thought of her reaction. He turned back and arranged the pillows to simulate his body in the bed. Then abandoned the notion. I'm going to back out of here upright. With all the things that have happened lately, I'm not going to disappear anywhere.

The nurse at the nurse's station was asleep. He removed the clipboard and drew a simple picture of him going to his house. He duplicated it and left the copy with the unicorn, who still resisted his gentle attempts to awaken her. He didn't see anyone walking the floors as he left the hospital and headed toward where his house had been.

There was some activity at the edges of town, but nothing near enough to affect him. So he proceeded. The odd structure near the center of where his house had been drew his attention. He walked around it until he found the door that resembled his front door. He pulled the key from his pants' pocket. It fit the lock and let him open the door. He closed and locked the door behind him and let his eyes adjust to the light levels inside the corridor.

Okay, funny joke, he thought as he examined the door with the words carved into it. The other two doors were only vaguely interesting. He continued to the door that also duplicated his front door, save that it had more of the house apparently attached than the other door. The key opened this door as well. Inside was his home as he remembered it. The lights worked, and nothing seemed out of place. He walked to the glass doors and looked out into the darkness. He couldn't see the stars, which had been clearly visible in the original landing site. So far so good, he thought as he headed deeper into his house. Other than the books that were beside his bed back at the hospital, everything seemed in order.

"Oh, that's just peachy," he said sardonically as he saw the wreckage of his bed.

He was down on his hands and knees examining the damage when Discord spoke up. "Someone had a good time."

Real good time, not only did they tear the frame out of the wooden posts, they managed to crack the frame itself. I can guess what the springs on the frame, and in the mattress are like now. He sighed as he stood up. Figures, well, we'd better get back.

"Aren't you bothered?" Discord asked.

No, once I realized the situation, I knew I'd just have to - live - with it, he thought with a chuckle as he headed for the front door.

"Are you going to tell me?" Discord asked, and considered the silence, "I'd like to know, please."

I died in that earthquake, and this is Hell, he replied as he locked the door behind him.

"That's not funny. It doesn't even make sense," Discord replied.

Walking through chin-deep, flaming shit while encased in a lead bell is Dante, not the Bible. There's no specific recipe for what happens. He passed through the corridor and locked the 'front' door behind him. Under the local skies, he saw the stars again.

"A world full of, ugh, colorful, friendly ponies?" Discord said, "Disturbing, yes. Hell, no."

Oh sure, food is available, the people are friendly, and the weather is pleasant. Even a chance for a humanoid wife or three and offspring, although what they'd be is up for grabs. Everything a person could want. Except privacy, he thought as he jogged through the moonlit grounds, For someone who has lived a life with the phrases 'company proprietary' and 'need to know' that's not a pleasant time. Add that even within my own mind, I can't get away, that really makes it Hell.

"So tell them to quit it," Discord said.

You don't understand, they aren't doing it to just me, it's a part of their culture. As soon as the sun is up, a closed door becomes merely where you announce yourself before entering. And if someone enters, unless you have a compelling reason not to, you are expected to cater to their needs, whatever your desires are. And there's even a pony who can walk around in your dreams, just to pound home there's nothing that someone can't peer into.

"Surely not," Discord said.

Oh I had a plan to deal with it. Adopt a nocturnal schedule. Then except for a brief period in the early morning, and a brief period in the evening, I would have been inaccessible for the best reasons. I was asleep, or they were. But no, out of nowhere comes Nightmare and her coterie of nincompoops, and suddenly, I have another complication that eliminates the plan.

"So now I'm one of the demons tormenting you?"

Good grief, no! Look at the people around you. The purple unicorn.

"Twilight Sparkle," Discord offered.

Thank you, is so petrified that there's this great big ball of knowledge denied her, I'm surprised she hasn't had a full-blown, psychotic episode. Princess Celestia, who could kill me ten ways from Sunday, and has no legitimate reason to fear me, is so terrified of what I'll do to her ponies that she's irrational. Princess Luna can't figure out if she should kiss me or kill me. The show mare.

"Trixie, or 'the Great and Powerful Trixie'," Discord thundered.

Thank you again, loves being the center of one person's attention. Yet she obviously wants to go out traveling and performing in front of audiences. So she's in a vice there. The pegasus mother.

"Derpy Hooves, and her unicorn daughter Dinky Hooves."

Thank you, he thought, The mother would love to have a male to help look after her daughter, and she doesn't seem to mind my appearance, but she still gets teased about her unusual traits, so she won't push for fear of the backlash. None of you are demons, you're all tormented souls, like me and you. You want to be the life of the party, specifically Celestia's party, but no one's ever taught you restraint.

"Can we change the subject?" Discord asked.

No, and a please won't work this time. Look, if she's anything like the lady you had running around that other world, I can see why you're drawn to her. But chaos is the leaven in her life, a bit of seasoning, not the whole course. And the safety of her ponies is the raison d'etre of her life. If you or I threaten that, she'll come down on with all four hooves, with cleats, he said, That's your torment. You want the Alpha mare, because she's very like you, but the exaggeration of those similarities drives you apart from each other.

"So I need moderation, and so does she?" Discord asked. "I won't give up what I am."

Just trust me, there will be places you can moderate, and other places you can apply full force. It's the same with me, I need to accept these ponies will never appreciate what I value highly. But reacting to it is the wrong thing to do. Looking for the way out, that's the real answer. He'd arrived back at the hospital, and slipped in through the front door. A rather worried looking medical pony was waiting for him.

"What's the way out?" Discord asked.

Overcoming whatever put you here, he replied, It's just a matter of finding out what it was, and growing beyond it. He let them lead him back to his bed.

"Uh huh," Discord replied carefully, the realized, "Then what were all those 'trust' exercises about?"

That's easy, they were a way to maneuver her into a position where she could easily kill me or not, and blame an unforeseen accident. Sure she took ruthless advantage, but never in a way that would even approach causing lasting harm. She'd scare me, or try too, but it turns out that she doesn't have the guts to finish it, if she only has vague worries about her ponies. I'd actually have to act in a threatening manner for her to act.

"That's a lot to bet on a hunch," Discord said.

What are you worried about? I get killed, you go back with the rest of you. I'm already dead, so I get to find out how they recycle people here, or that I'm effectively immortal. Either way, it wouldn't be permanent. I think she and the others don't realize the situation. Probably part of their anxiety. They are part of what they fervently believe is a thriving community, and suddenly they have a virus, me, affecting their lives. For creatures for whom stability to the point of tedium is a near obsession, my presence is a torture that grates. That I am not an obvious, physical threat, but a huge existential one makes it worse not better. If I came in roaring and trying to eat them it would be easier, but that I am mostly peaceful and friendly, and a sensual and esoteric delight for others makes it even more deeply and indeterminably disturbing for them. I need to figure out what I need to do to get out, and they have a catharsis to get moving on their own redemption. It's brilliant. I just hope I'm not screwing up yours by telling you. He reentered the room, and noted the now wide-awake Trixie, who looked worriedly at him.

"My redemption?" Discord asked, offended to the core, "What fears and phobias do I have."

Being alone, and being unappreciated, he replied as he let them tuck him back in bed, You keep doing these things, first to get Celestia's attention, then Twilight Sparkle's. It's why you didn't go after her directly, and you let all her friends explore the downside of their personalities, rather than just dropping them and their Elements into a volcano somewhere. You want to be chaotic, and you want to be admired. But you never encountered anyone random enough to gain your respect, or powerful enough to hold your feet to the fire. Diminished as you are, and locked in here with me, you have both.

"You think you could punish me, even here?" Discord asked, eager to change the disturbing subject.

Well, yes, but you've done nothing to deserve it, he thought as Trixie cut the lights, and positioned herself in front of the door, Punishment without purpose diminishes its effectiveness later.

"What if I were to say I'd tell Luna all of what you told me, and urge her to tell everyone in Ponyville?" Discord asked.

I'd reply, 'and you really think she'd trust your word? Or would she think you were teasing her?' he replied, We haven't built up your trust level with her or her sister yet. It wouldn't matter what you told her, she'd filter it through her preconceptions. Remember that passage on grids? Trusting your word isn't part of her grid.

"Surely if - and don't say 'don't call me Shirley', if I told her, she'd at least react," Discord said.

Certainly she'd react. If you told her water was wet, she'd rush off and look it up to make sure it was still true. Be patient. I can teach you enough so you can be your old random self, and Celestia won't hate you for it, he told the Chaos spirit to soothe him, I don't hold your presence here against you. You are as much a chess piece in this game as I. We've both been moved to a place where our punishment or redemption moves that much closer.

"But the punishment aspect . . . " Discord said.

Look, don't go looking for things that will make me invoke it. There are things even my people are terrified of. Little things, that stop being so little when they've happened to you, he replied.

"I have to know," Discord warned, "I'll keep looking, you know that and so do I. It's my nature to push any boundary."

Okay, a mild one, for not believing your teacher, to his face, he replied.

"Thank you."

It's a world of laughter, a world of tears. It's a world of hopes, and a world of fears. There's so much that we share that it's time we're aware, it's a small world after all.

It's a small world after all. It's a small world after all. It's a small world after all. It's a small, small world.

There is just one moon and one golden sun, and a smile means friendship to everyone. Though the mountains divide, and the oceans are wide, it's a small world after all.

It's a small world after all. It's a small world after all. It's a small world after all. It's a small, small world.

"All right, that is rather irritating isn't it. You can stop singing." Discord waited, then said, "Please, stop signing."

I already stopped, he thought ominously.

"But I can hear you," Discord replied. He took off his ears and shook them violently, they sounded like cow bells. "I can still hear you!" he said before replacing his ears.

Yes, you can. And that one will persist for several hours, he warned.

"HOURS?!" Discord replied in distress. "I'm going to listen to you sing it for hours?"

No, after a while you'll hear it in your own voice, he replied.

Discord disintegrated in pieces, little Discords ran around the ground. "Make it stop. Make it stop! Please make it stop. It's coming to get me. It's going to take over my mind I can feel it! If I sleep," the Discords clamored in abject terror, "It'll eat me!" He reformed on his knees. "Please. I'll do anything!"

First, promise to quit challenging me without cause. If I tell you something is dangerous, don't ask for a demonstration, he insisted.

"Of course, done, Pinkie Promise Small World in my eye - CUPCAKE in my eye!" Discord promised.

All right, listen. Infinite bottles of beer on the wall, infinite bottles of beer, take one down pass it around, infinite bottles of beer on the wall, he told Discord, Keep repeating that when it gets too bad. But don't over use it. It loses effectiveness over time.

"Thank you, thank you. Infinite bottles of beer on the wall, infinite bottles of beer, take one down pass it around, infinite bottles of beer on the wall," Discord walked off singing.

Poor kid, but he's gotta learn, he thought as he drifted off to sleep.


"In here," Cheerilee said, as she stood smirking at the doorway to the school house. Inside were the three Cutie Mark Crusaders, looking especially worried at the cloud of concerned adults.

"I told Glory where I was going," Sweetie Belle offered as she looked at her sister's angry and concerned expression. Applejack was outside, quietly trying to get her temper under control.

Rarity sighed, "Yes, she did mention you were going to school. But I thought you were joking."

"Are we in trouble?" Applebloom asked.

Rarity looked outside at Applejack. "I'm afraid so."

"Only we could get in trouble spending the entire day doing nothing at the school house," Sweetie Belle complained, "We just didn't want to spend the day peeling potatoes and cleaning latrines."

"What?" Cheerilee asked.

"The other officer said if we wanted to join up the Royal Observer Corps, we had to peel potatoes and clean latrines while we were going to school for it," Scootaloo said, "I don't want to have to do more chores, and go to school on top of going to school and doing chores."

"Whatever would make you think that the Royal Guards would take a bunch of fillies?" Rarity asked, "That officer was teasing you, so you'd leave our guest alone. And considering how things shake out around him, I can't blame her."

"I think we better get them all home," Applejack said as she entered the school house. "Tomorrow is a school day after all."

"Are we in trouble?" Applebloom asked.

"Yes you are," Applejack said so calmly everyone knew the trio were in a lot of trouble. The trio looked forlornly at each other and two walked after their respective guardians. Scootaloo proceeded to her home with nary a look back to her friends.


Day 20

Luna was not eager to find Discord standing guard at the portal to their guest's dreams. The featureless expanse continued to the horizons. Only a monotone gray floor, and Discord himself broke the emptiness.

"I think we need to talk," the draconequus said far more politely than she remembered him being in their previous dealings.

"What have you to say?" she asked coldly. And was surprised that Discord seemed to take no offence, despite a history of being thin-skinned about disrespect.

"I think you have all pushed him over the edge," Discord said, "I know you won't believe me, but I guess I have to try."

"Speak," Luna said, "I will listen."

"He thinks he's dead, and this whole world is a place of eternal damnation," Discord said.

"Equestria?" Luna asked, and couldn't keep from smiling at the thought. "Under your rule, perhaps, but under Celestia's?" She nearly chuckled at the thought.

Discord continued morosely. "He thinks it's punishment, because he can't get any privacy. He knows you or someone broke into his home and broke the bed. He's had to tolerate you, and me, traipsing into his mind, and he can't keep you out. He had 'friendship' he doesn't want thrown at him by everypony who doesn't stare at him in terror. I think he finally cracked."

"And you know all this how?" Luna asked, not quite able to keep from smiling at the cleverness and apparent candor of Discord's act and story.

"He told me, when I asked him why having his property destroyed produced not even a sigh. It also explains his recklessness against those ancient enemies. If you are already dead, what happens when you are 'killed' in the afterlife?" Discord shrugged.

"This no longer amuses me," she told him and moved.

Discord moved to block her. "Like I said, I don't expect you to believe me," Discord said, "But can you put off your excursion, to investigate whether what I'm telling you has even a grain of truth?"

"The only way to verify, would be to go in there and look," Luna said and pointed a hoof into the featureless distance. "And I am disinclined to believe you."

"Another reason why he told me everything. Better to be damned by your own hand." Discord stepped aside. "Go, rummage, find all the things he wants to keep hidden, drag all his embarrassments and sinister impulses before Celestia. Be ruled by your paranoia against one who has never raised a hand against any of your ponies no matter how they attacked him, or seemed to. Who even let one who tortured him live. Either he's right, that this is the afterlife and Celestia's irrational fears, Twilight's desperation on organizations and your sister's approval, and your terror that you'll fall again and your sister won't be able to forgive you, are all what brought us here. Or this is Equestria, and he'll continue acting as if he can be hurt, but not truly killed, until he does something a saner person would stand away from and it kills him. I gave you my warning, I urged you to investigate if you could not trust. His death will be on your head and yours alone."

"He's gotten to you, hasn't he?" Luna said.

"I could say the same," Discord countered darkly, then smiled, "I never had anyone willing to teach me. Who would hold up a standard I could meet and demand I live up to it."

"Celestia did." Luna glared at him.

"Celestia said one thing, and did another," Discord riposted, "She cannot and has not lived up to the standard she set for me. I can't live that way. But I might be able to find a way to still be me, and be acceptable to you," Discord said. "If you want him, offer him something of yourself than no one else has ever seen or had. He sees all that the ponies are demanding, and giving back little he values. Celestia is playing the trickster, and setting you up to be the lonely one who draws him out. But he is no pony. And you have no real idea what he thinks and feels, because you keep thinking he's a funny-shaped pony. Magic, flight, all the things he can't do himself, that's what would interest him."

"I already had plans in those directions," Luna admitted. "And what do you gain?"

"I get to walk under the sunlight again without having to worry about the Elements. Maybe I can fix some of the problems this world has. Maybe I can show you all things you've never heard of before."

"Something hidden from Celestia's and my eyes? I don't believe it," Luna said dismissively.

"You see the darkness, Celestia the light. Who looks into the twilight and the shadows? Sparkle and her friends? Shining Armor? Cadence? Or no one?" Discord asked angrily, "Don't play the omniscient card to one who knows better. There's a difference between seeing all, and knowing all. If you don't know what you are looking at, you are as blind as anypony."

"Keen enough to see through you," Luna said.

Discord slowly faded. "Except when I'm being transparent. Then you see what isn't there."

Luna looked around after Discord had completed his vanishing act. The maddening thing is, he might have given me good advice, specifically because he knew I wouldn't take it from him, she thought, So he gets to laugh at me either way, so be it. I had my own plans. I just push them forward. I hope Rarity has had time to complete the ensemble. Luna returned to the dreams of ponies. And to soothe the nightmares of three silly fillies in particular.


"Is there any pony food?" Forget-me-not asked as she rose, and noticed Glory was already awake.

"There's plenty of Parasprite-salad left," Glory said as she sat in one of the few booths and went over a stack of papers. "And I think Holly Hock invited the griffons over for Fancied Toast."

"That's bread dipped in eggs then grilled?" Forget-me-not asked, as she noted a stack of papers in another booth. "I have a sneaking suspicious those papers are mine."

"Probably," Glory said. "Her Highness dropped them off last night. Evidently our target slipped past the entire hospital staff and got to his house without being spotted. Her Highness was not happy about that failure of security."

"I thought 'The Great and Powerful Trixie' was a stage act, not a security expert," the small pegasus said as she leafed through the papers.

"I think the implication is that we should have had a guard there ourselves," Glory said.

"What is that thing made of, anyway?" the pegasus asked, "They haul him in there at death's door, and about two days later he's fine? For something supposedly so fragile, he's got the recuperative powers of a dragon."

"Several," Glory agreed, then snickered. "Maybe he absorbs more than nutrients eating once living things, maybe he absorbs their souls to fuel his incredible powers?" Glory said in a spooky voice and began stalking Forget-me-not.

"Yeah, right," the pegasus said, ignoring the looming unicorn.

"And he's coming to get you," Glory said.

"I think that position is already pretty crowded," the pegasus replied.

"Eww!" Holly Hock said as she exited the kitchen, "And you think the food I prepare is bad. That's a disgusting thought."

"I'm sorry, Parasprite-salad sandwiches for the griffons helping the search?" Glory exclaimed, "That is disgusting."

"Not for griffons," Holly Hock replied, "So do you want Fancied Toast, or are you going to eat out?"

Glory laid her head on the pile of papers. "It's my diplomatic duty to make them welcome in Equestria, it's my intelligence duty to keep an eye on them, and it's my duty as an Equestrian not to feed any of them my colleagues." She raised her head. "Yes, I'd love to have breakfast with the griffons."

"Then stay away from the fried sausage, stay with the boiled," Holly Hock said she returned to the kitchen.

"What's the difference?" Forget-me-not asked.

"The boiled is apple, garlic, cabbage and flour. The fried isn't," Holly Hock called.

"Thanks!" Glory and Forget-me-not called back.

"I was drafted, what made you take this job?" Forget-me-not asked.

"Stupidity," Glory answered.


Rarity had barely had time to get breakfast underway when she heard the knock on the shop door. Sweetie Belle was at the table, fast asleep, so Rarity headed towards the shop and the early morning customer. "Coming!" she called as she hurried and tried to make herself at least presentable.

That the customer was a seemingly nervous Princess Luna did nothing for Rarity's sangfroid. Her schadenfreude was piqued by the alicorn's nervousness. "Can I help you?"

"Is it ready?" Luna asked quietly, nearly dancing on her hoof tips.

"Yes," Rarity said and led her to the wrapped parcel. With her back to the princess she briefly let a grin escape. It was well hidden when she offered over her shoulder, "You might fly him to see Zecora. She seems a good alchemist, and that might be a type of magic he can employ."

Her Highness stared at the parcel. "That sounds remarkably like the advice I got recently. I just don't know if I should trust it or not."

"For those who can't fly, and those who can't do magic, being able to experience it is always welcome," Rarity offered, "Who advised you?"

"Discord," Luna replied as she unwrapped the package and looked inside.

Rarity had been unwilling to make the gear actually plain, but it was far more austere than her usual generation of such things. "Then be very careful. He will often give you exactly what you think you want. But not in a way that does you any good."

"So, take the advice, with a grain of salt, and watch your flanks," Rarity said. "Or, he may have told you exactly the truth and given you the best advice possible, simply to make you too nervous to use it."

Luna looked pained. "That's so wonderful to hear," she said. She collected the parcel. "Thank you, and wish me luck. It seems either way, I have some fences to mend."

"Good luck, your Highness." Rarity watched her depart and wondered what was going to happen. "No, Rarity, everyone deserves some privacy." She sighed. "It's not as if anyone can meet their princess."


He was aware of the unicorn, Trixie, being one tiny step away from giving him a lecture. For some reason I think Discord and she would double team me if one started, he thought as he walked back to the odd structure that led to his house. He picked an apple off the tree and offered it to Trixie.

She frowned slightly, but accepted it. The ponies still either looked and hurried about their business, or stood stock still and stared at him until he was out of view.

I guess after what I did, they're even more spooked now than they were before. But good grief, I was reading the villains minds or what passes for them. How hard is it to win a poker game reading all the cards and knowing your own? he thought. The silence that answered was welcome, but disturbing. I really should be working on learning their written language. More silence.

He unlocked the door and held it open for Trixie. He noted the faint aura on the other side of the door coming from the handle. "You don't trust me," he said, "After last night I don't blame you. But I did try to wake you up."

Trixie refused to take the bait, or was willing for her lecture to be private. Then she stared past him with a concerned expression.

She's above petty tricks, besides I still have the key, he thought as he turned to look at what Trixie was staring at.


I want to lecture him on sneaking off, Trixie had thought as she walked beside him, But I don't think he'd know anything except I'm disappointed, and he seems to already get that.

She watched him finally perk up as he opened the door. Strange, it seems the closer he gets to home, the better off he is, Trixie thought, then had a twinge, And I've been hoping he could come with me on the road. Go or stay. Whichever way it happens, one of us is going to be miserable. She held the door for him, then caught Princess Luna approaching. He was soon staring at the alicorn.

What's she so nervous about? Trixie wanted to ask.

"Are you going in?" Luna asked, bowing her head slightly, in what Trixie recognized as a submissive gesture.

"I think we were," Trixie replied. Her horn glowed and showed an image of the three of them going into the house.

He frowned, but nodded and gestured for Luna to follow. Luna looked sheepish. "Generate pictures to communicate," her Highness said, "Why didn't we think about that?"

Trixie smiled. "Am I not the Great and Powerful Trixie?" she asked quietly as she followed him.

Luna fell in behind them, after closing the door.

She locked it, what's happening? she thought then moved back to where he stood staring at the middle door.

"He shouldn't go through there," Luna warned, "It'll change his color. Permanently."

He rotated several pieces of the door frame, and opened the door. Trixie caught his hand before he could go through. He grinned at her and shook his head. He pointed to bit of the carvings in the doorframe.

"Discord wrote the instructions of how to pass through safely in his language," Trixie realized. "Anyone else who tries will be dyed, and easily tracked. I'll bet that the keys change. Until we can read his language, we need him to pass through."

Luna shook her head. "More games," her Highness said, "We either play along, or we lose." The alicorn fixed Trixie with a glare. "What are you going to do? Stay at his side and deny your wanderlust, or drag him along and have him unhappy?"

Trixie gritted her teeth. "Neither. I am required to be here right now. When my sentence is over, then I'll think about it." She stepped back and nuzzled his leg. "Or, it might be nice to give him a friendly face in foreign places. And for me to have a home to come home to."

He scratched her behind the ears for a moment, then closed the door and restored the door frame keys to their unobvious positions. He proceeded to the actual front door and unlocked it. The light from wherever the house had landed filled the corridor. Trixie blinked away the spots before her eyes and tried to keep up. Luna followed.

He closed the door after they'd come through and locked it. Trixie's stomach turned as he glared at Luna. Whatever is going on, she's still a princess, and very powerful, Trixie thought then stepped between the two and nuzzled his leg. It seemed to calm him down a little.

"Let me guess, you broke in here while he was in the hospital, and he found what damage you did before you could fix it?" Trixie said carefully. Her Highness looked embarrassed at the accusation.

"Yes. I was practicing a spell, and it didn't work as expected," Luna admitted.

"Maybe I can help," Trixie offered as she pressed back against him, to make him either jump aside, or sit on the couch. He chose to sit.

Luna seemed horrified by the thought. "Um, the side effects are quite bad, I wouldn't want to put you through them. The truth is the headache and delirium from the spell resulted directly in the damage."

"So where is the damage, I don't see a bookshelf out of place, all the furniture in these rooms is in once piece." Trixie felt despair. "You damaged the office boxes!" She dashed towards the office and the machines that would make the dictionary possible. They were still intact. Luna was pursuing nearly as fast. He seemed content to simply stroll after. Trixie came out of the office and noted the Luna had positioned herself to block entrance to the bedroom.

"What exactly were you casting, and why were you casting it in his bedroom?" Trixie growled. She was horrified when the Princess's expression went from defiant to mortified. "What kind of sick stunt were you planning?" Trixie asked as she approached the Lunar Diarch, but she was beyond caring. "What kind of . . . ?" She saw the broken bed and it all clicked. She stepped back until she ran into a tall pair of legs. She sat down at his feet and stared at the shamed Princess.

"Your Royal Lunar Highness," Trixie said in a controlled tone, "Is it now the practice of the Diarchs to shoot off fireworks in a powder magazine? Or have the rigors of first-contract driven you insane?"

"I am, still a Princess," Luna warned.

"Respectfully, your Royal Highness, anyone but you who performed an act like that would rightfully be denounced as an idiot," Trixie said through gritted teeth, "If the spell would have worked, what pray tell would you have done if he didn't comply? More magic?"

"You forget yourself," Luna told her and approached.

"And so have you, your Highness," Trixie said as she stood and confronted the alicorn, "I am just a nothing, a stage performer drafted into this world of intrigues. But you are supposed to be an example for ponies. I at least understand why there's such a thing as back stage, to let the performers rest away from the crowds. But you are above that, able to break and enter, destroy someone else's property, and whatever else, so you are above the law."

Trixie scowled at the glaring Princess. Then she felt a tug on her ear. He signaled for her to move away. He bowed low to the Princess and walked back down the hallway, keeping between the two mares.

Trixie let him lead her outside into the geode-like formation that was house's new resting place. The air was warm and dry, and the crystals glowed with different colors. With Trixie at his side, they circumnavigated the house, and noted the large fissure in the crystalline wall. Trixie rushed to block that before he approached and went exploring. He tried to go around or over her, but to no avail. He walked to the kitchen side of the house where there were few windows, and sat down against the house. Trixie approached slowly, sensing his odd mood, and laid down beside him. After a few moments, she put her head in his lap and waited with him.


Luna briefly considered pounding her head on the wall. No, I've done enough damage in here as it is. I was going to tell him, explain it all as best I could, but that mare - who would have understood perfectly what I was saying and leaving out, Luna realized. I wasn't going to tell him, I was going to provide a believable explanation. What would I have done if he didn't comply? What would I have asked him to comply with? She shook her head violently. I was willing to admit wrong doing, but not in front of one who would understand what I was saying. And even I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't stopped when I did. She looked at the parcel containing what she had been planning to wear. If I am a princess, I shouldn't care what she thinks, or what she says about me. What's she going to do? Gossip about me, tell him what it means in Equestrian eyes? Neither he nor I should care. She picked up the parcel, took two steps and then stopped. She set it on the floor and opened it, staring at the fine workponyship, and considered what it would mean to him, what it would mean to most Equestrians, and what it really meant to her.


Spike and Sveti were maintaining the steady supply of books, quills, hot tea and blank parchments to the two decoders working on the collection of words they had from the dictionary, and the complete sentences and phrases they had from the letters, and now rubbings from the door in the Big Guy's entry way. At the moment Spike and Sveti were refilling the large containers of tea their respective scholars were consuming in vast quantities.

"Miss Svetlana?" Spike asked as he put on yet another kettle to heat.

"Please, Spike, Sveti. 'Svetlanas' sit around all day ordering functionaries around," the very un-Gilda-like griffon said as she did an inventory of the available, and dwindling tea supply.

"Sveti then, have you seen the Big Guy, when he was conscious?" Spike asked as he checked the kettle and laid out the tea for it.

"No, not yet. Something troubling you?" the griffon asked.

"Yeah. Everypony seems to be able to read his facial expressions like a large-type book, ditto his gestures. And he seems to be able to read theirs. Him and me, nothing. Blank slate. And I don't think he can read me either."

"I'll keep an eye out and report my findings. Thank you. If griffons labor under that same disadvantage as dragons, it could make our job considerably more difficult," Sveti said.

"Thanks, it's been bugging me." Spike added the tea to the pot.

"And instead of analysis you get a lecture that it's not something anyone else has a problem with," Sveti said, "Those are always useful and uplifting. 'I know you'd like help, here's a speech that you're an idiot instead.'" The griffon shrugged.

"I take it you've gotten a few of those as well," Spike said.

"I've been in government service since you were hatched," Sveti said, "I've gotten several. They're always painful. So when I see I'm about to launch one, I always hold back."

"Thanks." Spike considered. "Is anyone looking into his familiarity with our math?" Spike asked, and exchanged a raised eyebrow with the griffon.

"Well, I happen to have some rather advanced training in math," Sveti replied, "If you'll excuse me. I think I need to order some books." Sveti started towards the entrance to the kitchen.

"Give me the letter, I can get it directly into her majesty's hands," Spike assured her as he poured the tea into a large thermos.


"All right," Discord said, actually sounding tired, "The next one starts with a loop, counterclockwise, with a long tail at the beginning."

All right, he thought as he started the figure, and ignored Trixie's astonishment as she watched over his shoulder. What does this one sound like? he mentally asked.

Discord made a sound that while obviously different from the previous ones, wasn't quantifiably different. "Aren't you glad you asked?"

Why does Equestria sound like severe borborygmi? he asked Discord, I have the horrible idea that if I eat too many beans with boiled cabbage, I'll either insult someone's mother or make lewd suggestions to a stallion.

"That would be interesting," Discord giggled, "Or you'll get a reputation as a ventriloquist. The rest of the letter is like a U, with the arm coming up level with the top of the loop."

Terrific, eight minutes to write two words, he thought, And Trixie thinks I've lost my mind.

"With those two words I can hardly blame her," Discord replied, "Why 'Disaster Reports'?"

Simple. The way to get to Celestia is through her ponies. If you can do something about one of these, you'll definitely get on her good side. It's all a case of stage management.

"For instance?" Discord asked.

Let's get the report first, he replied, Then once we've got the proper disaster in hand, we can create or at least assist the solution. He stood, and Trixie was on her feet looking somewhat worried.

"Are you going to try to go through your front door?" Discord asked, the tone was pure innocence.

When I have a week to explain to the Dragon Queen how I arrived in her personal treasure vault, or the harem of the griffon emperor. I'll probably appreciate it more if I'm not pressed for time. But lets get your help in hand first. He jogged around the house and in through the glass doors. He heard Luna shout something, but he was past and out into the corridor.

"What I'd really like is some way to make myself heard outside," Discord said as Trixie followed the Big Guy down the entry hall to the Ponyville door. "Are you going to leave Princess Luna behind in your house?"

She can break in and destroy the furniture whenever she likes, what good would closing the doors do? he thought, Royal prerogative and all that. I'll lock the Ponyville door though. Have to keep it a Royal prerogative after all.

Discord was strangely silent during the entire jog to the town library.

Arriving at the library, they found the familiar door-dragon, and a griffon. Curiouser and curiouser, he thought.

Trixie sidled up and took the paper from his hand and presented it to the dragon.

"She's explaining what you want," Discord said inside his head, "The dragon is called Spike, unimaginative name. Makes him sound like a watch dog. The griffon is one of two, her name's Svetlana, but she goes by Sveti."

What's got Trixie so agitated? he thought of the showmare arguing very pointedly with the griffon. To the point where the griffon extended its claws.

He slipped his hand into his pocket and closed on the small pistol he'd picked up in his home with the discovery of the destruction. Trixie had seen the claws and her horn glowed faintly, making it clear the fight would not be as one-sided as the griffon expected.

"The griffon informed her that she'd been assigned by Luna to be a new bodyguard," Discord reported, "And she is evidently foreseeing the anger coursing through you and has told the griffon and Spike about the break in and property destruction. And that another interloper, especially a Luna-mandated one will end in you say, burning down the house around your ears to keep anyone from getting your secrets."

The gasp of horror indicated the arrival of Twilight and a second griffon, who looked at the two nearly ready to come to blows, and the very tense monster standing in what promised to be ground zero.


Luna stared at the figure in the large bathroom mirror. I know what I see, I can guess what the Equestrians will see, but what would he have seen? she wondered about the saddle, bit and bridle she wore. Rarity had managed to make them more workponylike than the typical fetish gear she'd seen some ponies wear. She made them look like tools, instead of toys. And they are comfortable enough to wear, although a little padding under the saddle might be welcome, she thought as she looked at the sad pony in the pretty clothes in the mirror. How am I ever going to admit why I did it? I barely understand myself. No, I know one person who might explain it to me. It was intoxicating after Discord changed us. So many new thoughts and feelings, so many drives ponies don't get. And the mind racing in all directions. No wonder they seemed mad. But, I wanted to be like that again. It was like being drunk and lucid, being completely out of control and having the universe at my finger tips if I'd put out the effort.

Luna used her magic to replace the tools in the parcel. She carried the parcel out of the house and through the door to Canterlot Castle leaving it on the steps, rather than taking it all the way to her room where any maid might walk in and find it. Once back in the corridor with all the doors firmly locked, she proceeded to the Ponyville door and out into the sunlight.

All right, number one, gather intelligence; number two, make my apologies and damn anyone who thinks otherwise; and three, practice that spell where it won't make me do stupid things in someponyelse's house.


Twilight smiled nervously as she explained the situation to him. The second griffon was trying to defuse the staring match between Trixie and the she-griffon.

"And after Celestia and Luna have licked off all the whipped cream, I'll make Applejack untie you, and get Rarity to give back your clothes," Discord 'translated' Twilight Sparkle's explanation.

He stared at the nervously grinning mare, watching the sweat bead on her forehead despite the fur there.

Are you sure that's that she said? he mentally asked Discord, Because she never once mention the books, and during Fluttershy's 'activity' with her feathers, that would have been a perfect time to get me to surrender the books.

"I don't think she'd want to get them under duress, it would give you grounds to get them back," Discord replied.

Interesting point, he thought. He smiled to the purple unicorn and nodded. He took a deep breath, and let out an ululating roar. When he stopped, all the ponies and griffons were plastered against the wall staring at him in terror. He walked over and patted Trixie on the head. Then he retrieved the paper and spindled it on Twilight's horn.

The mare focused on the paper and made an interrogative noise. He made a c-shape with the thumb and index finger of each hand, touched the thumb tip of one to the index tip of the other and flapped the fingers while circling Twilight's head.

The mystified mare whinnied something.

"I don't look anything like that, oops," Discord said.

Funny how a long, skinny, warped thing is instantly recognizable as you, he thought in reply, Odd, don't you think. Now, I thank you for the more entertaining translation of Twilight's speech, it was probably vastly more interesting than what she actually said. I must jot it down and translate it for her sometime. But I need an authentic translation, this is for your benefit.

"She asked 'Disaster Reports?'" Discord said.

He nodded and poked the paper with a finger. Trixie had taken up station beside him, and looked one step away from restarting the fight with the griffon. But the truce held for the moment.

Twilight slowly walked towards a series of papers, occasionally glancing back over her haunches to stare at him with a quizzical expression. Spike was whispering something to the griffon Trixie had been arguing with, and the griffon was whispering back. The magic surrounded a large book, and Twilight set it at a desk. Inside were newspaper pages.

Well, it's a place to start, he thought, I was hoping to get intelligence or action reports. I guess that's too much to hope for.

"So I get to read about all the lost kittens and puppies? What have I ever done to you?" Discord asked.

You intrigued me, that's cause for punishment enough. I don't want everything. Concentrate on disasters: fire, floods, crop failures, things of that nature. Once you've got one, slow down and we'll go over it.

The heartfelt sigh sounded like a man being sent to be drawn and quartered, or a teenager sent to clean their room. "Next page, please. Next. Next. Next. Next."

He paged through the archived newspaper at Discord's speed. While the pictures he could decipher, the words were just squiggles on the paper.


Lyra had to magically pick up Sweetie Drops, to see who was at the door who had petrified her friends as effectively as a cockatrice. "Your Highness," Lyra gasped at the Lunar Diarch looking very distressed, standing on her doorstep like a petitioner, rather than a ruler.

"May I come in?" she asked softly.

Lyra could only nod and step out of the way. She closed the door behind the quiet Lunar Diarch and awaited her Highness's pleasure. The wait was long enough that Sweetie Drops partially recovered, and set about trying to straighten the place up slightly.

"You know of humans, at least the tales and legends. What are they like?" Luna asked quietly.

Lyra gulped, and tried to ignore the sound of Sweetie Drops pounding her head against the wall. "I will tell you what I've uncovered. Do you think our guest is a human?"

"I don't know, but at this point any information would be helpful."


"Lost kitten, starlet's heartbreak, boring," Discord complained as they went through the third book of newspapers.

Sorry, I would have thought the papers would have something, he apologized, Back home, they'd be full of the stuff.

"What? Earthquakes, volcanoes, meteor strikes, riots, wars, mass murders, serial murders, arson, forest fires? Now do you understand why I wanted to spice this place up? Bucolic doesn't begin to destroy this place."

I think you meant describe.

"I said 'destroy' and I meant 'destroy'," Discord peevishly replied, "Boredom is the main crop and the dietary staple. Someone lives on the fringes of the town for years and nopony has the guts to keep their shops open to sell to her? If Applejack hadn't escorted you that first time, you could have cleared the entire town market in seconds."

So much for love and tolerance, he thought, Wait, what's that one with the picture of the farmer?

"Heavy, early rains, on top of a large, late snow fall caused some serious crop failures," Discord commented, "So much for the weather service, storm probably got too big for the locals to handle and they had too much pride to call in outside help."

That's perfect, he thought happily, Just perfect.

"How is that perfect? I am not going to teach these ponies how to properly irrigate their farms. That is not what I do."

No, but the flooding also means the bridges and roads are undermined. As the winter weather rolls in, some settlements and people in the outer fringes are cut off. With a smaller than expected harvest, about late winter the food starts running really low. Big storm rolls in. Say at the Solstice, when the sun is low on the horizon. Everyone is already mourning those possibly lost to the storm as icy conditions ground all the pegasi rescue flights.

"Sounds great, but other than sit back and enjoy it, what do I do?" Discord asked.

The isolated towns and farms awaken after the storm has passed to tall drifts of, muffins, cupcakes, bottles of chocolate milk, and cans of frozen concentrated orange juice. Celestia will love it. And everyone else will drive themselves crazy trying to find your ulterior motive that isn't there. Chaotic enough for you? he asked.

"Yes," Discord said happily.

And heroic. No one else could possibly have done it, but you just shrug and ask if that sounds like the kind of thing you'd do, he told the Chaos Spirit, Chaotic, but life-affirming.

"Yes," Discord said happily.

So, food for thought? he asked.

"Yes," Discord said.

What's the square root of 27? he asked.

"Yes," Discord said.

Maybe Celestia will have some whip cream left for you, he told Discord.

"Yes," Discord said.


"You do understand that these are just legend, theories of mine based on observations of other creatures native to Equestria?" Lyra said as Luna poured over the collection of news clippings, heavily annotated books and a few items of her own researches spread on a table in the sound-dampened practice room.

"It is information," Luna replied, "I can test whether it is correct or incorrect." She stopped and stared at Lyra. "Why are you not following him around barraging him with questions and documenting his every move?"

"Oh." Lyra selected another book from the shelves in the closet and set it on the overburdened table. "They are fiercely territorial. Staking out areas of their own, and even limiting entry into the area around them. Privacy is also very important to them. It would be a shame to alienate him, if he is a human, by being too forward. I let him see me around town. I wave, and smile. I had a plan in place to have a little concert near his home, to see if he liked the music. Get him used to me in small steps, better still to draw him to me rather than force myself into his presence. If these books are correct, it is the best way."

Luna sighed sadly. "Yes, the best way."

"Highness, if I may be so bold, don't you have all this information at the palace?" Lyra asked carefully.

"Not concentrated like this, and not correlated and annotated," Luna said. "It would have prevented so much," she added sadly.

"I'll leave you to your studies," Lyra said and backed out of the room and closed the door.

"What's going on Lyra?" Sweetie Drops said quietly, glancing at the practice room.

"It is wrong to see a Princess cry," Lyra said quietly. "Let's brew some of that awful tea you like so much. She can join us when she's ready to."

"She thinks all that crazy stuff is true?" Sweetie Drops asked.

"If it isn't, it's helping her to," Lyra said.


"Okay, what was that letter I just sent to Princess Celestia?" Spike asked as Trixie, Sveti and the Big Guy left.

"I think it was an invitation to a cinema," Twilight said with some trepidation as she stared at the copy she'd been given for herself and Spike. It was exactly the same as the one given the two griffons. "I saw one, so did Dinky. She was delighted, I was terrified. The other one before the foalnapping was even worse."

"I don't think he'd be inviting all of us to something that would intentionally terrify us," Mystery said, "Just yelling was enough to do that."

"Why did you react that way?" Twilight asked. "Griffons are hunters too."

"The quarray eels have a relative in the griffon lands. It makes a sound a lot like that. You don't want to hear it, if you can't fly away," Mystery admitted and shivered. "It's also quite a noise to hear in a closed room."

"Uh, considering what happened last time," Spike began, "Do you really think that's a good idea?"

"What, every time he shows a cinema, there's a disaster?" Twilight asked, and considered. "Short of the sun exploding, or Celestia becoming an evil tyrant ready to lead Equestria in a campaign to turn the Big Guy's people into ponies, I think we've had all the disasters Equestria holds already."

"This is the WORST! POSSIBLE! THING!" Rarity announced as she entered.

"Miss Sparkle," Mystery said, "You really need to quit saying that."

She grimaced at him, and the giggling Spike.


Blinds, shades and curtains had been drawn over most of the windows. Derpy had arrived with Dinky, and brought along a tray of muffins to share.

"It's incredible mama!" Dinky enthused, "Like a cinema, but in your own house. No projector!"

Derpy grinned at her foal's enthusiasm. Does he seem a little down? she wondered as he arranged chairs and couches for all the guests. Derpy had delivered all the invitations.

"Trixie is he all right?" Derpy asked as the magician arranged the last pieces of furniture for ponies. Only one chair remained, his seat presumably.

"He's feeling a little fragile, I think. He's been hard to read lately," Trixie admitted. "I think the events, and a few people being too pushy about getting close. I think this is also a 'don't call us, I'll call you' announcement. He might withdraw a bit to rest and heal."

"Is it something I've done?" Derpy asked sadly.

Trixie shook her head. "You're one of the few who haven't been pushing. I think he likes that."

Derpy nodded. Lyra arrived next. "Sweetie Drops declined, out of sheer, stark terror," Lyra said and snorted in disgust, "He isn't going to eat us." She shook her head and chuckled.

Twilight, and the other Element Bearers arrived as a group.

"Dark in here," Applejack said. Then the lights came on. "Whoa!" she exclaimed as she looked around for the source. "It's like the walls glow," Applejack said awed.

"Naw," Rainbow Dash explained, "There's glowing panels up here. That's what lights up the room."

Twilight shook her head. "And that doesn't inspire anything?" she asked.

"Not really," Rainbow admitted.

"I really am not properly dressed for this," Rarity said, as Pinkie pushed her in the door. "I mean a meeting with their Highnesses. I should be in a proper gown."

"I think you look fine Rarity," came a warm voice that froze everyone.

"Princess Celestia!" Twilight recovered, then noted the lack of regalia. "Princess?"

"When in Ponyville," Celestia said, got an odd smile, and took over Pinkie's job of pushing the paralyzed Rarity across the hallway. "We should go to the palace after this," Celestia whispered to Rarity, "All those long, polished, marble floors. Wonderful for sliding on."

Rarity emitted a nervous laugh.

"Is that popcorn I smell?" Spike asked.


"Oh would you listen to them chatter?" Discord complained, "I don't see why you're punishing me with this. And the griffons act like they've never seen a cinema."

With the weird technological levels of this place, I wouldn't wonder, he replied, Besides, this is a reward for you.

"Reward?" Discord exclaimed, "If I save you life, what do I get? Thumbscrews?"

I thought yours were riveted on, he replied as he sat in his chair. His lap was filled with a foal and Trixie's head. The female griffon sat on the other side. Celestia had claimed the large ottoman, and had Twilight snuggled up amid her legs.

"Of please, the cuteness is enough to make me gag," Discord complained. "If the movie isn't worse, can we start it?"

Done, he said, I just had to get past the commercials.

'Oh I come from a land, from a faraway place, where the caravan camels roam. Where they cut off your ear if they don't like your face. It's barbaric, but hey, it's home.

When the wind's from the east and the sun's from the west and the sand in the glass is right. Come on down. Stop on by. Hop a carpet and fly. To another Arabian night.'

"Oh sand, wonderful, a documentary," Discord said. "How about we go back to going through papers?"

Patience Iago, patience, he thought and mentally chuckled. He tuned out Discord and started watching the audience. He'd realized that odd as it seemed, Luna had been trying to get his attention with her clumsy actions, as if she were a teen ager trying to court him as a grown up, or close enough. Well, Disney isn't the best in that regard, I think it will at least steer her into some more productive avenues than breaking in and trying to sleep in my bed.

The action was obvious enough without understanding the words. The expressions of the cartoon protagonists guided the others. Dinky cowered against him at the scarier parts. He stroked her coat and told her it would be all right. The most frustrating thing for the ponies seemed to be their inability to sing along with the songs. So that's how you torture a pony, he thought. He briefly tuned into Discord's grousing.

"Oh look, the carpet wants to be his friend. Bleech!" Discord complained, "Oh, the monkey stole the lamp! Wonderful lesson to these innocent creatures. Can we do something else?"

Whatever you do! Don't watch the next part! he told Discord as Aladdin rubbed the lamp.


"They knew about Discord!? And he's blue?" Rainbow Dash exclaimed as she fluttered next to the screen, and was shushed by the others. Lyra magically yanked her out of the way.

"Interesting," Mystery whispered.

"Shush, I'm taking notes," Trixie whispered back.

"Cadence," Celestia whispered to her fellow alicorn, "When you, you know, you'll have to get yourself an evil vizier. It looks like it makes ruling so much more entertaining."

"Is that why?" Cadence asked and glanced over at the Big Guy.

"In a way," Celestia replied.

"Not the core message of the cinema I think," Cadence whispered back.

"You two don't need to learn it," Celestia whispered, and pointedly glanced at Luna munching popcorn, seated as far away from the Big Guy as was possible. "So concentrate on the other lessons."

Cadence snorted her amusement.

"Egad what a horrible looking horse!" Rarity gasped and was shushed.

Celestia glanced down at Twilight who was watching with rapt attention. She nodded to Cadence, then at the Big Guy. He was, like the previous cinema, watching the ponies more than the cinema. Celestia was also aware of another pair of eyes watching them, but she could wait to deal with that.

It will be for the best to let that unroll properly, the Solar Diarch thought, My attempt was less than successful.

The rest of the cinema about daring escapes, true love, and freedom unrolled. Her Ponies' frustration at the eminently singable songs they couldn't duplicate seemed their only dissatisfaction. The monster seemed to be cataloging the others' reaction for his own analysis.

Dinky had fallen asleep in his lap the instant the credits rolled. Making all the ponies go 'aww' at how cute she looked. It reminded Celestia of how gentle he could be, to those inside his walls. And what a monster he can be to those outside, she thought, Poor Discord. I bet never saw it coming.


He carefully collected the mental fragments of Discord, and wrapped them in a cerebral blanket, before placing them in a warm, safe place in his mind. It worried him a little how quiet the Chaos Spirt had been once the movie started unrolling, but he also knew that Discord was still 'alive'. Getting Dinky out of his lap and onto her mother's back was an exercise in delicacy that Derpy appreciated. Somewhere along the line, Rainbow Dash let out a yelp and raced out of the house at top speed. As he and Trixie prepared to say their good byes, being 'beeped' by both Princess Celestia and Princess Cadence, Rainbow Dash zoomed back in. She dodged clobbering Celestia head to head, and rather than go head-first into a wall, was caught by the tail by her almost-victim.

"There's a bolter, missed the four-wire," he said of the absolutely mortified pegasus dangling from her sovereign's teeth.

Celestia set her down, and the mortified pegasus stood staring at Celestia in fear until Twilight said something about the parcel Rainbow had clutched to her chest.

Haven't seen much of her, he thought as the pegasus looked at Twilight, Twilight's expectant expression, and the amused expression of her sovereign. Poor thing is wilting, he thought as he fought not to add his laughter to the general amusement. Okay, enough's enough.

He carefully took the parcel from the unresisting pegasus and just as carefully opened it. He pointed it at Celestia as he pulled open the last wrapping, and acted as if he expected an explosion. When it didn't explode, he looked at Celestia's rather imperious expression, and the mortification on the other ponies. Cadence had left. Luna was practically growling at him.

"Hey, I've heard about your reputation," he accused the pegasus and pointed at her. There was general noise making and the pegasus wilted even more.

If Discord can be believed, he thought as he removed the book from the parcel. He opened it to a series of illustrations on aerial maneuvers. Okay, he thought as he reached for an encyclopedia of flight, then spotted the game instruction book. No, better, he thought as he pulled the book down and waved for the pegasus to follow.


Twilight heard Rarity gasp and looked over. From the machine the monster sat at came the 'chunder-chunder' sound, and from Rarity's came the sound of hail on a metal roof. The image on the screen shook, and Rarity pulled the little stick on the base in front of her sideways.

"Oh, Mister Monster, it is on!" Rarity growled.

"Hey! How come you didn't blow up!" Rainbow asked as she stood up from studying the little book the monster had set before her earlier.

"Some of us learn from other's mistakes," Rarity said as she growled at the monster, who responded with an 'all-teeth visible' grin back.

"I think he's saying there aren't any rules," Twilight said as she returned her full attention to her screen, and that Trixie hadn't spotted her. After the others had been enthusiastic enough at Rainbow's antics, the monster had set up the movie cinema machine to play the game, and hooked it into one of the boxes. So a pony could play against him, while two ponies played against each other.

Some of us watched how the Big Guy won, Twilight thought, And how he blew up Rainbow four times in a row, before bringing another screen and setting up the second pair of machines. And then he blew up Rainbow twice more before Rarity insisted on a turn. You come out of the sun. It's so simple. Twilight used her horn to touch the keys that let her look right, left and behind, before concentrating on the small dot that was Trixie. It would also help Rainbow if she bothered to look behind her occasionally.

"You know Trixie. I talked with Mystery, and my brother, and even Spike about it. While Spike's a little young, even he agreed."

"Agreed with what, Sparkle?" Trixie asked, as she stared intently at the screen.

Rarity's machine chundered, but the monster's had no corresponding hail on metal sound. Meaning she didn't affect him. "Oh I may have picked the prettiest one, but I am no pushover!" Rarity warned, but chundered again to no effect. "Grr."

Twilight tapped the keys and swung into a dive on her target. A little distraction, Twilight thought, All's fair.

"They all agreed that a mare who spreads stories about him being with her is the surest way to hurt him and turn him away from her. I know it was just boasts, but others won't. And he'll feel very betrayed."

"Huh!" Trixie gasped.

Twilight pushed a key, and her machine chundered. Trixie's machine sounded an explosion and Twilight touched keys so her aircraft climbed over the fireball where Trixie had been. Trixie's expression looked like she'd been in the explosion.

"Dirty pool, Sparkle!" Trixie said.

Twilight only gave an all-teeth showing grin. "Just a little truth."

The monster's machine 'fwooshed' and Rarity gasped. Twilight looked over at the monster's screen and saw two objects seem to race towards Rarity on the screen. Her evasive actions avoided the objects, but left her vulnerable to more standard weapons. He followed immediately with by monster's machine chundering and Rarity's machine sounding hail on metal, then an explosion.

"Speaking of dirty pool," Rarity said as she sat back. "I don't care if the game's rules do allow it, it's still not the way a gentleman fights."

"Is if he wants to win," Applejack offered.

"Okay!" Rainbow looked up from the tactical books. "I know what I did wrong."

"I'm sorry, but Fluttershy gets a turn," Rarity said, "You already died enough for one evening."

"Thank you Rarity," the yellow pegasus moved up to the keyboard and the little, movable stick set in a base. The monster came around and began cycling through the various choices.

"He'll take that upside down gull again," Rainbow complained, "You should take that one."

"That one," Fluttershy said and pointed to the image on the screen.

"It's rather ungainly," Rarity said.

"It's the only one with two windmills, instead of just one. I'd rather have two," Fluttershy explained.

The Big Guy stepped behind Twilight and his fingers flew over the keyboard. Making some arcane changes in the game.

"Whoa! This one's got four windmills," Twilight said.

He flipped open a small notepad and showed a whole set of controls the other planes hadn't used. Twilight tapped the controls and discovered that there were almost a dozen different ways to look out of the plane, and most had one or two sticks pointing out of them and a sight.

Ah, this one had lots of chunderers, she thought delightedly as the Big Guy familiarized Trixie with whatever he was setting her up with. She discovered the views could change as she swung the chunderers around, and the views were all over the aircraft. Ah ha! Each position only has one or two, so the real game will be how to approach so most of yours bear, and only a few of your opponent's. It should be easy to keep the arcs in my head.

The game started and Twilight tried out the controls. "No wonder this had chunderers all over its body, this thing maneuvers like a drunken hydra."

"You'll also notice all the status boxes have three digits," Trixie said, "Not like the four guns of our last planes, which only had two. No instant kills for either of us."

Twilight growled at the arrogant mare, but continued cycling through the views of left, right forward. I'm an idiot! she thought as she switched to the top chunderers, which swung in a complete circle, and the bottom, which did likewise. She'd occasionally return to the flight controls to keep the plane maneuvering.

"Fluttershy, aren't you supposed to blow him up?" Rainbow asked.

"You play the game your way, I'll play the game my way," Fluttershy said.

Twilight stole a glance at Fluttershy's screen. The blue, upside-down gull aircraft was maneuvering like a mad thing, but Fluttershy would follow it through the maneuvers and wind up slightly behind and to the left or right. Like a dog heeling it's master.

"She's already lasted longer than you ever did," Rarity teased Rainbow.

"He just knows the game better, that's all," Rainbow replied, but watched 'weak flier' Fluttershy keep up with the Big Guy with ease.

Twilight returned to watching her own screen. Then she spotted her target. All right, get above, dive and attack her belly, Twilight thought, That'll put only two against eight of mine. She spent a little time familiarizing herself with the sluggish characteristic of this new plane. I'm sure he set this up on purpose.

Twilight ignored Fluttershy's pleased giggling as she met her contest objectives, staying in formation through the Big Guy's frantic maneuvering. Twilight positioned herself and lumbered down on Trixie. She saw that Trixie's plane was the same as hers.

"Showing yourself at last, Sparkle," Trixie taunted.

Twilight stuck to her plan, diving below Trixie, then climbing. Before she switched from the flight control position, the little display began lighting up. Ha, they fire automatically, she thought happily, Better. She heard the hail sound from Trixie's machine, and watched little pieces fly off the aircraft. Twilight grinned, as smoke came from Trixie's aircraft, until several large objects dropped out of the center of it. And seemed headed straight at Twilight. Suddenly the lack of maneuverability was very important. She exploded, then heard Trixie explode.

"What were those things?" Twilight demanded.

"I don't know," Trixie said, "I just hit the attack button in the pilot seat, and you blew up."

"You dropped garbage cans on me," Twilight responded, then yawned. "I think this night has gone on as long as it can for me." The sudden ending of the fighting, and Twilight was feeling as tired as she had in a while.

Applejack yawned too. "Ah think ah'd better git back ta the farm. Early day today, or is it already tomorrow?"

"Wouldn't it be yesterday and today?" Pinkie asked from beside Applejack.

"Where have you been?" Twilight asked.

"Watching everybody play," Pinkie replied and grinned.

Twilight looked around the crowded room, with Applejack only able to get her nose in the door and Spike asleep in the bathroom. "From where?"

"Inside," Pinkie said and pointed at the collection of machines.

Within the air space between them, inside the machines, hanging from the ceiling, or . . . ? Twilight considered, then abandoned further consideration as bad for her mental health.

"Oh, I made these, and a message," Pinkie said and put down a couple of bookmarks. On the bookmarks was a drawing of the monster, a sketch of bookshelves, and a picture of the monster doing a 'You broke a Pinkie Promise' scene to a pony whose skeleton had been scared out of them and stood trembling beside the terrified pony.

"That's an interesting 'Ex Libris' comment," Twilight noted and looked at the other paper that had a picture of Rainbow Dash and a stack of books with arrows pointing to a picture of Spike and the library. Twilight's ears flattened as she stared at Pinkie. "I am the librarian."

"Naw, Capricorn, both of you, I'm sure," Pinkie replied, "Oh Twilight, hold still."

"O - kay," Twilight said and stared worriedly at Pinkie.

Pinkie held the other paper in her hooves in front of her and stared at Twilight pathetically, her eyes nearly tearing, her lip quivering and a look of abject misery on her face.

"GAA!" Twilight said and shied away, "I forgive you. What every you want!"

"Good," Pinkie said returning to her normal ebullient self, and stepped outside to a pile of books, and gave the monster the same treatment.

He picked out the two largest books, but put the 'Ex Libris' in the others and pointed at Pinkie.

"Oh," Pinkie said and held up a hoof. "Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye," she promised. Then stared at Rainbow and Twilight, "You'd better keep his books in good shape."

"Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye," Rainbow and Twilight both promised fearfully.

The monster seemed dubious of the whole affair, but put the seven books in a bag for Pinkie to carry.

"Thank you!" Pinkie said happily.

"Why didn't you take a turn on the game?" Fluttershy said.

"After Rainbow Dash got shot down," Pinkie began.

"Six times," Applejack said.

"I thought it would be more fun to read his library," Pinkie said.

"You read all those books in just a few hours?" Twilight gasped, "You can read his language?!"

"No silly, I just looked at the pictures." Pinkie happily bounced down the hall.

Twilight dashed after her, afraid of what she'd see. The bookshelves were undamaged and seemingly unaffected. All the books were in the shelves where they belonged. "What do you mean looked at the pictures?" Twilight asked, "These books haven't been touched."

"On the spines, all the funny lines. That one is about snakes going home to their grandmothers. That one is all about rulers and plumb bobs getting fat. That one is about scissors beats paper, or is it cigars beat moustaches?" Pinkie said.

Twilight looked at the titles on the spines, and the few pictures on the dust jackets and decided to let Pinkie think whatever she wanted.

"There's also a bunch of cookbooks over there!" Pinkie pointed to another set of shelves in what appeared to be a dining room. Along with cubbies filled with large pots, pans, and some machines were a collection of books in one cubby.

"How'd ya'all figure that one Pinkie?" Applejack asked.

"They're with all the other cooking tools right outside a kitchen," Pinkie said happily.

Applejack's eyes crossed. "I must be tired, that actually makes perfect sense."

Pinkie giggled.

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