After discovering a shared passion for astronomy Twilight and Derpy noticed odd activity in the sky. As they follow a children's tale to find the answers they will discover many hidden things.
First expansive writing endevour and fic. Leave any helpful tips and criticisms as I hope to use this to gauge my writing skill as much as I want it to be a good story.
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Oh my, I honestly can't wait till the chapters start to come out. <3 I love astronomy, myself, and have been thinking about writing an astronomy-based fiction story for here. 0u0
But about this story, I read over some spelling issues. That seems to be one of the only very noticable problem. Another one, more important than the first, is the story kind of moves a little too quickly. You don't want it to move so fast, and you don't want to move it too slow. Tell where it's taking place, like, for example, you didn't mention Twilight was in her bedroom, so I assumed she was in the main room, the library. It confused me a bit when I got further in and Spike yelled up the stairs. Maybe later, you should add in why Derpy is interested in astronomy?
Anyways, I really like the story idea~
1820837 Sorry about that. Like I said, I don't have a proofreader so its going to be rough until I find someone. I'll change tha later. Thanks for being excited, I plan on this being a big adventure.
I quite liked this story, especially since it's about two of of my favourite ponies being interested in something I'm interested in myself. I noticed a couple of spelling errors, but nothing too bad, and like you said: you don't have a proofreader, so you have an excuse.
I love the idea of this story and I'm interested to see where it goes.
I was about to read this, but then I noticed that you spelled "prologue" wrong.
*Sigh*
Oh well, I suppose I can still give it a chance.
Okay, after reading, I realise that the book is superior to the cover.
You got Twilight's neuroticism perfect, the interaction between the characters seemed natural, and best of all, the pacing was smooth.
Most stories I read, if anything's wrong, it's the pacing.
So, aside from a few spelling errors, this is pretty damn promising.
My advice is, be your own proofreader first and foremost, before relying on someone else to be one for you. I'd suggest re-reading your chapter at least 2-3 times before submission, to catch any potential mistakes.
1821344 I've fixed it up a bit now. Thanks for the advice and pointing out the misspelled title.
First off: Yay Smart Derpy!!! This story has already got me fascinated
Second, in this
I think you meant Equestria, not Euestria
Third: It is so awesome to see a new writer like me! Wish me the the best of luck on my story like i do yours. Also, I'd be more than happy to help you with spell-checking.
Wait, you ordered a copy? I didn't know you were interested in astronomy. When did that happen? Most ponies in this town think it's boring unless threes a meteor shower or comet.
Think you mean theres