• Member Since 7th Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen Jan 20th, 2013

Screaming Mantis


T
Source

Nearly out of ideas after Vinyl had made quite a few mixes to entertain herself as well as her fans, she goes rummaging through a stash of records she had laying around in a few boxes. she comes across a strange record she had never seen before. This record had etches, not scratches, that seemed to form a shape similar to a star. As the record plays, very eerie, distorted music plays, visions of horrible images pass through her mind, shaking her to her very core. She isn't quite sure what she saw or heard. However, she knows that whatever this record is, its affecting her mentally. Maybe even physically. But everyone's favorite DJ-PON3 might not be the same if she doesn't find help to clear her mind of this record soon.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 8 )

BROTHAS WHEN YOU RECEIVE A FARE! PUNCH IN THE PRESENCE OF THE PASSENJARE!

I'm a fan of music and the power it has.
I am not a fan of the walls of text, especially the dialogue in the earlier parts.

I do think the story is quite good! :pinkiecrazy: One thing I advise however is to be clearer when writing your dialogue, separate it from the text and don't mesh it all together, as it can get misunderstood quite easily :moustache:

:twilightsmile: Very nice! Only thing I would say you should work on is try to not to bunch up the dialogue together. also try and add a little more description to the surroundings and the characters so that people can better picture the scene. other than that nice job! :yay:

i have taken the "walls of text" into consideration and fixed it. so it should be better now ^^

Good story :D I like where it's going :D I wish this chapter wasn't so short though :( And I still found grammar mistakes :p

Login or register to comment