Ch. 6 - I Couldn't Sleep At All Last Night
The Traveling Tutor and the Librarian
I Couldn’t Sleep At All Last Night
The one thing Green Grass really missed since he had begun living in a trailer was thick walls. Early morning songbirds, although sweet to tweet, made hangovers a real issue.
He opened one eye laboriously and regarded the small window at the top of the trailer with loathing. A beam of iridescent sunlight burst through it, reflecting off a beautiful crystal mobile a former student had given him to spray the inside of his bedroom/library/living room/den/dining room with beautiful multi-colored spots as an invitation to wake up and greet the day. Instead, he pulled his hat lower over his eyes and snuggled deeper into his warm, purple blanket.
Nothing scheduled today, so no reason to get up until noon. Afternoon, tops.
Scheduling: Noon Afternoon, meet Pinkie Pie. Schedule party and magical evaluation for the students after school. Mooch lunch.
Evening: Sit down with Cheerilee and work out her schedule for the next few weeks. Mooch dinner.
Next day: Meet with first Concerned Parent over breakfast. Discuss child. Repeat for next two months. Lots to do. Get up.
Darned thoughts. Can’t go back to sleep. Don’t want to get up. Cold out there. Stay in bed.
Get up. Purchase warm coat. New rug to keep wet hooves out of trailer and mud off thesis. Make lesson plans. Things to do. Responsibilities. Up.
No. Go back to sleep. Stop thinking. Responsibility bad. Brain hurt. Stay in bed with warm blanket.
He snuggled deeper into his bed under the warm, purple blanket and tried to identify the birds outside his trailer by their calls so he could go back to sleep.
Blue Jay. Cardinal. Sparrow. Wren. Hm. That was too loud to be a bee. Too low too. Nothing quite buzzes like that. Buzz. Stop. Buzz. Stop. Sounds almost like snoring.
Outside he could hear the sound of the library door opening, and the child-like call of the baby dragon. “Twilight! Are you out here? Breakfast is ready!”
Sounds like the librarian is out of the library. Could be an opportunity to talk to the little dragon while the big dragon is away. He sounded like a nice little guy, even saved my life. Should at least say thanks. Hm. Best put in the form of a test question.
Question: What am I going to do this morning?
1) Stay in bed with my warm, purple blanket.
2) Go have breakfast and meet the dragon in a much more congenial fashion.
Answer: Since when do I have a purple blanket?
Both of his eyes popped back open in a panic while he held himself motionless, as if he had fallen into a cave filled with poisonous snakes. With unicorn horns. It only took the smallest of motions to gently push his hat back on his head and look up. During the brief moment between the hat moving and his eyes snapping shut with a bolt of hangover-driven pain at the sunlight, he caught the glimpse of a purple hoof and the very tip of a purple nose, somewhere around the vicinity of one shoulder. It fit with the weight distribution of a heavy, warm, and entirely too dangerous body draped across his back, as well as the slightly damp sensation high on his shoulder blade where a tiny puddle of drool seemed to be forming.
Okay, first don’t panic. They can sense fear. Oh, wait. That’s predators.
She’s a mare, that’s close enough. If you jump up and start running, you should be able to escape.
She’s the Element of Magic, stupid brain. She can hit you at the horizon.
Ever so carefully as not to disturb the already-disturbed magical powerhouse, he opened one eye. After all, Cloud Kicker was just about the same shade of purple, and just as warm. The sight of Twilight’s horn dashed his hopes solidly. He quickly closed that eye. Looking at her horn at that range felt like looking down the end of a large cannon, and smelling something burning.
Maybe if I chewed off one leg, I could get away?
No, I’d just be limping and she could follow the blood trail to finish me off. Besides, she’s sitting pretty solidly on top, I might have to chew off two legs.
I could just wake her up and ask her to leave my wagon. What’s the worst that could happen?
* * *
The gloomy clouds over Canterlot would have brought the sunlight level in the Royal Throne Room to a chilly low if not for the brilliant shining light coming from a furious Princess Celestia, sitting regally in the Dais of Judgement with Twilight Sparkle bawling at her side.
“H-h-he had m-me in h-h-his b-bed, Princess. And t-then h-h-he—”
“There, there now, my faithful student. Your brother, Captain Shining Armor, has captured the evil miscreant,” said Princess Celestia with a gentle caress of her innocent and pure student’s mane. “Bring forth the prisoner so that he may be judged for this heinous crime!”
A mass of intertwined chains and locks was shoved forward through the Throne Room main doors, so wrapped around the green tutor that only tiny flecks of his coat showed, and those were speckled red with the blood of countless beatings. Slowly the battered pony limped to the front of the dais where he collapsed with a clatter, sobbing, “Spare me, oh—”
“Silence!” bellowed Captain Shining Armor, snapping a whip that passed magically through the chains to lay open yet another stripe on the prisoner.
“The prisoner may speak in his own defense,” commanded Princess Celestia with a regal wave.
“Speak!” bellowed Captain Shining Armor, snapping a whip that passed magically through the chains to lay open yet another stripe on the prisoner.
“I-I only—”
“I think we have heard enough from this obviously guilty criminal,” declared the Princess with yet another caress of her student, who leaned into the Royal Hoof like a dog being scratched. “I am prepared to sentence the prisoner now.”
The shadows parted in a corner of the throne room and Princess Luna stepped out. “I HAVE PREPARED THE PRISON ON THE MOON WITH FRESH SHEETS AND DRY BREAD AS YOU REQUESTED, MY SISTER.”
“We do not think your preparations will be required, my sister,” declared Princess Celestia. “I have a much better plan in mind for the foul wretch. I hereby sentence you to—” Celestia paused, her mane blowing behind her as Twilight looked up at her teacher with a blissful smile “—life imprisonment with your parents!”
At that, the entire court broke out into peals of cackling laughter as thunder and lightning flashed outside the Royal Throne Room windows.
* * *
“No,” gasped Green Grass in horror, freezing as his warm purple ‘blanket’ shifted in position. She prodded his shoulder with cold hooves and muttered, “Gosh, Princess. Yer comfy,” before slipping back into a light doze, complete with light snore.
Wait a minute. Maybe I’m getting this all wrong.
This was not exactly the first time Green Grass had a night of drinking and late-night returning that resulted in waking up with a young mare with no memory of having brought her to bed. And after only four five six seven beers. It was his first night to have that young mare turn out to be the young and special student of the Princess of Equestria. Something was certainly wrong.
Very carefully, as not to disturb their present inactive and not horribly painful state, Green Grass began to run back through his memories of the previous night, searching for meaning in what was left of his short life.
☑ - Went to Berry’s bar
☑ -Teacher’s meeting
☑ - Rest of evening, no sign of Twilight Sparkle
☑ - Close bar, no sign of Twilight Sparkle
☑ - Return to trailer, no sign of Twilight Sparkle
☐ - Curl up in bed, no sign of Twilight Sparkle - Bed suspiciously warm.
Conclusion: She was here, waiting on my return. In my bed.
All through school, there had been a number of highly inappropriate rumors about Princess Celestia, the powerful Princess of the Sun, and just exactly why she had so many strong, healthy, virile stallions surrounding her every hour of the day. And night. The Princess’ bedroom window could be seen from several parts of the school, and there were many times where the light would stay on quite late into the night⁽*⁾. The rumors had not really touched upon the Princess’ private student, because even the most scurrilous rumor should at least have a tiny slice of fact at its core, and anypony who had ever seen or talked to the reclusive unicorn was quite adamant about her ability to wear white at her wedding, however many decades in the future that might have been. But what if all the rumors about Twilight were… wrong? After all, she did sneak into his bed and stayed wrapped around him all night.
(*) Late night reading sessions. Mostly Daring Do. Honest.
—
He had his own bitterly hard-learned lessons about how difficult it was to keep a good reputation. Even while teaching the most talented young student, he had to take great pains to keep another adult in the room to prevent even the smallest of rumors from spreading. Tutoring foals was such a fragile career, because one single unsubstantiated claim of filly-fooling and he would be an unhireable pariah in the teaching community. And since his special talent was teaching foals, he would basically be forced to return to his parents’ house, a fate far worse than death.
Perhaps the Student of the Sun was just as sensitive to rumor and scandal as himself? If so, it would be a criminal shame if he were to run screaming from her embrace. Warm embrace, that is. She was exiled to Ponyville after all. Perhaps her behavior was too scandalous for the Court, and the Princess had carefully placed her in a small town away from temptation. Like some fairy-tale princess imprisoned in a tall tower⁽¹⁾, waiting for a prince to come sweeping in and bear her away to his estate, where he would whisper sweet nothings in her ear, and they would be swept away on the wings of passi—
(1) Silly fairy tales. A Princess would just fly away.
—
Hold on there lovercolt. Cold water. Cold water. Think of the last wife Mom and Dad were trying to set me up with. Ick! No, go back to cold water.
He quickly quashed that thought before anything embarrassing would start stirring beneath the sheets and tried to get his mind in order. If she had come to his bed in search of a lover... he could do that. After all, she was quite pretty, in a burn-you-to-a-crisp-and-sweep-away-the-ashes kind of way and turning her down for a night, well, an early-morning-before-breakfast of passion might be hazardous. If she was looking for something more than a few hours of passion... Well, better to run across that bridge screaming when it happened. It took only a quick licking of the lips, a quick attempt to run his tongue around inside his mouth to cut down the worst of morning breath, and a practice smile before he was ready. As her breathing began to speed up and her eyelids fluttered open, Green Grass put on the most polite smile he could manage and looked straight into her beautiful purple eyes.
“Hi.”
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Dead man waking.
Damned if he does, damned if he doesn't.
I'm sure he'll get a nice gravestone.
Just going to give fair warning, you're one good update away from a favorite.
You tease
Now, the question is, will this dig him in deeper with Twilight, or will it lead to bonding of the awkward 'let us never speak of this again' type?
I love how he basically spent the entire chapter very carefully panicking.
Welp, this story was fun while it lasted. Shame about the main character's imminent demise.
…and that's how Equestria was destroyed.
"Where's Green Grass? Well he's over there... and over there... Ooh! There's some over here too! And what's that...? Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's a bit on the rug too..."
Seriously, I suspect that Twilight is going to be too horribly embarrassed to be angry... after a while. She's going to panic first and assume that she got stoned or something and slept with him without knowing it.
I loved the dream/nightmare sequence, BTW. I'm pretty sure that every stallion who's looked sideways at Twilight has had that nightmare.
that is how I feel every school day
Six chapters read, you get a fav and a like.
Hahaha, this chapter! The amount of dead he is shortly going to be stretches beyond the realm of plausibility
I can't even remember the parts of this chapter that I loved. I was too distracted from my love of the ending, haha.
Well, what else could be possibly think might be going on? It was a perfectly logical conclusion.
You win. You win everything!
I'm glad that this little surprise came when it did. Another chapter of getting-going like we've had so far would have been boring at this point. Good timing, sir, nicely done! Looking forward to seeing how this little predicament turns out.
Your ability to keep me reading, keeps me up way to late at night.
I gotta say, this is one of the starts to a comedy I have read. You have humour, nut you aren't forcing it.
I am loving this!
Definetly a nice story and great way to end the day on a high note.
SPOILER ALERT!!!
and anypony who had ever seen or talked to the reclusive unicorn was quite adamant about her ability to wear white at her wedding, however many decades in the future that might have been.
-Indeed... and more power to her for having good morals.
He needs to stop saying hi. That always leads to his impending doom.
Well, he had a good run.
4098097 (two years delayed) Yes, she wears white at her wedding. Admittedly, she's not showing much at the time...
5336912
green grass: its been good while it lasted see you on the other side my friend
BUAHAHAHAHA!
BUAHAHAHAHA!
Please, I can't not laugh when you call my favorite pony a warm, purple blanket.
Twilight is a-BUAHAHAHAHAHA!
Ahem, yes that happened.
The book shark is-BUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I think you’re missing “it” in there.
9466516 No, that's intentional, like Best served cold, or such. There's an implied 'This is' in front of it.
This is confusing. The section prior to this seems to have him certain that it's twilight draped over him. But then you have him thinking he might be mistaken. You need to insert some transition phrase between 'he opened one eye' [maybe he was wrong] after all, Cloud Kicker
I know from previous chapters that Green Grass was familiar, in a passing way, with Twilight's reputation. And there is a good chance he would know that Shining Armor was the captain? of the guards. I'm less sure that he would know he was Twilight's brother.
9475172 Hush. Daydream sequence. Besides, he Twerped her too. If the other five members of the Elements had just taken that precaution, they would not have been gobsmacked by the Royal Wedding announcement.
The whole "test question" thing makes the delivery here, but because we never get any of the same from Green Grass or his thoughts -- in point of fact, his dialogue on the whole suggests a lot more of a theatrical mind than a scholastic one -- this feels more like something Twilight would think rather than Green Grass.
I should mention the nice touch of making Twilight and Green Grass both think in this self-argumentative Reb Tevye kind of way. It subtly clues the reader in that they may e more alike than either are willing to admit in the beginning.
It took me to here to fully realize this was only in Green Grass's imagination. I think the segue could have been handled better.
--------
The slow digging of his own grave that Green Grass does here is fantastic. There are points I start squirming with the anticipation of where his conclusions will take him, but in the best way -- the same way you squirm at the social comedy of a sitcom, waiting for the hilarious fallout.
Fate tips her hand early...
Celestia is indeed comfy!
She also knows enough calculus to successfully hit you with an over-the-horizon shot from an artillery spell!
Running in a straight line away even puts the needed calculations into easy mode for her.
Ahh. So you're of the school that one should greet Death with a smile, then, Grassy? Keeping a stiff upper lip? Shows fortitude; good show, old chap!
That ain't a blanket, dude.
Told you
Oh my gawd
So Cloudy sleeps around in this world too, huh? Must make for a decent bed fellow.
I'm expecting her to pull out her Banana Bag any moment now.
TO THE MOOOOONNNNAAAAHHHH
And that's where you went wrong