Ch. 4 - Apology Accepted, Captain
The Traveling Tutor and the Librarian
Apology Accepted, Captain
Twilight Sparkle had faced elemental forces of nature beyond comprehension, forces of destruction and catastrophe that could flatten nations and destroy mountains, but there was one force she always dreaded facing: Ditzy Doo.
“...she’s made really good progress with you. It’s not that I don’t think you’re a good teacher, Twilight. It’s just — oops, sorry. My bad.”
Yet another feather-driven ceramic vase struck the library floor and shattered like the cheap pottery it was. Every time the blonde pegasus came into the library for a book, she could be counted to break at least one vase, sometimes even a vase Twilight was not even aware she had. Repairing the damage had gotten old; it was much easier to keep a box of cheap vases downstairs and order new ones when the box got low.
“I know you only want Dinky to have the best magical education available. She’s made great strides in the few weeks I’ve been working with her; she doesn’t break nearly as many things as before and she hardly ever sets anything important on fire.” Twilight took a breath and edged a little closer to a bookshelf that seemed to be Ditzy’s next accidental target. “Why don’t you just let the new teacher tutor Dinky for a few weeks and then we’ll see how it goes. I can always pick right up where we left off if that’s what you want.”
“Gee, thanks Twilight! Hug!”
As much as she feared someday being crushed by the walleyed pegasus’s enthusiastic hugs, there was always a welcome smell of ozone and baking muffins about her soft grey coat that made her think of home, and her own mother⁽*⁾. A faint rapping at the door interrupted their hug before extra oxygen was needed, and Twilight reluctantly abandoned the hug for opening the library door instead.
(*) Twilight Velvet, PhD, Dean of the High Energy Thaumatology Department, Canterlot University.
—
“Hi.”
She almost slammed the door and went back to the hug.
“Oh. It’s you. No bucket this time, I see.” Twilight tapped one hoof as the uncomfortable green stallion squirmed on the doorsill, still wearing his lumpy hat. He looked damp and unkempt, but there was a thin line of pink frosting decorating his upper lip like a silly mustache, and a decorated cake resting on top of his well-worn cloak. The welcome tang of bananas drifted in her direction, making her nose twitch as she tried not to drool.
“Hi Greenie!” Ditzy flew up a bit to look over Twilight’s head, managing to only knock three books off the shelves. “Have you met Dinky yet?”
“Not today, no. Is she ready for magic already? Last time I saw her she was only...” The green stallion trailed off at the cold look Twilight was giving him. “Um, I’ve got a meeting with Cheerilee this evening to rough out a roster of students and there will be a student/teacher meeting later so we can set up schedules. We can talk then, okay?”
“Okay, Mr. Green Grass. See you then!” The grey pegasus slipped out of the library window and flew away, with Twilight levitating the window closed behind her to keep any more rain out.
The puddle on the floor where she and Spike had been drenched was almost gone with only a bit of dampness on the bottom of her hooves to remind her of her previous humiliating ordeal. Still, the stallion was standing there all damp at the door with such a hang-dog expression and big blue eyes that she felt like she was kicking a puppy by frowning at him.
“What did you want?”
Oh, that was wrong. He just winced like I hit him. Maybe I should have asked if he wanted to apologize? No, that would be forcing him, and that isn’t the way you get an apology.
“I wanted to apologize for — hey, where’s Spike? I wanted to apologize to both of you at the same time.”
“He’s in the oven, drying off,” said Twilight bitterly, remembering just how much the little guy was spitting and sputtering after being drenched. It was amazing the way the little dragon could walk in the rain, swim in the lake, and drink more soda than any three ponies put together⁽¹⁾, but being splashed unexpectedly in the face was so hard on the little guy.
(1) Except Pinkie Pie, of course.
—
“I didn’t hurt him, did I?” It was nearly impossible to stay mad when the green stallion looked like a beaten puppy, all droopy-eared with downcast eyes and scuffing the threshold with one hoof.
Drat, why does he have to look so pathetic? He can’t be faking that.
“He’ll be fine; we’ve done this before. Lightly baste baby dragon in mineral oil, bake for one hour at 250 degrees, turning occasionally. End result: One toasty warm dragon.” Back in the kitchen, a timer went ‘ding’ and Twilight managed to force a smile onto her face. “There we go, all better.”
“Just five more minutes?” Spike’s voice had that whiny note that indicated his cold-blooded preference for thick blankets and warm fireplaces (in or in front of).
“Spike! Come out here! Mister...” Twilight Sparkle gave the stallion a look that spoke volumes about the health benefits of a proper introduction.
“Green Grass, ma’am. I’m the Unicorn Magic Youth Educational Specialist in the school district for this year. I’m sorry about the book too.”
“The book? Oh! Right. Hadn’t even thought about it.” She grabbed the book off the check-in desk and levitated it over in front of her. “Lots of books come back with a little damage. Even—” Twilight paused and glared at it with tension beginning to knot the muscles in the back of her neck again “—reference books. You know they’re not supposed to leave the library, right?”
The stallion drooped even more. “I’m sorry. Miss Dewey always let me check out whatever I needed for my projects, and I didn’t realize I still had it until I was at my next city. I was going to mail it back, but I got caught up in my thesis⁽²⁾ and forgot.”
(2) Technically ‘Surrounded by his thesis notes and horribly outnumbered’ would be more accurate.
—
“Well, it’s not too badly damaged. Just a few... bite marks? What, did you teethe with it? I’m sorry, I’m sorry, that was out of line. It’s just that these reference books are delicate and should be handled with respect—” Twilight frowned as she turned the book over “—not used to mop up coffee. No, I’m sorry again. Really, I’m out of line. Spike! Hurry up and get out here! Mr. Green Grass has something he wants to say to us.”
“I’m buffing my fins. Can it wait?”
“Heheh.” Twilight ground her teeth and tried to keep smiling. “You must have really loved this book, with as much wear and tear I mean as much as you must have read it over the last year. You could have just used a mending spell on it before bringing it by.”
Green Grass managed to get his mouth open to reply before Twilight interrupted with a sharp, “Oh, no! I’ve got it. No need to trouble yourself.” Her purple aura formed around the book as the mending spell took effect and the cover zapped back into near-original condition.
“There we go, one copy of Equestrian Modern Age - Volume 2: Histories, Mysteries and Conflicts, good as new. Well, slightly used.” Twilight managed an authentic smile as she flipped the book open and started to page through it. Books always relaxed her, even overdue reference books on history with tattered covers.
“You must really like Griffon history...” She trailed off as the sounds of Spike buffing his scales finished, and he trotted out into the main room.
He wrote in it. A reference book, from my library, and he wrote in it! She could hear somepony talking, but the pounding of her pulse in her ears made them sound distorted, like they were underwater in a storm. Oh, no! He didn’t just write in it, he SCRIBBLED in it! Whole sentences were marked out of the library book in heavy marker, with little loopy lines leading to paragraphs in the margins and tiny little notes including a very good drawing of a griffon diving down one edge of the paper. A whole chapter was marked up, no, DEFACED in that hideous fashion in an endless series of corrupted and marked pages. The knots in her neck seemed to hold her whole head rigid while she panted for breath.
Calm. Need to calm. Happy place. We don’t want what happened to Blueblood⁽³⁾ again. A faint haze of smoke seemed to be obscuring her vision as the ringing in her ears grew in volume to a roar. The faint green patch of Unmistakable Evil somewhere ahead of her shifted, but before she could blast it, her vision was suddenly drowned out in a blast of choking icy whiteness.
(3) An event triggered by an act of accidental vandalism by Prince Blueblood that resulted in a rewriting of Canterlot Royal Library checkout rules, substantial library fines, and a large remodeling project at the Blueblood family Canterlot estate.
—
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So is Green Grass dead? Wow, what a short story. Oh well off to the next project.
1742110 Well, that would be one way to end the story. Next chapter: Spike got out the dustpan and broom with a sigh. They ran through more tutors that way....
1732287
Makes you wonder who in their right mind would marry her.
Who left the toilet seat up?!
You forgot our anniversary?!
Dead
Dead
Well, hopefully there is more than one traveling magic tutor available, I don't think this one is going to be any good anymore.
1742452 For Sale, one magic tutor, slightly worn. Send self-addressed stamped envelope to....
Well, Greenie, it was nice knowing you. Who should we send your mortal remains to?
Ozone makes Twilight think of her mother? Now I have a mental image of Twilight Velvet's mane and tail turning into electricity when she gets angry...
Also, I hope that icy whiteness was cake to the face. It may distract Twilight long enough for Green Grass to escape with his life and most of his limbs.
1744880
I figure that unicorn magic tastes like ozone.
Dayum, she's serious about her books, she go white eyes on him?
fc00.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2013/033/5/6/twilight_is_magic_by_unitoone-d5tlz0j.png
I was going to comment on the chapters here after I'd been through them on Gdocs, to say some good things after I've torn it to shreds, lol. But then I forgot for awhile. So here's me commenting:
I get some good chuckles out of this. I do enjoy Green Grass's thought processes and the way that he is both intelligent and a bit dopey at the same time. It's really endearing and cute. I love his little interactions with the ponies in town. I very much loved Twilight's awkward little exchange where she tried not to insult him too much, haha.
It's great, and I look forward to reading more
edit You just made my unread favourites jump up to 52. Sigh ...
2170973
Yep. White Eyes Purple Twilight.
Man, he's screwed.
SPOILER ALERT!!! (I've been forgetting to do that...)
sometimes even a vase Twilight was not even aware she had. Repairing the damage had gotten old; it was much easier to keep a box of cheap vases downstairs and order new ones when the box got low.
-*Snerk*
(*) Twilight Velvet, PhD, Dean of the High Energy Thaumatology Department, Canterlot University
-...That WOULD explain a lot... have I mentioned that my version of Twilight once tried to create a controlled fusion reaction in her basement using a force-field, a bottle of cooled stellar matter than Celestia gave her, and several dozen magic-pumped lasers hooked (plus a sheet of lead and a tank of... I think it is boric acid? for safety)?
The grey pegasus slipped out of the library window and flew away, with Twilight levitating the window closed behind her to keep any more rain out.
-"levitating" sounds like making things float, although it can work. Just feels a little awkward to me. Consider "Telekinesising".
“He’s in the oven, drying off,”
-I very much approve of this...
(in or in front of).
-Noting the "or" meaning it refers only to the fireplaces I think. Again, I approve. (Which also reminds me: I really should write up that story in which I reveal that
when Princess Celestia uses the term "Sun bathing" she means teleporting of for a nice relaxing float in her personal jacuzzi of fusioning plasma
Technically ‘Surrounded by his thesis notes and horribly outnumbered’ would be more accurate.
-Ah, didn't have an easy time of it then?
We don’t want what happened to Blueblood(3) again.
-*Reads footnote* So... why didn't she warn Rarity? Or did this incident happen AFTER the GGG? But then why would it be the CANTERLOT Royal Library... unless she happened to be visiting, and ran into him while he was... I don't know... rolling cigars with pages out of a book? Or she discovered his "corrections" to a history book about his ancestors?
her vision was suddenly drowned out in a blast of choking icy whiteness.
-Emergency Calming Cake by Spike? Or did Derpy accidentally arrive with a snow-cloud?
Oh why do I find so much pleasure in reading this to myself? Oh well. Twilight was wonderful here. You certainly have a different spin on her, one I haven't seen before. I like it.
Also, been a while. Haven't read something by you in a long time.
Four chapters in and I'm loving every moment. Your style is brilliant.
A fan of Chekhov's Gun, I see. Isn't it nice when little details like that come full circle?
Picture seems to have disappeared, unless it was linked somewhere in the text and I missed it.
Great read otherwise.
6539003 I noticed that today. Seems FauxSquare's account is deactivated. Strange...
Edit: I went ahead and removed the picture, just in case.
Sweet Celestia, that was much more funny than it had any right to be!
Same as earlier, I can appreciate the nods to popular/famous bits of canon and fanon, but mostly I think they're laid on too thick here, like with Ditzy only ever being shown to be a klutz while "on-screen".
This is simply a great line. It comes out of left field and yet is perfectly delivered, especially with the subsequent "recipe" that Twilight rattles off and then Spike asking for five more minutes in the oven.
I know I already mentioned how the footnotes remind me of Pratchett, but this one is so perfectly in the late author's style it's uncanny (and of course, hilarious).
--------
The dialogue in this chapter is pretty good, nicely setting up some things for later as well as planting plenty of jokes alone.
Nom!
Unicorn Magic Youth Educational Specialist
UMYES
Um Yes
...
Is this intentional?
11138050 Um, yes?
Pretty sure the ozone smell is from ditzy’s fried motherboard.