Rarity invites Applejack to a fashion show but when she sees Applejack stronger feelings might develope.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 23rd Oct, 2012
- offline last seen Mar 8th, 2013
vexinkora
I love friendship is magic and fanfiction, though I am a slow writer lol
vexinkora
Joined 23rd Oct, 2012 ·
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I actually died a bit reading this.
1719668 YOU DIED!? Dunsparce will resurrect you with the power of badass!
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That's also his reaction to this story.
1719707 I'm sorry you guys didn't like this. It's my first attempt at shipping. I ended it too shortly because I didn't want it to be too long
1719754 Well, Dunsparce's opinion is that it wasn't the worst out there. When Dunsparce has to read the title of the story twice to figure out if that was exactly what it meant, Dunsparce loses a lot of hope. Also, shipping can be long, as long as you do it well.
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1719764 Yeah...I'm still knew at fanfiction, the four stories up all the only ones I wrote. Yes I know that's why I was going to do a follow up and use the stuff I should have put in here
Hm? That's odd.. why are there so many dislikes on this? Formatting is fine, spelling is great, personalities are okay also. What the..? Anyways, I really like it because believe it or not, I'm a fan of RarityXApplejack and I'm kind of a sucker for Romance too
. I'm going to give you a like because I know that you tried kind of hard on this and it turned out great, well in my opinion. I hope to hear another fic from you again 
. And one more thing, despite of how you've got more dislikes than likes, be glad that the trains have stopped. If you know what I mean. With nice authors around like me, I know you'll keep on making stories.
Again, great work!
-MisterGTFO
1722743 Thank you for saying those nice things and for the watch. I think the reason is because I started this out with the idea that it was going to be longer than I ended it short (This was actually suppose to be like the halfway point.) I will be doing a follow up story to this after I finish the Seeds of Equality story. I've never done Applejack before so I know my character for her was off but someone one deviantart said I nailed Rarity perfectly. It actually has 6 favs there so no worries I'm still going to write, I'll just try harder
1723500 That's what I'd like to see in spirit. Short story or in chapters it doesn't matter. I like it because it's well-typed and it's not a bad story for me. Try more on Applejack's personality if you think you should work on it but I recommend that you also take short tries on Rarity's too in case if you get a bit rusty. Keep on trying those stories, man.
1723536 yes thank you. and I will try to get them right for the sequel story. you really made me feel better. The only concern is that I hope people don't see that story results and think that my stories are bad and not worth reading cuz it looks like the other ones are doing okayn
1723789 I can see that, your welcome too. I now have to work on my story, Assassin's Tears 4: Loyalty and Corruption so chao and get a bit better. Not that your bad, it's just that I'm saying that you should get even more better with your writing skills.
1723808 yes I understand and I m pretty bad those stories on the account are the only stories I've written so I have a lot to learn.
I liked this story i dont see anything wrong with it so why is there so many dislikes?
1724104 That's kind of you to say. I don't know no one tat didn't like this story told me why they didn't like it. as I said before yeah I ended it like halfway through, I din't think I did Applejack justice, and I think I built it up to slow so theres too much for too little reward at the end. that's all I can think of
In all honesty I think you have some definite skill. The writing seems polished and your grammar and spelling seem top notch. I can only see two reasons for this being so disliked.
1) Leaps of logic: What I mean to say in a good few points in the story the characters or even the situation jumps to the next point in the story not because it flows naturally but because its where you wanted them to go next. Almost as if Twilight was writing this with a great big checklist. You knew what you had to include and you knew all the proper form and procedure but it hasn't got a natural flow to it. I think of two situations in the story where this happens. One when Rarity invites Applejack to the fashion show. its kinda clumsy and what the crusaders are doing is really vague. And also if the fashion isn't until that night when the crusaders are in bed why wouldn't she allow Sweetie to stay longer? Its just a bit of a plot hole imo. The second big situation where a leap of logic occurs? Well I'll get to that in my next point.
2)The Romance and the ending: Okay I am a massive RarityxApplejack fan. Always have been always will be. There is a lot of great fics about it out there and I've even tried it myself with some mixed results. I'm not going to say I know how romance should work or what way Rarijack should work because that would be ridiculously pompous and egotistical of me but I know at least in a ship it should be there. Like I said I am only a humble guy and my opinion matters no more than anyone elses. I'm no Hyzaku or any of the big dogs at fimfic. But there should be some romance there. It really comes out of the blue at the end with no hint to it. Rarity literally just looks at Applejack and Bam with no prior stirring of feelings on hers or Applejacks part. It just happens. I think that is mainly why it got so instantly disliked. I think I see where you were going with it. The fashion show maybe triggering some protective instinct in Rarity or Rarity seeing a new side to Applejack but there is no hint of that. And Applejacks reciprocation of those feelings is half a paragraph. So yeah the ending is a little lackluster. Believe me I know the feeling about just wanting a write a short fic and then getting to the end just wanting it to be over. I'm guilty of the same thing in the last story I wrote.
Wrapping up here I gotta say I am not doing this to be mean. Heck this is the single longest comment I've left in any fic whatsoever. I wrote this because you said nobody had told you why they didn't like it. It's not about a slow build up or Applejack. There was no build up. This story has so much potential. You have so much potential. If I had half of the technical skill you did every story I wrote would be sent to Equestria Daily. For a first attempt at writing this blows away ninety percent of fimfics first tries. Keep writing, you are much to good to stop.
Just remember to ease up on the old checklist Twilight, and just see where the story takes you.
1724982yes and thank you. I know your trying to be mean and I enjoy critiscism when it's critiscism which this was. You raise very good points and yes it did feel very unnatural I really should work on the build up. I didn't think about that as a plot hole so I'm glad you brought it up. I kind of just write with the flow. I should also work on plot holes too lol. but still I thank you and it is kind of you to say my grammar is good.
I'm sorry not trying to be mean I wanted to clarify that.