While I really enjoyed Dennis the Menace's "My Roommate is a Vampire," I thought it could use a little more dark and sexy. The story will be mostly the same up until where Octavia is bit in his story. From there I'll branch off on my own path so it won't be a total knock off. I plan on this being a long fic so I hope everyone is ready for a fun ride.
This story will be switched to mature when I get to the actual sex and gory scenes.
Special thanks to my pre-readers Lunatic and Queen of the Spectra.
Chapters (3)
Well, I'll claim the first just to get it out of the way.
Dennis, I hope I do you proud. Readers, I hope you enjoy this. I won't call it work because I loved every second of writing it. Lunatic, as always, you have my many thanks and I'm very grateful to be your friend.
If you spot any errors (there may be one or two but I believe my friend did an excellent job) feel free to point them out and I'll jump on them like a cat with a mouse.
With that said, I hope you enjoy the story, and I hope you buckle up for a long ride. I don't plan on stopping this fic anytime soon.
Nice.
Space your sentences when switching between characters.
1748914
Fixed I suppose.
1748984
And now I have no complaints! Great writing.
1749021
Glad you enjoyed it. I'm already working on the first real chapter. About 1.5k in already and I can tell you right now the writing is so much better.
1749039
Awesome.
Most people were stunned when they found out I could play.
PEOPLE?! WHAT IS THIS MADNESS?!?!
On another note...
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/250x250/29026730.jpg
Damn, that was brilliant. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Sweetie_happy.png
1750304
Thanks bud, you're gonna love the first actual chapter.
FREAKING CLIFFHANGERS!!!
1761264
This one is unintentional. I had another 2k words written out, but they didn't feel right. Expect more on the weekend, probably just added to this chapter.
I am curious, my favorite part of the entire fic so far is the waking and showering scene just from the sheer amount of imagery I put into it. It's my completely unaltered writing style. Do you all want more of that or more of the introduction style: quicker with less focus on details?
1761345
The waking and showering was extremely well written. I really like how painted those scenes out.
As for Details. Honestly? Details in writing are a tricky beast to handle. Too much and you've become Captain Purple Prose too few details and it's like Hemingway on speed. Personally I write like Bob Ross painted and Bruce Lee did martial arts, just let it flow like water. I think up a situation and just start writing. Don't think just write. Thinking leads to distractions and second guessing. If you just react, by writing, you find that butter zone of flow. Plus proof reading handles any major problems. At least that's how my brain works.
1761374
I'll do my best to continue the story like those two scenes then. I need music to get into my writing mood. Those were written to Boooring! by Assertive Fluttershy, Twilights New Stockings by Tei the Pony, Sleep by Echelon, and Remember How? by Yourenigma. Rather interesting mix for writing really.
The reason I scrapped the rest of this chapter was because it didn't feel like those scenes. Starting tomorrow I'll finish them up. Tonight is Code Geass night.
1761419
Lol sounds like a plan. Best of luck.
I like where you are taking this.
i.imgur.com/tfZQS.jpg
Not gonna lie to you guys, I might just have the worst submission luck on the internet. Same night as My Roommate is a Lycan and a Rainbow Factory sequel.
Damn the luck.
Please, PLEASE make a teen version once its done!
1776105
I'll mark which chapters contain clop, but I plan for it to have a meaning behind it. Its not going to be a clopfic, its going to be like Xenophillia. Meaningful and adding to the characters feelings and personalities.
I don't know if I would be allowed to read the rest of a story I love if it contains pony- uuuurgh...
1778711
Not much I can do for you then. If you want a teen version go read the story this one is based on.
But its not the same... Screw it, I read what I read. Usually alone too. But, never shall I touch a... "ClopFic"
Sorry for being so damn lazy, this one is also short and meh.
Well, I mean, it's all fine and dandy. It's taking a different plot, as far as I can tell. So, I guess it's pretty good. Better than most stories, I suppose. You've certainly got a grasp for purple prose and whatnot, something that even I neglected in the original story, but um, your dialogue falls flat. I appreciate your attempt at following the stream-of-consciousness style mine took on, but it's really quite difficult to nail. You should write your own style, 'cause at the moment, sometimes I'm not sure which style I'm reading. Your style involves a lot of description and flowery stuff, but then it switches it all up when you try and go for the way I did it.
You should also try making only one space between new paragraphs instead of two. It's not wrong and it's not bad, but it's...icky. There's just too much of a space.
Try an editor too, because sometimes you switch tenses and stuff.
Keep at it.
(Joke) Alt. Title: My Room Won't Turn On The Damn Lights!
Seriously, Vinyl, turn the bucking lights o-*crash*
GUESS WHAT?! I STILL HAVE IT OPEN IN A TAB, AND I'M SAVING IT TO A WORD DOCUMENT JUST FOR YOU!!!!!
EDIT: Here's one of the smaller paragraphs, just so you know I'm not kidding... >:)
1810276, that alternate title... ermahgerd.
HEYYYY SSSAGGGE
Love the profile pic, but what would a spy in mlp be called?
Oh, lovely, another dead fic.