"Bravo!? Bravo! Come here! I didn't hire you to slack off. I need your advice."
"Yes ma'am?"
"Now, refresh my memory please. I was under the impression you said she wasn't a threat."
"I know that, ma'am."
"But now Cloudsdale is lost, due to her direct action."
"I know, ma'am. But, if you look at the grand scheme of things..."
"The grand scheme of things? The grand scheme of things? You want to talk about the grand scheme of things? You know as well as I that the political landscape can be radically changed by the smallest nudge. One newspaper article, one missed beat, one eccentric action and all a politician's hard work is unraveled. Now, add in one of the brightest minds in Equestria, who also happens to be one of the most powerful and influential voices, and set her directly against my political platform. Suddenly, I lose a major demographic of the voting populace, and have two others hanging by a thread."
"It's true. We did underestimate her. But all is not lost, Ma'am. You could always pull out plan B..."
"Plan B?"
"You know. The way we came up with. How we can force her to stay neutral."
"But... I usually don't resort to such... underhanded tactics. My races are always squeaky-clean. Democracy is of the utmost-"
"Save it for the constituency. It's time to act, now or never. Do you really want to get re-elected? Do you have the guts to go as far as you need?"
"I- I..."
"Then all you gotta do is remove our favorite librarian from the equation."
"... You're right. I'll go talk to her immediately."
---
"My friends, our time has come!"
The crowd erupted into cheers. The speech had just started, and already Carmel's rhetoric and turn-of-phrase was exciting the masses, and masses they certainly were. Unlike Carmel's previous rally, Twilight noted, the vast amount of listeners this time seemed much more uninhibited, much more free from social bounds, and much more in agreement. And there were more of them.
The city hall had never been this busy, not since Twilight had moved to Ponyville. Not even Winter Wrap-up got this kind of turnout. At least I can know, and know for certain, Twilight thought, that Ponyville cares about its politics.
The crowd began dying down as Carmel motioned to speak again. "We have waited years for this day. Many of us have waited our entire lives. Some have had to live with being told we weren't special, we weren't great. We were told time and time again that we would never go anywhere. We would never do anything. That for all intents and purposes, we were only useful as menial labor. And because of the unjust laws we are stuck under, solely based on our gender and location, so far those ponies have been right." Here he paused. Carmel looked out at his crowd from where he was standing on the steps of City Hall. He nodded at them.
"They have crushed our wills, piece by piece, until we had nothing more to dream about. They told us to stay home, to ignore our dreams. Our hopes. We were told we weren't smart enough to think for ourselves. That we are inferior."
He paused. The audience seemed to pause with him. The courtyard was silent.
"But not anymore. Today, we show the world that we are a force to be reckoned with." His tone began to rise. "We prove to the masses that we are worth listening to. Today is the day we cement in the history books as the day that Stallions are given a platform on which to voice our grief. Today is the day our grandchildren will talk about, the day they will say was the day of victory. Today is that day, when we can finally walk with our heads high, knowing full well we are not inferior, that we are not mindless. Today is the day we will rise, and never be taken down again! Brothers, today is our day of triumph!"
Despite his megaphone, Carmel's voice was very difficult to hear over the sound of the escalating audience. They ate his speech up, hinging on every word, believing with all their souls that Carmel was talking about their own personal freedom.
"My fellow Ponyvillians, I wish to personally thank each and every pony who refused to show up to weather duty. Thanks to the pressure you put on the weather team, we were able to reach the captain, and through her the Cloudsdale Council. We have seen one strain of bigotry crack, and I have full confidence that if we continue to apply pressure, the others will follow suit."
"It is time for the affluent of this town to realize that we are not simply going to lay down and take whatever they throw at us. We will prove that the fire in our hearts is hot enough to melt the manacles of sexism. It is time to show that this level of discrimination had no place in a modern Equestria. It is time to show the elite that without us, there is no them! Now who is with me?"
Carmel basked in the agreement that the others gave. He pumped his hoof in the air, and was met by a sea of hooves performing the same gesture.
Meanwhile, Twilight was attempting to process Carmel's speech. Lost among the faces of the pre-debate crowd, her mind was free to wander. Hmm... Carmel is certainly an eloquent speaker, but I think he might be manipulating the facts a bit. The boycott gave me the platform to talk to Rainbow Dash, but I think I could have found another way to her without it... But perhaps it's for the best that he is talking like that. Supporters want to feel like they're making a difference, and really they are. It's just a matter of scope.
Her train of thought was derailed by the leader's next statement. "Now, I know some of you have asked about my name, telling me it's misspelled." He closed his eyes. "It's not. What I'm about to share, I have only told two others in my entire life. It is a very personal story, and I hope that you can understand if I get a bit choked up."
For his story, Carmel adopted a fatherly tone. "When I was a young colt, I had big dreams. I wanted to attend a famous law school in Canterlot. I wanted to meet the Princess. I wanted to make something out of myself. I dreamed of being the first Earth Pony to teach writing at the School for Gifted Unicorns."
"But, as you all can relate to, my dream was stolen from me at a young age. Both my parents were spending their entire lives trying to fight this system of injustice, fighting for my future. When my mother died, I was 14. It was devastating to my father, who dedicated his entire rest of his life to the cause. It didn't leave much time for me, but I never really blamed him."
"My mother's sister... she needed counseling after my mother died, but was too proud to go get it. She began drinking, began getting in with the wrong crowds. She had a new coltfriend every month, getting more and more unsavory as she went. When my dad was working, I stayed with her."
He exhaled, slowly. "My mother named me Caramel Candy, after the color of my coat. She always told me how handsome and smart I was, instilling in me a sense of purpose, a sense of individuality, a sense of excellence."
"It was thanks to her that I was able to survive the time at my aunt's house. Somehow, someway, my caretaker blamed my father for my mother's death. And when she looked at me, all she saw was him. She would hit me, would call me names. She always told me I had a freakishly long neck, I looked like a camel. She called me Carmel, and never failed to remind me how hideous she believed I was. Her coltfriends thought it was a riot to pick on me, and soon that became my entire existence at her house."
"The worst part is that, when I got old enough, I finally decided to report her to the authorities. I was 17, and still living under her roof most of the time. My father had spiraled further and further into his all-consuming work, trying to win this movement. Even though he was busy, he always listened to me. I decided to tell him all the atrocities that were happening at my aunt's house.
"But I didn't get the chance. When I spitefully told her that she was never going to see the light of day again, after we report her, she hit me one more time, but this time with an empty bottle, and it broke over my head. When I woke up, my head was bleeding profusely and I was dizzy and disoriented. Of course, my aunt was nowhere in sight. I needed stitches, or I was going to die.."
"I don't know how I got the strength to get to the hospital by myself. It was late, and nopony was there to answer my cries for help. Thoughts of my mother, my father, my life flashed before my eyes the entire way. I don't know how long I was on the road, but I remember making it to the door to the ER."
"When I arrived at the hospital, the nurses told me later, I was on Death's doorstep. Celestia only knows how I survived. When I told my father what happened, he was furious. He demanded a travel permit to go and search for my aunt, so she could be brought to justice."
Wiping a tear from his eye, Carmel spoke three words that completed the story.
"It was denied."
"The police put out a warrant for her, but no one really tried to find her. After a month of searching, they gave up. We were told that she was hiding too well."
"I still have dizzy spells because of her. Sometimes I'll simply fall over, and it takes me a while to get up. I keep the name Carmel to remind me what I'm fighting against. I keep it to remind me of all the horrors happening behind closed doors, hiding behind the powerlessness of the victims. That's why I am called Carmel. My name is my own rallying cry against oppression wherever it is found."
"It is thanks to all of you that this is being changed. The debate today marks the beginning of the end of this reign of terror. We will not only prove that we are not going to be shut up anymore, but we will prove that we deserve and demand equal status, as full tax-paying citizens of Ponyville! My suffering was not in vain. The shards of that bottle ignited the flame, the very flame that will consume this miscarriage of justice."
"My friends, our struggle is won! Rejoice! The day my grandfather dreamed of is upon us! We will see this completed in our own time, and will be able to pass this liberty on to our children! We. Have. Won!"
Several blocks away, the cheering could still deafen any conversation..
DO YOU HEAR THE PEOPLE SING?
LOADS of grammatical errors, but great speech.
Looking forward to more.
awesome! I can't wait for more! Those sexist mares, including Applejack, needs to see that stallions can be as good as mares!
Mayor mare, what are you up to?
3935374 SINGING THE SONG OF ANGRY COLTS
A word with no vowels? What is this sorcery?
3935379 Running to check it now.
Thanks for reading!
3935396 It's Hebrew.
(Fixed)
I get that you're nearly done, but do you need an editor?
Great chapter. Looking forward reading the next one.
Why do i have the feeling that Caramels aunt is actually Mayor Mare.
Lots of spelling errors, but overall good.
Summon the Revolutionaries!
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Reallly Mare Mayor?
What part of threatening or blackmailing the Princess's personal student seems at ALL to be remotely a good idea? Particularly given how your town HAS to be violating a dozen different national and provincial laws on sentient rights with the whole "No Stallions can ever leave the town of their birth!" law.
I literally cannot comprehend how a stallion hasn't left their house, walked to the next town over, hopped on the train to Canterlot, and attempted to get into a day court audience with Celestia yet. Or hell, how about trying to get in to see Luna during her night court? She'd probably be so overjoyed to actually have somepony coming to her asking for her help that she'd do practically anything you asked her to do, provided you spun a suitable tale of woe, without fully examining the consequences.
Or even just challenged the law in court. Like it literally boggles my mind. Does Ponyville have a copy of the Berlin wall with the serial numbers filed off at the town limits or something? Does the town hall have records of some dark and terrible secret of Celestia's that she cannot allow to be exposed at any cost? Because those are about the only ways I can think of that this law hasn't attracted some kind of attention from higher government in all this time.
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IT'S THE MUSIC OF THE PONIES WHO WILL NOT BE SLAVES AGAIN!
You had me until I saw the Alternate Universe tag.
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Chapter was fine. Carmel is doing some grandstanding and fact twistng, but for a political speech it's pretty clean.
Looks like Mayor Mare isn't that sympathetic after all—she could take a lot of steam out of the campaign, and get Twilight on her side, by trying to push through that order she hasn't signed.
As others have said, the main problem with this chapter is the number of glaring errors:
Come here.=!
Um?
That we are infirior.
I believe this should be "were", to match tense with the previous sentence. Also, "inferior"
walk ith
with
we are not infirior
inferior
sound of the escelading audience
I believe this is a misspelling of "escalating", but that seems like an odd word choice. Is that really what you meant?
hinging on every word
hanging
thier souls
their
captian, and throgh
captain, and through
It is time to show that this level of discrimination had no place in a modern Equestria
has (not had)
Evrn though
Even
warrent
warrant
We weere told
were
it takes me a while to get up I keep the name
period after "up"
The day
two spaces should be one space
Was all I could think about, sorry :<
Great Chapter. I wonder what is going to happen next. Best of luck with the next chapter. I'm glad this story got updated.
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It's no more alternate universe than other stories. It's an interpretation of Equestria that differs from what Equestria was originally intended to be, nothing more.
Also, I wasn't going to rate your comment initially. But apparently Fimfiction says I gave it thumbs up, and I don't feel I can approve of a statement that I feel comes off as brash and respectless, so I down-voted it instead. No bad feelings though.
im disliking applejack more as this story goes on, shes being really selfish. Change is good, and the hole stallion inequality law is just stupid. Applejack needs to grow up when even her little sister sees that the law is wrong
3935606 Actually in previous chapters it was mentioned that many actually left the town, as the minute you are outside you are a citizen of Equestria. But the thing is, even if leaving is easy, returning is not, as you are outlaw in the town. So as long as you have no one to miss, you can just up and leave in the night. Of course then you need to start somewhere fresh with no money or support.
That's the very reason that after slavery was demolished a lot of ex-slaves still stayed and worked for their ex-masters for next to nothing or even nothing, they simply did not have anywhere to go.
Is .= one of those names à la Le-a?
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Mayor Mare seems to have forgotten (as have a vast portion of politicians in the United States regrettably) that she is a public servant, the moment you start running because you want to lose office rather than because you think you can do what is best for the people is the moment that you should leave office! You are chosen by the people to serve in their best interest as a whole. Washington left office despite a third term easily being possible for him and with that one gestured prevented a precedent of President's serving until death. Jefferson returned to his home in massive debt partially due to his own policies. They knew why they were public SERVANTS!
In regards to the Courts look how long it took the Courts to deal with the American South following the Civil War 9 decades before they really dealt with it, and we have no idea how the Court system works, or how well the courts will is enforced in Ponyville. In regards to targeting Celestia's student, depending on how she's targeted, it could result in the equivalent of the Little Rock 9 where Ike federalized Arkansas National Guard and sent in the 101 Airborne with Celestia sending guards in to ensure the safety of protestors and Twilight. As well as to enforce any court decisions if the courts get involved.
This brings to mind some of Martin Luther King's speeches. Hopefully, Carmel survives to see freedom emerge in this fic, though.
Excellently written, and I hope you update soon.
I have an ever increasing feeling that most of the females in this story are carrying Idiot Balls the size of Canterlot (and that includes Celestia), and if the Mayor and co are actually thinking about blackmailing or underhandedly interfering with Twilight ...
... Then they had better face full consequences for their actions, because the credibility of Ponyvvile getting away with what it does is already paper thin (and requires Celestia to be an incompetent and lazy waste of space).
The Mayor should be arrested and face charges for corruption and going against the Laws of the sate. The local sheriff should also be arrested for corruption, considering how often Caramel has been arrested for no real reason, just to get him to keep quiet for a while and is basically the Mayor's lackey doing her unlawful bidding. All the "city council" (or whatever it is the Mayor was talking to) should face charges for festering conspiracies against the sate and enforcing unlawful restrictions upon the town's citizens.
Honestly, Twilight should write to her brother and have the Guard march in to this little nest of self-entitled ignorants and restore proper order and ensure all the above is carried out. (And Celestia needs a slap across the back of her head for being useless, but that's unlikely to happen).
If there aren't proper consequences doled out at the end of this (and not some silly friendship speech that somehow dismisses literal crimes having been committed over generations), then there is not much good to be said about this work in the long run. This is starting to become too silly as it goes on.
Things are starting to look up, which means they are about to be slammed back down.
As to the political underhanded tactics... *sharpens knife and adjusts cowl* I don't think they will be to much of a problem for to long.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
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I am gonna go out on a limb here and say that wasn't Mayor Mare at the beginning. Only one ponies name is mentioned and it wasn't Mayor Mares. I am thinking this a a Redd Herring and is actually going to be somepony else.
3936092 You get a thumbs-up of agreement, person.
Mayor Mare, why are you such a idiot?
Let's see, right off the bat you thought Twilight wasn't going to be a problem, really? Same one who made Winter Wrap Up actually successful when you're "idea" of a motivating speech would help? Personal friends of Twilight who hold high levels of influence and you don't think she would act, even after she came to meet with you? So that train of thought derailed 3 feet from the station. Trixie even managed to overthrow, granted she did have an all-powerful amulet but you could've at least evacuated the town. Now you're going to let paranoia rule over your thoughts? One little article will ruin you? Well your past success, oh wait, that's right.
I feel as though there's a lack of description in what the characters are doing, how they're reacting, other than in relation to sounds or creating sounds. Just a little thing I've noticed is all. :P
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I suppose that's possible, but considering the question of "Do you want to get re-elected or not?", and the person protesting that their runs have always been clean (meaning whomever this is, has been elected several times already), I find it hard to imagine it being anyone but the Mayor. I don't think there is any other position in Ponyville that's elected, is there?
And they mentioned 'talking' to Twilight - the Mayor is probably the only authority figure in Ponyville who can expect to exert some influence over Twilight and imagine she will back down from just a talk ... so long as she doesn't push back.
It's hilariously dumb either way - considering Twilight's political connections, you'd expect shadowy conspirators (who have got to know that what they are doing is not legal) to go underground and pull in the lids if she starts sniffing around.
Seriously, she has a direct line to Celestia (and they don't know the white cake-flank is doing nothing and watching with glee as Twilight handles something she herself should have done long ago), Luna owes her a considerable debt, her brother is the Royal Guard captain, and then you have Cadence mucking about somewhere in there as well. And she herself is a vital asset of national security.
Seriously, Twilight's political clout, should she choose to exercise it, or even just portions of it (which she really should do, given the farce going down in Ponyville), is unreal to the point just about anyone would get a migraine just thinking about having to contest it via shady dealings - and the potential consequences for doing so, Mayor or not.
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I fail to see how any of that is terribly applicable to a stallion who's determined enough to get the law crushed under Royal authority, considering they would probably:
1. Return to Ponyville, if at all, in the company of an enraged princess(es) and a platoon of the Royal Guard. Any police officer actually trying to arrest the stallion in the window of opportunity between when they arrive back at the town and before Town Hall gets a new door where a wall used to be... well they're stupid enough they deserve whatever happens to them.
2. The town leaders and the police force are probably going to be FAR more concerned with the aforementioned enraged princess(es) and the words being thrown around at that meeting, like "You have all committed multiple counts of Civil Rights Abuse and conspiracy to commit same" and "By the authority of Her Majesty Celestia the First, you are hereby placed under arrest pending trial for your crimes" then that Whistle Blower or whoever skipped town last night.
3. Not to mention that if their court system works like the American one, anyone who was actually convicted of leaving town could just appeal to a higher court, or given how Equestria's an absolute monarchy in this fic, throw themselves on the Princess's Justice, neither of which will be particularly amused by Ponyville's shit.
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This. This so goddamn much. If this whole thing turns out to be some sort of test for Twilight created by Celestia...
3936058 I'd accept that... if several Google searches for "evyre" didn't indicate that it isn't a word in either English or Old English. It is possible that "evrye" was intended, but if it was, it was mis-spelled.
My point stands.
You either need to learn better English, or you need a better editor.
Those problems aside, decent story.
i remember you saying that while the stallions were doing work and feeding their families, the mares were just sitting down doing nothing? and with that nothing they just out on a whim just said to the guys "you cannot leave"
are you still gonna use that in the future still?
Dozens of writing errors and several rushed chapters. The premise of the story sounds good but the execution of it...sigh.
It is acutally a bit of a challenge to read this any further instead of dropping it.
I will continue to read it out of curiosity. I hope you will be able to expand the chapters (just a little bit more, it doesn´t need to be a 10k-word monster) and to bring a little more soul to the characters.
...wait, so they won equality at last? That ending has got my head spinning
Agree with all the people saying that it's just plain criminal that these laws have remained in effect like this. This isn't some silly forgotten law like wearing hats backwards on Sundays is illegal. This would be like a southern USA town that still practiced slavery today, and was getting away with it. Seriously, unless Ponyville has some grand conspiracy blackmailing the rest of Equestria into ignoring their blatantly criminal laws, how has it taken this long for a town on Canterlot's doorstep to get this fixed?
Im still hoping the Stallions just decide to leave Ponyville (not like the mares can stop them) in protest (or forever) and watch the town crash and burn within weeks due to how weak the PV mare's hold on the stallions truly is.
There is nothing stopping them from leaving. Just leave this hole to die to its own cancer and be free.
Economic collapse, stress and sexual frustration could make the mares beg for the stallions to come back too.
Anyway, the only way the PV mares can truly force the stallions to stay is by slavery and physically holding them in the territory forever.. and that would require the Royal Guard to be okay with it (wich they wont).
Everyone seems to assume that the speaker in this chapter is Mayor Mare. I wonder if it's Golden Harvest, or another candidate, and we don't know the full story, yet.
3936671 You do know there's only one character that can be RE-elected in this, right?
3935553 She probably is.
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[http://ask-king-sombra.tumblr.com/page/16]ponies sing
I just realized something, who are the police? Are they female or male? And if the police are the royal guards, wouldn't that mean that Celestia is involved in Ponyville's politics?
3936255 Ponyville is a democracy. So if the princess is involved then they might become a monarchy.
Very nice and a good show of how that democracy crap works. I hope they manage to make it work so he can find her and put his demons to rest, not necessarily by killing her.
Nah that wouldn't be a victory.
And here... we... go...
I sorely hope that if Mayor Mare somehow manages to get re-elected, the very next chapter (since you'd probably have the election results as the last words of that chapter) has every stallion and colt just downing tools, putting one hoof in front of the other and leave Ponyville to burn. Let's see those who thought they could deny the stallions the right to leave, own land or vote get to work. I'm sure that Applejack will probably end up trying to either buck the whole orchard by herself or try and rope other ponies into helping her... only to discover that all her friends (apart from Rarity) have decided to leave with the stallions and colts
May the Everfree reclaim what was once its own.
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good ma´am, I have only one thing to say
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