It was a predictably perfect day in Ponyville. There was no rain scheduled for the rest of the week, so the skies were clear and the sun was shining bright. Rays of golden sunlight glinted majestically off of the buildings, giving the town square a warm, welcoming glow. The weather was warm but not hot, as it was still late spring. The days of scorching heat were not to come for at least a month.
If one were to walk down the main road of Ponyville at that time, one would have seen a purple unicorn and a baby dragon quickly making their way through the marketplace.
It was a Saturday, which for most ponies meant grocery day, and as a result the marketplace was packed. For Twilight Sparkle, though, it meant it was time for her weekly get-together with her friends. Pushing and shoving her way through the crowd, she hurried in the direction of Sugarcube Corner. It was in sight now, and even in the throng of the crowd Twilight could still see her friends sitting in the window table there, the one Pinkie always reserved just for them.
"C'mon Spike!"Twilight said, when she noticed that Spike had stopped at a stall. He was eying a very large sapphire hungrily. "We're late as it is already!"
"But Twilight! Can't I just look around for a little bit?" the baby dragon whined.
"No. You're coming with me and that is that." Twilight said firmly.
"I don't wanna go! You know that I don't like any of the food at Sugarcube Corner!" Spike said , a little more loudly than necessary.
Twilight cocked an eyebrow. "Why don't you like Pinkie's cooking? Pinkie Pie is one of the best pastry chiefs I know."
"Because there are no gemstones in the cupcakes she makes." Spike said, as if that explained everything.
"Ugh. Spike, you know I don't have the bits right now. I used them all getting groceries yesterday. My stipend from the Princess doesn't come until tomorrow. Until then, you will just have to make do." Twilight said, rather decisively. "Besides, we are still running late!" She turned around and started trotting off.
"Can I just stay here and look around?" Spike called after her. "There are so many cool things in the marketplace!" Twilight turned around to see that he wasn't following her.
'How can I convince him to come... Spike usually doesn't complain this much. He must be taking whining classes from Rarity. Wait a second...' "Rarity is going to be there!"
--- Spike charged into Sugarcube corner fast enough to make Rainbow Dash jealous. Twilight soon followed, making 5 mares in the room. Applejack couldn't come usually, her apples sold like hotcakes on Saturdays, and she was needed at the stand. Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity were already there, and Pinkie was leaving the table, probably going to the back to get some food for everypony.
Twilight took her seat. "Hello, girls! Sorry I'm a little late." She smiled sheepishly.
"Think nothing of it, Twilight. I just got here myself." Rarity returned the smile, though hers was more sincere.
"I was late too. I, umm, needed to make something special for Angel before I left." Fluttershy's soft voice could barely be heard across the table. Her head was down, and her mane covered one of her eyes.
"I was here on time! I guess all of you just aren't fast enough!" Rainbow Dash's voice was scratchy and brash, a direct contrast to the timid and light voice her fellow Pegasus had.
"Didn't you help Pinkie make the cupcakes for today's meeting?" Twilight said, in mock sarcasm mode.
Rainbow waved her hoof. "Not really. She only needed my help getting the ingredients. She did most of the actual work." Rainbow laughed. "Still, I don't know how she makes that Spectra taste good in her cupcakes. It's normally so spicy!"
All of the mares in the room shared a hearty laugh. Twilight was the first to speak after that. "The election is in two days. I'm so excited! My first democratic election ever!"
"It is truly marvelous." Rarity smiled. "I usually don't get involved with politics, but this year Mayor Mare has my vote. She has been doing a great job in office and I simply cannot think of anypony competent to replace her.
"Mayor mare is the one who made aerial tricks over Ponyville illegal! So not-cool!" Rainbow Dash protested.
Fluttershy spoke up. "I think it's a nice law. If one of your tricks went wrong, you could seriously hurt somepony. Or some animal.."
"Yeah, but my tricks don't go wrong. EVER." RD would not let the subject go. "And besides, even if one did I would make sure not to hurt anypony. I could totally swerve out of the way or aim for a hay bale or if I was doing a loop I could do a barrel roll and re-direct my momentum..."
Rainbow Dash continued on and on about different ways she could avoid disaster, but nopony was really listening. Everypony's mind wandered to the coming election. Mayor mare and the Sun party had just been elected 4 years ago, replacing the Moon party administration that that lasted 12 years. Certainly a lot had changed since then, but something still bothered Twilight..
"Ohmygosh that would be so cool, if I did a reverse back-flip over a alligator pond and didn't flare my wings until the last second..."
It appeared to Twilight that Mayor Mare was running on an... unstable platform. She was pandering to the majority (which was, statistically young mares) with more maternity leave, better insurance for ponies, and more restrictions on sports. however, that left many minorities dissatisfied. One minority angry was one thing, but 7 minorities can quickly become a majority. The moon party hasn't announced their candidate yet, but she would certainly have to be very savvy and able to pull all of the minorities in Ponyville together.
"And me and Soarin would get married and we would live happily ever after!" Rainbow beamed, completely unaware that nopony had been listening. "What do you think?"
"I think that it's time to change the subject." Twilight said, after a brief pause. "About the coming election..."
Rarity interrupted her. "If I was a betting mare, I would already have my money on Mare to win it all. It doesn't matter who the Moon party brings to the plate, Mayor Mare already has the vote of the younger mares in Ponyville.
"The problem is, even though the largest demographic is young females in Ponyville, if you add up all the stallions, extra-pony species, and independent voters, you get a majority."
Everypony stared at her blankly. Was it something I said?
"What's the problem? Is there something I'm missing? Some custom I don't know?" Twilight was confused. What did her friends know that she didn't.
"Are you telling me you never explained to her?" Rainbow Dash said accusingly to Rarity.
"It just never came up in conversation. I figured with all her studies, she would have known..." Rarity defended.
"Umm... I don't like talking about politics... it makes everypony mad..." Fluttershy added.
"What in Celestia's mane is going on? Can someone please tell me?" Twilight was tired of guessing games. The answer needed to come out. Apparently, she had missed something important about Ponyville.
Rarity decided to speak up. "Well, Twilight... The truth is... We just meant..."
Suddenly she was interrupted by a stallion's voice. It was loud and obtrusive, and sounded like it was coming from outside. Over a megaphone, if Twilight wasn't mistaken.
"Fillies and Gentlecolts! The time has come!"
Rarity and Rainbow Dash groaned. "Not this again!"
"Won't he give it a rest already?'
"EVERY. FOUR. YEARS. THE. SAME. THING!" Rarity said in her 'the worst possible thing' voice.
"Who? Does what?" Twilight was confused. Who were her friends talking about? Was this some kind of event that happened every election? Her train of thought was cut off by the voice again.
"We are equal citizens in Ponyville! We pay taxes, do our jobs and even go to fight when Equestria needs it. And what is our thanks? Nothing. Our rights are being infringed on every day when we are ruled by a party we had no hand in selecting! By an administration we have no power to ask for anything! And no political leeway to say anything! I say it's time somepony changed this tradition! Somepony fought for all citizen's rights! It's time that somepony cared about us!"
Twilight made up her mind. She was going outside to see who this mystery speaker was. He seemed angry, and judging by his speech, he had good reason. "If you won't tell me, I'll go find out myself." and she stood up, leaving the table.
"But Twilight!" Rarity yelled after her.
"Don't go out there!" Rainbow Dash shouted.
"Umm... If that's okay with you..." Fluttershy added. But it was too late. Twilight was out the door and looking at the square.
The marketplace was still crowded, but a large group had gathered around a stallion standing on an apple crate. The stallion looked familiar, Twilight knew she had seen him before. Carmel, his name was. He was speaking into a megaphone to the crowd. Never before had Twilight seen so many stallions in one place since coming to Ponyville. She didn't even know there were this many. Oddly, there were almost no mares there, though.
Twilight studied the speaker. The megaphone was on a stand, and the apple crate was pretty small, so Carmel was standing on the back edge, with his hind hooves on the ground. It was hard to see his face as a result, but the mane she could see was messy and crazy. Rarity would have a field day with this one.
He lifted his head up to speak, and Twilight caught a glimpse of his eyes. He had this intensity, not an angry intensity, but the kind that stems from somepony who is determined to reach his goal. Twilight could tell by his face that he meant business, whatever it was he wanted.
"All of us are fed up with the current way things are run! It is time, Ponyville."
Time for what? Twilight was confused.
"It's time to give stallions the right to vote!" The crowd erupted into cheers.
Twilight was at a loss for words.
(A/N Below, please read!)
A/N: Well, hope you enjoyed it. This is my first fic, so please be gentle.
Hopefully next week I'll have another chapter up. This story is one I have been meaning to write for a long time
(P.S. I was first, so FIRST! ALL THE INTERNETZ ARE MINE!!! (read: Do not post a "First" post for the heckovit.)
(P.P.S. Did I just referance BOTH Cupcakes AND Rainbow Factory in less than 5 lines? Yes, yes I did.)
Hippies.
1686319 i am in no way making a political statement or pushing an agenda, hippie or non. I am merely exploring an open end left by the show, and trying my hand at weaving it into something worth reading. I hope this is not the archetype for future posts... 'cause that would make me...
lol jk, but seriously, please no hate?
1686364 Nope, no hate. Just...
Hippies.
Hmmm, it's definitely an interesting idea. Unfortunately, the amount of spelling and grammar issues makes it hard to enjoy. You may also want to consider looking the at common "Show, don't Tell" advice.
schorching => scorching
necissary => necessary
thier canidate => their candidate
Should probably all be on one line.
1686378 Sorry about that. Like I said in my comment, I am working on a Tablet with no spellcheck and poor formatting tools. I'll go through and make those revisions
Could you point me to an example of "Show, don't tell"? I'm a n00b writer and would love all the help I can get! Thanks!
1686422
Mind, those are just the few I went back and found for the sake of commenting. I believe there were more. Would strongly recommend going back and re-reading your own story carefully.
The first will probably be the most useful for you. (I think. It's been a while since I've read the EqD four-part guide, and I can't recall just how useful it is.)
Editor's Omnibus (Show vs. Tell section): https://docs.google.com/document/d/1WMMs8H-GpFIXPsQeC0RNu8V-Cq6uyGl_UERpOUK_6KY/edit?hl=en_US&pli=1
EqD Pony Writing Guide: http://www.equestriadaily.com/2011/02/pony-writing-guide.html
Sithicus Helpicus: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1kqN1tIlVqAVNQkiF_ZV72j-6sljr0bNyzpHAi9TXWTg/edit?hl=en_GB&authkey=CIe4pqkI&pli=1
PonyChan FanFiction Guidelines (Applicable sections probably includes #3 & #7): https://docs.google.com/document/d/1RiPNbzuORjlbm8kUOjQmx81CX5vkddiPomWEVhAtb5M/edit?hl=en_US&pli=1
Googling for "Show don't tell" will also net you a large number of results, advice, etc, not immediately related to ponies.
1686459 Thanks dude, I'll definately take a look at that...
Tomorrow. Imma get me some sleep. I have Math Class tomorrow early in the morning, and I have been up too late already.
Once again, thanks for your help. Hopedully my next chapter will be better.
Fixed it. Thanks for the heads up, Q. kinda had a brain fart there...
Please update this as soon as possible^^
I have long waited a long time for a story that called attention to 90/10 female to male ratio.
I am now watching you^^
1690942 aww.. that makes me feel so warm and squishy.
Any vote for the Moon party canidate? [\shameless advertising]
Why not come up with an archetype mayoral ass who callously looks down on stallions.
Also, I thought the Apples founded Ponyville, both Granny Smith's mom and dad, how exactly did the power shift only to women?
I am not sure. *goes to re-watch episode*
The continuity CANNOT be compromised! (Mostly...)
So an OC. There's one vote. Just letting the few people folowing this know I am starting on the next chapter. Stay tuned!
*GASP*
you actually gave caramel an important role beneficial for the males! and not just some gay dude!
YES! I LOVE YOU(no homo)
1686367 THEY'RE THE REASON WE LOST VIETNAM WAR!
atleast I THINK we lost
nope..we definately lost
Well here's a subject i hadn't thought of until recently. Another fic brought up the numbers equality in ponyville and it made me think about what ramifications that would have, if any. I don't remember seeing any stallions with political power in the show, and that makes for some interesting scenarios. Characters like Filthy Rich having his business only because it's in his wife's name? And since there actually are fewer males in the show that does make them a minority. I look forward to seeing what you do with this premise, and which of the mane 6 prefer the the status quo over giving stallions equal rights. Sounds like Rarity and Rainbow Dash don't care for it, but would Applejack, who seems to look up to and respect her older brother feel the same? Twilight is in the same situation too, a brother she loves and respects but isn't allowed to hold office?
If you spend a little more time on the technical side (either an editor or just re-reading the story a few times before release) it'll really help clean up the rough edges and let the readers focus on this powder keg you've set.
A drop-dead brilliant tale, using a topic too many are scared to touch on. Absolutely fantastic!
Nice story so far. I always wonder what life would be like when males don't have equal rights as the female does?
I think this fic would benefit from better localization. Examples:
>the Sun party had just been elected 4 years ago, replacing the Moon party administration that that lasted 12 years.
Doesn't that seem fairly implausible? When does this take place? Why would they have a 12 year old party named after the moon? If you go by season 1 canon, nobody knew about Luna. If you go by season 2 canon, nightmare moon was a notorious historical villain. Naming a party the moon party would be like naming a party the Hitler party. And clearly this fic can't take place after Luna's return, since this is Twilight's first election and they happen every four years.
>7 minorities
What minorities? Unicorns? Pegasi? I don't expect that "red ponies" and "purple ponies would be much of a group, and there doesn't appear to be much in the way of religion in Equestria. What minorities?
>add up all the stallions, extra-pony species, and independent voters, you get a majority."
>stallions in one place since coming to Ponyville. She didn't even know there were this many.
1) Ok, presumably stallions and extra-pony species are two of the minorities. What about the other five?
2) Given how few of those we see in the show, is it reasonable for them to make up a majority? Clearly they don't.
3) How is she adding those groups up if she doesn't know how many there are?
2821768
Minorities wouldn't have to based on sex or species they could be general groups.
Its been said the average group is young mare's so older mare's could be a minority
Particular professions, factory workers, farmers etc, could have greater taxes same with people living in particular parts of the town
Ponies with particular interests could be a minority group to, stunt fliers (Dash) could consider themselves a discriminated minority.
Everyone's a minority in some way.
Why the fuck is Spike acting like a 5 year old? He knows when Twilight's stipend comes and probly keep track of their budget even.
>Spike said , a little more loudly than necessary
You have a space before that comma
Remember the 19th Amendment? It guaranteed a Women's right to vote. Everyone no matter what skin color or gender deserve the right to vote. Democracies also don't last long because of Majority rule. Which is why we are Constitutional Republic.
The last few paragraphs remind me of "Stallions on Strike"
3439489
Quit your sperging, it's fine.
Wait a minute.
Now will the royal guard be helping the movement, or impeding it?
:P
I mean, they ARE all stallions...
3439489 They use the word in the show.
Seriously?
Seriously, no one's said this yet?
Fine, I guess I'll have to.
DO A BARREL ROLL!
Whoah, your name looks like mine.
While exploring a misandrist (a very real and alive) society’s awful prejudice is a great idea, there is still a lot to be desired here. Proper nouns aren’t capitalized and there is very little rhyme or reason behind what the Sun and Moon Parties are, what they stand for, and why there are only two of them. Life doesn’t have a political binary and countries with monarchies usually have far more political parties than two of you look at breakdowns of their news, parliaments, and so on.
Not to mention, the general erasure of Luna as anything more than a legend prior to her return makes a Moon Party feel out of place and wholly anachronistic.