A figure emerged from the doors of the newly relocated building, holding a bottle in its hand and staggering. It began walking into the nearby town while mumbling about something or other. As the figure stumbled towards the center of town, it stopped when it spotted a group of what looked like small colorful horses. The cyclops looked at his bottle, before shrugging and taking a deep swig from it.
And then he passed out.
Now that Mann Co. had moved its headquarters to Equestria, they had begun operations for new branches of items to sell to suckers customers. While weapons didn't have much of a market, partially due to Celestia refusing the sale of them in her country, hats and other cosmetic products sold like hot-cakes, to the slight dismay of a certain white unicorn. Grey Mann and his robot army never attacked Equestria again, though he still attacked Mann Co. installations back on Earth. Because of this, the mercenaries found themselves teleporting from Equestria, where they now spent most of their off time, and Earth, where they continued to murder machines for fun and profit.
And what have the mercs been doing in Equestria?
The Scout had taken up a part-time job as a delivery boy, well-known for being both fast and (mostly) discreet. He was still killed by the wildlife regularly, however, and on one occasion the Leprechaun Mafia caught up with him. He's hoping that, eventually, everything will realize how awesome he is and stop frickin' killing him.
The Spy regularly mingled among the population, though not as himself. Now that he wasn't exactly trapped here, he seemed to be somewhat enjoying the casual friendly interaction. That said, he doesn't hesitate to backstab those buffoons he must call teammates when they're being exceptionally dumb or intolerable. Also, he seems to find a new hat every other week, much to the mirth of his colleagues.
The Medic had found himself in a very interesting position. He was actually allowed to dissect a unicorn to further his research, but with one condition: that unicorn (who shall remain nameless and purple) also got to dissect him, as well. There are now a total of two beings who can say they have seen the act of double-mutual-surgery while it was still in progress. As for his new medi-gun, he was saddened to find that the Uber-crits only work while in Equestria, due to the ample supply of magic in the air. Attempts at strapping the Bombinomicon to the medi-gun have all proved fruitless (and explosive).
The Heavy mostly stayed to himself, though he did seem to enjoy the presence of the ponies somewhat, if only because they reminded him of happier times. The Cutie Mark Crusaders, in particular, left a mark on the giant Russian's heart. They actually made him a hat one time, though the results were less than pretty (and it was actually quite flammable). Despite this, he gave them five-hundred thousand U.S. dollars when they started sniffling from the failure.
The Pyro and his Merry Band of Clones continued to be unintelligible and continued to burn things. Thankfully, they had controlled their urges to burn every piece of wood they saw, and they also got over their inexplicable fear of ponies. Together, they started a part-time business for chopping and/or burning things that needed to be chopped and/or burned, which was decently successful. They also formed a dance troupe.
The Demoman was still drunk.
The Engineer got himself a house just outside Ponyville, where he started drawing on inspirations from the populace for new ideas for machines. While nothing groundbreaking has been made yet, he did manage to invent a toaster that would automatically apply butter to toast, complete with adjustable slider. After all, "sometimes, you just need a li'l less butter."
The Soldier didn't really adjust well to life in Equestria. Not one moment after he found out about his new living arrangements, he had opened fire on a pony for asking where "America" was. Thankfully, his teammates had seen fit to replace his normal launcher with the Rocket Jumper, so all that happened was nothing and a pony nearly suffering a heart attack. After that, he marched a small distance into the Everfree Forest and set up a camp-slash-base, which he tactfully named "New America", complete with flag. He only left when he was needed for another job of robot smashing.
The Sniper also kept to himself, mostly. He was asked to be a guest speaker for the local school once, since he was one of the only mercenaries that was both sane and available at the time, but Ms. Cheerilee changed her mind once she learned of many things about the Australian, including (but not limited to) the nature of his job, the fact that he seemed to admire knives just a bit too much, and his bathroom habits.
As for the ponies...
Twilight Sparkle began working with the Medic in order to help further both of their scientific agendas. This totally did not entail the two of them dissecting each other. Nope. Not at all. On another subject, she still had not been able to pin down the Spy for questions/ranting at, but she kept looking for him, not knowing that he was almost literally right under her nose quite a lot of times.
Rarity didn't really enjoy the new competition from Mann Co., though she was relieved when she found out that they only made hats. Despite this, she continually made hats of her own, hoping to sway ponies into buying her head wear items. However, she didn't have much luck in this respect, and it didn't help that every other week, a hat she was working on would mysteriously disappear...
Rainbow Dash adapted fairly well to her new heart. In fact, she only remembered that when she was asked about how it was doing by the Medic one day. To this day, she now has a fear of both doctors and people with German accents. She also no longer had to bother the Scout for cans of that energy drink, as she could now buy them by the dozen from Mann Co. An intervention was staged by her friends, and she eventually kicked the habit. Also, she was banned from buying any more from the stores, as she was running their stocks dry.
Pinkie Pie threw a big party for the arrival of both Mann Co. and the mercs, but it quickly went downhill when the Soldier and the Demoman got into an argument over whether or not rocket jumping was invented by Abraham Lincoln (for the record, it was). Pinkie still throws parties for the team occasionally. The Pyros, in particular, seem to like the parties the most, which is odd, considering their fear of ponies.
Fluttershy personally didn't like the mercs' line of work, or the stories they would tell about how they had won against the robots this time, but she remained quiet about her opinions. The Medic also frightened her, mostly because she happened to walk in on him and Twilight having a rather heart-to-heart talk in her basement/lab.
Applejack still sold apples. She suspected the Spy of stealing a few of the fruits, but she had no proof, even though he definitely made sure she knew it was him ("This is Applejack! Pears make me cry! Over!"). She also stumbled in on the Medic and Twilight dissecting each other, so there's that.
Lyra was excited at all the new humans who had shown up, and she even convinced Twilight to let her be the first pony to read the book on human anatomy she was writing. She also got the Heavy to give her a book on human world history (written by him, no less), but it was in Russian.
The Cutie Mark Crusaders began a new wave of hair-brained schemes to get their cutie marks. Among the attempted tasks were helping the Engineer build things (they managed to make a single bolt fall apart), being a doctor like the Medic used to legally be (they managed to make an apple flatline before they even started cutting), and making sandviches like the Heavy (this happened).
As for Saxton Hale, he decided to take on Equestria's wildlife in his quest to kill at least one specimen of every animal ever. As of now, he's somewhere deep in the Everfree, beating a cockatrice in a staring contest. Rumor has it that he makes pelts of the animals he kills with his bare hands, of course, which he then sends to Celestia as reminders that no, he isn't dead, stop worrying about him.
And they all lived... something something something.
THE AND
Meanwhile, in a hyper velocity cannon.
Spaceman-Cosmonaut 1: Well, this sucks.
Spaceman-Cosmonaut 2: Yeah, I wonder if he'll write another one?
Spaceman-Cosmonaut 3: Uh... Not to alarm you guys or anything, buuuut we may be aiming at the sun....
GLaD- Er I mean- Countdown AI: T-minus now until launch, have a nice day.
It's over?
Well, I guess you can only continue this on for so long.
i feel...
both ripped off and amused at the same time
And the BLU counterpart was being dominated by anything and everything, from vagineer to Christian Brutal Sniper to robots and everything else.
P.S: Painis Cupcake says he'll eat you soon enough.
2292032
What about Fem Pyro (like fem Shepard but with fire)
aww it always sad to see something this awesome end
"clap, clap, clap" that was amazing, now we need another!!!. But serously i love these stories, there well written and have alot of humor. Are u making another one or is this the end?
You spelt Australian wrong. Both me and Sniper take offense to that, wanker.
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So the CMC is responsible for the best weapon ever of all time? and they didn't get their steam workshop contributor cutiemark?
2292125
Yes, yes I do.
2292169
That made me laugh.
2292062 Fem Pyro and Fem Scout became super models... Let's go with that
the and? am i missing something?
ABRAHAM LINCOLN IS BEST ROCKET JUMPER! This chapter funny as hell, and covers just about everything.
The Everfree will learn to fear.... SAAAAAAXTON HAAAAAAAAAAAALE!!!
Well I call that a somewhat happy ending no ones dead and they get hats
And in another dimension, the BLU team were dealing with creepypasta monsters...
That can't be true! Abe Lincoln was the pyro.
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See?
Well, there's the first time his degree in Russian literature came in handy. Well, maybe like the 67th time...
May I make a suggestion? Run. Poker Night at the Carousel Boutique.It's amazing what gets lost in the Read Later pile sometimes. Well, there is a sequel to that game coming out, so why not follow suit?I guess it was about time for this to wrap up before it got entirely too silly. The flow of this story wasn't as coherent as Spy's journey, as the goal was for Scout to gain the ponies' trust and bring back a specimen for Medic, but then Medic bypasses him and procures his own subject, then there's a robot invasion which is wrapped up quickly and somehow convinces Saxton to move Mann Co. to Equestria. Lots of things happened, but it wasn't all towards a definite goal like Spy's attempt to escape Equestria.
PS: Fish left out in the sun then wrapped in newspaper is an actual Russian delicacy from fishing villages in the far north. It's not even cooked, they just leave it on a frozen lake for a few days. Couldn't find the name of it, though. There's also Surströmming, a Swedish fermented fish dish so pungent that I could smell it on its Wikipedia page.
That was quite the abrupt ending. You had a lot of room for the story to continue.
Leprechaun Mafia? Phhhht.
2292707
Ahem.
But i'm already home...
I think I got the result to the CMC's Attempt to make a Sandvich, because I have very recently acquired it.
I Intend to do this to it.
Am I the only one who wants to know more about the events leading up to and following the double-mutual-surgery?
Please...oh sweet Celestia, please...continue this. Sequel. Something. Please, I know this incredibly cliche comment won't get to you, BUT PLEASE THIS HAS GOT TO BE MY 2ND OR 1ST FAVIE FANNY FICCY
Note that it does not say "THE END", but instead, "THE AND".
THERE IS MORE COMING.
2292756 I see what you did there
2295386
Or, maybe I just wanted to make a stupid joke.
Welp, that was pretty friggin' awesome.
Now to go on with my life ;3
I'd say that was a pretty damn satisfying epilogue, but I still feel that this story was cut short. Whateves, I'm good with it.
I'm actually sad it's over, I was expecting another sequel about fighting robots.
JE REFUSE!
*takes a nap on top of the Author's Note*
Please dont make another tf2 cross , my stomach just can't handle the possibility of Hale and Celestia doing it, seriously, that was Horrible ( capital H). Great story, funny plot, disgusting premise = 2 stars.
2297675
Don't worry, they didn't do "it".
Not since that last time...
I honestly didn't expect such a spontaneous story to have such a satisfying ending. Bravo.
Well... That was fast.
As for leaving, I say NO! I shall loiter here for as long as I want!
But, I will still congratulate you. A story well done.
As for Hale, he should get some tips from Flutters about staring down cockatrices.
What. Not satisfied.
I. Friggin'. Loved. This. Story. I WANT MOAR!!!!!!!!
Plz
the demoman, was still drunk.
xD
This is my reaction when I don't see a sequel.
1671770 hey scout....try and outrun a robot puma. Ravage eject operation kill
GG
I'll give this five mustaches
I'm staying right here.
there's is no leaving the rape train
Fourth Wall is beginning to overdose.
Richtofen.why the fuck would you say that! Its obviously fucing Volter from killing floor.HORZINE YOU KNOW THE ONES THAT STARTED THE ZED OUTBREAK.well actually some dumb reporter bitch let it out and said "they need to know the truth".and now equestria is fucked....unless i was there id make em bleed alright...in a way
5036891
I....what?
If twilight wakes up with an extra limb and gills instead of lungs and the brain compacity of a rabbit what would she do?