Explanations, Complications, and Fornicatio- Wait, no
When the Scout came to, he found himself in a barn, tied up. At first, he thought he was having one of those days, but he then remembered the day's events:
The Medic needing subjects.
Him getting the losing hand.
Falling.
Lion scorpion bat thing.
Dead.
More falling.
Apples.
Chase.
Barrels.
...Quite frankly, if it weren't for everything that had happened to him before, the Scout would easily believe that this was all some kind of fever dream. As it were, though, he was tied up in a barn. Judging from the voices outside, the ponies were discussing what to do with him, the consensus being that they wait for someone called "Twilight".
"Ah hell no," he said to himself. "I ain't gettin' handed off to no crappy book." Drawing on years of experience from living with eight older brothers, the Scout soon untied one of his hands, followed by the rest of his limbs. While the ponies talked outside the door, he went to the far end and turned on his headset.
"Hey, Spy?" he whispered. "I need a li'l help, here."
"Oh, so now you need my help!"
"Just shut yer trap and listen! I went to some apple farm-"
"You mean Sweet Apple Acres?"
"Yeah, whatever, anyway, I go there, just to eat an apple or two, and some pony broad comes in and chases me off!"
"Yes, ze apple pony was quite protective of her orchard."
"And then, this flyin' horse-"
"Pegasus."
"Whatever, this pegasus just swoops in, and chases after me. I dodge 'er easily, cause I'm just that good, o' course, but then I... Er, I was caught off guard."
"You fell, didn't you?"
"....yes."
"And let me guess: you were hog-tied, locked in the barn, and now they're talking about what to do with you?"
"...yes, actually, how did you-"
"You don't live in Hell for months and not pick up on ze mannerisms of ze demons, my friend."
The Scout sighed. "Right, so, what da hell do I do?"
"Well, if I'm right, they should-" The Spy was cut off by the Medic yelling at him. They both argued for a moment, before the Spy got back on the line. "Apologies. Ze doctor wanted to know why I was not helping them fight."
"Wait, the robots are attackin' now?"
"Yes, but it's a tank, so there's little I can do. Anyway, they will more than likely turn you over to ze one called Twilight Sparkle. She was the one I used to get here, and also ze most important one to become allies with, for ze Medic's morbid curiosity to be sated."
The Scout heard the talking outside die down a bit, and he lowered his own voice accordingly. "Alright, and how do I do that?"
"Simple. You must play ze role of ze lost traveler, with no memory over how you got here. Keep your earpiece on, so I'll be able to listen in and tell you what to say, accordingly."
"Seems good enough. But what if-" The Scout suddenly became aware of a third voice outside, which was greeted by a "Hey, Twi" from the other two ponies.
"Aw, crap, she's here."
"Remember: You are ze lost traveler. You have no memory." The radio went silent, although the Scout figured that the Spy was still listening, like he said he would be.
"While that does sound unusual, I doubt it's anything serious, girls," the voice of the one he presumed to be Twilight rang out from outside the barn door.
It was then that the Scout realized that he should be tied up.
Thinking quickly, he hopped up to the rafters, staying out of sight. Soon after, the giant doors swung open, and the two ponies from earlier, plus an added purple unicorn, walked inside. The moment they saw that the ropes weren't being used to contain the creature they saw, all of their jaws hit the floor.
"What the- Where did he go?!"
"Where the hay could he be? Ah tied him up and everythin'!"
"Now, girls, I'm sure there's a logical explanation..." As the three ponies talked, the Spy's voice cut into the Scout's headset.
"Feel free to run away, so you can meet zem on better terms."
Taking this advice, the Scout silently crept above the ponies, as they looked all over the barn. Thankfully, they never thought to look up, and the rainbow one never thought to fly up. Chuckling internally, the Scout finally arrived at a small window in the wall. Just a few more steps, and-
*creak*
It was a small noise, but it was enough to catch the ponies attention. They all looked up, right at the Scout, who was just about to climb out the window.
"There he is!" the rainbow one shouted, before flying towards him.
"Aw, crap." Wasting no time, he dove out the window, landing in some hay. It was actually not a soft landing at all, despite what certain forms of media might tell you. Despite this, the Scout immediately jumped to his feet and broke into a sprint. The blue pegasus was behind him in no time.
"Don't make me knock you out again!" she called after him.
"Not this time, rainbow brite!" He jumped in the air before jumping again straight up, killing his forward movement and causing the speeding pegasus to fly right under the human. Shocked, she started stopping herself and turning around, but was met with a baseball to the cranium.
"Home frickin' run!" the Scout taunted, as he ran by the dazed pony and grabbed the launched baseball. He put more distance between himself and the dazed pony, before a rope found its way around his midsection.
"Got ya now!" the orange one said through a mouthful of rope.
"Nope!" The Scout used his momentum to pull the pony off her hooves, then swing her around him, her teeth still tightly clenching the rope. After a few swings around, the Scout fished out his pocket pistol, then shot it at the rope around him. The bullet severed the line, making the pony go flying into somewhere or other. Where, he didn't care, as long as it wasn't here.
Now with two ponies down, the Scout started to run again-
Just as he was locked in place, surrounded by a purple glow.
"Oh come on!" he complained. "That ain't fair!"
"You were caught, weren't you? Just remember- No memory."
Looking behind him, he saw the unicorn's horn glowing a similar shade of purple. Her eyes closed, and a faint smile on her lips, she spoke. "Now, we may have gotten off on the wrong hoof, here, but I'm sure we can put this all behind us and be the best of-" She opened her eyes, and her words died in her throat as she saw what she had caught.
Her mind flashed back to only a few weeks ago:
Lyra, with a sudden interest in creatures called humans.
Nights spent studying.
A sudden decision to go to the human world.
Lyra turning out to be anything but Lyra.
Robots fighting a group of humans.
Her mind lingered on the group of humans she saw that day. She had assumed that it was simply a dream, after which she and the real Lyra made an attempt to go to the human world (which failed).
But now that one of the things that she saw in that "dream" was right in front of her...
"You." The single word was laced with so much venom, so much contempt, that the human and two ponies present all shook in their metaphorical tiny boots.
"...This might be a problem," the Spy chimed in on the Scout's headset.
"Uh..." The Scout was scrambling for something to say. "Whatever it is I did, I didn't do it."
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DUN DUN DUN
Silly Scout, everybody knows hay landings from any elevation won't break your fall unless you've got a mysterious crescent scar and have the blood of an Assassin.
I'm digging this so far.
…Better chug that Bonk! Scout.
Uh oh :3
When scout gets back,he can beat the crap out of spy for misunderstandings
I wanted the fornication part.
1716119
ScoutXRainbowDash?
He could just shoot himself and respawn?
Coward'sEasy way out?1716233
Yep!
1716240
Yeah, about that...
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUCK no.
I really like where this is going. Scout's probably my favorite of the 9 because of how funny he is, and this stands out compared to the other TF2 crossovers...continue writing DIS SHIT!
1716267
this just gets better and better.
Tune in next time!
This is how I see this happening:
Twi: you.
Scout: Uh... Hi? I'm lost.
Twi: Really?
Scout: Yeah...
Twi: Fine then. (Teleports him back.)
Later, because they obviously sent him back.
Twi: Again?
Scout: I lost my map.
1716267
I agree, they'll kill each-other
Hey Scout. Guess what happens when an extremely angry unicorn with a shape-shifting gets her hooves on someone who made her angry?
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSwa9nUT8ikelkPpcXAPhRSVrlkg4GEl1ENLcEXU56L-Nflv5Jj
That's right, Scout. You about to be froranged.
Bloody hell. Now the Scout done got himself in some deep shit. I can't wait to see where this goes.
1716481 A fate worse then death, and in context respawning and doing the same thing over again
3.bp.blogspot.com/-Es5fdqszk78/Tx744PAawLI/AAAAAAAAB5o/XCwQn-PMM7Y/s1600/this%2BPleases%2BMe.jpg
How could I have forgotten to favorite this story before?
I am TRULY an idiot.
'Barrels.'
pewdiepie:FAWKING BARRELS!!
She started stopping herself, huh? Interesting talent. I guess it would be boring if she just stopped herself.
I was thinkin' how they wouldn't need Spy's help anyway with the tank because they have way more than 6 people on the field, but then I realized: 3 maps for 6 people; 18 mercenaries.
It all makes sense now.
An angelic chorus went off when I thought of that, but it turned out to be a taunting Medic.
Will he cry anytime soon? Will it involve rainbows?
Don't worry scout.
If she murders you, you can always come back covered in more piss
Do it for the HATS!
Damnit Spy.
So, does Scout have access to all his weapons? He should. Sure, that might make it too easy, but come on, it's the Scout. He needs all the help he can get.
1718627 Ooh, Burn.
1716058
Or you're spiderman from the second Spiderman movie-game.
1716267
And here's why:
1723439 I really liked that video, thank you. Rainbow Dash gets what she wants!
It doesn't matter where you are, the barrels will find you and find some way to mess you up...
TUCKER DID IT!
1716058 Or you happen to be carrying a certain pistol. Also, everything else will break your fall just as well.
i picked up on the doom reference