When Twilight's magic spells and experiments fail, there are always negative effects, right?
Of course there are. But this time, it's more serious than ever before. Twilight thought that after some research, she could, with the help of her friends, harness the mysterious and powerful magic of a storm. At first she succeeds, but an unknown factor causes it to blow up in her face. Literally.
The massive blast caused turns them all into humans, the only reminder of their homeland being a few assorted items representing their race, and of course they keep their colored hair. Since they appear to be teenagers, a native human living nearby takes them in, and since her parents work a lot, the ex-ponies must endure high school. Fun! (Sarcasmmmm)
The ex-ponies have to learn about human society and government, and how Earth works. As they learn to love their new temporary home, they find that this "negative effect" might not be so negative after all.
Okay, I'm gonna do a review, I'll try not to be too harsh
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Okay, first off, you should try to make chapters at least 1,000 words or more, people are put off otherwise. Also, the pacing is much too fas for my liking, considering we went from waking up RD to a spell malfunctioning in the space of around eight hundred words. You need more detail to fill these things out, but you may want to remove the seemingly random aside with Derpy and company.
Also, for this chapter in particular, remember to split your text into paragraphs, otherwise it can be hard to read. Carrying on from that, you need to start a new paragraph whenever there's a new speaker in your story.
I can't help but feel that Twilight is very much OOC in this story, she isn't really known to snap at her friends and is generally the level-headed leader of the group. RD seems to be suffering from this as well, her reaction to being transformed seems very muted and altogether unrealistic. She would likely be freaking out, throwing a tantrum, and general wondering what the hell was going on.
In short, this story needs some work.
Hope I wan't too scathing